Past influence(s) over how you’re approaching decisions in your life today: Ten of Swords together with the Three of Pentacles in reverse
Looks like a betrayal to me that you’ve suffered through and that left you somewhat paralyzed when it came to getting back on your feet. It looks like someone or the situation they brought you into was mentally abusing, with them playing the victim (like a former partner, a caregiver or a close friend). It seems to make you question the validity of your own feelings and thoughts about things in the long run.Together with the Three of Pentacles in reverse this situation might have left you with a certain amount of apathy or inability to come back to your drive and momentum.
The thing(s) you’re avoiding but need to adress in that context: Ace of Swords
“Focus”. There seems to be the urgency to focus your mind and to cut through this apathic haze, through this stagnancy with the power of your clear thoughts. You would be surprised about how intensely you are being aligned with new ideas, new beginnings, new everythings, once you have gained your minds complete clarity back.
What is making you feel different or at times not connected to the people and environment around you : Nine of Cups.
Currently you can not relate to the possibility of your own wishes coming true. You are not trusting that joy and fulfillment will come back to you and that you will celebrate your achievements. This perception is dulling your connection to your environment, to what is.
What could make you connect straight back to your environment and its people : Nine of Swords and Five of Wands
What could actually and truly bring you closer to your surroundings again: confide your feelings, your struggles, your doubts to someone. Don’t let shame mute you. Share your grief over past experiences and current pain, speak to someone. You don’t have to go through this alone.The Five of Wands gives me the feeling that you haven’t done so in the past because you had the impression that other people would not really want to listen, that they would not understand, that they are busy enough with their own weight on their shoulders. I don’t think that this is true and that you will find the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart without being afraid to burden the other person.
Where to start with breaking old patterns or habits that don’t serve you anymore : Six of Swords reversed
Do not resist necessary transitions in your life. “I can’t move on/ I can’t let go/ I am not ready yet” are the prompts that need to be thrown out of the window. Even if its uncomfortable AF for you: a rocking boat is a sign that the boat isn’t stuck.
Past influence(s) over how you’re approaching decisions in your life today: The Devil
Thats an intense card and I can tell straight away, that in the past you haven’t been provided with enough of something that you needed. This lack of something might have brought you into some kind of addiction to a certain kind of feeling. The yearning for this feeling is still present with you, without a true sense of fulfillment. (I also sense that addiction to a substance has played a role in your life, either with yourself or your immediate environment.)
The decisions in your life are currently under the influence of this lack from your past, driven by wanting to feel how its fulfillment could feel like.
The thing(s) you’re avoiding but need to address in that context: Three of Pentacles
Its time to put some stable foundations into your life. You need to get your shit together (I mean that in a really kind way) and figure out where to work harder and where to truly dedicate your efforts to. Commitment instead of daydreams will pay off in your case.
What is making you feel different or at times not connected to the people and environment around you: Four of Cups in reverse
You might have the feeling that you need to fundamentally start over with something in your life and that your environment (family and friends) might not understand your urge. It could be that you’re afraid to come off as ungrateful if you pursue a change in your life like this (the good old “Are you too good for us, now?” talk comes to mind).
What could make you connect straight back to your environment and its people: Death in reverse
Sounds brutal, but cutting off what (or who) makes you feel undeserving of change will open up the path of true inner connection to like minded people. It seems as if your current environment really resists the change that you wish for yourself. If you’re still in the situation to be dependent on this environment (because you are not stinking rich, for example) you could cut them off at least mentally, until you are ready to leave this environment for good.
Where to start with breaking old patterns or habits that don’t serve you anymore: Ten of Swords and Queen of Swords in reverse
Don’t let your environments pessimism and cynicism make you bitter, yourself. You’re not a victim and you don’t deserve to be beaten around with the same stick that the people around you have been beaten with in their past experiences. Don’t let their pain and fear become your own pain and fear.
Thank you @A_Pariah
You hit a lot of nails on the head and it’s very thought provoking.
I’ve read through what you wrote a few times tonight and will read through it again tomorrow. It’s brought quite a few things to the surface so I will let it settle overnight.
Thank you
Past influence(s) over how you’re approaching decisions in your life today : The World in reverse
So, there has been a phase in your life that you’re basically still stuck in. Maybe not physically anymore, but mentally you never left that phase. There was something in your life that devoured all of your energy and all of your attention, with no positive outcome (it doesn’t feel like a “tangible” situation for me, maybe a former insecurity or anxiety is feeding your current insecurity, now?). Because you’re still stuck with this situation in your head you have left things grow stagnant; you never really moved forward from this point, although you are theoretically freed from it. This mental block is still with you and takes a big influence in how you approach things.
