I appreciate your explanations. I suggest a one night stand. Go out and fuck someone who’s really hot. This will be your releasing point where you can express yourself and shed away the stress 
Honestly … I hold that (sex) pretty sacred. I’ve never done that (one time with someone I don’t know) but i’m not a prude to it either. I don’t judge those who do. Really there is only two people that even remotely interest me in that regard. He is one. I’m already with the other (though we are kind of separated right now).
But on the other hand, a big part of me would really love to hit on someone else right under his nose. And leave with them. Because I do know that would eat him alive. I met up with him just last December. Trust me… I know. We did speak a short bit afterwards. I’m a bit of a clusterfuck emotionally and mentally right now. It’ll (me) will straighten out I know. Just venting really but thank you!!!
Awh I’m so sorry for your experience. And I’m sending you some love 
You are not alone. I have felt this way for a very long time.
My whole life has felt like a huge rollercoaster. I’d be happy for 3/4 weeks and then something would fuck it up. And I yelled and pleaded to God. And got nothing.
My family so heavily Christian saying he hears you and answers you just not in ways you expect. Blah blah ya ya.
From a child I always hated the thought of prayer and church. Being forced to do it was no help. But yet I still turned to God when I was in my lowest. I asked for his help. Cried. Begged. Anything to help.
Since I was little I knew I had a guardian demon, however growing up Christian I had my fears. And when I got scared I still turned to God.
I’ve felt this null in my life since I was little. Like something is missing. Something is not right. I’ve asked for answers and received nothing.
I finally said fuck you to God. If you aren’t going to help me I know my guardian demon will. Since then I have learned there is not one guardian but many. And they have been here my whole life helping me when God wouldn’t.
I have gotten over so much of that ache and hurt I was feeling. And my life is no longer so much of a rollercoaster. But happiness doesn’t feel like it’s in the cards for me.
Recently I met my soulmate who I believe could also be my twin flame. He is lost. He is struggling. We hung out once. But that time together was more special than anything I even had with my ex bf.
He bought my fav wine without knowing it. We had the same taste in music and fav song. And I’m normally so shy and closed off however as soon as I met him it was like I had known him my whole life.
He’s a fuckboy but yet we talked for hours not even having enough time for too much fun. His mind gets all messed up when he sees my face. And he truly enjoyed our connection.
But he has his walls up and is hard to talk to.
I’ve been trying to see him for the past 5 months. I tried giving up and looking for someone else. However I see imagery of his nickname everywhere now and he won’t leave my head. My guides say to keep pushing that he will get there he’s just lost rn. That he’s slowly realizing what he’s missing.
I hope they are not wrong as I felt my main guardian come through that night when I met him. As if he was saying that this is the one you need to grow with.
You will be happy even if you do not see it in the cards for you like me. Keep working with King Paimon and Duke Dantalion.
Paimon shows much love and kindness and I feel that your connection will flourish with him. He is here for you, all you need is to ask.
Much love
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Just do whatever you can to move on take your time, it’s hard and trust me your not alone. I know it can feel like a never ending cycle sometimes, but I promise you you’ll get through this your soo strong and the universe will bless your soul with better days 
- To everyone going through a loss of someone you loved, we in this together
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we can only make the most of what we can and it seems all of us didn’t get a fair dealt cards. It’s just not for us in this lifetime i guess. All odds are against us. Even if we treat them well, they are ungrateful for us. What’s the point of being around if they don’t want you around? They only want to use you for the skills and knowledge you have but not for company. . Atleast for me. It’s really tough to put your heart out there and it gets ignored on purpose or stomp on. The only way to get through it is to respect yourself and take care of yourself. Love yourself more than them. This way the focus is on you and less of them. Kinda tough to see those you care act like children and not mature enough to explore and share life’s learnings.
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Yep. It’s like you said. Even if we know in our hearts who we are meant for, we can’t abandon our own needs and self respect in the process. Maybe you are ready, but your partner isn’t in this lifetime. Focus on yourself and your own spiritual path. Maybe you will meet them in the next life, or maybe you’ll be so advanced that you no longer care as much about that soul and wish them the best as you move on to bigger and better things.
