The strangest part is his voice, its almost sorrowful. As if to say, “I never had the chance to just exist. But you do have that chance so take it”
2 Likes
It’s kind of like that scene in Lion King-”Remember who you are”
3 Likes
Currently on my way to work-Agares is next on my list of bindings. He teaches languages to those willing and a part of him stays with me even before binding. Ive been studying scots-gaelic on duo lingo for the past few years after my last dealing with him but now we go onto what else he does,
He brings a lost person back to you. Perhaps then, in my shadow-work he intends to make me “found”, I find the part of me I lost and im slowly seeing that.
Thin Lizzy’s the boys are back in town plays. I feel as if it relates to the 72. They never left me, even the ones I never worked with but now they’re making it clear that they’re here and that I must continue the work.
It may take me a bit before I conjure Agares-I want to be able to be of sound mind and clear headed. I also have to do a job interview in the morning.
2 Likes
I should also add:
Yesterday I was at the grocery store and saw two five dollar bills, I asked the man in front of me if they were his and he said no. If it were on the street I would’ve picked them up for myself but since its a grocery store, it could’ve been a part of someone’s grocery money.
I handed it to the cashier just in case it belonged to someone. I felt as if it were a test from Bael. A question to ask myself, “are you a petty thief?”
2 Likes
Another thing I noticed after binding, I can see Freyja! I can see her! Ive never been able to see her, Ive only been able to feel her!
I think through binding and the whole “invisible” vs visible thing, I can now see the visible forces that guide my life.
I was in awe. She looked as I had always seen her when meditating but a lot taller than me.
2 Likes
I keep hearing the past in my head-I hear that voice again. “We should break up” but I’m single. I know what it is.
It’s the memory of my ex. I think, Agares is giving me these visions and these voices of these memories for one reason and one reason alone:
I lost myself when I was with my ex. I never got that part of me back. The part of me that was open to love, the part of me that was already accepting his own being. But i stopped the work when I got with her.
I thought I had gotten what I wanted. I thought that the relationship was strong, I deluded myself in believing that it was part of what Freyja said-that my ex was the “all will be revealed side” but she wasn’t. I wasn’t.
I stopped working on myself, I stopped trying to see my goals and ambitions through-I only ever focused on her and what she wanted. Never what I wanted.
If I wasn’t interested in sex? It didn’t matter its what she wanted and sex was her way of showing that she loved me. She did love me…right?
That’s a rhetorical.
If I wasn’t interested in hanging out with her and wanted to be with my friends? That wasnt enough. She wanted me to be essentially her puppet.
Now, I must find this part of the self that I lost in my desire for a partner. Now, I must reflect on what I lost, not who I lost and whether or not I can accept and find this lost part of my soul.
No, not a matter of if I can, am I willing to accept this lost part of my soul? The supposed “twin flame” which was never there in the first place?
Felt drawn to the song “Majestic” by wax fang
2 Likes
I see him. I see him riding his crocodile. I am not fearful or afraid. Its just his way of saying, “Are you ready?” Telling me its the next step.
There seems to be a running theme with the goetia I have binded. Its acceptance. I cannot deny these parts of my being. This acceptance seems to be more or less a “stop looking for it in other people, look for it in yourself”
its as if theyre less the cause of my woes and more or less, the acceptance that these woes are because of me.
I know what else it is. To accept the part of me that was lost by peacocking. In order to accept just being, I have to look within and find the part I lost in my desire.
It’s all linked. All of it.
Paimon: My ambitions blocked by my stubbornness and pride for trying to find a partner. When he was binded, I learned that I was blinded by this desire
Shax: Showing me that in my illusion that a partner would complete me, I learned that I dont need someone to complete me.
Glaysa-Labolas: The shame and hatred I felt towards myself and towards others who didn’t feel the same way about me.
