Ex-christian bitter and alone

Walked away from god 4-5 years ago and theres been a void in me since. I seek purpose and friend ship of those who follow the Left Hand Path. Any New Yorkers in the house?

Welcome @AltoAdonis666 Please tell us about yourself and any experience you may have in magick. This post doesn’t really tell us anything about you beyond your former religious affiliation.

Do you have any experience in magick?

If so, what do you practice, and how long have you practiced it?

If not, what areas of magick are you interested in learning?

This is important information to include in a proper introduction as it helps us to provide appropriate advice and direction. Failure to properly introduce yourself may result in the removal of any subsequent posts until our rule is respected.

Practice and improve , try working with Odin and see what makes you feel best , try a variety of different pantheons , in my experience though , one never truly leaves God .

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That void is a part of a natural. Destruction is necessary for recreation. Keep going. It’s temporary.

I was shunned, judged and often abandoned by every pastor Ive ever had. I feel like if I delve further it may come off as slander and breaking a rule of the forum.

I believe in integrity. Not though, to boast about it, but instead of boasting, I do so, to be at peace.

christian of ten years. It ended due to being dis-communicated from my last church. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back, as they say. A majority of past friends went to the same church, and didn’t think twice about pushing me away.

Ive no experience with magic as of yet. But am very interested in Satan because of how Lucifer was sent out of heaven and I find myself interested in Goddess Lilith, who is the Goddess of chaos and Lust. My emotions and sexuality were suffocatedly oppressed for as long as I can remember.( Where Ive been, Pansexuals are frowned upon greatly) And when it comes to Chaos, Ive found at a much younger age, that I can make chaos, or remove chaos in large groups of people.
For the past yearals after churcj, Ive felt empty and without a purpose. I want to feel whole, but no longer as one of my old faith


Welcome. I hope you enjoy your time on the forum and learn many new things.

You might like to take a look at ‘cord cutting’, and healing the would from social rejection. This sounds reminiscent of the pain of attachment after a breakup with a SO and I think that’s because the systems react in the same way.
So the same techniques for moving on after lost love would also help you to get over all these lost relationships and support systems.

I think Lilith and Lucifer would love to get to know you - have fun and welcome! :slight_smile:


You don’t have to cut ties with God just because the church failed you I doubt any of the people that persecuted you spoke with angels or God. I felt kicked by the church over far less and replaced the hole that would have been there with Lucifer and Lilith they accepted me and made me feel loved again I later re established my connection to God and it seems like everyone is fine with me and my path worshiping God but having Lucifer and Lilith as my spiritual parents. You don’t have to go back to church or anything like that to reconnect with him just look into yourself and decide if the actions of man not being directed by him should really be enough to case you to sever the connection, I’ve only learned more and more reasons how the church has been the enemy of enlightened minds. Sorry to try to push God back at you I just believe you cut the wrong cord it should have been with the church not with God. When I connected with the oneness of everything I started having my loving thoughts come back for God. I definitely still hope you follow your magical path. I’f you want a reason to look to him again think about how this hole feels to you then ask to feel what this hole has done to him and how he feels. I teared writing that btw. I know he misses you. If you want someone to be able to tell the story to and not hold back I’m down to hear your story. I had to go through extreme suffering to get my connection with God back as strong as it is. And I call Lucifer father and Lilith mother I just know I can only worship one but I praise those I love that are worthy.


I understand where youre comming from. I was a christian for ten years. Not going to vent much about it because I dont want to disrespect the guidelines here. Its been over 4 years of questioning and thinking. I am much happier without my past faith. I thank you for reaching out. But Ive been done with that for a while now and I am happier this way. Any advice on Satan and Lilith? I feel drawn to both of them. Satan, to me, means being set free from all of my doubts. Lilith, being the Goddess of chaos and lust,I greatly appreciate both. I harness both the power to start Chaos and as well extinguish it in many ways. And my sexuality in the past was often attempted to be suffocated by LGBT-phobic individuals.I am pan-sexual and would love to love freely.

What if that void is meant to be filled by God? I experienced the same thing. I “was” a Christian. I put quote on it because I am still a Christian but not a congregational Christian or a blindfolded Christian who doesn’t use his common senses anymore. I later turned away from God and there was a void inside me. After sometime I discovered that that void was meant to be filled by God. I returned to him and we have been friends ever since. I don’t attend church or participate in christian activities like Christians do but I pray to him and he helps me do things that Christians would frown upon. You don’t have to believe what pastors or Christians say because they are humans like you and they simply read a book and then used the parts that favoured them. Over here where I live all they do is focus on preaching about paying tithe and getting richer while their members who pay offerings can’t even attend their schools, and then they say they are Christians.

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Well first off it’s mother’s Day so if your interested in befriending Lilith tell her happy mother’s day maybe pick her a flower and leave it somewhere you’ll see and be remembered of her. Lilith is amazing I allready wrote her a poem for her mother’s day gift. Just come to her with trueth to your intentions. Just think how much better off making would be if Adam treated her write and she stayed in the garden mankind wouldn’t have eaten the apple at least not in the first generation.
Satan is very wise I’ve read recently how he is older the Christianity’ where his named got used to just mean the advisary of God. Befor I knew this I just assumed that he would be nice to me because I didn’t speak badly of him. He had interacted in my life alot more back in the days before I started being tormented by evil people useing technology. I’d just recommend just coming to him with your respect and want to connect tell him how you need the void within you filled ask him for help either as your new God or just as a teacher that help you realize oneness with creation. Lilith will also help with you ability to feel connected with everything. Neither of them will judge you for your sexuality.

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Thats great advice and I appreciate it.

And that is so nice to say. I just wish I knew more people in the LHP. Someone in a way of a mentor. Or just friends. Dont get me wrong, I have very dear friends in my life
None though, worship Satan or Lilith.


Thank you for your understanding. I just wish I knew of a local community that I can walk the LHP together with.
I do call out to Satan and Lilith and try to praise them. The only issue is that I have is I have no privacy to perform worship and any kind of ritual. No alter either. I live with family and theyd freak out. ( theyre Atheist, but Satan is widely stigmatized)

Thank you

Ive felt alot the same about organized religion, but it goes deeper. Its been several years since Ive walked away. Ive wrestled enough with how Ive felt towards my old faith and am comfortable.

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Thank you very much for the warm welcome

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Okay. The most important thing in life is to do what makes one happy. :+1:t3:

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Welcome :blush:

Welcome! I struggled with my relationship with God for around 10 years as well and no matter how hard I tried through prayer or letting go, I could never feel very close to Him. As soon as I turned to LHP I felt at home, welcomed, and where I’m supposed to be. I hope you feel at peace as well :slight_smile:

Thank you so much. That is very kind of you to say. I appreciate the warm Welcome. I cannot use messages on this site yet. Im brand new. Shoot me a private message if you like. Lets chat