If I know what love is, it is because of you. — Hermann Hesse
I had a most bizarre dream last night, but im recording it here because it was less a mosh of info and more of a linear line of events.
Still though not a projection, not a paralysis episode where I’m awake and conscious but just a dream with very vivid imagery
I was landing on a plane in Texas and met with some highschool friends whom I hadn’t talked to in ages at a water berger on the highway
We were catching up and they had a conference their dad was attending at my old college in a convention center
To keep myself occupied i went into a very cool new age pagan relic shop while they skipped around the rest of the conference center.
(The shop was all I needed to keep myself occupied)
I had brought an item with me in an attempt to find one similar (I think it was an incense dispenser) and There were two other non incense items that caught my eye but not the one I was looking for. Still, I figured couldn’t hurt and I attempted to purchase the other two items. Realizing I never took the pricetag off my item from home I thought well shit I better take this off so they know it’s mine and pulled off the $7.99 sticker.
The lady at the register had poor English but I could make out that she thought I needed to pay for the item I brought from home after i made my way to the checkout. I tried my hardest to tell her it was mine and I was trying to find a replica.
After attempting to explain to her I brought it from home and it was mine, she really didn’t understand.
She just kept a happy smile saying “yes see you like? You buy?”
And pointed to a second now $9.99 pricetag for whatever reason I never removed why does this dream make things so difficult
I figured oh what the hell, atleast it would give them more money and help the store.
Begrudgingly I let her ignorance take advantage of me and I swiped my card.
Then all time except my own froze.
It was eery as a dark shadow overtook the store. The lady still standing frozen in time with her smile still ever present.
I saw vapor collect at the back of the store and a
female naga Snake deity of some kind crept up behind me.
“Have no fear deary, your donation is much appreciated, and I’ll be sure you leave here with more then you bargained for.”
I scurried around the store as she moved with a pace of demonic speed. But eventually she cornered me and in a cloud of smoke appeared right in front of my face presenting a set of golden weighing scales. Take heed as I believe this was the item your looking for…"
“Ummm not exac…”
She thrust it into my hand and I was teleported to a Dark room. So dark I had no bearing on my surroundings.
But in a furry of fire, all these torches lit up every corridor and on a blue lit stage stood the silhouette of a 12 foot Jackel humanoid.
All to obvious I asked “Anpu? Is that you?”
Then a low booming almost draconian voice echoed throughout the hall.
“It is I, the one your culture has come to call Anubis. And I will help you in your ascent and healing, Aeon. Do you know what is special about these scales???”
“They show how heavy is your heart.” I replied
“And open a doorway to your healing” Anubis added
“All you need do is receive it.”
Hesitant I began to reach out my hand but stopped before touching the scales. I knew they were reserved for the dead.
A little amused Anubis chuckled. “Aeon stop fretting, do you see a feather on here yet?” Then he grabbed my hand (he was freezing) and pulled it to contact with the base of the scales.
I was teleported again only this time to my elementary school as a child. Before me on the wall was a LARGE green and blue dragonfly on the wall, larger than both my hands.
My aww was soon replaced by fear as I heard a parade of stampeding children running through the hallway.
Afraid for it’s life and sure that the kids would innocently destroy the magnificent being I craddled the dragonfly and began running it to the outside.
The children eager to touch it kept grabbing and swatting attempting to get it out of my hands. Afraid for it’s very life I held it high and a gust of wind took it from me and it fell to the ground.
The children parted, but one child in particular accidentally stepped on it’s wing and tail. Dislodging it at the tiniest point on the edge.
Distraught and angered I scolded the children, shaming them for their ignorance and disregard for the sanctity of life. ““Now it would die!!!”” I explained. It it was all their fault.
Crying I craddled the dragonfly and carried it outside while the children stood there frozen, on the brink of crying themselves.
I set the dragonfly in a bush as it attempted to fly to no avail. I foolishly hoped that it might somehow heal but knew deep inside it wouldn’t. Debating on whether or not to end it’s life in a mercy kill I awoke in bed.
Now I’m stuck trying to figure out the symbolism and how it helps me…
And officially I’ve found the name of the new familiar to be named Tenebrous, was a little hard making it out nights ago but I’m glad to finally have established a connection. We’ll see how well he gets along with Atul and Desirae in the coming weeks.
Also gotta new scy pit for spellfire dedicated to Sobek however I haven’t gotten around to using it yet because of summer course load. Will post pics once I can
No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit. — Helen Keller
I finally feel as though I’m healing, nearing the final steps of feeling whole again…
And now I’ve come across a dilemma as my newly acquired friend who is actually not tenabru, or tenebrous but the demon Tenebrion whispers something that stops me from completing the cycle.
Just as I’m returning to forgoing attachment and forgetting trauma and moving on with my life which I truly believe is necessary for me to heal, Tenebrion beckons me back to darkness. Telling me that I may heal but it will cost me my hunger
My will to accomplish my goals and then I will amount to nothing.
Is this true?
Or are attachments chains?
I’m so close but still holding on to what drives my anger and my hatred just because of these words.
Yet it terrifies me because healing is like coming home, feeling such a high of self value that Im whole again…
Is there a way to stay disciplined without attachment? It’s true my pain makes me very dissatisfied with where I am… And it is a strong ally in motivating me to keep my current situation in flux and ever changing… sprinting down the path to my goals in life.
Without it I would still be homeless, jobless in a toxic relationship in another state with old problems and lost people who have no motivation in life… and definitely not about to receive a bachelor’s for microbiology and cell science.
I would have never gotten a house or out of the darkest place in my life.
But after feeling a glimpse of the healing of letting go and not caring I feel like mabye the good feeling of wholeness and no attachment is like a crack addiction or drug just waiting to steal my drive and fortitude.
But being “whole” is so hard to let go of in itself.
There is much conflict in me now and I have to meditate on this. But the darkness grows
Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness. — Jean Vanier
Ask again later
The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. — Carl Jung
I believe that we are fundamentally the same and have the same basic potential. — Dalai Lama
Flow state, aligned with my ascension. Spiritual pings. Vibrations.
Because I need to bring all of it into and stay in the present.
Signs point to yes
Are these vibrations real/legit and am I supposed to use them to drive that effort. Aka is it contact?