The thing(s) you’re avoiding but need to address in that context: The Fool
Thats quite the cool card in this context and you probably know exactly what I’ll about to tell you: your journey has infinite potential but you need to muster up the courage to walk that path by yourself. You need to muster up the courage to be okay with not knowing what lies ahead of you and you need to muster up the courage to accept that you must be shaped by making actual experiences with the world. That might sound really generic but it needs to be addressed because I have the impression that you are locking yourself away for no reason at all.
What is making you feel different or at times not connected to the people and environment around you : The Devil in reverse
I think that you had some kind of inner awakening about what aspects of your environment (and its people) are making you feel trapped. You perceived a new vision about your role in this world and it detached you from your current environment because someone had other plans for you (I feel like this is a very family-driven topic). The anxiety that I am sensing from the reversed World card could play a role in this detachment, too.
What could make you connect straight back to your environment and its people: The Moon in reverse
I seldomly give out magical advice in my card readings, but this one yells “Release your fears!” at me. Your anxiety is currently separating you from a clear perception about you and others, overlooking all of the good stuff that you could experience. Maybe a simple whiteboarding session could help you out a little:
Where to start with breaking old patterns or habits that don’t serve you anymore: The Empress
Nurture yourself. Be kind to yourself (dealing with anxiety is building up so much pressure in itself already, its important to be your own best companion!). Know yourself. Honor your “softer” aspects. (being “soft” is not a disparagement; people who have access to compassion and kindness and understanding for others are well needed in this world)
Past influence(s) over how you’re approaching decisions in your life today : Ten of Swords
I can sense some kind of repeated backstabbing from different sources (different persons or situations with a similar pattern), bullying comes to my ear as well. This stuff must have been highly traumatic and crushing for you and it left you with a sense of “Why wasn’t I able to stop this?” in hindsight. It makes you consider being betrayed again, whenever you’re faced with a decision about something long-termish (like picking your workplace or considering if you should join group activities or get to know new people). There is always a faint phantom pain from these experiences, it seems.
The thing(s) you’re avoiding but need to address in that context: Five of Swords in reverse.
Do not feel ashamed for situations out of your control with the Ten of Swords experience. Do not feed the thoughts of “If I would have done XY differently it would have happened differently”. There is no point.
This sort of turmoil is behind you and not everyone is out to get you. You’re supposed to “get over” this (it sounds really harsh and I am talking from the readings point of view, not my personal) and to make less devastating experiences with less shitty people.
What is making you feel different or at times not connected to the people and environment around you : Ace of Pentacles
Besides the negative experiences with people in the past there is also a very tangible and material factor, when it comes to not feeling connected to your environment. Concerns about material safety (maybe you’re not living in a very safe neighbourhood or you’re having a job that is often at risk to get laid off or to face financial cuts) are disconnecting you from whats around you, in addition. (Pentacles are the suit of earth, everything rooted and grounded. There seems to be a lack of “grounded” safety for you)
What could make you connect straight back to your environment and its people: Nine of Swords and Two of Wands
Both cards came out together; in context of the overall topic of your reading I would take it as a hint that the trauma and anxiety from the Ten of Swords experience can be partly dissolved by taking planned actions in the mundane. Since material concerns seem to play a role it would be the best approach to realistically lay out your options and make a choice (maybe a new job, maybe getting an education or degree for the next better pay roll), staying focused with what is possible in that department for you. Commiting yourself to a long-term goal will connect you again to your environment without making your past trauma ever present. It could help to “deflate” your anxiety to a more manageable amount that you can tackle, when you feel more secure and grounded.
Where to start with breaking old patterns or habits that don’t serve you anymore: Five of Wands
Don’t let other peoples roughness or pettiness irritate you to a degree where you resort back into the Nine of Swords thought pattern, letting fear and traumatic memories paralyze your next steps. Other peoples egos aren’t worth such a setback.
Past influence(s) over how you’re approaching decisions in your life today : The Moon and Four of Cups in reverse
In this constellation I can see hints of “keeping up an act” or pretending something for the audience around you that you simply weren’t. Something forced you into a role (maybe a former lack of self-confidence?) that you kept up for the outside world, feeding into an illusion of yourself that wasn’t you. The Four of Cups in reverse suggests that you managed to come out of this and that you started over with the real and authentic version of yourself, though. When approaching decisions in your life you’re keeping in mind what is serving your authentic self now, and not the “role” that you played.
