So, none of us can truly quit, unless we quit ourself and the Spirit.
Find a tradition that you can really get behind, and that has a solid and sane world-view. For me, that is the Western Medieval-Renaissance tradition and World-view.
Now, the thing is, Magick is not omnipotent, it is not all-powerful. I know, it’s easy to fall into the view that it is, because of how people treat it, but you yourself have seen the struggle. Magick is not necessarily more powerful than our own mundane effort to change the world, it simply works in a different way and on a different level. With that in mind, build yourself up on all levels. Learn new skills and professions and try out new things. You might find that you enjoy hunting, reading professionally, creating talismans, connecting with nature, whatever you like.
Fuego, as someone mentioned before, I also think the problem is that you’re an “armchair magician”. You’re learning about all this “high magick” instead of using some basic magickal principles to actually see results in your life. You’re getting lost in the abstract.
Any time you set an intention and decide “this is what shall happen next”, that is magick. It seems to me like you don’t even know how to set proper goals for yourself. Like @Lady_Eva has also said, you NEED a goal you can apply the magical techniques you’re learnt about to. That’s definitely where you should start.
I’d seriously recommend you get grounded into reality and take a step back from all the “high magick” for a while. Stop philosophising. It’s making you sick. Take inventory of your life and start by setting some serious goals for yourself. Then start working on those and use simple sorcery to achieve them faster and easier.
I like how this forum bands together when a fellow magician is having a tough time.
I scanned you bro, and I saw a demon protecting you, that’s enough proof that you have forces beyond the physical working to help you
Which one offhand, or appearance?
You had a demon protecting you
Magick has pretty much been an entirely positive force in my life that has brought me many benefits in my mundane life while also being a very enjoyable activity in and of itself.
Magick has also made it very clear to me what things are negative in my life and in my mind. That’s not always fun, but if magick didn’t do this I would still be infected by these toxic things.
Magick has also made me feel a bit cookoo bonkers before, so a little despair is understandable. I don’t think this is magick making you suffer so much as it is your mind coming to terms with the magickal reality that is being revealed to you. It can be challenging to confront and accept, especially in today’s society.
Go touch some dirt and look at a tree, eat some chocolate, watch a comedy or something. Do a little journalling. Take a moment to chill. But if you feel magick active in your life, it would be a shame if you ignored that call.
Already back in Thank you all.
You all rock, and either have great talent and skill or great potential.
Drinking? You never stated what you’re quiting?
Get ayahuasca online and use that, if you want as easier magickal path.
I know hope is painful, it takes will and strength, a lot of fuel that can be hard when you’re out of it.
And everyone saying do better, and don’t be weak, like it’s that easy, sometimes people need some pity, need some love.
I know life’s tough dude, and it’s alright to be weak at times, it’s alright to give up sometimes and take a rest, as long as you truly never let go and try again.
That’s the difference between will, and resolve.
My advice would be to not be too desperate, to be at more peace with your situation, you don’t need to like it, or even want it, and want to improve it, but don’t be too desperately clawing out for any way out, it’ll just break you when you see a way out and it doesn’t work.
Take it slow, do it as a hobby, like exercise, and have an honest interest in knowledge.
I’d suggest trying this https://blisscha.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Chakra-07.jpg
Visualize, imagine these in your body as healing lights, in the colours specified, one at a top, going from bottom to top.
As purifying lights or fire and try to feel them as you do, you may even look up the sounds each of these chakr’as make in chakra bowls, and hear the sound at the same time as visualizing each one.
Visualize each one cleansing that area, and hear the sound, in it’s respective colour, for 1 minute each.
Will totally change your life around, heal and strengthen you in pretty much every way, physically, mentally, spiritually ect, though you gotta keep it up.
Try and focus on one area if you feel you need it more, the heart chakra sounds like what you are needing healed.
Appreciate it @alexis15.
May I chime in and addy two cents.
Imagine being op and everyone went up to OP and said “hey, you ate breakfast this morning”, but OP NEVER ate breakfast. So instead, more and more people say, hey OP… you ate breakfast. But he didn’t. He is disarrayed by half criticism and half wake up calls. What better use of time during these warped moments to project what’s really of ourselves into this man. I’m no newcomer either, I’m familiar with OP… and his ways.
Start taking care of yourself man. You eat when you eat not when people say you
Should or shouldn’t.
Appreciate it all. Things are looking up. My healing ritual wasnt a flop, because two specific targets recovered. Perhaps I didnt raise the dead, but did make a call to the comatose. I havent quit, and I have no choice but to make things happen. Which leads to well established goals, and thorough understanding of it. It is frustrating sometimes, but things shift, and we have to do our own best, or at least try. So, Im off to learn. Thanks all again.
I personally think that the time to quit is when you are not in control of yourself, and something else uninvited is a possibility. But, as my psychiatrist said (paraphrased) and as others have said, instead say your taking a break from X, and then reevaluate.
Whenever it’s necessary I guess.
I guess if my words are ineffective, I would listen not to reply but to listen. If open to it, I would offer constructive advice, knowing that often humans utter things they dont mean.
Funny on the art, last night I was thinking of doing four pieces of art, one of each of the Court Cards, at least a color representation of the mixed energies, not necessarily a drawing. Sort of like Enochian tablets of art.
Drumming, well, in absence of a drum or sticks even, I have my hands and can come up with a pot or pan. Actually, that might just be a key for the Core Shamanism, at least to trance and drum, which would be useful.
Interesting, Forgot about the Guardian of the Threshold. Isnt that a sign of the Dark night of the soul?