Transitioning with magickal assistance (m to f)

[Undying.Embers]

Hello magick family.

I’ve been heavy at work in my Qliphothic working and since initiating this journey it’s been one of the hardest magical practices yet in reaching for my higher ascended self.

I’ve done a lot of shadow work and working with my ID, pulling out past traumas, and sorting through different aspects of my subconscious as well as discovering different aspects of myself.

I’ve finally been in a place in my life long enough where I am able to save my subconscious from the constant weed hacking of social masks and societal programmings. No longer in a hostile environment and separating myself from those who would seek to do me harm I’ve kinda fell into a hermit phase of my life as well as my magick practice. Being able to make a living from home I found myself no longer bombarded by the malicious energies of day to day life.

This has allowed me to come to terms with many shadows, dismantling programs that don’t serve me and allowing the true self that was always there to shine through like uncovering a pearl from the mud and muck on the ocean floor.

I’ve come to terms that I’ve been trapped in the wrong body my entire life and I refuse to keep wallowing in my despair as I watch it tick away whilst wearing a self inflicted mask to keep the outside world happy and deny or gatekeep my higher ascended self from flourishing.

I’ve currently been seeing professional assistance and therapy to help me through this battle in my psych and I recommend anyone with a similar situation to do the same and ALWAYS seek professional help.

I’ve initiated treatment for gender affirming care and hormone replacement therapy through my health team.

I will be transitioning from male to female and Astarte/Ishtar has been more than kind and supportive throughout this entire endeavor. I plan to use a shadowlog to document my process.

Currently I’m in the very center of the tree, stuck in the tunnel between A’arab Zaraq and Thagirion. In the Tarot this is associated with death according to Asenath Mason.

This makes sense as I’ve had many revelations according to life, death, rebirth, and what really matters. I’m coming to find my true self and sacrifice masks I use to appease others. The dark jester, Niantiel, will not let me pass until I shed my old self and embrace my true identity. No lie nor truth escapes Niantiel and he mockingly gets to the bottom of things even if the practitioner isn’t ready to hear it.

But first my old self has to die. I’ll be using a similar ceremonial ritual to the “Mass of the Phoenix” in Thelema as I usher in my future, higher authentic self.

I hope to keep you all posted as this isn’t an overnight endeavor and will be a long journey. But I’m ready

[Undying.Embers]

Thnxxxx @Mulberry srry forgots to put this in the journals x).

[pluto1]

When you talk about your old self dying…. Fucking incredible. I wanna say, that you are so beyond brave. I’m so fucking proud of you, and sorry my language. But, I’ve been in a very… similar boat… but… honestly I’m still in a limbo/ state of questioning so… I don’t wanna say anything I’m unsure of yet.

But regardless I’m so proud of you… I can relate to what you said about your old self dying to me I feel basically the same like if I do this the old is is done! When anybody/everybody in my past present future meets me I WILL be a new person. Atleast that’s how I’m gonna look at it this person is a new me I am no longer the past version of me. Period!

[Undying.Embers]

I just wanted to take time and and thank you for your moral support . I’ve been out for a few weeks now in my social surroundings and this has been the first positive reaction I’ve received!!! (Most of the people in my life had very negative reactions but alot of them are gone now and being separated from their energies I’m realizing they weren’t worth my time)

The truth is my old self wasn’t my true self and hidden in my subconscious I’ve created a mask situated around pleasing others. After coming to terms with this truth I’ve found that this underlying truth has actually echoed into many parts of my life.

I’m coming to the realization now that their are a multitude of ways ive been sacrificing for people around me who I considered close friends and family (not just in wearing the masculine mask but in a thousand other ways like being passive and letting people use me or take priority over me or allocating time to).

But I see now who my real friends are and I see the people who were simply using me like a parasitical mutant monkeys. But to be honest after the initial fear and anxiety i’m glad to have cast such a spell of clarity over my life and shed that which was not serving me. Thank you so much for your support, and it was so worth it!!!

Also don’t ever feel pressured into anything and always consult professional help like I did. But honestly what helped (besides people misgendering me lol) was going into complete hermit mode, embracing my alone time and finding who I am when no one else is around. Best of luck and know that your higher ascended self is always with you.

[Undying.Embers]

I meant to get around to posting a summary of a small segment of my practice as I’ve had the photos for a sec but school keeps me busy…

Anyways from the full harvest moon eclipse this last September, I beckoned Ishtar and Moloch through my portal in my ritual room both in invocation and evocation to walk within me and beside me as I begin this journey towards my authentic self.

