Truth & Reconciliation

Wednesday, April 7th, pt. II

From those to whom much is given, much is expected.

Today’s musings on the Law, concerning “mental diet” or “inner conversations”. Basically, the thoughts we have in their entirety, whether they’re imaginary scenes, imaginary conversations with others, or our own inner monologue speaking to us in voice or in image or in mood or feeling.

When I have a negative thought now I catch it and ask, “whose thought is this?”; if a negative feeling or scene arises I ask "who does this belong to?"

Does it belong to someone who acknowledges their own god-self? Does it belong to the immortal spark of consciousness which is the Source of all things?

Or does it belong to the ego, the “old man”, the person or the narrative that you are leaving behind?

And of course, always, it’s the latter. And as soon as I acknowledge that, it is so damn easy to shrug it off and brush it aside. Does this thought serve me? Does it empower me? No? Then it doesn’t belong to me, and I won’t waste time dwelling on it.

This goes hand-in-hand with the thing I mentioned the other day, so is usually followed by: I am a new person now. I am someone who is X, who deserves Y…

Prophet of Regret

I named this journal, in its current state, after a spaceship from a video game. :upside_down_face: But it speaks to my current journey, I suppose.

There is a fine line between delusion and enlightenment. Not that I’d go so far as to call myself enlightened. But I feel peaceful, sidling right up to the border of delusion. Not that I’d call myself delusion either. But… it’s a journey. :stuck_out_tongue:

Most of this I write for myself, so I can look back in my dark days and realise the things I’ve learned along the way. I know the Law is not about forcing happiness. I don’t believe I need to force myself or convince myself I’m in a good mood at all times so I can “raise my vibration” to “attract” good things to me, or else I’m doing something “wrong”. I don’t believe in ignoring my human emotions when they arise, I just don’t think it does me any good to wallow in them. (Except for, you know, the occasional breakdown.) Better to remember who and what I am, and what I’m capable of, and focus on that.

I don’t believe it’s about forcing anything, or even about performing exact techniques in the hope they’ll bring you what you want – like you’re building IKEA furniture and if you put one screw in the wrong place you’ve fucked the whole thing up. It’s not like that. It’s more about changing how you think about things, on the micro and macro level – from your inner, unspoken, unbidden, subjective thoughts, all the way up to how we perceive the outer world as objective reality. Accepting and acknowledging and allowing.

I leave with this:

Nothing is true, everything is permitted.

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This was one of the first things I learned in therapy so this seems to be a universal truth about emotions. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Also, lol. This letter has been sitting on the bench for a while but I felt compelled to open it just now when I was going to the fridge for another glass of wine.

“He will wipe all tears from our eyes and there will be no more death, suffering, crying, or pain”

Here’s hoping :pray:

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Lol. Those always sweet! Annoying, but sweet

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Yeah, definitely glad they couldn’t make it to my door :joy: I always tell them I appreciate the work they’re doing but they are barking up the wrong tree.

Reminds me of when I was a teenager, chatting with my friend as we took a train into the city. A stranger overheard me complaining about something or other and before he got off at his stop, he tapped me on the shoulder, said something pithy that I don’t quite remember, and handed me a note which said “with God, all things are possible”. At the time I just laughed with my friend at the audacity of this person (my country is very secular and trying to find a devout Christian is like trying to find Chansey in the Safari Zone); and I crumpled the note up and threw it away as soon as I got the chance.

I wish I’d kept it, honestly; if I had, it’d be framed on my wall right now. The difference is now I recognise that God is consciousness, and the human imagination, in which indeed all things are possible; rather than being some fairy-tale for borderline delusional people who couldn’t face reality on their own terms (as I thought of it as a teen, no offense intended to any traditional Christians).

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Thursday, April 8th

Adventures from the BALG book club:

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