I’ve been so depressed lately and the stress of getting a job is also getting to me. It doesn’t help with the fact that I have BPD (borderline personality disorder) and honestly each day I just feel so fucking worn out and torn. Nothing helps.
Is there anyone you recommend for me to call upon in heaps of depression and stress and frustration?
I feel the most close with Lilith and Azazel but I haven’t really done much in forming a proper relationship with them I just know deeply that they’re two who I adore the most.
I’ve also taken a huge year hiatus from magick in general. I used to make good progress but I’m as good as a beginner rn.
Nonetheless just want to know whose the best in times like this, and me doing magick in low energy would cause any problems?
There’s nothing that says you can’t make offerings to them, even small ones, and ask them for guidance about how to proceed from your current situation. There’s likely a reason you’re drawn to them, so something as simple as making offerings (singing can be an offering be, too) could be enough to get their help and guidance.
For when it comes to Azazel. I’m pretty sure it’s him that I’d be calling to and not an imposter. Reason being, when I first started out it was Azazel who made contact with me first too. Whether it was footsteps and hearing a voice in my room to waking up in the middle of the night with a 7ft+ body with black goat horns staring down at me and I wasn’t afraid at all by it.
With Lilith, the most I’ve felt is her energy and it was so feminine and beautiful and comforting and motherly. I’ve also had a letter I wrote to her along with some honey toast offering I gave to. The letter moved clockwise (no wind, no nothing).
Well once you’ve done the offering and asked for guidance, I’d go ground and wait for a sign to come to you. Definitely ground, since the urge to look at everything as a sign can be strong if you’re having a moment, right?
Edit - you may want to ask for it in a time frame so you have a boundary for when you repeat it as needed.
I use music, mainly. Exercise would work. Some use food.
I actually like to type up my ritual notes (from the hand written ones) to this song, because sinking into the song changes my state and helps me let go. Couple that with typing or reading things on the forum, etc…
Maybe it’ll work for you or not. It’s not a “great” song, but changes enough that I get caught up in the changes, kind helping me forget what I just did.
Id say Marbas or Raphael
But it could be dependant on the root, that is, say a bitterness from a breakup, then perhaps one that helps with breakups. If due to anger, Asmodeus/Satan v Kamael/Metatron
Sandalphon is also known as the Lesser Countenance,
oh well, i made peace with my disorders.
For energy, i’d go for a combo of Rehael, Haiel. In fact i’ve to do that myself soon. I’ve been feeling way better now that i\ve been able to keep some sleeping schedule. Waking up early in the morning makes the day so much productive. I’ve been a night person my whole life prior till very recently.