I was reading through my journal of the past three months and I’ve noticed something: Only after Belial’s chiding and lecture to push me into quiting for real this time.
After you guys also helped too with talking with me as well and seeing that it is possible.
I’ve actually made more progress. The type of progress that I aspired to reach for two months.
It was only on this third month that things finally began coming together. I feel more connected and grounded as though I have finally begun to focus.
Meditating has begun to feel a bit easier since I’m finally learning to handle my emotions on my own for the first time in seven long years although it is still hard. I’m not past it yet, I can still hear the beast trying to call me back to the depths where only through feeling pain do I find comfort.
In time, thanks to you guys and King Belial, I may finally get past this and reach my six year long dream of finally seeing.
I wouldnt say i have any addictions, i did on occasions use weed years ago perhaps 4 times a year, and drinking is usually around 4-6 times a year tops and usually only a couple of drinks never so much that i lose controll.
Last week i was having a party with friends from school and i did drink moderatly and walked home allmost exact 7 days ago on the hour.
Having Bern drawn to Belial for quite some time and having him as my center for my work i got an utge to stay on my walk home to meditate under a tree on Belial using hes enn.
Feelt the connection and i reaffirmed my devotion to belials guidance, i feelt that it was accepted and during the same time i noticed that something sermed to amuse Belial.
After i was finished i walked home and went to bed.
20 min later i needed to rush to the bathroom to get ride of some of the alcohol. Sleept for 8 hours and woke up feeling great but 5 min and of to bathroom and allmost puking up my entire stomach.
At this point when i woke up i feelt completly sover but for the next 7 hour everytime i did eat or drink anything except some water it came back up.
At the end of the day it slowed down and all of a sudden i feelt the precense of Belial and he explained that a physical and mental clensing was needed.
He told me that addiction is unacceptable since they controll you. I learned that another important aspect was attatchment is bad since its another form of addiction. The point that was used to make me understand it was basicly the buddist way of non attatchment to be really free ergo Without Master.
So it was a lightly harsh lesson but Well worth it.
I might nog be addicted to any substances but mayby other aspects of my life can be eaqully big hinders.
I thinking being hindered can also be considered an addiction.
You get so used to and dependent on whatever it is that it, I’ll borrow from Belial here, becomes like a chain. It embeds itself so deep within you that only you can remove it by freeing yourself.
I haven’t started working with him or meditating as many of you have since he wants me off my addiction first but from what I see and read of all of the experiences here. He seems like a pleasure to work with.
Well what i e heard Belial can be a harsh teacher but that may be just what one needs.
Yes what i meant with hinders is that to steal from fight club ”the things you own, enda up owning you”.
As i understod it from Belial and i thi k he used gramse of referens familiar to me it.
Without a master mean you are in controll and nothing rules over you.
Addictions is a strong ruler as it has a tight grasp on all aspects of you, physicly, mentalt and spiritualy.
But as i was told any attatchment can be a master over you and i was told that by reference to the buddist idea of no attatchement to reach nirvana, same idea and purpouse.
That also holds true to something i read not sure where thou, as a black magician deadicated to the path there should be nothing in your life you arent willing to give up to progress.
Yea i know thats a hard thing to handle.
But i guess it depends on how you view it aswell.
For example i will not give up my family thats my major attatchment and im willing to let that be an obstscle but the key is im aware that it can be a hinder for me that i will have to work around.
Other hinders may be job and stuff, most ppl dont wanna lose their jobs for example and has strong attatchementd to it since its their income and how they pay bills and survive. In a video EA speaks of how he loses hes job not sure If he worked with Belial or perhaps Azazel at the time but the outcome after he let go of the attatchement and surrendered in the hands ofctge spirit he worked with he got a better job that gave more freedom and oppurtunitys to work on hes spiritual path.