Be Careful What You Wish For…

Chaos Magick, Psionics & Technology
, , , ,
1

So, in my intro I explain about my “knack” for “chaos magic”, and thus this far even though my manifestations have never quite turned out how I envisioned, it has always been on the good / or at least liveable rectifiable side, until now……

So last year I was really starting to feel the lonely side of single life with being alone for two & a half years, but I was not helping myself either, I was overweight & knowing it. So when the pandemic came & shut everything down I challenged myself to lose weight, so to get me through the workouts I was listening to music & visualizing the kind of guy I wanted to meet on a daydreaming level rather than I was intent on manifesting it (I have a very specific odd type from personality to looks)

Fast forward a year later, I had so far lost 56 pounds & I had the urge to reactivate my dating profile just to have a look (I had it deactivated for about a year, had been on it on / off for a couple of years in total, but nothing ever came of it)

Within the space of 24hrs of me reactivating my profile I received a inbox from a guy who was bang on what I envisioned for all those months, my type down to a tee, from age, personality, profession & aesthetic. I was instantly enchanted.

We spoke for a couple of weeks, & he invited me for a date. He drove an hour to pick me up from my street (another quality I envisioned - a man who makes a proper effort) Of course I never gave him my full address as (I thought) “luckily” the street I live on is a long road (this will be an important detail later)

First date went so well we spent the weekend together for the 2nd date - no funny business, thank god. For after that things started to turn, odd, badly….

He started to become really paranoid & questioning me as a person out of nowhere, for no reason, to the point he became verbally aggressive towards me over the phone. I was having none of it & shut it down. It killed me & I did try to repair things but I could not work with him turning into someone else…

So I left it & decided to do a bit of research on him (he was very proud that his online presence was minimal) but me being me, I dug, & what I found was not great in terms of his integrity as a person (disbarred emigration lawyer, he told me he was a teacher) along with some other things…. So I contacted him to point out the double standard of him questioning me as a person yet his non-integrity is there to see very publicly… And he went ballistic…. I just blocked him & got on with my life, until he decided to wait for me outside my street one night.

I don’t know how long he was waiting for me, but unfortunately for me I had to put the rubbish out that evening, & he must have had a rough idea of where my home was (small block of apartments - the trash boxes were a one minute walk away) He jumped out of the darkness & aggressively said “I want to talk to you”, I said “no” & proceeded to walk away, but he grabbed me & dragged me to his car (a large Range Rover for context)

He just kept talking at me, I zoned out with my only thought being “I need to get out of this car”, then in slow motion the only words I remember him saying was “I am going to teach you a lesson”, he then lunged at me (I only had a nightdress underneath my coat & old ugg boots on as it was around 10.30pm)

He just kept grabbing at my legs to get to my underwear… I fought with everything I had, desperately trying to get the car door closest to me open, but it was not opening… I talk to Archangel Michael in my head a lot, & I screamed in my head for him to please help me, it felt like an eternity of fighting this guy off me, then I desperately reached over to the car door handle one more time, and it actually sprung open!

I rolled backwards out of that car back seat & ran as far as I could, not looking back. I hid behind some large trash boxes a few streets down & stayed there for a good hour before I could even face trying to go back towards my apartment. Luckily he was gone…

I have not heard from him since. This happened a month ago. I know the physical bruises I still have will fade, but I feel so wounded in terms of my soul. This guy was the first guy I genuinely liked & was attracted to in years….

There was no point in me going to the police, for it would of turned out into a long drawn out thing, I feel embarrassed & ashamed as it is…

Part of me wants to do a ritual on him so he suffers, or is tormented by my face everyday until he can’t take it any more… But I oddly do not feel much anger currently, I just feel very sad & hurt. So don’t think I could conjure the energy to attack.

I am not sure if there is a moral to this story, for I indeed did (unintentionally) manifest what I fantasised about in terms of a person I wanted romantically… I just forgot some details like “make sure they are not mentally unhinged”…… But I know I feel all hope is now lost with ever meeting the type I am drawn to after such a mess up…

Big up to Archangel Michael for getting that car door open….

22 Likes
2

I’m really fucking glad the door opened, Michael comes through very quick. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, it’s so upsetting that people can be like this.

6 Likes
3

Me too @Onion :heart: I don’t know how I would of mentally coped if the situation went further… I will be forever grateful to Michael & I hope one day I can get that night + that guy out of my mind…

5 Likes
4

Why not look at the outcome from another perspective : Yes it was an ugly experience, but now you have PROOF that your visions do manifest in real life. Use this to fuel your motivation to visualize your ideal male but this time with the mental aspects included !

I noticed that everything started after re-activating your dating app,those are powerful tools for single ladies, as many nowaday males don’t dare to flirt with women IRL

5 Likes
5

Was there any theme in the music, in the lyrics, like “can’t let you go” or “have to have you no matter what” that could have somehow contaminated it and gotten mixed up into your dream guy?

Your account of it is very well-written, I was there as I read it (and yeah I also put the bins out in Primark uggs, nightie and coat! :laughing: ) so I’m guessing words play a big part in your life, and that might have been, almost like in The Fly when a tiny mishap combines with a process to create big trouble. :thinking:

6 Likes
6

Hi @Lady_Eva :blush: Haha! Indeed the “putting the bins out” outfit was all Primark! :laughing:

Oooooh looord, I have not thought about the music themes meshing into my “daydreaming”…

I deleted all the songs that reminded me of said daydreaming times + the guy who matched them, but I remember which songs they were so I will go back & actually listen to the lyrics (The Cure, Stone Roses & “The Chain” by Fleetwood Mac to name a few were all in there) so I think you are on to something, which in turn I thank you immensely for taking the time to point the above out, for I did not realize that could infiltrate into such (inadvertent) workings.

