I’m just sick of not knowing, feeling limited and that there’s quite a lot more I’ve forgotten. I remember enough to know I want the rest of me back.
I can’t do that the easy way and just leave, there are other spirits here I have made commitments to and I’m keeping to them. So I seek and cycle though alternately numbing and then awakening this fairly useless vessel.
Why I incarnated I’m not sure but my feeling is it was a huge mistake, mostly born of white-knighting friends that wanted to do this and trying to support and help them, even though it’s not my project, they were basically abandoning me (and the others) to do it, and I don’t even believe in it. I wasn’t one of the original spirits that seeded this planet, I always said it was a horrible, risky and reckless idea that should never have got off the drawing board. They did it anyway. Should have just left them to it. Maybe that’s it - I had to do something I hated enough to cure me of cosmic co-dependency issues… ffs.
So, I’m… an idiot. That’s it, that’s why I’m here. And I must hate myself as now I’m trying to remember the full extent of my idiocy, in a " I just woke up in the morning in another city, nursing a hangover, naked without my car keys or wallet, and hoping the pics taken during my blackout weren’t incriminating" sort of way.
And Azazel, with his, “oh I wish I was there, but could you just tidy it up and make it nice first” bs can go whistle, I didn’t do this to bring heaven to earth, if he wants that he can roll up his sleeves and come do it himself.