The thing(s) you’re avoiding but need to address in that context: The Chariot in reverse
I think that the role you have been playing in your past is sometimes still catching up with you; in a way you went along with the illusion that other people had about you, about your character, your wishes, your motivations, etc. They still “expect” this former role of you and you need to be careful to not let the control over your authentic self slip away for the sake of the outer worlds expectation towards a past version of yourself. Don’t slip back into this old role because it made things easier or more comfortable to handle. It might look easier to handle, but you’re giving away your own power with this false self.
What is making you feel different or at times not connected to the people and environment around you : The World
I see a struggle with the idea of “to belong”. Pretending to be someone you aren’t for some time has left you with a form of identity crisis. Where is your place and with what kind of people, now after you stepped into your true and authentic self?
What could make you connect straight back to your environment and its people: Eight of Swords in reverse
Funnily enough this is the opposite of the Chariot in reverse What will connect and integrate your true self into your environment sounds simple: take back the control over yourself, your narrative, your truth. Releasing yourself from the old limitations of your former role will push you straight into where you belong.
Where to start with breaking old patterns or habits that don’t serve you anymore : The Hierophant in reverse
This reading is comming into full circle with this card. Its asking you to break with your former old ways, your former role (which you seem to currently working on, anyway). It might shock some people, who are used to your role rather than to your authentic self but ultimately its not about them
Past influence(s) over how you’re approaching decisions in your life today: Judgement
This card gives me “strict caregiver” vibes. I have the impression that you have been the subject of unjust/harsh judgement over a longer period of time in your life, maybe when you’ve been really young and dependent on positive feedback and affection. This kind of conditioning could have left you with a feeling of constant guilt over every decision that you’re facing.
The thing(s) you’re avoiding but need to address in that context: Death
Excellent card! In this context you’re asked to face the ending of old thought patterns because you’re about to replace them with something new and less self-restrictive. Second-guessing yourself at every given occassion might feel “safe” (and not leaping headfirst into everything IS a reasonable approach!) but you’re also taking over the role of your former “judges”, like this.
What is making you feel different or at times not connected to the people and environment around you : Three of Swords in reverse
There seems to be some amount of repressed trauma/grief connected to the Judgement situation and you seem to carry this burden around by yourself. It puts some sort of “filter” over everything that you are experiencing with other people, pulling you back into the second-guessing (of them and yourself).
What could make you connect straight back to your environment and its people: The Hierophant
In order to get rid of this “filter” this card suggests a traditional approach: seeking counsel with a professional. I am not in the position to give out mental health advice, so this counseling could also include any other “traditional” considered figure (like a priest or a shaman or a consultation with another trustworthy spiritual source. It could also be a spirit guide or an ancestor, for example!)
Where to start with breaking old patterns or habits that don’t serve you anymore : Page of Wands
Oh, this looks manageable! This card asks you to take more courage, to allow yourself to be bold, to take room, while setting one foot in front of the other. Your overly strict inner judge will transform into a balanced voice of reason over time, if you allow yourself to explore your natural “scope”
Past influence(s) over how you’re approaching decisions in your life today: Ten of Cups in reverse
It seems as if a really unstable or unsafe domestic situation (either your family or your attempts at building your own family?) has a big influence over all of your thought patterns, lately. “How to create this environment” is a question that I am getting here and it seems to be a present background noise.
The thing(s) you’re avoiding but need to adress in that context: Seven of Swords
Something is not as it seems; someone deceived you in your endeavour for a stable domestic life (someone close, caregivers or a partner) and you’ve put it onto yourself to keep a “straight face” through all of this. Someone got away with something here and you’re still struggling with the aftermath.
What is making you feel different or at times not connected to the people and environment around you : The Hermit and The two of Wands in reverse
It seems as if the experiences from the Seven of Swords and the Ten of Cups in reverse pushed you into a meaningful introspective retreat, mentally. What is it that you want, how can you achieve it, what aligns with your needs? It also begs the question how your current environment and its people would fit into the answers. The two of Wands in reverse points towards being held back when it comes to answer these questions: you don’t feel as if you have any options in your situation, anyway.
