My best friend’s ex asked me on a date. He gave me the impression that my friend was fine with it (as in she herself told me that him taking me on, like, a practice date was chill). Apparently he has an actual crush on me, and I didn’t tell him a hard no, And I still agreed to a date even after I knew he had a crush, but heavily implied that I was uncomfortable with the idea. The next morning I did tell my best friend about the situation, but this was after she mentioned how not okay she was with that setup with her ex.
Now, I DEFINITELY am an awful person for not saying hard no because that’s an egregious violation of the Girl Code. Anything coming my way I absolutely deserve, and my best friend’s feelings and what she decides to do takes precedence over everything else. That being said, are there any rituals or anything I can do to make me either be more accepting of whatever outcome I get or something to grant both of us some semblance of peace? As much as I would like her to forgive me, that’s not my choice to make. Is there anything I can do to emphasize to her that I deeply regret my lack of action, and that I wouldn’t have even entertained a conversation of a date with her ex if I knew he had feelings for me to begin with and that going in a date even after the fact wouldn’t have amounted to anything because, though I like him as a person, I’m not into him into him. She says she needs space, so the least I can do is give her that.
Even if the only answer is to shut up and eat what I’ve got coming to me, any advice is welcome.
There is no girl code. U do whatever you want. your relationship with the person asking you on a date should not be influence by your best friend. Each relationship is independent. If your best friend isn’t ok with it then it’s conditional friendship. Other’s opinion shouldn’t influence your interest in another person. What matters is how you feel about the person.
I wasn’t particularly interested but it was something I was considering because the dude’s charming as fuck, so I feel like I really shit the bed on this one.
It’s an ex lmao. This reminded me of something I saw on my Facebook feed once: “Maybe I’m single, maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m fcking my ex, maybe I’m fcking yours. Maybe it’s maybelline. Stay in your lane.” Meaning mind your business lol. Sorry had to get that out.
In my experience, any friend who has something to say about your life choices isn’t really a good friend. This isn’t mean girls, you don’t have to run everything by her. You are your own individual so do what you want really. It’s not like they’re together Yeah she may feel resentment but that’s her
If our situations were reversed I would likely feel as betrayed as she does. That’s what I’m grappling with the most here. Like if I were in her shoes, what would I want in this scenario? What can I expect?
You can date him but you know she will be upset for a while. Maybe she will chill after a while or maybe she will consider it an act of betrayal. Would you like it if she was dating your ex?
Anyway, people are different so if you really care about this friendship and think that it is a strong bond, you know she will be fine after a while. After all, your friendship should be more important than a guy. It will be awkward tho
I’d be very, very hurt. I honestly think that had I started telling her what I was finding out and checking in with her instead of going on her ex’s word that she was okay with it.
same thing. the guy talking about your friend is none of his business. they are done and should not be gossiping about it to you. There past relationships is the past. It’s got nothing to do with you. You and his is independent of what happen with them. If he keep bringing the ex up then maybe he’s using you to hurt your friend cuz he’s associating you with her. If he can’t keep it separate then move on.
There is no betrayal that you think. No one own another. You don’t have to be sorry for anything.
. 'your dating my ex? great!! hope all work out. I’m cheering for you my friend. '. what about that viewpoint being a friend? if your so worried about what friend think about what you are doing with your own life. In this life . who cares what others think. You live your life. A friend today can be an enemy tomorrow out of no where and you never see it coming.
I do think our friendship is strong but I definitely tainted it with my inability to say no. I haven’t actually gone on the date and it was called off because of how not okay she is with the idea. In an effort to be kind to the guy, though, I didn’t give a hard “no”, and by not immediately telling her I wasn’t completely upfront with my friend (because not telling’s kinda like lying by omission, to me at least). But it was a discussion had really late at night and she would not have known until the next morning anyway.
There’s a lesson here for me to grow a backbone because if I keep trying to please EVERYBODY I’m gonna keep hurting people. I’ve just begun work with Dantallion to give myself some more self-esteem so that might actually be excellent for everything I’m struggling with.
all this is all mundane solution and mundane issues stuff. why do everyone always think magick is necessary for these everyday life stuff? sometimes you have to live life and actually talk and communicate with people to build a bond. social interaction and basic communication folks. do no one know of it no more?
I know the extent of how I fucked up because I talked to her about it, so there’s that. That is why I’m concerned. I am mostly trying to figure out how I can fix my mistake while the air clears.
u fix that by having heart to heart talk. People make too much drama of small stuff. Yes. this is small stuff that isn’t that important compared to life stuff like the virus. drama over relationship is nothing compared to stuff that can cost you your life or affect your livelihood.
U didn’t fuck up anything. your making too much a deal of it which stressing you out. There is no mistake in your part. U didnt’ do anything wrong. There is no right or wrong.
Yeah all that stuff is good and all, but it’s even better with magick =) But honestly though, throughout history there have been saints and Gods for some really obscure and really tiny issues in life. Magick is part of life, plus even though it’s such a tiny issue it still increases your magickal power, specifically for the beginners. When I begin to think that magick should only be used for big issues, divination keeps on telling me that that’s not true and to let go, the joy and power of magick SHOULD be experienced.
you don’t want people to rely on magick for mundance stuff and not deal with things in the real world. how will they learn to communicate? One take the responsibility and talk to the people they interact with . that’s the best route, Not use magick cuz you dont’ want to interact and face them in person.
No I’m not saying magick should be used to avoid the problem, it should be used in conjunction. Like in this case, I’m pretty sure if she calls on Amon the magick will manifest through her by making her say the right things in the confrontation, and the other girl will be more open to forgiving. And, since OP said this girl is experienced in magick, and knowing how trigger happy some magicians can be, it might be better to use magick to just get this over with quickly.
Yeah she may feel resentment but that’s her