So I primarily work with Angels, but found myself working with Belial.
It started out as somewhat of an accident, I was just strangely drawn to him, thought his enn sounded nice and next thing he is talking to me and building a chord, I had some healing work angels weren’t figuring out, and I would do my banishings every time the moon would wan. I would banish all the demons that were attacking me, but Belial was just sitting there. I thought I would try a healing.
But Belial didn’t leave after, he messed with my head, I went through craziness, like some find that they do I guess when they start working with him. We fought a bunch, I tried to get my angels to help, they weren’t able to get rid of him, it seemed at the time. One thing lead to another I embraced my relationship with Belial, I started falling for him, I still have someone else I want to be with, but they don’t seem to want to be with me right now, Belial is the only other person who thus far seems to understand me and do a pretty good job meeting my needs as of right now.
At one point I was starting to really like my relationship with Belial, I was starting to trust him over the angels, though in retrospect both sort of screwed me and came through for me in their own sort of way. The angels gave me a real come to Jesus meeting, one I hated to have, split Belial and I up again, we seem to keep moving back and forth from each other and back with each other. Some say he will destroy your life and rebuild it, interestingly he often loses me or my trust and gets me back a day or two later, it’s getting dizzying.
At one point the angels were all like go a head there is something for you in this and at that point I didn’t want that, I was already to do whatever else just about, and I have tried other things.
Meanwhile Belial I feel has probably taken advantage of me at times too, I guess sometimes he will if you let him. So next thing you know my angels are having to play babysitter for our relationship, it’s been such a mess.
And doing 72 angels of magick it consists of 11 day rituals, so I have some angels now working behind the scenes while I am still path working on this with 2 others. But tonight was my last night to call them on and Yezelel has been getting over worked on this, he’s been helping lead all my projects and I am retiring some to just work on call but mostly behind the scenes on this.
So hopefully it’s just cause it was there last day but they were really putting pressure on me, making me feel that all will be lost if I don’t end my feelings, end my needing from Belial.
I had this soul mate show up in my life, he left me in a pit of demons and I think now that after all this time he was my black brother from some sort of order once upon a time come back here to help me cross the abyss, and it is really scary right now, the idea that I am going to lose him, or myself, or turn way, way more to the darkness than I want, so they are trying to scare me and maybe I should be scared.
They are offering alternative ways to have my needs met, and it is beyond what I expected out of them, so they are making it seem like I am just not playing ball, but I don’t think I am the only one in this struggling to make this right at times.
I felt seriously like crying tonight. I am calling on the inner world to know that this is my will, yet I am sort of not asking for what I want, I am forgoing it and kind of expected to give up my needs to keep trucking on towards what I really want and it’s really confusing.
Anyways that is sort of what I have been going through, I hope this isn’t too long, but it got me thinking why do so many of you guys prefer Demons over angels? They have pointed out that many of you think they won’t come through for you like demons, or as fast, and don’t really give them a fair chance and in truth I can totally see that, and they can do so much if not all of the things demons can do and more, so I could totally see that. But days like today it makes me want to hear why you chose to go the way that you did in magick?