It’s not so much that Lilith scares me. It’s sexuality in general.
I’ve never had a good relationship with my own sexual desires. When I first started having them, they were just strange and alien. I discovered my first fetish early on in Middleschool, then actually learnt what a fetish was in highschool. In college I actually tried to date, but I ended up making girls feel uncomfortable. I grew anxious, then angry, then depressed. And now I watch porn, feeling like the girls in the videos are syphoning my energy. My YouTube feed is filled with this Mgtow crap. I feel like an Incel.
Sexuality is…complicated. It involves a lot of things, more than just attraction. I wish it was just about attraction, even though I don’t feel attractive. However, it’s more about communication. As in, how and when to approach a woman, things to say how to say them, how to express a sexual interest without making her feel objectified (cause that seems to be a big thing now), how to read cues to know if she’s into you vs not into you (sometimes “just being nice” or teasing can come off as flirting), how to tell if she’s just using you (as that has happened to me before), or how to give consent or tell if you have consent (as that is such an important issue). And communication is not my strong suit.
Plus as an adult, I’ve become aware of several threatening things from under age girls getting into bars, false accusations, stds, and a variety of other stuff. So, let’s add telling age and intent to that list of communication issues. And unfortunately, I find that it can be hard to tell the difference between women in their 20s and girls in their teens. Plus, there’s legal issues also.
I’m not only concerned for my own safety, but also with how I come across to women. Being on the spectrum can mean it is very easy to cross boundaries without knowing. And that can get you into lots of trouble. Especially when sexual feelings are thrown into the mix.
As of a year ago, I began setting ground rules to protect myself from women, and them from me. I don’t touch or be touched by them, maintain 6 feet of distance, keep those I find attractive to the corner of my gaze if not on the outside, keep hands behind my back when Near them, and I just don’t actively approach them at all. I tend to find that it’s best to just assume that a woman does not want attention. Always keep a distance. Obviously this hurts me quite a lot.
I also try to look at it through their perspective, or what I was taught was their perspective. One rule I have is that if I feel like approaching a woman, or complimenting her, whatever I’m gonna say she’s heard it before, and I’ll just be another stranger bothering her when she wants to be left alone. They have the right to not be touched or bothered, and I try to respect it.
When it comes to magick, I’ve collected rituals that are about attraction. But I don’t do them. Not necessarily because of some moral issue (which there is) in making a specific woman want me when she originally didn’t want me before. But because, while I’m casting the spell on her, the act would be like giving power to her. It makes me look and feel weak to be putting in that effort. After all, how do guys look when they do stuff like that on tv. I’d rather become someone who earns a woman’s desire instead of taking it for my self. I’d rather she be the one putting in the effort to attract me. Attraction is power. That’s one law I’ve learnt in life.
As for deities and spiritual beings, I tend to leave alone those who are involved with sexuality. Why? Because I know that if I try to invoke one, even during meditation, I’m subconsciously hoping that she’ll fuck me. I won’t lie. I am aware of my animalistic nature, and sexual desire is an influential part of my being. And unfortunately, that part has proven for me to be trouble. So, therefore the laws I set into place around human women are to be upheld.
As for Lilith and her kin, she’s worse. While I won’t call her evil, some of the posts I’ve seen here about her are…kinda scary. I’ve read that Lilith can be harsh, manipulative, and even aggressive if she doesn’t like you. And I hear that how you treat women is a big deciding factor. And I’m on the fence on how I think I treat them.
If I invoke her, what I’d hope for is the ride of my life. Not only that, but that she blesses me with the same sexual charisma of her kin. Hell, my fantasy is to star in my own harem anime. Like Rosario Vampire or high school dxd. But, realistically, I believe what she’ll do is take all the fears and insecurities I have with women, sex, and dating, and hit me with them like a tidal wave. If she doesn’t vampirize me, and bleed me dry.
All in all, I’m not sure what to expect from Lilith. She pretty much does whatever she wants. Even if I could control her, I doubt I would. Protecting myself is a different story. At the moment, I’m basically leaving her alone. If she approaches me on the astral, I’d allow it, but I’d be a bit guarded.
Sexuality is a complicated subject that naturally invoked insecurities. Not only for me, but for men and women alike. But if anyone would like to share their thoughts, go ahead.
and own your own magnetism and you will attract them I’m sure 