Bael: Teaching me that through this desire and outwardly making myself as visible as possible, I would only lose myself. Lose the part of me that wanted to do the self-improvement. The self that wants to be known for who he is, not what he is
And now Agares: While not binded, I believe that through the act of binding I will learn what that part of me is that I lost. Which will link me into what Vassago will bring to me when I get to him next.
Vassago presides over past and future so maybe, just maybe after Agares is binded, I will be able to learn from this part that has been lost and become the “future me”
2 Likes
A song plays from the start of my path-Comfort Chain by Instupendo. I take this as a sign that I am on the right track and that I will be all the better upon the bindings. It gives me time to think.
If I am to eventually bind Fenrir to my being, I have to modify the Solomonic system to a more Nordic version.
What is the curse of the greater chain if not using the chains of Gleipnir?
I believe that this modification should go as followed if you too chose to bind Fenrir to your being.
Summoning: To conjure Fenrir you must invoke him. He is too massive of a spirit to appear before you in true and beholdable form.
“Thee I invoke, Destruction incarnate-he who brings the twilight of the gods, thee I invoke Fenrir, mighty wolf destined to slay Odin. I invoke thee. I invoke thee who was bound by the gods out of fear. Thee I invoke Fenrisulfr.”
The Greeting To Fenrir:
Fenrir, I welcome thee into my temple. I welcome thee, lord of destruction. Son of Loki and Angrboda. I invite thee into mine own temple to answer and heed my calls and heed my questions.
The binding: By these, the chains of gleipnir I bind you to my own being that you may heed my call when I ask for thee. I bind you not out of fear but out of necessity. I bind thee so that destruction may turn into creation in my life. I bind thee with the chains of gleipnir that I may accept the beast in me.”
The license to depart:
Oh great Fenrir, that thou were willing to heed my call, I give you farewell, return back to your island, Lyngvi. Cause no destruction to anyone in your path, return now in peace by my will.
Instead of a sigil, it.should be his bindrune. His bindrune should be his name written in the elder futhark combined together in one symbol. How you choose to write his bindrune is up to you.
2 Likes
My head becomes clearer. I had another friend who was there on the start of my path. We had fun with each other, we loved one another.
In a way, she was another teacher of mine but there was something else. As much as I helped her and as much as she helped me, she has become lost ensnared by the same trap I fell for.
She’s consistently trying to find her “other half”-thr spirit that she loves and has driven herself crazy trying to find this avatar/vessel.
As such, she ended up blocking me. Blaming me and my master for her own woes. Determining that it was my master who invited Shax into her life and blaming Shax for her own illusions. I so wish that she stayed my friend but I feel as if we both fed off of each other’s delusions so to speak.
It was thanks to her I found Bast but in doing so, I consistently kept trying to find Bast’s “avatar”-feeding into the illusion that I needed to find someone physically for love that was already there.
We both fed off of each others desire to go find our romantic partners. As such, I gave in. I lost myself in the idea that “Bast must have an avatar"-Hell, I even saw my ex as her avatar!
Then, when I developed feelings for another friend of mine, we both fed into the illusion that she was also Bast and that I had found her again. But that was never the case, there was never romance there-there was love and still is love but it’ll never be romance. I see that now.
This friend I was talking about? The one who is currently lost? I relied on her to do the work for me. I thought she was the more spiritual one, the “other half” in a platonic way.
In a way, that kind of blocked my connection with Freyja. I essentially had a “yes man” so to speak who could confirm or deny my illusions.
Where ever this old friend is, I hope she finds what she’s looking for or at least, discovers more about herself.
As I said, I let her do the work for me. I became content. I focused on the theory and never on the self. I convinced myself I was enlightened, told myself that I was in balance within, that I balanced the yin and yang in my life but I never did.
The shadow-work stopped when I gave into illusion. I was more Yin than I was yang. I focused more on the “go with the flow” side of things and figured, “that’s just how the universe guides me” that’s why I failed college-I just “went with the flow” and stopped doing the work. I thought “the work is too hard and I already learned what I wanted to learn”. Now working with the Goetia, I start to feel the Yang side.
