So I’ve been off the forum for a couple months since I started working and I’ve fallen back into my old destructive ways. I seen to be caught in a cycle of bullshit and addiction that constantly goes flu circle against again. this last time that i was doing well i was getting into magic and meditation making great progress IMO for a newbie and sewing actual results but after falling back into the bullshit I pretty much stopped everything magic wise and spiritually wise rifht away. One thing I noticed before I fucked up again was that i was changing. what seemed like for the Better but at the sake time it all seemed too real and like that i may have been leading myself towards insanity or delusions.
it’s a hard to know exactly where the line of insanity and sane is and which side you are on when it comes to this and when you partake in this all alone. the questions and thoughts of reality turn and twistes in my brain daily and it sadly seemed easier to fall back into old bullshit destructive ways other than to continue down the path i was on looking for answers and results.
I’m not sure if any of you have ever been in this situation? maybe all of you have who jumped into this. and I don’t mean the addiction part rather the other part.
every thing just seemed to start getting to real! I feel like a loser sitting here typing things knowing i fuxked up and took steps backward again. I had a plan and fucked it up. I need to get back in the right mindset and continue what i stopped while staying confident in my mental health and current reality…
this is more of a ramble post rhan I intended it to be but how does one do this and keep therr sanity. this all became a bit too real and I feel subconsciously i lead myself to fuck up in order to protect myself from losing my sanity from all of this and made up excuses like everyone does.
how do we tell what is legit and real in the things we do. nobody I know partakes in any kind of magic and just lead mundane structured lives. I have nobody to speak to about how I’m feeling or what im thinking other than messaging people here.
I just wonder how this is for one of you has been doing this for at least a couple years and how you keep yourself sane and straight. preferably someone here who doesn’t have anyone else to speak to about what they do. it would be nice to get some reassurance on all of this in one way or another.
well that’s enough on this rambling post. hopefully I fix things in my life soon and get back on track like I was.
P.S for any of you that are gonna say ask a spirit my answer to that is I can’t communicate.
I’m still having weird dreams like I had since I got into magicm. recently had a dream that i was surrounded by bunch of snakes. it made me think about where i was progressing and why and how I messed up…
all real helpful comments would b appreciated. I need to understand all this and do better