For the past year, I have been working with Belial on a ritual to achieve ascension. Part of the ritual process involves me reciting a chant in a specific part of my city every day. And little by little, things have been working.
Right now though, I’m low on energy. My mood is pretty crap; it’s like another one of my depressive episodes, except ten times worse. I feel extremely touched-starved (which is surprisingly common for people in my area), lethargic and lonely. I actually considered hiring a professional cuddler and started crying while reading over potential clients. I also feel like I’m going crazy. I keep questioning if anything is real. I also get the feeling that something is wrong with me but I don’t know what it is.
Usually, this would be a good time to start grounding, but I’m worried that by doing so, I have to start over in my ritual. I’ve been reaching out to Belial and I can’t tell if anything I’m hearing are his words or just my own thoughts. I keep hearing two conflicting things: “take a break” and “don’t stop”.
What do I do? Should I take a break and ground or should I buck up and continue the ritual? Every fiber of my being is telling me to stop for a bit, but I don’t want to. I feel like stopping now would just undo everything I’ve done for the past year.
Any help or advice is appreciated. I feel like a huge fucking mess right now.