So, in my intro I explain about my “knack” for “chaos magic”, and thus this far even though my manifestations have never quite turned out how I envisioned, it has always been on the good / or at least liveable rectifiable side, until now……
So last year I was really starting to feel the lonely side of single life with being alone for two & a half years, but I was not helping myself either, I was overweight & knowing it. So when the pandemic came & shut everything down I challenged myself to lose weight, so to get me through the workouts I was listening to music & visualizing the kind of guy I wanted to meet on a daydreaming level rather than I was intent on manifesting it (I have a very specific odd type from personality to looks)
Fast forward a year later, I had so far lost 56 pounds & I had the urge to reactivate my dating profile just to have a look (I had it deactivated for about a year, had been on it on / off for a couple of years in total, but nothing ever came of it)
Within the space of 24hrs of me reactivating my profile I received a inbox from a guy who was bang on what I envisioned for all those months, my type down to a tee, from age, personality, profession & aesthetic. I was instantly enchanted.
We spoke for a couple of weeks, & he invited me for a date. He drove an hour to pick me up from my street (another quality I envisioned - a man who makes a proper effort) Of course I never gave him my full address as (I thought) “luckily” the street I live on is a long road (this will be an important detail later)
First date went so well we spent the weekend together for the 2nd date - no funny business, thank god. For after that things started to turn, odd, badly….
He started to become really paranoid & questioning me as a person out of nowhere, for no reason, to the point he became verbally aggressive towards me over the phone. I was having none of it & shut it down. It killed me & I did try to repair things but I could not work with him turning into someone else…
So I left it & decided to do a bit of research on him (he was very proud that his online presence was minimal) but me being me, I dug, & what I found was not great in terms of his integrity as a person (disbarred emigration lawyer, he told me he was a teacher) along with some other things…. So I contacted him to point out the double standard of him questioning me as a person yet his non-integrity is there to see very publicly… And he went ballistic…. I just blocked him & got on with my life, until he decided to wait for me outside my street one night.
I don’t know how long he was waiting for me, but unfortunately for me I had to put the rubbish out that evening, & he must have had a rough idea of where my home was (small block of apartments - the trash boxes were a one minute walk away) He jumped out of the darkness & aggressively said “I want to talk to you”, I said “no” & proceeded to walk away, but he grabbed me & dragged me to his car (a large Range Rover for context)
He just kept talking at me, I zoned out with my only thought being “I need to get out of this car”, then in slow motion the only words I remember him saying was “I am going to teach you a lesson”, he then lunged at me (I only had a nightdress underneath my coat & old ugg boots on as it was around 10.30pm)
He just kept grabbing at my legs to get to my underwear… I fought with everything I had, desperately trying to get the car door closest to me open, but it was not opening… I talk to Archangel Michael in my head a lot, & I screamed in my head for him to please help me, it felt like an eternity of fighting this guy off me, then I desperately reached over to the car door handle one more time, and it actually sprung open!
I rolled backwards out of that car back seat & ran as far as I could, not looking back. I hid behind some large trash boxes a few streets down & stayed there for a good hour before I could even face trying to go back towards my apartment. Luckily he was gone…
I have not heard from him since. This happened a month ago. I know the physical bruises I still have will fade, but I feel so wounded in terms of my soul. This guy was the first guy I genuinely liked & was attracted to in years….
There was no point in me going to the police, for it would of turned out into a long drawn out thing, I feel embarrassed & ashamed as it is…
Part of me wants to do a ritual on him so he suffers, or is tormented by my face everyday until he can’t take it any more… But I oddly do not feel much anger currently, I just feel very sad & hurt. So don’t think I could conjure the energy to attack.
I am not sure if there is a moral to this story, for I indeed did (unintentionally) manifest what I fantasised about in terms of a person I wanted romantically… I just forgot some details like “make sure they are not mentally unhinged”…… But I know I feel all hope is now lost with ever meeting the type I am drawn to after such a mess up…
Big up to Archangel Michael for getting that car door open….