So last time I updated you guys on my pathworking: that after I started working with Lucifer I felt depressed and like the things that I enjoyed I no longer enjoyed and that I was told I could lose my job. Well last week I had a huge mental breakdown and cried for two days cursing my damn stupid life. I reached a point of self pity where I screamed at Lucifer: “Fine, take my job and security, take my relationships, pound me to ground I fucking hate you and I hate this path and what I have become.”
And something shifted in me. I understood suddenly how free I was. I hated the job I had been keeping (it suddenly felt relieving that there was a possibility of it ending and I couldn’t do anything to struggle to keep it and deep down I didn’t even want to keep it), I also felt like if my relationships were not going to stay together when times got hard they weren’t supposed to because I deserve better people then. I understood I needed to vent and cry and rage about my burning life to understand that I needed to burn my cage I built down to be free. It felt liberating. I can’t quite explain it. Like knowing that no failure or judgement or fear mattered because my world as I knew it was ending.
After that getting up in the morning has felt quite reviting and I have felt more alive and capable than ever. Is this the light that Lucifer brings?