Also thank you for the writing compliment, indeed words do play a big part in my life. I had to really put in the effort when it came to basic academic skills, which has made me overly aware of being concise & clear as possible.

5 Likes
7

Holy fuck. Yeah from my knowledge of manifestation I would need to know more of your belief system to give any real advice. I think the best idea would be to keep a journal of your thoughts for a week and see if you can find any negative patterns. One thing I will say is even if you don’t want to continue with magick after this don’t let this complete jerk make you forget that you did all those other amazing things. You will be able to move on from this and find someone in time I’m sure❤

5 Likes
8

Songs are really powerful, the earliest magicko-religious stuff was chants set to rhythm and tunes. :thinking:

And most of us can probably remember the theme songs of our favourite shows and adverts as young children, better than we can remember the exact voices and spoken words we heard at that time, unless they’re still in our lives.

Frankly this pisses me off, but the power of music is why we even have hymns, and they far pre-date Christinaity as a form of making direct contact with the divine to convey a message or request.

8 Likes
9

Can I ask why this upsets you? I personally enjoy listening to hymns and such when they aren’t Christian :thinking:

1 Like
10

Thank you so much for pointing out the other side of the coin @HelixArc, you do make a very valid point.

I just feel like I have ran out of “manifesting the odds in my favor” chances, for apart from him turning horrible he was dead on “the vision”, a vision I did not even take seriously, for I thought “there is no way I am going to conjure THAT guy”, but I still had that “sparkle” feeling of hope, like part of me knew what was coming, so I just went with it.

For me to do that again (just without the horrible switch personality element) I don’t know if I could do it, for I feel spooked. But after these past couple of years as a whole for the world anything is possible at this point… :blush:

So your words will stay with me in a good way.

3 Likes
11

People like this need to be destroyed.

5 Likes
12

Thank you @dagar :heart: You do give me hope :blush:

I don’t really have a particular belief system, it would be interesting to keep a journal of my thoughts for a week though…

It would be the things in between the fly away thoughts & the more intense “daydreaming” side ( I notice both when they manifest)

Maybe I am missing something in the middle bit - good or bad!

2 Likes
13

So you manifested this with daydreaming! Damn gurl! You have a knack for manifestation!
Daydreaming is not a controlled ritual so I see how other things might interfere… be careful whenever you space out you might manifest something so examine the space around you and acknowledge whatever you think negative and might ruin the manifestation and then deny it from your mind!
Most of the time magick takes the path of least resistance so its safer if you bind the unwanted path! I think you should do this in a ritual setting in a controlled environment for best result.

3 Likes
14

Sorry to hear you’ve gone through all this, glad Michael could come through for you. Your recovery from this is paramount and you shouldn’t feel pushed to do anything other than look after yourself, but maybe it could help if you find a way to strike back at this person.
Your writing is really good, btw :slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like
15

First of all, welcome to the forum👋🏾

Second, fuck him.

Third, refer to #2 and use your feelings of sadness and hurt and pour it into the ritual. Once you do that and remember what happened to you, you’ll be able to muster up enough anger to finish the ritual.

5 Likes
16

Thank you for your insight @MiKu :blush:

Indeed the “daydreaming” route is not the most concise or safest way to manifest…

Throughout my years of trying to do direct manifesting through rituals (wiccan / hoodoo / angels - just not all at the same time!) I have only successfully managed it once. The rest fell flat… So I lost faith in my ability to do any “conscious” controlled manifesting.

I have just gone along with whatever pops into my head, & if I like the vibe of it enough I will then get into “that zone” while I am doing something physical like cleaning or exercising.

But I am not in a “pressurized” state, compared to when I do a controlled ritual, so I am never intent on said thing happening. I just enjoy the vision, & it is the same continuous vision theme for a couple of months, until it eventually dissipates from my mind… so I assume the energy builds that way, like a longer ritual…

I hope that makes sense.

3 Likes
17

That’s unfortunate that you went through that. I hope you don’t take this in a negative way, ok. I’ve gone through something similar and I’m pretty many have when it came manifesting. Some shit will " appear during the " right time" with the " right damn near everything “. I seen this manifests as traps or a " teating” situation. Again, im not minimizing the shit that piece of all kinds is shit did to you.

1 Like
18

Hi @Khayon :blush: thank you so much for your lovely message.

I really appreciate the writing compliment for I was not the brightest tool in the childhood shed so I had to push myself hard to do any basic academic stuff like write a coherent sentence :laughing:

At the moment that night & the guy in question is on my mind a lot still, & I really hope that dissipates in time, for I can’t shake it off currently…

Indeed maybe if I could control my head space enough to take aim at him it would help…

1 Like
19

Hi @QueenMustang :blush: Thank you so much for your lovely welcome & comment!

I will definitely scan through the forum to see if there is a way I could use how I am currently feeling to take aim at him, for the epiphany of he could do this to someone else is starting to also play on my mind…

From what I have seen / (thought) I knew I assumed one would need more anger to even start such a ritual, but good to know this is not the case.

1 Like
20

No problem, welcome to the forum. With the writing, sometimes some of the best talents are the ones we work hardest to attain, they can often be the ones we never lose.
Your recovery is your own journey and I hope it goes as well as possible, maybe there’s people here who have more insight into how these things are best dealt with and how long they take to fade.
If you’ve got a talent for visualisation and manifestation then servitors can be one route for taking aim at this person, you could come up with something really strong and let it loose to do the rest.

1 Like