Dating and magick

hi all!

i don’t really know where to start, i’ll just ask the question first i guess: since you started practicing magick and evolved, have you found mundane, casual dating kinda ‘beneath’ you?

i started my journey last year, like a lot of guys whose ex left them - i was looking for a way to bring her back to me… in the end i chickened out when i noticed the spell working and did a ritual to undo my love spell. after that i found that demon magick is really a great way for self-transformation and started working on building myself from the ground up.

after a while i was getting really lonely, so i called upon 2 demons to ask to meet someone who’s like my ex (i really fucked our connection up after that love spell…) - it was like 2 weeks after my request that i matched someone on Tinder and we talked all night (unlike with other matches) and met up the next day, got laid, and started dating. the synchronicities were insane! most of the stuff she liked, what her family’s situation was, her state of mind, views, nearly everything was the same and i could ‘relive’ my previous relationship with someone new.

it wasn’t really the same per se, but it was really close, but as time went on, i started noticing things and remembering stuff from the previous relationship that made me think… i felt like that i changed myself with alchemy so much that i shouldn’t be in a relationship like this. i felt like my ‘vibration’ was too high for people who are pretty negative all the time, rant about their job, family situation, etc. - after realizing this and beating myself over if i should continue with this relationship or not i finally decided to break it off.

after this i started focusing on myself and my magick again and because of that i went back to the basics, to master foundational skills, but although i feel great on an overall level, i’m still lonely and craving human contact… since the breakup i’ve been to 1 tinder date which was the most intellectually stimulating conversation i had in a while and it hit me then that this is what i’m missing - someone who’s stimulating me not only on a sexual and emotional level, but intellectually too… but when i look at online dating profiles a lot of the girls’ eyes or their bio say a lot about their insecurities, emotional immaturity and other stuff i don’t want to deal with anymore…
i know that i’m not better or above them, i just feel too different to even try with a ‘normal’ girl, i want someone who i can talk to about magick, spirits, and my other passions and who won’t look at me like they’re thinking about calling some mental hospital hotline…

so my real question here is, where do you find something, someone you desire, when the cards clearly say that you’re looking for love in all the wrong places?

I don’t think any aspect of mundane life ought to be “beneath you”. That’s just asking to be lonelier and crazier than the vast majority of the community are already prone to.

Navigating that duality between worlds can be tricky, but don’t forget that you’re still a person.

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thank you for your answer and sorry if i implied that!
i really wanted to point at aspects, problems everyone has and how magick can help you become stronger and rise above those things and then to see or meet those things in other people can feel alienating, so you crave to meet more people who experienced as similar things as you did - the “beneath you” phrase is not really what i was looking for, i can’t really put it into words…

Just want to point out the assumption in here that there’s a ‘should’ a lot of people have about ‘finding someone’. One person, that checks all (or most) of the boxes?

That’s a needle in a haystack for non-occultists with fairly middle of the road goals and lifestyle. Add in location, age, availability, occult and maybe a couple of other non-mainstream interests and it’s not about looking in the wrong pile of hay - there may be no needle at all.

That makes ‘shoulds’ kinda unfortunate.
Are you just going to keep putting effort in forever looking for something that doesn’t exist? That longing and frustration is in itself, not worth it imo.

Personally, I have a different solution, in which I completely discard the common assumptions about what companionship ‘should’ look like.
Finding satisfaction for all my quirks is easy, if I allow that different people and activities can meet them separately, and I don’t need them all to be in the same person.

So I say, If it comes to you, it comes, do some magik and let the universe do the work. In the meantime, there’s no reason to go making yourself miserable dwelling on a lack, why not have this compartmentalised across different groups of friends? Is there anything wrong with pursuing my interests with different people?

For an example, a mundane one, I enjoy pottery class, and I enjoy sex. There’s no one at my pottery class I fancy - but… why do I need a partner that does pottery anyway? And then I go on a dating site and find a cute guy I enjoy in bed - but he knows sod all about pottery - why do I need him to care about pottery, again?

As long as you are appreciated, and your “hobbies” are respected and not just tolerated, so that your needs and thiers are met, for those who really get lonely and want to be in a relationship, isn’t that better than trying to shoehorn a person to be all the things to all your facets?

So then, finding these people becomes super easy - they are always in the place where you find the thing that you’ll have in common.

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yes, i considered that side of the coin too - “there’s no one person who checks all the boxes”, but at the same time why shouldn’t there be one?
but yeah, i agree with what you wrote, that friends or group of friends should satisfy different needs for people - i learned in my past relationships that pushing every role unto someone can have a very big weight on your SO (being your mother, your lover, your best friend, your therapist,… etc.) and i don’t want to make that mistake again, seeing how they ended up seeing me…

i always found that most people i met or dated had 1-2 of the 3 main connection points i consider the most important (emotions, sexuality, intellectuality), but never all 3 - if we could connect on the emotional and intellectual level, the sexuality part of the relationship brought up problems and the variations of these 3. i consider it possible that there are people out there who are able to connect to you on all 3 levels, it’s just i don’t know how to find them.

well, if i find someone who doesn’t share my beliefs or “hobbies”, but they respect it and accept it - or i should say accept me as i am, i’m pretty sure i’d be able to compromise. after about 10 relationships i found out which qualities i like, don’t like, tolerate and don’t tolerate in both the short and long run, so i grew kinda selective. i found that if i go at it with an “everything goes” mindset, i might end up with someone whom i can’t really connect with… even if someone checks all the boxes on paper, that won’t guarantee chemistry.

i think it was Nahema who showed me that i shouldn’t look at this from the perspective of lack, so that is what i’m working on. it’s just it would be nice to find someone who i can talk to about everything, feeling like you have to hide some sides of you can poison a relationship - it makes you feel lonelier than you were before.

