@demon quote
There are things so deep and complex that only intuition can reach it in our stage of development as human beings. — John Astin
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I had the most enlightening journey last night.
I came back to being devoured by Nidhogg as my last adventure left off.
But something unsuspected happened.
I felt as though after being eaten and swallowed by the dark I transcended space and time to where what values and ideas I had about existence had little meaning. I turned to the gatekeepers, Hecate, Woden even my guides I hold most dear, and they dissolved into vibrations of what I can only call a river.
It was as if every name we’ve assigned to “God” or anything “other”, was a current in a stream and although some moved in unison with each other others moved against each other untill they found equilibrium but they were always in motion.
This stream of “existence” for lack of a better term was one of many and some were light or higher in vibrations and some were darker or lower. some were simply lesser versions of light and dark and some were in between.
But I felt once these deities and spirits joined with these rivers they developed a sense of being that made them alien to what we think they are. It was like every vibration of a name we’ve attached to gods/demons/spirits and our thoughts about them was child’s play.
These streams met at a pool of light swirling mass like a lake in the shape of a galaxy and although it was alive it was less like and individual thinking entity and more like an energy beyond comprehension and although singular in nature was made up of everything comprehendible including us.
I wished to communicate or commune with it like I would a god or spirit but I felt my effort would be futile as it had lost all resemblance of an individual deity and more or less was the essence of existence itself. Both light and dark and chaos and life.
Subconsciously I tried to make all the sense of this in my head as why it would manifest in so many lesser forms like gods or ideologies or anything really.
And as soon as the thought hit my head I heard a loud yet comforting response.
“TO COMMUNICATE… WITH YOU…”
as I looked up startled I was back in front of Nidhogg as the words seemed to come from him.
Then I awoke.
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Well Ive made an offering to Khnum as I have been accepted into the Temple of Ascending Flame. However my sleep paralysis has stopped and I haven’t experienced anything divine for a bit.
Just having dreams right now which is fine. Long consecutive dreams I haven’t experienced in awhile. Deep sleep and waking up renewed may be worth the trade. Sometimes sleep paralysis takes a break for a bit. The longest stride was quit a few years so we’ll see how long this peace lasts.
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So I’m coming to another growth in my spiritual development now that I’m working out the hardcore shadow working and edgy backlash to Christianity and any organized religion.
I feel as though there are as many truths as there are that religion and freedom of expression manifest. However this gives me more of a sense of wellbeing now vs a frightened sense of scrambling to find meaning or belonging.
I now know you cannot judge a spiritual path or practice fully without learning it and embracing it for a time
However I also recognize energy is contagious and spend enough time somewhere you will start to match it’s vibration and see it’s truth.
Thus I’ve come to the conclusion that life is about experiences and gaining knowledge and understanding through them.
Releasing my attachment to finding something real and instead choosing to find the “real” in small trinkets in each and every path I’ve started to let my imagination go and finding passion in unorthodox teachings. Here’s my latest experiment. Meditation on the fictional “force” in starwarzing and finding even hidden meanings in it…
Enjoy 
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Add: I’m pretty sure this is easily referenced taoism however there’s nice western twists to it including individualism.
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Just had a fantastic Tarot draw with Leviathan. Very informative over the next few weeks. This oraculum leviathan spread is really showing me breaking some chains and changing cakes so keep your fingers crossed for me
First we have the princess of wands witch I take as me in my initial phrases of the draconian path. Eager to start and ready for where the journey takes me.
As it continues on it will undoubtedly get a little rough but I’m going to take a day to meditate over each card and it’s meaning so I can get the full experience. This is for the coming months to do it won’t ask happen tomorrow
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I feel this draw is heavily influenced by Lilith and the Draconian current I am initiating in through ascending flame.
The tower and the utter destruction associated with it is me my school, my grades and my microbiology and my infernal empire as a whole.
I’ve set down this path with a drastic career change and manifested my way out of a city, job and path that would have ended in oblivion. I’ve begun using my gi benefits and pursuing the ultimate goal for research in the smallest areas of the universe and expanding our knowledge of the genome, microbes and world’s just out of eyesight that the average man remains oblivious too.
However I’ve grown complacent and procrastination reigns freely.
I will come to terms with this and begin anew with the motivation and drive to not just obtain the bare minimum but excel and set my self on fire once again in the ever pursuit of knowledge and expansion.
Change is the only constant
I will succeed.
