I have a neighbor I’ve lived next to now on the third year. We previously got along and I thought we were somewhat friends, we helped each other mutually a lot, and had a lot of decent conversations and similar views and such. Shes a couple years older than my mother, likewise I’m the same age as her youngest child, and as far as I know she doesn’t have any mental health conditions, just physical frailties (as do I). She does drink beer often though, and for context is much larger than me as well.
One of my medical frailties is being very underweight and multiple disorders that make me a bit easier to injure (and she knows this).
Details are for context of how hair trigger and unpredictable she can be.
There was a couple of instances that should have been red flags to me that I ignored, because I am somewhat desperate for community especially with other women since I’ve lacked it. This is my bad for pulling the wool over my own eyes in hindsight:
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she blew up at me for not answering my door to unidentified, not in uniform, unexpected maintenance men early in the morning while I was alone. She banged on all my windows and doors and yelled until I got up and answered. I explained I’m not letting strange men into my home that I didn’t call for, that didnt give me the 24hr notice, etc for my safety and she got so enraged it even shocked the dudes. Called me all sorts of things for it. Turns out they DID have the wrong apartment too.
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the occasional snide comment about my body, dress, race.
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her boyfriend went from friendly and casual conversation when crossing paths, to avoiding even looking in my direction and never speaking.
Main Altercation:
This last Saturday I was feeding the geese for the first time this season, they brought their babies to the courtyard my back porch overlooks. This is something I’ve done every year, with no issue. Her only stipulation has been not on her area because of the poop. I respect that, I was in the public area away from the porches.
She saw this from her back door, and came up at me into my face, literally nose-to-nose, chest-to-chest, and I could feel her spit spraying my face. It was so fast I didn’t even have time to react. She was yelling at me that I was the reason the geese are here at all, and a bunch of other nonsense, including threatening to try and turn my partner and mother against me out of nowhere. I tried to say I’d move farther away and they’d follow me since I had food, and she just kept going. She briefly turned around and called me a bitch, I repeated it in shock still like a question. This enraged her further and she got back close to my face yelling again, and attempted to grab my braids. I blocked this by putting my arm between us and she grabbed my arm and nearly threw me to the ground.
This left visible bruises in the shape of her fingers, and open cuts from her nails even through my jacket.
Which even with my disorders, still takes pretty aggressive force btw.
Immediately after this she started verbally gaslighting me that she didn’t touch me, and the rest of the altercation was her denying it and calling me a bunch of horrible things until she walked away.
She tried to apologize about 20min later, creepily saying when I barely cracked the door that she wasn’t gonna hurt me. I told her I already contacted the police and it’s too late since I already called, and that she can’t put her hands on people. She again, denied this and tried to gaslight me that it didnt even happen and became enraged immediately as she realized I was setting a firm boundary about not being abused and brushing it off.
I filed a police report, and as expected they are incompetent and first went to the wrong neighbor despite having her address and me also physically pointing to her door, second time they showed up at midnight while she was asleep, and I don’t think they came back and ever actually spoke to her. They said the number they had for her was no longer hers.
I also reported it to our apartment office, they never contacted me about it.
Cut to this morning, while my partner was walking our dog she beelines up to him and starts trying to get him on her side, and make up that I had called him emotionally abusive. He knows this isn’t true, and obviously I have physical evidence she assaulted me. He told her to leave us alone and not to speak to us ever again, and that she’s crazy to think he’d side with her over me.
Maybe like 10-15 minutes later, I was and on my porch with him and she comes out and starts harassing us again. Saying the same stuff as before, I show the bruises and she says I did it to myself. We keep repeating for her to go away and stop talking to us. She says she’s going to report us to the office and walks away to go up there. Have managed to avoid her since, but our porches are attached so it’s basically impossible to always avoid unless I want to never use my yard patch or porch.
I have already (on the night of the assault) taken hot foot powder and covered her walking path, shoes, and doorway with it. Made a hex jar, which I sealed with a clump of dirt from her path (which coincidentally contained her hair) and black wax, and buried on her property. Did protection for my self and home, petitioned my spritis, etc.
Since any authority figures are useless and she is rather relentless and clearly she’s not going to let this go, and escalating, I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions to layer on top of these.
Straight up I want her gone, so I don’t have to deal with her at all anymore. She has triggered my cptsd and I can’t walk where I live now or do things that bring me joy like garden or feed animals without being afraid and feeling like my heart is sinking into my stomach. I am actively trying to heal my nervous system and cptsd for years and have made great progress, and part of my efforts is doing joyful routines like this.
The fact she would even attempt or think to use my family against me (which could be deadly to someone who is really in a bad situation) actually sickens me. The fact she felt entitled to put her hands on me sickens me. I really need her out of here whether that’s through her moving, or something more harsh. I don’t really care at this point. I think she is dangerous, and actively seeks to cause me harm, either herself or vicariously. It has made me worried what else she is capable of doing.
She also endangered the goose babies trying to throw me on top of them, luckily they were all fine. Obviously the geese also did not enjoy witnessing this assault, and now when they are present while I’m out there they stand on alert watching her door, signalling if she’s coming. I’m only adding this as an interesting tidbit.
So yeah, ideas to layer on top of what I’ve already done to get her away from me, I refuse to have to leave my home or feel uncomfortable in it. I’ve already had a history of unstable living and I’m finally settled and happy. It needs to be her that leaves one way or another. Her health issues are heart issues/heart stints and bone issues (broken hip) if I have to play into that.