@Lady_Eva. I gladly accept any assistance in any format. I’m fairly certain my feelings stem from childhood, you know the whole story already so why tell it. If I may speak in the parlance of our times, it fucked me up man. I’ve also recently gotten sober which is also having an effect I’m sure. 141 days today. But I also feel that knowing more about myself would help, I need to work on opening up even to myself. But that’s not really a thing I’m comfortable with. I’m not warm and whatnot. I’ve even got “STAY COLD” tattooed on my body. Hopefully this was a proper reply and not just exposition on my part.
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Yeah you’re probably going to have emotional lability for a while, things seeming to take on massive importance one moment, then feel a bit ridiculous you felt that way the next? 
You don’t necessarily need to open up emotionally right now, just have a think what underlies the emotions, what beliefs exist that you might want to revise. Go easy on yourself, it doesn’t need to be all completed “perfectly” in one session (in fact I would go so far as to say that’s least likely to be helpful), but instead, when you find a strong feeling comes up, interrogate it a bit and ask what it is comparing you to, what the “should” is, what images it has of you now versus where you “should” be, and so on.
All your reactions are probably rational though, it’s just the old “garbage in, garbage out” thing to do with underlying programming and ideas being incorrect.
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PS did I link you this? I apologise for asking but I talk about this topic so often having been there myself, that I loose track: Coconut Oil for Alcohol Addiction? - EFT - Live Your Dream
You may find it helpful.
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Thank you @Lady_Eva and no you hadn’t linked to that, but I will read it. I’m going through a fair bit at the moment. If ever you have the time and inclination I’d be willing to speak on it with you as you seem to be extremely understanding.
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The short version is this, I was looking for a more concise site:
Here’s more – the acetic acid that is produced as a metabolite of ethanol consumption is a highly preferred source of fuel for the brain. Many alcoholics will actually experience the ‘coming to life’ of many brain cells while drinking, as the insulin resistant cells can no longer absorb glucose, and have resorted to acetic acid as their lifeline. As ketones have the same ability, coconut oil is currently being studied as an extremely promising cure to alcoholism.
Vinegar tends to come in bottles that some people can find triggering, although pickles may look and feel safer, but coconut oil is a completely different look, feel, taste etc., so maybe giving it a try will be helpful.
I’m more solution-oriented most of the time than a “good listener” who makes sympathetic noises, but yes, if you want to PM me, you’re welcome to do so.
I find judgement of addiction farcical, all people given these substances past a certain point (which varies slightly by individual, but not by much) WILL become addicted, and undergo specific changes to their actions and thought processes in trying to meet what, in that moment, especially when stressed, feels very like a life-or-death need.
But of course, it’s not, it’s actually trying to kill you, and in a really ugly way that will likely revolve around dying in a hospital, craving the stuff until your dying breath. So, don’t go there. 
Getting some solid new habits, and things to fill that gap will help.
This was my old post about my own experiences, again forgive me for not recalling if I linked you this: Magick and booze - #4 by Lady_Eva
Why I think magicians often get addicted:
And finally this:
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This is a great deal of information, but I’ve honestly tackled the drinking through will power alone. Sense of pride for adding another sober day. Also sparkling water helps. Your bit about being overwhelmed resonated deeply. I’ve never been one to go in slightly. Especially when I drank, if I wasn’t completely obliterated what wad the point? I needed to turn my mind off so I could more efficiently ignore my thoughts and feelings. I’ve always told myself “we don’t have time to feel that. Let’s push it back and we’ll handle it later.” But I don’t. I’ve also on a mildly related note always referred to myself as "we, us, let’s " etc, in my head when talking to myself. It never seemed strange until right now that I’m calling it out.
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Yes! I have a friend got sober using that, it’s a good route. 
You got this, I didn’t mean to complicate things, just putting some ideas up. I didn’t use anything like coconut oil myself.
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No probs, you’re welcome. 
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You might enjoy Tarot, as a tool to understand yourself deeper. I just ordered a giant (almost 900pg) book about using the Tarot for personal growth & can’t wait to get it & dive in. Asking questions about yourself or your feelings or why you do things the way you do can get you thinking & lead to some answers. And all the archetypal imagery of the Tarot can help you connect to codified emotions & ideas.
However, I’ve personally found the best way to understand myself & my emotions is through dreams. I think keeping a dream journal may be beneficial for you. Even if you don’t remember your dreams very often, once you have one dream or a snippet of a dream you remember, analyze it & try to figure out the symbolism. Write it down. The more you think about & write about your dreams, the more you seem to have & the better at it you get (it can even get you to the point of lucid dreaming which is super fun).
Anyway, I was just responding to the divination part. If you ever want to chat, just PM me. I’m open to talking with you & I try to be a helpful sort of person.
CONGRATULATIONS on your sobriety!!! Keep it up, man! One day at a time! Hugs!
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I recommend getting your Vedic astrology chart done. That will tell u what u need to know & guide u.
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I’ll look into it.