Today Iāve had a Dream, and Iāve just woke up with intense thoughts,
memories inside me, from this āDreamā.
In this Dream, Iāve talked with my beloved Patron (after long weeks, finally) Abaddon. Hmā¦ no, it wasnāt really ātalkingā. He just spoke to me - oh, Dear, He is really likes just telling things.
Iāve had several questions, about my shields and curses - because I simply canāt sense curses at all in negative ways (even when I knew about them, just like in the case of my JoS ex boyfriendās), and some of them backfired, or canāt reach me. Lucifer told me things about this when Iāve asked for, but I felt that He want hold this ājobā to an another Deity: which was Abaddon, my beloved Patron. 
Why would you waste these guided energies towards you with keeping them outside, if you got the power to make them yours, and use these as your own?
It makes sense. Not only because it is logical and clearly a very good strategy even when it seems āpassiveā (trust me, it isnāt - youāll see, why), but because based on what Abaddon told me that:
- I have this power already from my birth, so when I was 14 years old, the reason why I was able to repulse this group attack controlled by my ex-boyfriend was, because Iāve already used this strategy outside my consciousness, and after Iāve hit a new level of strenght (supported by this group), Iāve just simply āattacked backā, focused on the leader, to scare his sheeps away - but this was a āgiftā to me, from my Godself, and I was worthy to It.
What does it means?
It means that you can grows faster when you are able to āswallowā every incoming energies, make them yours, and if even when these energies are stronger than you momentarily, you will able to deal with them more faster, you just have to do it, take your time and grow until youāve became enough strong to - if you want - stop that mess.
ā¦Or you can decide to use these curses, and grow faster while you can focus on your practices, or whatever you wish for or want.
After all, I can see in my everyday life that this strategy was always mine, Iāve brought it with me - and things connected to this has always enthralled me - I felt them close to me. But even in the phyical world, Iāve got the feeling that I have to feed from everything and everyone (plant, animal or even humans: no matter) - and no limits: only the cause!
Why Iām almost unable to sense curses?
You are able to sense them. Theyāre gave you a big power raise.
(And how I remembered back, yes, He was right! I was able to sense these positive changes every times - but Iāve focused on senseing ānegativeā ones. I was wrong. But He was rightā¦ from an exact point on my life, Iāve started to do it, just didnāt realized what am I doing really.)
Thank you for this knowledge to You, beloved Abaddon!
Your presence and attention Honor to me.
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Every Deity has their own strong suits. Some of Them (for example Abaddon Himself) will getting bored very fast if you want to work with Him about something what doesnāt interest Him.