Dating for Cowards?

Love, Sex Magick & Relationships
67

You’re choosing your beliefs and they’re dictating your outcomes.

It’s like you’re inside a box, and it looks real and dautning, and the instructions are on the outside.

I am outside that specific box because I clawed my way out.

If you tried say for 3 months to do things differently, in 3 months’ time there’s a chance you’ll feel better.

Keep going as you are and there’s very little chance.

Are you going to keep telling us why you can’t change or are you willing to listen to people who succeeded in making changes?

The choice is yours.

And it is a choice.

On a different note, please try to describe the method, or advice, or whatever, that you feel may work, it doesn’t have to be exact, or realistic, just give us some idea what internal model you’re matching answers against, and marking them as “nope, not the one I seek”?

To give you an example, someone who wants to lose weight may reject a lot of sensible diet advice because somewhere deep inside, they have the idea a prescribed medication can fix everything.

That person would start seeing results if they found a method which most closely resembled this, maybe high-power nutritional supplements and a very low-calorie, high-bulk, diet, made mostly of large salads and fibre supplements, something that could be completely wrong for another dieter BUT which fits their internal idea of what a solution looks and feels like.

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70

Losing weight is a simple process. It is energy in, energy out. If the energy out is more than the energy in, you are losing weight.

The social stuff just looks like the lottery when I model it, but I have to accept responsibility for the results anyways.

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72

People would not be maimed by diabetes, crippled, and dying from weight-related issues if it was that simple.

The psychological stuff behind it is far more complex, the thing that carries someone through when they want to eat something that they also DON’T want to eat.

I ask you again:

  • please try to describe the method, or advice, or whatever, that you feel may work, it doesn’t have to be exact, or realistic, just give us some idea what internal model you’re matching answers against, and marking them as “nope, not the one I seek”?
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73

If you are the right person, you can cold open and it will work.

75

Most dating coaches offer most of their information for free on their YouTube channels and only charge for 1 on 1 counseling.

Im picking up that you want a very logical approach to the key to your success with women. It’s not going to happen, lust is emotionally driven.

Your first step since you want steps.
Where do you go wrong and women lose interest? Surely you talk to women online. Start by analyzing that. Look up ‘top 10 behaviors that turn women off’ and see how they may have applied to people you’ve interacted with and work towards correcting those. I hope you don’t underestimate the importance of this step.

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76

Yeah, but I also get, just be yourself, join some clubs, and be confident. It just looks like a lottery. It doesn’t look like there is much correlation between input and output.

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78

Sounds like you figured everything out smart guy, why don’t you go ahaed and put on the show?

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79

Because embarrassing myself on the Internet isn’t a good time for me.

81

want something new? In your situation confidence is bullshit. Confidence comes from the ‘known’ a track record of success basically. courage is where you grab yourself by the balls and walk through the unknown. You don’t need confidence you need courage.

It’s okay to be nervous talking with women and showing your vulnerable if she calls you on your nerves (women love to test men) it’s okay to own it “yeah I’m nervous, but I don’t care, you’re someone I had to say something to, the anxiety won’t beat me up later like regret”

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82

Okay so what creates the right person?

Everything is the effect of some cause.

EVERYTHING.

If you’re willing to put emotions aside and get analytical, you can reverse-engineer the kind of right person for the girl/s you want, and then you have a blueprint.

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83

Sure, but can I forward engineer myself afterwards? Has anybody managed to change everything about themselves?

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I have, and yes, it is possible.

The key element is WANTING it, so it doesn’t feel like forced change, it feels like evolution.

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86

Once you know what your mental model of “the right person” is you can draw up a list of the differences, and then exercise good judgement on what order to approach making changes in those areas, as well as forming a strong mental image of yourself when you have the qualities you desire.

if you look at the list and honestly despise “the right person” then we have a values clash - like me wanting to be a top-notch Olympian yet despising athletes.

In that case you want something and are not willing to do what it takes to get it, so you can either continue to feel that tension, or, you can look at what IS available to you.

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88

In my example, maybe it’s the feeling of being the best I wanted, or the acclaim, and if I despise people who do athletics, I could find something I don’t despise, and work to become the best at that, or find other outlets to get acclaim.

If you want the types of girls who are attracted to a specific type of man, and yet you despise that type of man, you’re not likely to succeed well or for long with a girl whose values cause her to want to be with someone you look down upon.

She’s kind of on that same “harmonic” so you’ll just end up feeling both better than her, because you despise her ideal, and yet also worse than the man she’s always going to be secretly keeping an eye out for.

It’s a recipe for misery.

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90

It begs the question. How do you succeed in the long run?

94

If you level up by analysing the qualities which make for success (in the field you want, there’s no generic “success”), and have run a check to ensure there are no values clashes, and then come up with at least a broad blueprint of becoming that person, the process itself will change you and broaden the horizons once you get there.

I could not, at 14, have imagined being who I am now, so to get the things I have in life would seem like an opaque mystery, a labyrinth.

When I changed who I was, that changed what I could do, my brain realised that my capabilities were changing, and it began to look out for new opportunities, for my “new” self.

I also felt a lot more self-respect from making those changes, because I had proven myself TO myself.

You have to DO, to BE - a man who never sings is not a singer, for example.

Then you have to BE, to HAVE - a person who is not BEING confident, because of feedback loops telling them they are competent, cannot HAVE the things confidence in life wins you (there’s a short “fake it til you make it” window to get started, but then unless the real thing kicks in, you get “imposter syndrome” and constant insecurity).

So, someone who never sings is not going to BE a singer, and by neither BEING a singer nor feeling confident about his singing, he will never HAVE a successful singing career, I mean he can’t even busk in the railway station.

So if you wanted to be a singer, you’d have to DO - begin singing, and learning to sing well - in order to BE, and then to HAVE that golden prize.

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96

Then how can there possibly be value clashes?

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It’s the example of wanting a thing but despising the people who have it, as I gave above.

The pathway to success is to desire a thing and be willing to adopt at least some of the qualities of the people who have that thing.

Go back and re-read what I said about athletes as the example, I cannot win those pretty gold medals if I despise everything about sport, except the imaginary image of standing on top of the podium as I’m awarded my gold medal.

If on the other hand I always admired their dedication and loved to be put on the track at 5am, I’d be a quantum leap closer to success.

You can’t win a 38DD 110lbs bimbo gold-digger if you despise rich men, and the values of the whole world where both those men and women are to be found.

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99

How do I know I want what I think I want then? I feel like I am going to fall back into the malaise of doing whatever people around me want me to do. I can get it to work but I need to pin it something so I can filter the people.

101

you’re insufferable, i honestly believe you’ll never change, there is so much advice given to you and yet you choose to continue whining and whimpering over yourself. you’re good at that

good look with the rest of your dating because at this point you’re hopeless

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