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I have been lurking in this thread and I thought I’d add some of the things I do that takes the edge off of my depression. Maybe someone might find something helpful in my post.
I am on Wellbutrin. I feel like this stuff is why I am able to get out of bed everyday.
I use a light box Sept through April. I get up before the sun rises to use it. I use it for 45 minutes. I have a cup of coffee and I catch up on what happened overnight. It’s supposed to trick your brain that there is still a lot of daylight.
I workout 5-6 days a week. I go through phases where I’m just doing yoga, then kettlebell, then strength training.
I stopped drinking unless it’s a holiday or something. Then I will have a single glass of wine.
I get out everyday for a walk, as long as the weather and my physical health permit.
I try to teach myself some small, but new skill. I have taught myself to decorate cakes, to make macarons, to make soap, make baguettes, etc.
I try to stay away from people who say unhelpful things like, “Snap out of it”, or “You’re lazy.” That’s not to say I avoid warranted criticism, but just people who are not understanding. I also avoid the “good vibes only” crowd.
I basically try to keep my brain busy so I don’t ruminate on the reasons I am depressed. I am pretty sure my depression comes from stuff that happened to me as a child. I know I need to see a therapist to untangle it all, but I also know it’s probably going to be painful. I am at a point where I can’t tamp this stuff down anymore.
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I understand this. This is where I am. Anger is good for motivation, taking action, but when it’s your primary coping mechanism, it becomes hard to manage and takes on a life of its own. It is exhausting to keep a lid on it.
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Recently I had success managing this. Due to an unrelated project, Hermes gave me a few hints (again, entirely unrelated). One of those was “prairie”. Well, “Obalye” actually, the only word in the Lakota language that I know. Which means prairie. I finally understood (with Artemis help) that he meant I should contact a pre-columbian spirit related to prairies.
I got in contact with the Yasi Yateré, a creature from the Guaraní mythology. And I tell you, he agreed to help with the overall goal of this project. Apparently, I needed to get my emotions in check and he has been helping with it. Now my rage is much smaller. Is a nice side effect. I was really worried about it, so I would suggest you to take a look to spirits that can help you with it, for whatever reason.
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Id say a good therapist walks with you at your own pace.
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I have to disagree. Atleast for now and here’s why. I would not consider my life to be a depressing one. I actually consider mine to be rather blessed from a material and love standpoint without going into detail. Do I have depressing things in my life? Fuck yeah, but the majority of those instances happend 10 years prior to the onset of my depression. Yet now that I stand in life where I have met 80% of my life’s goals. Thats one of my questions is why now. Why do I now have depression after finally feeling like a success. So maybe we have a difference in what we define as a depressive life.
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Because you asked us for the origin of our depression
I was speaking for myself (and several others I’ve met during my life). I’m not implying there is a single source of depression for everyone.
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Man the rage is something I feel you on. It wasn’t untill recently that I got it under control. I used to explain it like I had 2 different people inside of me. The person your chatting with now and my angry side. So I would make the reference to being in a taxi. Normal im the taxi driver who is in control of the vehicle and is constantly driving around this angry asshole in the back that won’t shut up. Sometimes I could close the divider and shut him up but other times I couldn’t.
When the rage came out… id find myself in the back seat with the divider up. He’d be up front wrecking into every fucking thing he could while im in the back pleading for it to stop. Eventually I’d get to drive again, but thats just repair mode fo whatever he destroyed.
I can also relate to the bad feelings that come with a blow up too…
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Just one of many many complex options but maybe the safety behind your success made you come out of some sort of “survival mode” where you had to simply function or take action without having the ability to reflect on the stuff that happened around you/to you (I don’t know you or your background so take it with a grain of salt, as always).
Now that you’re successful you have some distance between you and the immediate source of your depression and with that some sort of realization kicked in (now that you don’t have to be in survival mode anymore, if that makes sense).
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Thats a very good point. I will have to look deeper into any connections with this.
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Whatever you’re going to do: take your time. This is not a foot race or a contest with yourself (although I understand that it is so frustrating to simply not “get better”). I think this thread is a good start and its full with really good answers. I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for.
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Mental illness runs in my family and, combining that with a hard life growing up, I cannot really think of a time when depression and anxiety have not came up for a time. It is something I have come to live with and does not weigh me down as much as it used to.
Professional health and medication in my case (as I do take Lexapro) has helped quite a bit. Watching my diet, getting sleep (but not too much) and exercising helps with some of the physical side effects of depression and anxiety. Meditation and talking to those I trust not to take what I have to say personally helps on the emotional level to get back where I need to be.
