“Tasa Lirach Welch Belial” the enn had been emanating from my lips for the last 30 minutes and had taken on a very vibratory quality about itself, I felt the heat of the Sacred Flame wrapping itself around the temple and sensually convalescing with the supersonic particles infused with my intent and emotion bouncing off of the temple walls, offering the Sons of the Lawless one refuge within our slowly vibrating plane, inviting them to take shape in our reality, and they did, one by one, my visualizations became more spontaneous, more vivid, A crowd of imposing and cloaked wraiths had gathered round my gibbering husk, as that which is divine in me tore the veil between the here, and the not here, apart.
My attention was brought to the physical momentarily, and I noted that one candle, the right one, had in fact extinguished itself, or had been extinguished by something else. I turned my attention to the temple and its guests, and greeted them fondly, we had a lot to do.
I wont mince words, or attempt to be poetic describing the affects of this ritual and in fact I am instead going to bullet point what occurred, because to be honest if their was an overall theme to my 3 days with the familiars of Belial, I have not fully uncovered it as of yet, though I have a few hunches.
The most immediate affect of the working occurred right before the ritual was closed, In giving my orations to the spirits, I spilled candle wax on myself, eerily enough the wax splattered on Belials sigil and a goodly portion stained my floor, and an even larger smattering scalded my legs, the odd occurrence being that both the sigil, and floor wax maintained a liquid viscosity, the wax that touched me “shelled up” not burning me as badly as it could of, and took on the consistency of dead skin. This could be a normal occurrence but the instant transmutation of the substance is what first surprised me, like it occurred on contact with no delay and not as a process.
The next day can really only be described as euphoric. I felt like I had woken up from a long, and foggy dream. As I walked to the gym, I looked up at the grey sky and was suddenly hit with the strangest feeling, I just thought to myself, “Damn, I’m glad to be alive.” as if I realized that I had been “not incarnate” for a very long time, and was just now realizing how good it was to be on this plane. During my workout itself, I could feel the familiars with me, and I utilized them to lift much more than I had before effortlessly, the heavy breathing and endorphin rush of the exercise left me in a potent, and accidentally achieved, TSG, during which I felt the distinct presence of at least 4 individual spirits, which pleased me greatly. My will seemed to be wrought on its own, and especially if I directly asked the familiars it would be done, people I did not want to see where driven away from me, enemies subdued their rage as if on a primal level they could hear the digestive system of the hell mouths salivating to dominate their very souls if I gave the word, I was truly the happiest and most fulfilled that day than I had been in a very long time.
The day after is admittedly foggy, though I do recall making sure to keep the sigil on me, I also preformed a ritual, and it took me a good 10 minutes to remember what for just now.
My last day with the familiars was very difficult. All of the clarity I achieved turned to dismay, I was risen to the heights of self-actualization, and was promptly shattered, the presences that had filled me with such elation upon arrival grated upon my sub-conscious, their darkness infecting me. However I beared with it, and took the opportunity to skry and I again, was at the gym, which houses a long mirror, attempting to to reclaim that power that had pulsed from the depths of my being only hours before, but that seemed an eternity removed from my present mind-state, this is what I saw:
Static covered my face as I deliberately unfocused my eye’s, and not long after an ethereal blackness covered that static like a forest fire’s smog, and in that smog formed a face layered across my own, a beautiful woman with long black hair, red lips and face-paint looked out at me, startled, I broke my concentration, and tried again, and she did appear, exactly as before.
Then, a man in tribal facepaint, appeared layered over my face, his visage became that of a skull layered over my own image which I was gazing into, not panicking as I had before, I let this image stay, controlling my breathing, not finding a reason to move, I let the skull sit there and I knew it symbolized a death of some sort, hopefully only a death of my bad habits, and even more hopefully a rebirth, I was very concerned at the vision and considered asking for help on the forums about it but decided against it, however if you have any ideas or intuitions please do tell.
The next part is where things really get weird. Feeling a little bit more like my self, I decided to keep pushing and to see what I could uncover, I repeated the process, and eventually a Hebrew symbol resembling a "y’ appeared and I heard the word “yessed”
(Important Side note: I have been running into copies of the Zohar, and jewish mysticism in my day to day life, and I attribute this to the first demon of the path Martal, as indeed the things of the dark have come to me.)
I knew that a sephirot bore a similar name, but I had found myself quite dissapointed with kaballah, and Hebrew magic altogether finding it a self-deprecating, and essentially, well, judeo/judeo-christian hodge-podge of white light morality and some esoteric ideas.
I did however look into the closest sephirot that the voice could have meant, and that is Chesed, the sephirot of love and good-will.
I dont want to detail the realease of Belials familairs back to the acausal because I feel that this is long enough as is, however I did feel a real sadness in dismissing them as if I was saying good-bye to very close friends, this sadness even out-weighed the grief described in the Introduction to Darkness rite, as it was not a sadness of unfulfilled power lust, but a good-bye, it was surprising to me at the time, considering how, frankly, the presence of the familiars could not be shaken off my etheric bodies quickly enough just before the ritual.
Since then, I have felt at time’s overwhelming compassion(!) and the urge to work with white light entities, mixed with a feeling of apathy. I don’t know if that was just the result of being introduced to Zohar energy currents… Or Belial was/is telling me to work with angels? Like I said, I’m not sure.
However as usual, writing this out has helped me detail, and document my own thoughts on this working, When all is said and done, I really recommend going through this path-working, I wanted and was expecting, to receive a message or advice that I could make “the moral of the story” from this last teacher, however Belial has proven to take a more mysterious approach to things.
EDIT: During the day that the Chesed energies where upon me most heavily, I saw a rainbow, in the eastern sky, and the setting sun in the west, and was stricken by the glory of it all, in a positive way realizing that I had created all of this on some level, and that hell stood at my left hand, heaven to my right. That was the main message of that day, the happiness and elation was also more apersonal, as if removed from me in some subtle fashion. If I had to chose, I would take the ecstasy of power that the familiars offered me that “grey” day, the darkness that day, only seemed to make “strong” or more vibrant colors seem more alive, over the glory of the rainbow and golden sun filled with good-will towards my fellow man and appreciation of natures beauty. But I think the point is to experience both. Maybe Belial was illustrating that mortals are both darkness and light, and that trying to alienate one or the other was on some level, going to result in self-denial and self-loathing which will take you no where fast. If I had to make an educated guess, maybe Belial was poignantly illustrating what most of us here already intellectually comprehend, it sounds a little like a platitude even as I type it, but I think it holds water nonetheless and warrants repeating
Use both hands and accept yourself for all that you are.