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Sooooo Lilith is literally slowly taking her place as like 
I’m really not sure how to describe it.
Everyone likes to associate her with sex but I’m telling you she can be a teacher on so many other levels. Pushing me to succeed and teaching me like a Sith Grandmaster I feel like we are going i accomplish many great things.
Some of it comes out of the blue to like sending me to learn about cellular mitosis from… Hmmm lovecraftian entities 
so be it. 
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Wow, really interesting, so how do I kill myself or as you said the ‘death rebirth ritual’, what is it and how to… I’m truly interested/serious and would be truly grateful for the knowledge.
Lilith and Arachne praise be. I feel my old life being torn away and devoured by the void as I am renewed by your fire and in the darkness I will glow.
I’m feeling young again and living in the moment. I will apply this to my studies as best I can and I will succeed. May we do great things together.
Many worlds and perceptions exist in the microcosm just as the macrocosm and through understanding that which goes unbeknownst to the daily traveler we will uncover so many great secrets to chemistry alchemy and the biosphere.
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Arachne’s teachings are definitely starting to mold me. Last night I found awoke to find a netlike web surrounding me, guarding me and protecting me from shadows.
I can still sense it there throughout the day and with depression I am slowly recognizing intrusive thoughts, toxic situations and parasitic people getting caught or pinging my web. Then I subdue the thought and forget about it.
Hopeful I can master this at to maintain a near 100% focus on my higher self
Hail Arachne
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Yet again a startling revelation from the Great Mother of spiders. I awoke and my bed was suspended in a web. However was not afraid.
I recognized this dark giant cave like room from my childhood and thought it had been simply a long forgotten dream.
I haven’t awoke on this web since I was around 4-5 years old and I cherished every month moment as if remembering something long forgotten.
Above me and out of the darkness lowered the Great Spider Goddess. I was gripped with fear yet comfort. Probably fear out of a simple respect and understanding of the power in which I was in the presence of. But comfort like that from a mother who would do terrible things to anything that threatened her child.
She suspended herself from the ceiling and lowered towards me ever so slowly and gracefully as if without effort and in a ghost like fashion.
“Greetings my child. We haven’t spoken for awhile.”
Not sure of how to respond I simply said, “No??.. I mean no… No we haven’t.”
The rest of the conversation went a little along these lines.
“I’ve come here to congratulate you”
“Congratulate me? For what?”
Arachne waved her hand and from the dark corner of the room came a wrapped mummified figure hanging from her threads. It was imprisoned to where only it’s faceless head showed.
It was exactly like the faceless shadows that attack me in sleep paralysis and through Arachne I have come to the realization that these beings in particular are ME. Or rather my fears manifested in Astral.
This being is my shadow.
And I have suspended it with webs of intention trying to hide it.
“But why congratulate me on hiding and imprisoning my shadow? Is it like the extent of not letting my fears control me or something?”
Arachne smiled with a sinister chuckle and replied
“Oh not at all my little Aeon. I congratulate you on this…” She turned to the shadow “setting him free!!!”
She gave it a wave of her hand and the mummification began to snap and unravel. One by one the very bindings that kept it subdued crackled and popped open. I began to feel fear. Real fear as if all my fears of every aspect of my life had manifested in front of me. The faceless dark mass grew in strength and unravelled in a furry. Screaming screeching, roaring!!!
In a moments notice it sprinted towards me at a mad pace of empowerment and purpose. And just before its gangly claws touched my flesh I spoke out with a commanding voice of my future self.
“STOP!!!”
And it froze…
“Bow!!!”
And it kneeled.
"Good… " Arachne whispered.
“Use him, he is you and an extension of yourself whether you care to admit it. Use your fears to propell you towards your goals. But never allow them to control you. Remember Aeon, YOU are the commander and THEY are the instrument only to serve you and never subdue you.”
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Invoking trance state I am closer than ever to establishing a solid link to my ascended self. I hope this allows me a deeper connection to staying grounded in my path and obtaining my goals in alignment and vibrational synchronicity with my future/higher self and the greatest good.
I continue to learn and grow. I send healing positive messages to myself in the past when I was going through trials and tribulations.
Thus I have increased substantially the power of messages I receive from my future self in the present.
I’m eternally grateful to have these when going through life’s struggles and trials and I give thanks to my future self for having the patience to teach me now in my state of ignorance and lifetimes of growth.
With the help of Shemyaza, giver of names, caller of remembrance and knower of God names I have had the honor and blessing of remembering my Magic God name from beyond the veil.