Love is sacrifice and patience. But sometimes we need to make that love turn or change so that we aren’t left with nothing of ourselves.
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Thank you for your message. It is comforting to know im not alone. I said the same thing. Fuck you. And King Paimon came through. Last night I cried in the dark. I begged him to take the hurt and love away that I just can’t deal with it any longer. Take it for himself or give it to some other couple who is hurting or whatever as a gift. I saw the most amazing things as I aparently went into some trance. I tried changing in my mind what I was seeing in case I was making anything up. I couldn’t do it. And I woke up feeling the same, so it is what it is. Guess I just need to learn to live with it.
Like I said ive known mine 35 years. I know he is bitter and hurt. And there must be something there as he always comes back in some way. Mine is very very hard to talk to. Very closed off. Im sure alot of has to do with his ex or wife whatever she is anymore. We go long periods for not talking and he did not mention her at all when we were speaking. Years ago he did tell me they were divorced but just living together as they do have a daughter together.
My cards keep telling me he is “frozen in fear” and afraid to make a change. Ive never asked him to and I reminded him of that in my last letter. Just wanted a friendship. I get so many cups cards stating a new change/relationship/direction/good news. But yet he wont talk to me. Im not going to contact him again. Im leaving it be but damn it i can sit here and pout about it too lol (yeah childish i know but its all i got right now)
Ive been cutting out the riffraff out of my life for a long time. My kids are worth dying for. No one else. Not even my SM. I’ll get through it. I’ve been here emotionally for 35 year with him. It’s just a harder to do right now after seeing him in December. This is gonna be tricky to get through. I just wanted a friendship. At least that. When we talk we get along perfectly. We have never had an argument ever. Not one disagreement.
It does not help that a few months ago I had a pendulum reading done and they said I would be in a new relationship with someone this Fall. I asked if there was any way to find out this persons sign. She told me his without not none bit of info from me regarding him other than his initials.
That is what im doing now. Im am turning my back on anything that does not help or love me. Spiritually and in my life. I’m rethinking what i want. With this guy im not contacting him anymore and moving on just like I always do. Part of me feels like I need to apologize for past life transgressions that I know happened, so we can clear our paths for the next life. But he wont “let me”. So fine. I tried in my own ways. At least I have that much. One thing is for sure. I will never follow him back here again for the same reason I did this time. I learned that lesson at least.
That’s actually not necessary. I think you mentioned somewhere you did an energetic cutting of ties with him? It may have been someone else. In any case, if you decide to do that, and apologize to yourself for any transgressions or mistakes you made in past lives, your work is done. Then you just need to work on the emotional and mental aspects of letting him go completely.
It’s not that you pretend he never existed. You just let him go, and focus on your own journey, realizing that if he wants to be in contact with you again in any life, he’s got to get on your level. Not the other way around.
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I know the feeling is hard to live with
I’ve been living with this feeling of a null almost like a piece of me is missing for many many years And I’ve asked for this feeling to be taken away but it hasn’t.
There are moments where I can’t take it and am on the verge of a panic attack and usually then I will receive help and feel happier and more content. However the feeling doesn’t last long.
However For both you and I, I don’t think this will last forever. It feels like we’re almost at the end of the road, there’s just this big gate blocking our way. And we are trying to find out way around it. It’s like this solid hate that once budge. Just standing and not wavering. But I know for sure you will get past this.
Trust me I know how it feels. I keep telling my self fuck it. He’s not worth it. I can find someone else. There has to be someone else. Yet I can’t seem to kick him from my head. And he keeps pulling me back.
I think he will crack. I think both these boys will crack.
I don’t say men cause they are acting like little children rn.
But they will realize what they are missing. Sooner or later.
