Depression

General Discussion
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Lets all take a moment and discuss depression. This IMHO seems to be a common theme in practitioners.

I’ve seen a lot of people casually discussing this around the forum since I have joined. This is a new subject for me as I didnt experience much of this untill about 4 years ago. So I thought it might be great to have a one stop shop to discuss everything everyone knows about it. What’s the causes of their depression, tips and tricks for battling depression and for those who have overcome it and What they had to do. Hopefully enough people will come and share their experiences with depression and what they did or do to overcome it.

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Zoloft helps. I have Major Depressive Disorder among others. Biochemistry.

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Let me be the first

As I stated, I don’t have a long line of experience with depression so my arsenal for combating it is rather small.

As a child and all the way up into my mid 30’s I never delt with depression. I had a “healthy” ego that told me nothing could stop me. Any time a negative thought would enter my head it would instantly be squashed by confidence.

Here in the last few years my depression has really gotten a lot more intrusive. Now when I get those types of thoughts it is so much harder to fight back and i havent yet found a cause why.
For me it sucks the joy out of everything. All those things I used to love to do now just sound like such a hassle when I think about doing it. I’ll make plans and always find a way to cancel last minute. Take today for example. I called out of work today because I just can’t sit behind my desk and monitor and continue to act like everything is fine… its not.

I miss joy.

Things I do to try and fight back:

When I get those negative thoughts the first thing I do is attempt to push them out of my head. This works for a short time but they always seem to come back.

Next I use music that makes me want to move my body. Ill dance, ill sing at the top of my lungs and just groove. This is probably my biggest helper. I find it hard to be sad while dancing and singing.

Finally is meditation, I will meditate to relax myself. Try having chats with myself about the situation that is bothering me to attempt to find resolution.

Like I said I don’t have a lot of tips or tricks. Please feel free to drop your own.

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For me it was the dark night of the soul. Deep depression came in, suicidal thoughts. One thing fell boom everything else in my life broke down.

My advice is do NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. This has been the most important lesson i have learnt. Not even a glass. It opens a very very ugly door that shouldn’t be opened. Once you feel better sure bit not when depressed.

I turned to god for a about 3 days hahah felt even more depressed. Then read about Nihilism which helped a lot. Became nonchalant took things less serious.

Then turned completely to LHP. Feeling so much better.

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Im not familiar with this. Ive heard of it before but done zero research. Mind explaining how it was used to help battle depression. Im hoping we can get as much detail into this thread as possible for all future visitors that may be dealing with this.

Thank you.

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Ironically I had no idea that I was depressed in the first place before I started with my practice. Until then I took it as something “normal” that I simply didn’t want to exist (more than I WANTED to exist, that is) and that some days had been much much worse than others. I thought that my stressful job and overall lifestyle and chronically misuse of alcohol would make me more sensitive towards my emotions, pressure etc. and that a constant battle with my will to live would be a natural result. I also thought that I was just downright a little bitch for not being able to deal with daily life in a normal and healthy manner. Depression was something that other people had to deal with, people who deserve serious help and care. I didn’t notice that I was in need of help myself or rather that it was “bad enough” to qualify for seeking out help.

Over detours my practice made me aware about the fact that I wasn’t just a little sad or just a little less willing to deal with my life. My practice kind of exhumed some serious PTSD moments from my past; I technically knew these existed but I made a brilliant job to push these experiences out of my consciousness in order to function like a normal person. A normal person who is thinking about stirring the wheel of her car a little bit too much to the right or left after driving home from work. A normal person who is flinching for no reason at all when loud noises occur or when someone comes physically close. A normal person who randomly gets normal panic attacks in the middle of watching a movie. Totally normal.

It was really scary for me to unpack all of these things (and I am far from finished). I’ve decided against professional help (for now) because I have the impression that it helps me a big deal to approach my traumas and my past on my own terms and in my own pace. Practicing magick helped me not wanting to die in the first place because it sparked my curiosity and my ambition for things I had no idea I could offer to/for myself. It helps me now to approach myself and naming my shadows (I don’t like the term but I couldn’t translate something more fitting into the english language) without a feeling of guilt or shame (I think that guilt and shame are a core issue for a lot of people who are dealing with depression).

Magick helped me to be more honest and open with myself about myself. Its not that I look with 100% love at myself all of the time but I am more willing now to give Pariah at least some credit.

I am still a depressed mofo and I like to make jokes about it more often than it would be healthy. But for the first time since forever I don’t want to die and I plan to use it for as long as possible. I want to know how far I can get overall with my life and I need to keep it in order to find out.

I have no huge tricks in my sleeve against depression but I suppose that meditation on a regular basis (sorry, folks) helped me to acknowledge my mental and physical reactions to things in a positive way; I am more willing to interact with my feelings instead of shoving them into a neat little box. It makes things easier for me to examine why I feel the way I feel and where the roots are. I don’t have to decide what to do with it, I don’t have a defined “goal” which takes away the pressure to get “healthy” or “normal”. Thats not my priority, anyway.

