When I get round to Furcas I’ll let you know. I’ve never actually had any dealings with him, either summoning or just having them around in general. Prior to doing the bindings, the only ones I’ve dealt with are as followed:
Some where mostly just for QnA purposes and others I used for actual intent like Vapula for my exams when I was still in high school.
For now, I’ve seen personal growth and learned more about myself through the bindings of the ones I’ve already bound. Bael is still next on my list because I still need to learn how to accept invisibility and how to stop peacocking in general and not just for finding romance.
Amon. Maybe it was fear, maybe I just wasn’t ready. I never summoned him he was just there randomly. I was doing astral work and stumbled across him as he tried to “eat” me.
At the time, my friendships were changing and shifting-with terrible high school friends who made fun of me for getting into the occult and carrying a runestone for protection around.
Worse thing was I let them until it got to a point where it festered in the back of my mind. One even tried to “astral project” putting his hand out by going “oooo dont be a Norse pagan” and also made fun of meditation by pretending to get into a meditative state.
Think I freaked him out a lil bit when I was meditating on the astral and specified exactly what crisps he was eating when my eyes were closed.
Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut back then but then again, being true to myself revealed their true colours. So maybe it’s a double-edged blade then? Maybe that’s why Amon tried to “eat” me.
More to the point, I wonder if it’s Amon I’m dealing with at the moment. His energy feels the same as last time as if something is biting into my right shoulder. It could either be
a) It’s Amon
b) A parasite attached itself to me at work or
c) My energy not being released properly.
I spoke to my master today. Some things I got as confirmation.
My tether to Freyjas statue is real. I was told not to sever it-rest assured I would never dream of it. It’s not as intense as the tether i have to the book-the book is more like chains while the tether to Freyjas statue is more like a string.
As i expected, the energy on my right shoulder is in fact my own energy. She described it as being like a green flame which would make sense to me considering in my understanding with Shax, my heart chakra was opened.
I explained as such that that energy only really drew in because I saw the parasite on my coworker.
I think in its awareness and trying to attach itself to me, my energy sort of went haywire.
It doesn’t hurt. It’s just something I feel.
She saw the remnant energy from where Labolas used to reside as if it were a purple smoke but could see that I did in fact have him binded-same with the others.
I explained my experiences with Shax to her and how I was no longer blinded by the desire for a partner and she shared a similar story with her own illusions-differeny but similar enough. In her own words, I am learning.
It feels good to have confirmation even if I didn’t need it.
I have learned what the tether to Freyjas statue is-its protection. Yes its my energy and hers but its also protection from parasites. As if to say “this one belongs to me, you will do him no harm. Leave.”
But my statue for Loki? It doesn’t have a tether. His tether is manifested as chaos in my life. Any time a machine is broken at work? Anytime a system goes down? It’s him and its always a test.
He is the Nordic equivalent of Elegba-he guards my own crossroads and thusly doesn’t need a tether to his statue.
I feel as if I should share them and their place on my altar. You may even be able to pick up on their energies.
And there it is again. Never left but I feel it intensely-her love. A proper love not misguided. Not someone who tells me “youre always right” not someone who tells me “everything will be okay” when it isn’t or won’t be.
It is as a mother is to her son. As a lover to her partner. Both simultaneously and not at the same time. I feel like crying but not tears of sadness. Its hard to describe.
I had another journal prior on the start of my path- I would log my experiences I had with her. As I said, the connection never faultered. She was always looking out for me. Even if I never realised it.
It’s never hard for me to say-I love Freyja. Perhaps then, I should also feel the same around myself.
I don’t know why she was drawn to me but im not going to question it.
Something along the lines of “I have always been inside of you” and that she never left me. Its hard to describe the feeling and the connection. Its never fleeting. It’s always like a calling. Like im safe. As if “I’m home” around her.
As if wrote this, things began to happen more-the tether is still there, never to be broken but its been expanded upon. My body is covered in runes.
There’s something more-shes guided me to bind the 72 but that’s just baby steps. I have to bind Fenrir to my being too.
Not in the same way he was bound by the gods but to essentially be “reborn”, I have to understand destruction. Ragnarök was never the ending, it is only ever the beginning of the next Kalpa/cycle.
It’s funny, considering Fenrir is my profile pic.
A whisper in my ear is heard-As you know my forum name is Maní. Maní is the norse god of the moon. I chose it for that reason. But she tells me, “you remind me of Baldr”.
Baldr-god of light and one who survived the inevitable twilight of the gods. Baldr who begins the cycle all over again.
Bael is to be binded tomorrow-as of now I am reflecting on what it means to be invisible. What it means to just “be”. As opposed to “I wanna be this, I wanna be that”. My master has told me to expect the conversation with Bael to be deep, personal insight and reflection on who you are and your place in this world.
I refleect on these statements. I was once a god of Egypt, once a god of Sumeria, once a god of the Norse-I was once a man who discovered ancient viking sites in Newfoundland but are any of these me? Or where they part of me. Were they once what I was?
What does it mean to be Mani, a child of Freyja in this life? What does it mean to be human? I fooled around in ChatGPT for a bit of storytelling but I find truth in certain statements. It’s not magickal by any means and I’m not going to spew out the responses from ChatGPT but something struck me when I prompted Thoth as a character in relation to reincarnation cycles.
