Broken Record Number 345:
Awake! If I am completely honest with myself this morning, my mind is calm for the first time in a week. The dust has settled and something has shifted. It’s knowingly going straight down to the depths of darkness - a darkness I am not ready to face.
Because I know two things -
A.) I was led directly to one I knew was Dragon the minute my eyes laid upon his physical form.
B.) My stubbornness will be a direct link to the restoration of an empire ready to explode into a universal commitment.
While I am three dollars short and three days late, - and being a year late to show up to the game, I literally want to ask questions. Nope, in punishment, my voice is removed from my vocal strands.
Instead, I’m in prison and get too look at areas of my life I need to change before I directly reach out. One bad egg among the the darkest of souls - poof, war explodes in words. And I’ve had to be careful, my feelings of hate towards men has been my undoing in my past. Sex Addiction was my down fall and it’s taken work to climb up a steep wall of rocks to reach where I am at.
I keep having to remind myself the words of those who have helped and from the twelve step program - If people are sincerely genuine, they will not get hostile with the word “No”.
So, my tribe is temporarily, all females. They are the sweetest women I have ever met and no judgement of my past. Although, I am getting fat with all the cooking lessons and brownie sundaes. But, it’s good to be around women who want me as their friend and not their puppet.
Men, on the other hand, I’ve dropped like flies. I made a commitment to myself to be kind - but I have run for the past year while trying to heal. While becoming more at peace with my past, the phone numbers have disappeared from my phone.
One by one. And my Dad teared up when I finally told him: You’re a good man, Dad. Mom and your kids were lucky to have you.
When you grow up with a manly-man who shows his emotions openly and freely, you know you’ve had a Father who is a “diamond in the rough”. It’s why I am not allowed to put out a love spell. It has to be genuine, real to it’s core.
Love is a private manner - and most musicians get this. Most artist will agree. But whoooo - do the ancestors speak loud and clear on the ones they like. 
Poof! Depleted energy = nap time. 
haha!
(and if you don’t, GO LISTEN!!!)
phew, lol! definitely not ready for the “L” word - committed or non-committed. 
)
i promise i will not peek. 