I also discovered that nature helps me a big deal to unwind and I am grateful that I am having a job that forces me to spend my time in forests, no matter the weather.

Edit: I don’t want to encourage the thought that one should deal with depression without professional help. It just didn’t came along for me personally until this day :slight_smile:

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I’ve never been depressed, so I won’t act like I know a lot about it.
But after I had a big family drama last year that had cost me a lot of energy I had a few moments when it seemed like everything has turned grey and I have been robbed of all the joy I had always been able to feel so easily.
It has gotten better already though.

I have no “trick”. But what helped me a lot was thinking about the fact that everyone struggles. And every person on earth faces difficulties. And I’m allowed to be exhausted, too.

If you have negative thoughts you want to get rid of, it’s important to detect when you drift off into that feeling again in order to stop the spiral.
Which thought comes first?
What triggers them?
What are the first signs that it’s getting worse again?

I lost a dear friend to depression in 2019, and my advice for everyone would be:
Talk to somebody. Anybody.

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I have a problem with depression.

What helps me going to therapy and getting medication.

I also do more purification rituals, like baths and focus on bringing the light in.

It also helps me to focus on a goal that doesn’t necessarily make me feel happy but more accomplished.

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I would be careful with that, to be honest. A lot of people don’t know how to react when a friend confides into them that they are depressed and it can be a huge blow if the trusted person reacts in a way that could downplay or disregard these feelings (out of helplessness, not malice of course). I’ve experienced my fair share of “maybe you should drink more water”-reactions from people I would have called close and it can be devastating to deal with.

But of course, more often than not we might have people nearby who will listen and who are able to give some form of comfort and if thats the case they should be a source of trust when things are becoming too bleak to handle.

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Cause … lifelong bullying and this soul stealing world.

Tips and tricks. Stand your ground and fight. Take meds. Talk to someone you love and know they love you.

Overcome it I have not.

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You’re right, I agree with that.

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@A_Pariah thanks for sharing. I can honestly relate to about 90% of what you posted. Helped me to realise a couple of things I hadn’t really noticed too.

Where i live this is a standard thing given to all young children. Ive only been working with shadows (i agree I don’t like it either) just recently to learn to love myself for who I am, its freeing.

When reading this I realised ive been sitting stagnant. For the last 4 years I havent had any life goals like this. Something to keep me moving forward. Its actually a difficult realization. Much to think about. Thanks again for posting.

You have definitly experienced depression. And you so clearly expressed the way it makes the world seem.

This is what im trying to figure out how to do here with everyone’s assistance. Im sure we will have plenty of other people come through with this same issue.

Im sorry for your loss. I am glad to hear you are feeling back to normal or better.

My va dr has been trying to get me to take medication for about 2 years for this. Im close to caving and doing it.

How does this work out for you? Is your depression more stress related than negative thoughts?

Do you feel the soothing bath rituals have a lasting effect or is it more of a quick pick me up?

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Kendall said something that may help with depression , seems rly useful in another post

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What helped me was to realize that depression is a price one have to pay to walk this path. There are NO human emotion that is “wrong”, as they all are “physical” manifestations of ur-cosmic forces. It’s not like death is invigorating anyway. This is the range of emotions that emanate from the dark tree. I’m actually amazed by all occult practitioners that want to deal with death, demons etc. and can’t bear the emotional burden of being a channel for the shadow of reality.

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Alright, I thought I would share my side aswell.

I cannot remember when my depression started honestly, I think around my 13-14 years old was when it really started to be bad. I never felt good around other kids of my age, even my mom mentionned several times how I was way more mature, so there was a point I started questionning myself and wondering what was wrong with me, and why I couldn’t fit with others. Because I wasn’t like the other kids around me, I got bullied at school. It wasn’t physical, but it shattered the poor self estim I had, and confirmed the thoughts in my head that I was weird.

I started not going to school around my 14, and stopped fully when I was 17. So I pretty much stayed at home almost everyday until my 21, playing games to just forget and think about something else.

My problem was, like I mentionned, that I wasn’t able to fit with others. It wasn’t just about people of my age, but everyone. I did not understand society as a whole, nor did I understand why the world was like “this”. I wasn’t feeling good in my skin, so to say.
I wasn’t into spiritual stuff back then, but I wanted to believe in it. I remember calling my guides/guardian angel and asking them to show me that there was more to this life, and seeing that I was not getting any answers after years, my depression started getting worse. I did insult my guides a few times not gonna lie lmao, I was pretty upset.

But long story short, Belial contacted me pretty much out of the blue at my 21, when I wasn’t expecting anything anymore, and he is the one who got my sorry ass out of depression. Well not fully, because I still struggle sometimes, but it’s rare.
So what saved me was really spirituality as a whole, and knowing that I wasn’t alone.

