(Title was the first thought I had waking up, so decided to use it here too lol)
So, this evening, after a bad, bad day, I fell asleep.
And awoke a different woman.
I dreamt I was in a room. One person, to my left, was asking for help with their homework and another person, to my right, was approaching the room I was stood in. I saw this because there was an open door between us. The approaching person, a female, was opening her mouth ask me something and I was like ‘‘Nah, sorry.’’
Using my right hip, I closed the door in her face and told the other person to wait as I did my ritual. They scoffed but said nothing more as I got started…
Well, boys and girl, LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
Never have I ever experienced emotion like that. It was so powerful. Raw, painful, and actually barely recognisable as human. I began my prayer to Santa Muerte, whose statue stood before me, and I felt the pain rising within me… The anger. The hurt. The stomach-wrenching rage at the injustices I had been a victim to several years ago.
This is important as my ex-partner got away with things unspeakable and, about 2 weeks ago, I felt compelled to cut the ties and anger this caused within me, but I wasn’t sure what to do exactly. I purchased a sharp a** piece of obsidian and had planned on cursing him. But, I lost my nerve.
Now, in my dream, I held the same stone in my right hand, and a large beautiful ruby stone in my left hand and I crushed them. Blood gushed out between my fingers and down my arms and I laughed… Oh, I laughed so loudly and happily and it mingled with the other energies now swirling within me.
I merged them together, adding more and more and compressing them into a black ball within my chest- all the while suppressing the loudest scream I had ever wanted to let loose. This scream burnt my throat, physically, it hurt in my sleep, and it became a roar of epic proportions. I then saw my ex’s face, as clear as day. This is how he looks now. In his new house, new wife and, tragically, with her children. Those poor things…
I basically cannon-balled that MF’s picture with the black ball and decimated the image of his face… As this happened, Santa Muerte Herself stepped into me, literally wrapping Herself in my flesh, wearing it as Her own. I screamed from the pain even louder and then I began to rot. Together, we melted into a soup of black putrefaction and then I mummified (can’t think of a better word). She was me, and I was Her. We were One.
And I felt good.
I woke up to my own child (4 years old) saying ‘‘I love you, Mama, goodnight.’’
My headache had been building all day and, suddenly, it was gone. I didn’t even realise I had fallen asleep, which was just adding to the confusion I was feeling. I was breathing heavily, I was sweating and my heart rate was jacked. Now, I’m a nurse (no longer practising) and know what tachycardia is… Whoa! The very definition of it throbbed and raced under my fingertips.
My spouse @UnseelieDiabolus entered the room after our little one and asked if I was OK. They also felt my pulse and commented on it.
I then did a Santa Muerte Tarot Card reading, already knowing the result. A photo of the result is attached - Card 1- 1 of Wands. Card 2- 2 of Wands. Card 3- 3 of Wands.
All depicted scarlet flowers which are significant to me on many, many levels.
I then knew I was Hers and only Hers.
I then jumped up, cleared, cleaned, cleansed my altar space and dedicated it entirely to Her. I then Googled Black and Red Santa Muerte statues. I craved to cover my body in tattoos dedicated to Her.
She is my Mother now.
She is Everything and Nothing and the most powerful and beautiful thing I’ve ever felt.
So, I’ll tell ya what just happened… I met, and am now 100% dedicated to, La Santa Muerte.
Tarot Reading results
New Santa Muerte altar.
ps: tomorrow I turned 31. What a way to truly kickstart my third decade on this planet, huh??