Finally, in between it all, ritual has help as well, although one needs to be careful with what they are bringing in and not to allow it to become an escape prevention on from seeking help from more “mundane” sources. I work with very chaotic beings in general for the sake of learning to be calm within chaos and become more creative within it. It is one of those things that needs to be watched carefully and be willing to pull away from when one reaches their limit. That is actually what I am going through with my Lovecraftian workings and I am sure Shadownomicon will be the same when I get to it.
There is a form of Japanese therapy that I have found helpful with getting over the hump of depression. It is called Morita Therapy, which is usually focused on anxiety but I have found to be helpful in both. It involves understanding that emotion, whether they are “positive” or “negative”, are part of being human and are temporary. So, when presented with an activity that has brings you joy but you feel unmotivated to do, take the time to acknowledge the emotions and do it anyways. It is not something that is going to instantly make things better, but it has proven to be helpful in getting myself moving and out of the state faster than if I dwelled on things.
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Not to toot my own horn but I have a lot of experience with depression, it runs in the family and I’ve been depressed for a long time. I wasn’t diagnosed till I started to talk to my close friends about my problems. They were more experienced with resources and getting professional help. I went to the “wellness center” at my highschool and the social worker did a depression screening and I passed with flying colors. I was always depressed but I didn’t know the proper term for it, I thought I was just incapable of prolonged, stable meaning.
Yes meaning, not happiness. There’s a extremely common misconception that the goal of life is to be happy. That is so far from the truth it’s not even funny.
Happiness is extremely elusive, it’s better to think about happiness as a gift from the universe for doing the proper work. If you are doing all the proper work then you have a better chance and having happy, but its usually not within your control. Therapist, new-age gurus, and ignorant people who think happiness is the meaning of life are mistaken. The meaning to life is to have a transcendental purpose because that’s what carries you through hell.
In late 2018 I lost my girlfriend of 4 years, a new friend betrayed me, I went to jail. At the beginning of the new year I was given a diagnoses of bipolar 1 and was ordered by my lawyer to do group therapy and substance abuse counseling. My mom was diagnosed with cancer, to make things worse…she wanted to have my ex girlfriend around for emotional support. She would come over to my house and it was extremely painful. Finally I told my mom I could not stand to have her around because it was destroying me. My mom told me it was her house and that I cannot control who she hangs out with, especially since she was going through cancer. I gave her an ultimatum, if she keeps bringing my ex around im going to leave the house. She kept coming around so I took my shitty 2 seater car (2001 honda insight) and live out of my car around my city.
I felt betrayed by both the love of my life and my mother, two people I love more than words can explain.
If happiness was the meaning of life then I was failing miserably. I found meaning and purpose in magick, even when I was homeless I would pull out my copy of “wealth magick” and go to work. Nothing was going to stop me. I knew this would either make me or break me. It did both. As I went deep into credit card debt every night (for food, water, and weed) I would tell myself this is not my destiny im going to be financially free.
Exercise studies have shown moderate to intense exercise work just as well if not better than the leading SSRI (depression pill they prescribe)
Philosophy this is so vital because in the traditional sense of the word philosophy is a way of life. The most practical and useful philosophy for mental illness especially depression are stoicism and zen buddhism.
Here’s a summary of Marcus Aurelius’s meditations, I highly recommend you listen to the full audio book when you get a chance (the channel has the full version as well:
Note: There’s many other stoic philosophers (look them up) they range from emperors (Marcus Aurelius) as well a former slaves (Epictetus)
Here’s a solid lecture by Alan watts:
I have found the combination of zen, stoicism, and magick keep a healthy balance of control, going with the flow, and moral guidance/mindset.
Here’s my favorite Youtube channel he has topics on liberty, philosophy, and psychology.
It’s really high quality channel so I hope you enjoy:
Cold Showers these are really good for depression and anxiety. Basically your body doesn’t have time to be depressed when it thinks its in danger. This is why exercise and hacks like this are so important. The showers are invigorating and force you out of your comfort zone, they also help you conquer fear!
Sobriety this is something I seriously struggle with, but I learned about this feom Marcus Aurelius, in the full mediations, he talks about vices and the evils of pleasures. He describes men who reek of perfume and wine, then he goes into meta commentary about controlling vices rather than having them control you. He abstains from pleasure as much as possible. Basically when you’ve accrued enough virtue then the universe or the god will bestow upon you rewards. Essentially virtue is a goddess who rewards virtuous men accordingly, but its not up to you to reward yourself, its dependent upon the gods/the universe.
memento mori this is a technique provided by the stoics, everyday you do a mediation on death. Death is your destiny. All anxieties pale in comparison to death, all sadness is ended with death. All achievements are consumed by the sands of time. You will die, so you have nothing to fear.