So now, what is helping me when I get low, and start having bad thoughts. First of all I am going to say that meditations do not help me, in contrary. I always have a lot in my mind, always thinking about 3-4 things at the same time, so when I sit down to meditate and basically do nothing at all, this is when my bad thoughts are getting worse.
Music is the way for me, it keeps my mind busy, and having cheerful music in my ears really helps, and switch up my mood totally.
I never really had any medication, I tried but I didn’t like it, always felt like it was just something to “hide what was underneath”. But I know it helps a lot on some people, didn’t work on me though :sweat_smile:

Seeing someone to who I could talk to was hard. Not only because I felt like no one could really understand me, but also because I think I didn’t meet the good psychiatrists. So for the people who read that, it’s okay to try different psychiatrist if one doesn’t meet your needs, or if you do not feel comfortable with them. But do not close yourself up because of it.

There is a lot of things I could say, but I’m running out of time here, have to go :stuck_out_tongue: I tried to make it simple, and not make a long ass text, but still did lmao. I will try to explain a bit more later.

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Nihilism a philosophy that nothing really exists, nothing matters, it says theres no meaning or purpose to life.

So for me my career and studies fell apart after that everything else. In the past I always thought career was what defined my purpose. It’s how I grew up. Then when it went to shit i had no purpose therefore suicidal thoughts.

So when I read about Nihilism, it made me realise nothing is really that important or that serious. It feels incredibly free. Nothing matters and everything is going to die, so I’m not concerned with nonsense like reproduction, moral values (you understand morals were created by what the majority of people agreed to), nationalism or any such issues. You worry a lot less than someone who believes in having meaning to life. You go with the idea that i have nothing to lose or gain.

Religious people say nihilism is a mental illness because you live so free. But honestly it’s what saved me from suicide.

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I had it (depression before). So note counting if you’re under psychic or family attacks or bullying, in my experience it’s when too many stressors fall i you at the same time or in a very short period of time.

In my case dad died, lost a couple friends, I had creditors calling, was being threatened with loosing the roof over my head and the boss at the job I had then was threatening to fire me. It was too too too much. I just wanted out. Obviously I survived it in the end.

So from my point of view (not medical) depression most often hits when a truckload or trainload of bad shit starts falling on you and just doesn’t let up, meaning it’s stress related.

I don’t dispute that hormone imbalances can play a role or cause it for some people but for me it was stress. Though I’ve been a bit down since my knee got reinjured. Again mainly stress induced though this time physical stress and pain not emotional and social BUT I’m hanging in there. I been through worse so I can get through now. Just wish my knee would get better.

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I tried that once and I thought it was making me feel free, too. But in the end it made everything worse, because I almost lost my last reason to fight: The fact that my actions do matter, and that life is worth living even though it’s hard sometimes.
Nihilism took away my pain for a while, but it took away the good side too for me.
Good if it works for you though.

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In my own experience with these aspects of my self I’ve came to the conclusion that these shadows had a purpose in my life, once. They took over in a situation of crisis and kept me safe and relatively sane over a period of time. What is now for example an unhealthy coping mechanism has protected me at some point and when I had this realisation I could approach this aspect of myself without shame or anger.

Maybe you had to sit stagnant because you held your current situation (surroundings, family, job, etc) over the urge to “break out”. Stasis can serve a purpose as well, it often comes with the need for safety/stability. To realise that this stasis is now a burden could be your sign to try something else with your life. Who knows, not me.

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A depressing life, honestly.

Professional help. It may not cure you but it can save you all the same.

In my own subjectivity I’ve learned that my most powerful coping mechanism was rage. Instead of sad, I would get mad. Problem is, rage can be quite difficult to control. Not impossible, mind you, but it takes a lot of energy to keep it in check. And at some point, very recently, it took almost all my energy.

All in all, there are quite clear problems that cause depression, problems IN life. So the best thing I can think of to solve it is to solve such problems first and build from there.

Now, my issues come from the lack of very basic things, specially when I was a kid, so it is not the same that class clown’s depression, who needs to put up a persona in order to protect himself. I don’t give a fuck if anyone likes me or not, so I don’t have a different persona, not even online.

While I do live with suicidal thoughts, that’s a whole different beast and I’ve managed to tame it. It is there, it has always been and I think it always be, so I have to deal with it the best way I can: ignoring it. Is just another source of noise. Sometimes is not as easy as I make it sound, sometimes it takes a lot of effort. And yes, sometimes I end up researching quick and effective suicide methods. But I’m very proud of myself for never, ever indulging in any form of self harm (other than tons of smokes, scotch and cocaine, that’s it)

I’m an absurdist. Following Camus, life has no meaning, but human actions construct meaning and give purpose. Yeah, I’m going to die. But I’m not dead yet.

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