well the thing is i already tryed contacting what I thought was an egregore when I got this abstract stuck in my head so many months ago. i wound up going so far up the chain in a dream walk that I saw something far beyond what I was looking for. and to this day I still enjoy conversations with this diety,though to call it a diety would be a stretch given its nature defys easy classification.specifically. apeiron,a bit like a rationalized form of “xaos”. everything and all of existence crammed into one point of indeterminate size.
yet this was not what I was looking for. i am seeking something incredibly specific,that being a deification of anti-nature.a god of paradoxes. i am hoping by cross reference to build a consensus objective truth of the impossibly possible o.o
this comes right back around to the new chakra system I’m trying to build,the third is essentially a deification of the practitioner’s will as a god-like caricature,not so far up as to be a classical god,but far enough up that it’s god-like. that it can simply be placed in the void of non-existence and it will be so strong that it can manifest itself in reality with no external influence needed
this act would be something which would empower this diety of the unnatural (working name) yet it would not be conscious intent,as that can only be done by something that exists,and this act would rip and rend mother nature to submit it to a stronger willpower
perhaps it harkens to a more fundamental question
all acts committed by humans,whether sane or insane,good or evil,or somewhere in between,are always motivated by something. in the case of truly abhorrent acts this is usually because the person has “convinced” themselves that this is right,or this is right for them,or provides some benefit realized for them now or in the future,or something they consider to be themselves like there kin or there people.
but…
there is nothing at all preventing a human being choosing to do something terrible simply for the sake of doing something terrible,not because it feels good,for the self or others,not because it will provide any kind of real or imagined benefit to themselves or something they consider to be themselves,but simply because it shouldn’t . to choose to do something because its wrong,not some kind of silly petulent thing like a teenager does,which is the teenager convincing themselves that it is right “because it exercises my feel good freedom” (or so they think it does).but like this
“oh i have a choice of doing two things,one will make things better for me and my people,while the other will simply makes thing worse for me and my people,i tell you what,ill do the wrong thing simply because its wrong,no other reason”
yet,it turns out that this wrong thing so called prevented a calamity and altered circumstances in a way that was in the end beneficial,yet there was no way for the person making the choice to know that,either spiritually or otherwise.so they chose to do something wrong because it was wrong and yet by objective truth above and beyond human knowhow,it was right by a god’s reckoning
humans are capable of doing many a strange thing,and choosing to do something wrong for no other reason than its wrong and wont benefit you in any way,feel good or be right or otherwise,is amongst those.
it is the choice that is important,not the consequence,placing humanity,or the thing that we have childishly labeled humanity,above mother nature,with the idea that mother nature is a soulless and cruel abomination,hostile to life as a whole,as the most natural thing of all is entropy,the tendency of order to flow into chaos.
where this diety would seek to turn chaos into order, the reversal of causality
omnis ex nihilo,nihilo ex omnis,ego ultra ambo, ego anathema
that is the best way i can put it