While there is never one without the other, sometimes one energy can overflow more than the other, bringing you off-balance.
That’s also what binding does for me, its acceptance of the Yang without the Yin taking over. I call it chaos that needs transformed but in doing so, I am balancing the scales.
I am learning more about the self through Goetia work than I had ever learned in my eastern practises.
When I discovered Buddhism, I told myself, “I am a boddhisatva. I told myself that I was in the reincarnation cycle for a reason. I told myself “I accept suffering is part of the human condition” but I never asked the big question, “Why?”
When I learned of the godself, I never asked myself “Why?” Why I was that. Why the energy resonated within me so much. I tried convincing myself that I was “just being here now” and “living in the moment” but was I?
Maybe that’s the part of myself I lost. The part of me that was human. The part of me that learns, grows and adapts to the human condition.
All things are part of the astral-anything and everything and that includes illusion. The illusion that all I was, was just another Avatar of Khonshu. I am more than that. I am me. I determine what I am in this life and I am more than just an avatar. Its not my purpose.
I have also burned Paimons sigil. He commanded me to do so but what was strange to me was it almost refused to be burned? As if the energy I put into it refused to be let go but it needed to be done. To fully finish the operation.
2 Likes
And as if by burning his sigil? I see someone else’s post on invoking Paimon for help with getting a job. I feel as if its good signs. As if my interview tomorrow will go extremely well and I will be able to get the new job. A song plays, “The Mind Electric”
No coincidence-linking back to the vaping, south park plays on my TV with a whole thing on “you don’t need to smoke” and the flavour? The flavour is dull. It’s like I can’t taste it as strongly anymore.
“A gift” is what I hear in my head from him
I feel drawn to another song from my past. “I Am The Antichrist To You”. A song that played towards the end of the relationship with my ex.
1 Like
I heard a voice saying “How dare you burn my sigil!” But I know it wasnt Paimons voice-in fact, he has told me that because the sigil was never closed, other entities attached themselves to it-parasites if you will.
And only through burning it, did I burn the parasites that fed off of the energy on the sigil. I think that explains why it sort of refused to be burned-as if whatever attached itself to this sigil didn’t want to be removed from my life.
In my fear so to speak, I want to make another sigil to remain on my altar but I hear Paimons voice clearly to me, “do not give in”.
Whatever that entity was, clearly wants back into my space and I’m not going to let it in.
I could also see that vaguely monstrous entity being burned. It was like an imp and I could hear it screeching in pain
1 Like
1 Like
Had a conversation with Athena earlier today. My mom is not much of a believer. She never has. She does believe there are forces in the universe we don’t understand but in terms of magick and spirits? Shes agnostic.
However, subconsciously you could say, Athena chose her. There’s a spot in our living room where my mom has a bronze edifice of Athena and an Owl statue too-also named both of our dogs after Athena’s two children Apollo and Artemis.
Being that, that particular area of the house I’d say belongs to Athena, it was only right to ask her, “is it okay to bring my own gods into your hearth?” And I was told it was okay so long as it was Odin and Freyja, never Loki which i think Loki doesn’t like but I suppose it makes sense to me
1 Like
Agares is to be binded tonight-I feel his energy around my shoulders as if prior to binding, you are the very crocodile he rides upon. You dont even realise youre lost or that the part of.you that is lost, is his steed.
His energy is more earthy than the others. The others felt more aerial.
There is no getting rid of him. He’s a part of me. There is only acceptance. I say this because my energy is going haywire and yet again, I hear the memories of the breakup in my head.
I only spoke to him once earlier, it was essentially “the work is to be done when you get home”
Update: the work will be done tomorrow for I have to clean my space up
Paimon has given me a sign un my dreams. I could see him clearly on his dromedary but not physically in my dreams, it was like an image online.
I take this as confirmation? Burning the sigil was the right thing to do.