What could make you connect straight back to your environment and its people : The Magician in reverse
Even if things appear to be out of your control or power at this very moment: don’t let it stop you from taking advantage of your very own opportunities. Don’t let others decide whats good or right for you, you have a very good and clear idea about what you want and need (see “The Hermit” card). Following these ideas will connect you to your environment in a healthy and non-manipulative way, again.
Where to start with breaking old patterns or habits that don’t serve you anymore : The Chariot
What a strong card in the context of the overall reading! Hard work, self-discipline and focus will lead you to realizing the ideas that you’ve developed in your Hermit-Phase. I think that this is more of a mental state, here: if you exercise self-discipline when it comes to not taking back deceivers (Seven of Swords!) and if you stay true to your vision you will emerge out of your own patterns
Past influence(s) over how you’re approaching decisions in your life today: Page of Wands and the Star in reverse came out together
This constellation is telling me about some kind of switch or transformation, here: you’re usually rather cheerful, passionate and optimistic of nature and your natural approach to do things is exactly this. But then we have the Star in reverse, indicating that there was a “break” somewhere along the line, leaving you without your former confidence. Where once was endless inner energy to approach everything, you’re now rather overwhelmed with a lot of things that had been easy for you, once.
The thing(s) you’re avoiding but need to address in that context: King of Pentacles and Queen of Pentacles in reverse came out together.
Look at this interesting combination, we’ve started the reading with two very opposite sides, we are continuing with two opposing forces.
In this context both cards are warning you to not slip into a rather “mean”/manipulative and ungrounded stance because of your experience with the Star in reverse (the experience that suppresses your optimistic and confident side). Don’t leave your stable principles and your hard working nature behind for the sake of lowering yourself to a standard that isn’t you.
What is making you feel different or at times not connected to the people and environment around you: Five of Cups
The complete bag of negative emotions, actually. There is a deep sadness that stems from the experience with the Star in reverse. This sadness (and anger and disappointment) is currently disconnecting you from your environment, for obvious reasons.
What could make you connect straight back to your environment and its people:
Thats actually really interesting, you might have had some ancestors in your past line who struggled with a similar issue but who managed to get over it. Ten of Pentacles is classically a “legacy” card, in reverse and in combination with the other cards I would actually suggest to seek their counsel! Ask them how they got back in touch with their passion and their optimism after such an experience, it seems to be vital for your reconnection with your environment
Where to start with breaking old patterns or habits that don’t serve you anymore: Four of Swords.
Thats really nice, the card is suggesting to take a step back, to rest yourself (body and mind) and to contemplate about what is truly worth your attention (and your emotions) and if some things are really as bad as they look like.
Past influence(s) over how you’re approaching decisions in your life today : Page of Wands in reverse and Ace of Wands in reverse came out together
It seems as if you’ve encountered a setback or a stalemate in your life with something; I get the feeling as if it has something to do with a passion project of yours. It came to a halt along the way and it has brought out your impatient side. You don’t feel as if you have time for certain steps, not wanting to suffer or tolerate stagnancy in any aspects of your life ever again. Feeling so high-strung about so many things comes with the downside of being overwhelmed or overloaded, pretty fast.
The thing(s) you’re avoiding but need to address in that context: Four of Swords
Haha, you’re probably going to hate this but you need to take a step back.
You are in need or rest and introspection or else you will most likely suffocate in all of your tasks (and you’re about to block your spiritual receptors, as well)
What is making you feel different or at times not connected to the people and environment around you: Page of Pentacles in reverse and King of Pentacles
You want to make things better for yourself, you want to put the work in, you want a certain social status connected to your achievements, you want to carve out that vision that you are having for yourself. I sense a little bit of a rebellious and obsessive streak on you with this, pushing through “no matter what”, which could be perceived as a bit off-putting and intimidating by your peers.
What could make you connect straight back to your environment and its people: Queen of Pentacles in reverse
Try to keep your ambitious nature a little bit in check; not everyone is able to keep up with your visions and will have a hard time to follow your process of thoughts or your plans. If you manage to relate to other peoples “less ambitious” views about the world or their goals you will be able to stay in touch with your environment (and keep yourself grounded in the process).
Where to start with breaking old patterns or habits that don’t serve you anymore: Knight of Cups in reverse
Don’t let frustration get the better of you if something seemingly doesn’t go as planned or someone doesn’t understand your point of view about something. It also matches up with the reversed Queen of Pentacles, where connection is suggested through keeping yourself grounded (since grounding is also a magical tool, you’ll might benefit from grounding exercises)
(I have actually finished them all, I just need to write them out in a coherent manner, haha)