Edit: also, i know that shared hobbies and interests are not a must, but are “nice to haves”, i think it’s more about shared values when it comes to relationships which is important

Follow your heart.

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I don’t believe it was magick that made you leave this second girl. It was experience. You broke up with your ex for a reason, and then you went and asked for a very similtar girl. You left this new girl cause you didn’t wanted to deal with the same shit.

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yeah, i thought i missed something when the first girl broke up with me… but yes, i see the second case 2 ways: it was experience and i didn’t want to deal with the same stuff, and i had to learn this that the first relationship ended and i don’t want to “dig it up” again with anyone

You should ask for a new girl if you’re lonely, one that’s different from your ex. I think that’s your best choice. However if you’re sure you don’t want to be dating, maybe ask for friends

i think i will, but i’m not really sure about it - last time they took some stuff i listed quite literally… i also bingewatched some tarot readings for love and only noted the stuff that set off my intuition like “be more open minded”, “go to places which you can associate with your passions”, “you’re looking in the wrong places” (i guess Tinder), “you should learn to rely on yourself more” (that’s why i’m meditating twice daily and work on the basics required for magick)

I mean, not really but females who is indulging in magick will always be more preferable.Not that they are beneath me but they lack that flavour arent they?

Again you would experience the same stuff unless you really prefer not to talk about it or you have no such problems.Its again a preferation thing.

Well,you gotta wait for this I think, all 3 of them is not so easy to found, and what do you have to offer to someone like this? Not really busting a bubble,I would ask myself the same thing.Its kimd of same like magick, if you go extremely detailed on something, your chances get lower, or it consumes more time.

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well there you have it. Figure out what you like and go do those things, you’ll probably meet someone related to those things.

I’m curious, what did you do to get your ex back and why are you not with her?

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yes, preferences are a major factor, especially if you’re shooting for the long run - that’s why i’d like to “have it all”… all 3 of the connection points (not counting chemistry between you) are difficult to find, but i have this gut feeling that it isn’t impossible.

lately i don’t know what i could offer - sometimes i know, sometimes i don’t, that’s why i’m actively working on myself when i can. i think it boils down to the 3 connection points, if we’re on that same wavelength i can offer a lot, if not ec. talking about sports then we won’t have the common ground to connect. that’s why i’m trying to look for places where i could find more spiritual, philosophical, artist-type, bachelor of arts type people, because i vibe really well with them. it was always difficult to connect with people more rooted in the mundane - i feel i’m more into philosophy, ideals, and “what ifs”

thanks, i’ll do that! :grin:

i did a ritual which i derived from multiple “get your ex back” rituals you can find online - involving puppets, jars, personal items, candles, etc. and then called on Sallos to help me. when it started working and we still talked she would lash out how she thought that she’s over the whole thing and yet she has those feelings again and by that time i spent enough time reading countless forum posts about love spells going wrong that i evoked Sallos one more time and asked him to stop the spell.

after that, she became more hostile and aggressive towards me and blocked me everywhere she could - from time to time i had the urge to contact her and when i did, she was more and more hostile every time…

i’m not with her because i was in a rut where i left my work due to a nervous breakdown and couldn’t find a job for a long time… we were planning for a pretty serious life together and back then i couldn’t understand why she was so upset with me giving up on job search (i had this “well, life’s gonna work out, y’know?” attitude). later i realized how little annoyances can add up and how differing values/attitudes can poison everything. by not trying harder to get a job i didn’t accept the responsibility that shared life required. that whole thing requires 2 people, not one carrying the other on their back from time to time.

i’m kinda sad that i fucked it up, because she was really, the most empathetic and patient person i’ve ever been with, but after a while, everyone’s patience wears thin… so i had to grow up sooner or later, because this breakup opened my eyes to many things.

about the now, i have a job and i’m more collected, so i think i could handle that relationship better, but then again, i’m still diving into my psyche and forgotten memories to figure myself out as fully as i can, so i’ll be more of an anchor if my future partner needs one.

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I had to edit this reply down as it got to be way too personal and touchy on the subject but…

There are loads of witches and the such out there try raves and fetish clubs would be my suggestion based on personal experience.

Like with all things magick related be careful though.

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thanks, lately every party’s been cancelled, so that’s why i’m in bit of a pinch and i think i’m too vanilla for fetish clubs… :sweat_smile: or maybe not, i’ll see what places i can find! :grin:

Well maybe she wasn’t the right girl for you ya know?

At least you know your spell worked. I’m still waiting on that. Actually I didn’t make any spell but called on Sallos (among other entities). Sallos influence is around since she became more loving and stuff but she’s not “in love” with me. I know that won’t happen overnight though. I know I have to put on the effort. I’m still waiting on something I asked on sunday though.

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good luck for you then, i hope your effort will bring about your desires! :slight_smile:i noticed that when i did spells by my own power and couldn’t stop thinking about the outcome it was more likely to fail, but when i asked demons for help and they accepted my request (it’s important that you know they accepted), my desires got manifested, while i was still thinking about the outcome… so don’t worry, they’ll hold up their end of the bargain 100% and try to let go of the end result, i know it’s hard to be calm and collected when it comes to this. usually when i found myself thinking about the outcome or how i did the ritual i just started listing nicknames in my head, or reciting some sort of mantra i made up, or if my thoughts were visual then i immediately switched to something else so i was still daydreaming, but cut the connection - you just have to catch yourself when you do that!

Edit: i made a problem for myself with this though, i still recite the mantra when there are thoughts i don’t want to be bothered by, but it’s not really a problem :sweat_smile:

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