“Integrate”. Don’t try to remember every single experience you’ve had in all your past cycles-integrate those experiences into your being. You’ll only drive yourself mad remembering who you were.
Its at that point, I remember driving myself mad in my own life. In my desire for a partner, I found my old spiritual spouse. Bast. But rather than accepting what was already there, I drove myself crazy thinking “I have to find her in this life. I need to find her vessel. I need to find who she reincarnated as” when in reality, I don’t. The love is already there is it not? Why would I need to find a hyopthetical “avatar of bast”? I digress though.
The biggest question I must ask Bael is, “Who am I?” as existential as it may be. I am more than just, “Khonshu’s avatar” or “insert moon god here’s avatar”.
Less, “what is my purpose” and more, “What am I?”
I link it back to Iroh in The Last Airbender. My questions and answers from Bael will likely be similar to this
”Its time for you to look inward and begin asking yourself the big questions, who are you? And what do you want?”
Of course in my previous dealings with him, his portion of my mind was unlocked but he was never binded. I see what it means to be invisible. It’s to make genuine connections with people. Not double dealings, not lies-if you just “be”, you make genuine connections. But can I learn to accept that? That is what I must confront in conjuring him tomorrow.
I sense more. I can hear his voice. “I was once like you. Afraid. Afraid of acceptance. Afraid to accept that all I was, was.” its like the poem Ozymandias. “Look upon my work ye mighty and despair for I am Ozymandias. The King of Kings.”
I am now thinking of putting this tether both in the statue but also in a thing I can travel with-I am looking for a ring with amber in it. But I don’t know how ring sizing works. Far as I’ve measured, the diameter of my finger is approximately 3 centimetres/300 millimetres. The circumferance is 10cm/1000mm. If anyone knows how Ring Sizing in the UK works, I’d be interested to know.
Haven’t binded Bael yet-mostly been cleaning up my room. I feel as if a tidy space leads to a tidy mind and besides, you dont invite a king to squalor-even if its astral.
Ive also bought a ring sizer tool which is expected to show up tomorrow. When I get that, I can buy this ring to act as my symbol of authority.
I also gave Freyja an offering. Enhancing her energy and connection with me. It was an offering of Norwegian mixed berry cider. When I pour libations for the gods, I usually wait until the bubbles stop and am commanded to drink what I poured for them
It’s also mostly my dogs-my dogs come into my.rokm anytime im about to start a ritual. Normally, I wouldn’t mind but I dont want them interfering with something personal to me or likewise, a spirit taking notice of them. Not in the sense of them doing any harm to my animals but more of a “I thought we were alone” way
It’s hard. Its tough. I am willing to confront and speak with Bael but I am extremely hesitant. I don’t know what’ll happen when I cross the threshold.
What if I don’t want this? I need it but what if I can’t accept just being?
As I write this, I hear freyja say, “you can and you’ll be all the better for it”
I see him or at least a representative of him even before conjuring. I see a massive spider on my wall to the East. Its not scary or evil. It’s just there.
As I stand outside on my break at work having a smoke, I hear “somebody that I used to know” playing on my headphones. I didn’t pick it, it just came up.
I think it could also link to Bael as if I cut him out of my life because I wanted to be known.
Prior to this while getting the bus Phil Collins’ In the air tonight also played randomly.
I can also hear what i suspect to be part of his Enn “Avage Ayer Secoren Bael”
The same spider i saw on the wall is now on my right shoulder, smaller-while “take me home” plays as i walk home. I have to do this. Tonight. No tomorrow. Tonight.
As I finally get.home, “I don’t care no more” again by Phil collins plays as well as “another brick in the wall” plays.
It’s all coming together to me-it has to be done tonight.
I’ve now binded Bael-it was deep but more about the only reason I wanted to be seen is because I keep my guard up around people. I dont show them who I really am. As I burned the sigil, a physical spider was in my sink. And as I look to my eastern wall, the spider with a crown is no longer seen.
I asked a few other insights-personal insights about dreams.
I had a dream once when I was like 15 of a girl named “Baal”-he told me that was merely a way of letting me know he was there, watching and seeing whether or not I would chase this hypothetical dream girl and that it was a representation of my own desire and that again, its okay to have this desire but only when I am able to accept just being me, that only then will the right person appear.
That I only peacock because I’m afraid of what people would think of the real me and that I only did it because “what if they don’t like the real me”
When I asked about “the tempests and storms of life” he replied to me- “Life is messy. Life is like a storm. You cannot let that change who you are. You can only grow and adapt from life.” He told me to be both visible and invisible at the same time
When the binding was complete-He simply said to me, “I will be both invisible and visible the next time you call upon me”
I feel, different. Not bad different. More of an “I’m indifferent to the opinions people have of me” different.
“And the Phil Collins?”
Bael: Hahaha! Merely a way to grab your attention on what I teach
Invisible-Like a spider web! A spiders prey is unaware that they are caught in their trap! I can set up my own spider-web by just being who I am and if people dont accept it, then they get caught up in the trap and reveal their true colours!