I began by casting the quarters, I usually walk withershins (contrast to my gardnerian beginnings lol but more so in a “cleansing and destroying that which does not serve me” way. individual gnosis is important and i identify this within my left hand path) and clean the ritual space.

I usually have the incense and candles already burning at this point and allow them to circulate the room for a few minutes.

I start facing East and trace the inverse pentagram at each side (East then north, then west then south)

Instead of elementals or archangels I call upon the 4 sisters Lilith, Naamah, Eisheth, and Agrat Bat Mahlat and ask them to bear witness to my rites and guard my circle.

I then recite the following as I cast the circle and clear the space, (not from any specific traditions that I have belonged to in the past but again this is my personal gnosis and I use what works for my specific practice, drawing on different sources including EA and Asenath Mason.

“Alash Tad Alash Tal Ashtu. In umbris potestas est. Ho Ophis Ho Archaios. Ho Drakon Ho Megas.” Ending at the East again “zazas zazas nasatanada zazas, I invoke the Dragon”.

Tracing the last two circles I recite
“3 times I cast this circle about, 3 times unbalance I cast it out, so the Gods of old will find favor in me, grant me knowledge and serenity. Ever mind the law of 3, what one does returns to the. This I will so mote it be, this I will so mote it be!!!.”

Returning my wand to the altar I end with “Grandis Spiritus Diavolos, in nomine dei nostri satanas luciferi excelsi!!!”

Here is one of my handmade wands and Sitting high on my current path working Altar lay Ishtar/Astarte whom I currently am receiving much appreciated moral support and to whom I am sacrificing my masculinity. Moloch sits as her husband to the right whom I work with as the Phoenician God as well as his aspects as the minotaur and even sometimes Chronos the Titan of time. He helps me work with the forward aspect of time, understanding that to pass through Niantiel and to become my true authentic self I must sacrifice my old dead self and lose my masculine mask accepting the Goddess within my body mind and soul and vigorously destroy that which does not serve this.

After casting the circle I will empower myself

I then ring my ritual bell and call upon Astarte and Moloch each 3 times, asking the Goddess to posses my mind body and thoughts in a few personal rites I will not go into detail here… :3 and for Moloch to guide and empower me within the rite.

After using a few of my personal rituals including cakes and ale, scrying through my black mirror and entering altered states of consciousness I accept, commune with and learn different perceptions and techniques of what the Divine would like to show me.

(For protection purposes again I will not share these here, but I would atleast like to give a few of my experiences for any other girls trapped in a mans body, walking down a similar magick path )

To scry I love EA Koetting lighting recommendations as it really makes the mirror a void when flanked by 3 candles. I use a triangle so as to keep me as a viewer of the void and not get stuck in it. Kinda like keeping a safety rope in my room.

The candles are just higher than the mirror so as to allow the borders of the mirror to fade and the darkness to grow when staring into it.

I then cast the Devilist Kabbalistic cross on myself for empowering myself with the Qliphothic realms. Standing get together and facing East I touch my forehead with my hand receipting;

“Atoh”

I’ll then lower my hand to the groin receipting

“Malkuth ov lilithu satana”

Then I will bring my hands to my right shoulder receipting

Ve Geburath ov Golachab

Then I will bring my hands to my left shoulder receipting

Ve Gedulah ov Gha’Aq Sheblah

Putting both hands to my chest I will say

“Le Olahm”

And exhaling I will put all my thoughts and intentions into my breath as I blow into my hands and to the sky whisper; “ahkmen”

(For those seeking translation this means, "Thou Art the kingdom of Lilithu Satana, and the power of the flaming ones, and the Glory of the Smiters, forever Amen.)

In my working I drew 6 tarot cards, 3 from my moon oracle deck in correspondence to give me meaning with 3 from the oraculum leviathan deck.

And I combined it with confirmation signs I received throughout the day such as my work order on my car, a fortune cookie fortune (yes I know but take it if it works) and I believe my results were pretty magickal!!!

[Undying.Embers]

Also I turned the lights on for results but my atmosphere whilst performing is usually pretty dark and with the spirits. Only light is from the candles…

[Angelb1083]

Okay so I stopped reading and started screaming! What pronouns are you going to use sorry if you said that! I am so flipping excited for you! And I am here for it and you xoxo!

[Undying.Embers]

Thnx for the support!!! Definitely she/her/hers. .

[Angelb1083]

Of course! My DM is always open for you as well and I am going to be watching and reading the journal the whole journey!