And with the help of the Great Spider Goddess I am able to weave my sigil for magic workings in remembrance of who I am.
Hail, welcome and eternal thanks to my guides and teachers as I transcribe my sigil for a more empowering connection.
I am a living God, I am Aeon, I am here on Purpose and Nothing will stand in my way. Hail the infernal empire. The Sigil making has started and will continue to grow.
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I can Say I am truly happy with my latest workings through Lilith, Naamah, Arachne and the Reverse Qliphoth.
I am finding deeper meaning in my Ascended self communing with Aeon or more accurately I find meaning in the spelling Æon and have thus changed my Shadowlogs title name.
I am breaking away and intend on releasing any chains put on my by my shadow self. In order to become truly grey I must understand fully the light as well as the dark. This can only be done by fully embracing one in total absence of the other and then vice versa. (A very reckless violent yet necessary step I must add).
As such I am taking a dive into fully embracing the Qliphoth and the tunnels of Arachne and Set and already feel my world being torn apart.
I have to FIGHT for my intellectual goals and my head is splitting. I am going to get an MRI done on my brain as Ive found myself having Myoclonic jerks throughout the day whilst fully awake. Most of the time just the paralysis without the jerk and I’ll feel the falling sensation like before sleep.
This is often accompanied by the tingling ringing sensation at the base of the skull before sleep paralysis. Not sure what it means for my health or if I’m developing delayed myoclonic epilepsy later in life or if there’s an underlying neurological issue but it’s got me scared.
Even still if it’s induced by my path and an awakening consciousness then I embrace it and whatever pain it entails. I will not be denied and I will not quit as I’ve already seen the worst life has to offer and staring death in the face he blinked.
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During this phase I am going farther then just renouncing my childhood chains of Christianity (I did that as a child hail Satan …) But I’m conducting a full reverse baptism to undo the makings of what was imposed as a child.
Being pushed into baptism at camp and thinking it would cure me of all the things I hated about myself not because it was wrong but because of Christianities imposed brainwashing, degrading and ignorance. I’m no longer a victim of their ideologies for being gay, a witch, or anything else they seek to impose.
Too many friends were sent to camps for elctroconversion therapy but I dare them to try it on me now. They’ll find a fight from hell and legions of demons who care about my eternal ascent wreck havoc on their fragile fake reality.
In honor of my troubled shadow self, my childhood shade, that little kid crying in the corner, a mirror of my former I invoke this energy and lyrics to express my ill content for that which has oppressed me in the past
This song is about a relationship of boy speaking to his partner about lack of communication but I find it easily synonymous with my relationship to god and I find their song to be a perfect image of me screaming at him on why he won’t answer my questions for why I’m unworthy in his eyes when he has flawed logic.
Asking Alexandria
The black
““Bury me, just leave me to sleep in the dirt
Finish me, I’m floating away
There’s a demon staring straight through your eyes
Am I wasting my time?
Something’s dying inside of me
You make me feel like I’m fucking drowning
(I need to cut you out, I need to cut you out)
You made my world come crashing down around me
(I need to cut you out)
Oh God I wish you’d just speak to me
Black is all that I see
Speak to me
You used to be all that I needed
I’ve been crucified and hung out to dry
Yet my heart still beats and I feel so alive
This time I’ll fight for myself as you try to fuck me over
I bet you never cared, I knew you never cared
You make me feel like I’m fucking drowning
(I need to cut you out, I need to cut you out)
You made my world come crashing down around me
(I need to cut you out)
Speak to me
Black is all that I see
Speak to me
You used to be all that I needed
I need to cut you out, I need to cut you out
I need to cut you out, I need to cut you out
I wish you could save me, there’s something lost inside
I’m scared it might kill me
All my life I’ve needed you with me
You’ve always let me down
But still I try
Don’t leave me here
I need you around (don’t turn your back on me)
Lift my feet off the ground (I can’t cut you out)
Your tongue like a knife
Your eyes cut like daggers
I don’t feel a thing 'cause I’m so dead inside
Lift my feet off the ground
Don’t leave me here
I need you around””
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It is decidedly so
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So I’ve got a new demon familiar now and after finding this xenomorph looking badass I cant figure out his name.
After establishing a line of communication as well it was garbled like the memory of the horcrux in Harry Potter as if some one has messed with the communication.
So far all I could make out was tananbru or tenabro 