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I did try a cord cutting a few days ago. So yes that was me. Not sure how long it takes for those to be effective as ive never felt the need to do one before. I have felt no change (I’ve read with soulmates and twin flames that they are not possible to do. I gave it a shot). I asked King Paimon last night to release me of this and my feelings. Nothing in the slightest. Maybe I meant to keep these feelings I guess. Perhaps im storing them for later. I don’t know. I have made my apologies many many times. More than i can ever count. Ive tried to mediate on him and have done so as well. I can only hope he heard me. Im not ever going to be able to let him go completely but continue on my life without him as ive always done. There has been a change between us so that makes it harder than before. But i know i’ll be fine. Its just sadder right now. But I will be ok that i do know.
I know it sounds like im sitting in a corner with a bottle of wine and box of chocolates wallowing in self pity and feeling sorry for myself (as good as wine and chocolates sounds lol) but im really not. Im just venting and talking. Im doing the things in my life that need done. Nothing is suffering. Not even me honestly. This is just a small part of me that is hurting right now but no affecting my life in a negative way. I do have someone in my life and we are going through a very rough patch right now with a mild separation. Im guess im just looking around and figuring stuff out. What I want and what i need while i have a free open door to do so right now. Im just kind of standing here going “WTF”
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I begged last night. I mean i BEGGED. I went into a trance i have never seen before or experienced. I saw things and asked to actually hear his voice whomever was there. I didn’t but was not afraid at all. It was so cool!! I know the saying “Won’t give more than you can handle” But damn… I do have days where I really do not give a shit. Where the thought of him messaging me pisses me off. It just doesn’t last. A day maybe. So frustrating!!
Ive been told that this Fall i will be in a new relationship with someone. Apparently this guy has the same zodiac if its not him. Honestly I dont want anything to do with anyone else. Time will tell I guess. I actually have a piece of paper that I read to try and remind myself of why I should just push him away and keep my back turned. Reminders of mainly the fact he choose another woman over me. While I truly believe he felt the same yet denied me a chance to see if we could have been a good couple. (“I saved us both heartache”) Again works for a minute and its like someone in my head says “yeah but…” and im back to square one.
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You can call all the gods in the world to take away your emotions and pain. It’s not going to work if you still hold onto them, unfortunately. You are clearly making some progress in being able to not let these emotions affect your life negatively as you say. However, still finding meaning in the emotions themselves means they will stay.
The whole thing about soulmates and twin flames is up for debate. Personally, I don’t think anyone’s soul incarnates with a “half missing”. So the idea of a twin flame is out the window for me. And soulmates are a bit special, especially when you know for sure there is a soul connection even deeper than your emotional connection.
However, this life is about choice. When you do that energy cutting ritual, you are telling your soul and spirit you are choosing a different direction and you want those connections cut on all levels. The rest is the work I already mentioned. The rituals are meaningless if you continue to hold those emotions. The reason is that you are creating new ties and reinforcing the ones you already cut.
My advice would be just go through the emotional and mental work you are already doing. Only once you aren’t holding onto those emotional ties will the ritual be truly meaningful to the point you can sense the changes made. Bless the spirits for putting up with our human issues, lol. Sometimes they can only be patient and wait for us to do the work…
I believe that because the love from me at least, was there without anything from him. No declarations, no romance, not a hand laid on me, nothing. Yet for over three decades the feelings never went away. And im starting to think never will regardless of what I want or ask for. Because I have truly tried everything.
My emotions are like a slingshot. I get so far and snap right back. Thing is he does not have to say a single word or anything. All me. If I cant get rid of them then I need to figure out how to ignore them better at least. Heck if I know. I know my guardians truly look at me and just think WTH… lol
I know what you mean, trust me. I’m just saying we have the choice to let go and then act accordingly. There is no spiritual reality or otherwise that forces us to remain bonded to anyone.
Meditation. You have be able to learn from experience how to deal with emotions and thoughts. That you are in control. Then proceed from there.