You will never meet a challenge too great for you, for if something is too great for you death will be the end of you, if the task at hand hasn’t killed you then you must continue living, do the work, the obstacle is the way. If you die due to being bested by a challenge than you’ve died a noble death
Negative Visualization “When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own - not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
“What we do here echos in eternity”
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
― Marcus Aurelius
More resources:
Im currently doing Jordan Peterson (and other doctors) “Self Authoring Program” I highly recommend it I’m currently going through the “Present - Virtues” here’s an exert from my work.
Always believe that failure is a consequence of insufficient personal effort
- An Experience Due to the Fault
Growing up with the coaches and parents I had it seemed like hard work, discipline, and persistence was the key to everything. If you failed it was cuss you were lacking in one of these departments, or worse, lacking in all them. At times it felt like I was lacking in all of them.
There probabably were times when I was lacking in all of them, but this did not account for all my failures.
Coming up with an Asian mother, I was pushed to my limits in most aspects of life. My mom really took it upon her self to work me to the bone.
That being said, when it came to football sometimes, I was trying my hardest (even if I was lacking in one of the core 3 keys) but I still seemed to fail. It got to a point where I was seemingly failing everyday and I never won. After a while I got tired of losing and quit.
Sometimes you dont win. Sometimes you get bad luck.
Sometimes you go to jail, go through a break up, and your mom gets cancer. To top it off your mom demands your ex comes around your house for her support and you fail to set boundaries. When this happened to me I set a boundary and showed my mom how uncomfortable I was with being around Joanna. I lived in my 2 seater car and slept across the emergency break.
Nights were cold, and I was seriously depressed.
Sometimes circumstances are out of your control like when my mom got cancer, I went through a break up, and I was homeless for a couple months. Was this because I wasn’t working hard enough, because I wasn’t persistence, or because I wasn’t consistent? No, not really, those things may have helped but my mom getting cancer and Joanna refusing to take me back was out of my control.
Try your best, but if your best isn’t enough don’t torture yourself over it. Sometimes you get dealt a bad had, and no matter what you do, reshuffling the cards doesn’t change the fact you have the worst combination of cards possible.
- A Possible Alternative Outcome
To begin, I would forgive myself for all my flaws and insufficiencies. I am not perfect and although I strive for perfection, I almost always fall short.
Perfection is a good idealistic goal, but when push comes to shove, the most important thing is trying your hardest and doing your best.
In the situation I outlined, I would have set a daily set out habits, maybe going to the gym, doing magick, filling out job applications, and reading to help myself out of the hell I was living in.
I would also make sure to forgive myself and allow myself to feel sad and upset for seemingly failing, everyone must fail in their journey to success and that is okay. Everyone has failed, that’s what makes us human.
Sometimes, winning is out of your control, some L’s you were meant to take and learn from.
- Guidelines for General Improvement
Set up daily habits for small successes, even if you feel you are not winning in the short term or right now you are investing in yourself and doing those things that you know to be good even in hell, better to make your situation more favorable than to make it worse.
Habits:
Workout
Magick
Reading
Socializing
Make sure to forgive yourself, I am far from perfect and that is okay. I can strive for perfection even though it may take multiple life-times to reach it.
I recommend all 3 self authoring programs!
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I think my trigger are people, and opening my
mouth.
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Medication if it’s really hindering your daily life.
Exercise helps, but it can be a huge struggle when you can barely muster the strength to shower more than once every four or five days.
I found having no “zero” days helpful. As in, force yourself to do one small task daily. It could be moving your clothes off the floor into the hamper or just washing a spoon after you use it instead of leaving it in the sink.
Mostly it helped to remind myself “I am not my feelings, I am the one who is feeling my feelings” or to ask myself “whose thought is this?” when a negative thought occurred.
Also for women, I would advocate coming off hormonal birth control. In so many cases you take artificial hormones from the age of like 14 or 15 and 10+ years later you don’t even know who you are without it.
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I am just now reading through this. I plan to read it a couple of times before I dig in on doing the work. Im gonna really try and crawl with this one to not break myself more lol.
This makes a lot of sense. I always feel a little more down when I pass up on things I need to be doing. It just pushes me deeper down.
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Sorry to hear about all the shit things happening to you. Thanks for all the useful information. I am going to listen to the full audio book Marcus Aurelius’s meditation. Thanks for sharing.
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Keep at it man. You’ll tackle this obstacle just as I will.
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For it its feels like my depression has different stages. It starts with those negative thoughts. I feel im pretty good at determining if its me or depression telling myself this shit. My issue is that even after I’ve determined its depression talking shit. It doesn’t stop, the bombardment continues. I keep brushing it off but still it continues untill ive cracked. I can’t find that off button.
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Did you try writing the thoughts down and burning the paper?
You can do that a few times and then you only have to imagine them being burned and flying away.
Or you practice visualising an orb around yourself and command the depressive thoughts to leave your head and leave the orb, and they cannot reenter, even if they try.
Basically it’s practices likes this one for example:
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