[Celene]

@Undying.Embers

Moloch sits as her husband

Moloch is female , it is female cow .Name means queen

[Celene]

@Undying.Embers

the minotaur

That is myth based on paedophile roman emperor

[kiss-lamia-lilith]

Moloch is a egregore. If your looking for a female deity assosiated with the cow & womanhood, beauty ect i would suggest Hathor from the Egyptian pantheon.

[Undying.Embers]

Moloch is and could be many things. I am using a personal gnosis on this thread that may not align with everyone’s personal gnosis lol but I take what works.

Instead of going over paragraphs of anthropology research on Moloch I’m going to simply bring this thread back on topic.

Here is a prayer I’ve written for Moch in accordance with my change.

[Undying.Embers]

"Moloch Lord of Fire and Sacrifice, One who brings our awareness to the scarcity of time and it’s ultimate end.

We answer to you.

Moloch whom stands with his beautiful wife of the feminine empowerment and all other powers falsely labeled as Sin.

We answer to you.

Moloch who is the thunder and the fury, gravity and all its glory. Empower me with the strength to endure.
In time we all return to you.

Hide me from those who seek to do me harm and reign death upon those whom wish me undone.
In time we’ll find no other truth.

And as I sow love and acceptance, may I reap love and acceptance.

And as they sow fear and persecution may they reap fear and persecution.

Between the spark and the ember, they are smoke threading the wind

Guide me through Niantiel and into Thagirion where I may truly die and be reborn anew in the divine feminine.

Walk with me through the path of my higher ascended self and smite all evil doers who seek to misalign me with authenticity.

Ho Moloch, Ho Chronos, he who reigns in Elysium and saves the worthy from the flames of Tartarus.

You are the end, and the beginning,
You are forever
you are eternal and nothing can stand against you."

[Undying.Embers]

And most importantly a following prayer to Astarte,

"Serena Alora Astarte Aken. Goddess of the divine feminine within.

Clothe me in your gown of purity and raise my vibration so that I might raise the vibration of the world at large.

Walk with me through the gates of Niantiel and Thagirion, empowering me to shed myself of that which does not serve me anymore.

Bring remembrance that we are all you, that we are all divine and we are all the same person having a different experience.

That we are all aspects of source called into this reality experiencing this human form one at a time. For fear exists because we exist in this realm, the realm of separation, and you call us to return to oneness and belonging.

Calm us to remembrance and acceptance of your love, all giving and ever flowing. May we walk this path worthy in your eyes allowing our very presence to challenge and heal those around us.

Empower me to challenge paradigms and break generational curses. Empower me so that I might empower others to find the divine within.

So that we may traverse the underworld like your Assinnu and Kalum, your kuggaru and kalaturru of old and how we were born of the stars to save the world from darkness and death.

You harbor us as your sacred children and make us your priestess’s granting us the gifts of prophecy, the wisdom of the Earth and Moon and all that they govern.

We shall banish illness as when we stole you away from the clutches of Ereshkigal, and when we dress in your robes, you shall dance in our feet and sing in our throats. No man shall be able to resist your enchantment.

When the earthen jug is brought from Irkalla, lions shall leap in the deserts, and we shall be freed from the spell of Ereshkigal. Once more we will be called Asu-Shu-Namir, as beings clothed in light.

Our kind shall be called, “Those whose faces are brilliant, those who have come to renew the light, the blessed of Innana”.

[Undying.Embers]

Wow so I’ve hermitted Into my apartment to focus on school and my craft.

Kinda divorced myself from society for a hot sec. But I’ve started finding extreme enjoyment in things concerning only the presence of myself.

It’s weird but magickal at the same time as I feel as though I’ve started getting my power back.

I’ve destroyed procrastination again and my anxiety has collapsed. Im finally growing fingernails for the first time in my life as I’m no longer vigorously bitting them in a panic all the time.

Using my nails and my hair as references for my power level is very interesting I know it’s not entirely accurate but there is a science to it as well as semen retention.

I know it looks like I have no nails but trust me just seeing them back is such a sign now that I’ve stopped biting them. Please keep all comments respectful and don’t look if your easily grossed out. Just know I’ve had zero nail length for quite some time due to PTSD, trauma, and anxiety

But consider this a starting point and I’ll be using this as a reference in a few years to show how far I have come much luv and dark blessings

[Undying.Embers]

Some more “BEFORE” photos for the future

[Chriss]

You look happy
Also, fellow (ex) nail biter here. I can sooooo relate to feeling good about not biting on them all the time anymore. Just wait until you have to use scissors/a nail file again