I have been mediating lately. Im still just learning and all. I will get to a point day to day and not care at all. Im like this great. Keep it up and wake up the next day just upset as all get out. For no reason other than opening my eyes. Its like a dial getting turned and I cant switch it back because I have zero control of the switch. Im sure mediation will help that in time but for now until I get a good grasp on it, it sucks.
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When I read this immediately I was drawn back to a recent incident that basically changed my life. Not long ago I was getting my life in check. I had an amazing friend that I knew for about 8 years and a really nice job. I then decided to try and get answers to questions about the holes in my life that “they” REFUSED to tell me. I at first thought it was for my own good. Welp I totally see it now as bullshit. Not only did they force me watch my friend descend into madness they try to bully me back to them. Yelling at me and telling me to stop working with demons. I found out they just got salty that I decided to choose my own path for once instead of just following one like a blind sheep that they had planned. Was it one of growth and healing?? Nope. Just more damn loops and living a lie. This honestly crushed everything that I thought I knew. Have built up a friendship with them for the past years of my life to only now realized I was used. If I didn’t wake up to this fact I would have most likely be so broken by the sheer force of my soul being ripped apart that I may not have been able to live with my self.
I am very very sorry though about what you went though. Honestly this is one of THE reasons I broke off from them. I felt I had no control over my OWN life and all I could do is watch it crumble. I had a similar situation during high school. I had a loving boyfriend. He was a funny, well loved, smart, creative, family man that wanted to be a movie producer when he graduated. I loved him. I remained loyal to him and wanted so to us go to college together and have a family. He was my first for EVERYTHING. My first as in “first”, my first for getting a job, my first to give me what a normal life was like. To have friends and fun. To have the ability to dream and have hope. Then it was all taken from me. He broke up with me but in the most unusual way. Two months before he did, as I sat in the back seat he held his friends hand but almost like both was under some odd spell. I hurt me to see that but I knew that wasn’t him. Then two months he literally broke down crying and broke up with me almost like he was forced. His mother and I had a decent relationship but the next day after he broke up she was pissed at me and threw the plastic ware at me. I then lost my job, I quite high school because of the seer stress, I lost my friends and then my family lied to me about helping me and I was basically stripped away from what makes a human a human. My dreams completely smashed. Only from there more holes developed in my life and where was the angels??? The ones that supposedly have our best interest in mind?? Even years latter when I would be suffering about of severe depression all they would do and say is with a smile “It’s ok love. It’s going to be ok love. Smile. You need to smile” fucking bullshit on that. Here is was completely and absolutely on the edge of just taking my life and all they did was smile. At times they forced my energy to rise so I couldn’t fully and completely vent my pain and anger. On top of that I was on the depo shot that messed with my feelings to where I couldn’t fully feel anger, sadness. Every time I would try and let it out, it wouldn’t fully come out but forced my energy to rise into a positive state over tone creating deep blocks. You know some bad shit happened when the day you could actually cry or vent your anger out in a curse and feel relived for the first time in years after the fact I stopped working with them. Even to this day I’m still getting over some of this unhealthy stuff I have picked up such as starving myself until my mother got home because “ordering food for myself an hour before she gets home is selfish.” Or “I can’t love anyone because I will brake them and they will disappear from my life if I get to close to them.” Yes it got to the point I literally forced my self not to get close to people because I fully believed it was my fault because I was being punished by “him” and how I didn’t deserve to be able to love a person.
What I did was broke off from them and started to just focus on me. I was lead to working with the Goetia and honestly even though I still suffer from blocks and stuff that I’m trying to sort out, I feel better, freer. I no longer feel as though I have chains on me and getting into stuff that not only feels right but natural to me. Mediation is a good start but I recommend you do some energy healing as well. Some good therapy for the body and soul. I recommend getting in touch with nature and work with it. As a fellow grey witch that yes went darker, I found it refreshing and magical. Once you get in touch with nature you will feel that your pain has not gone unnoticed. Animals are grate medicine too. It will take some time to heal. And I truly am sorry about what you went through. I am not sure what practice you do exactly but I know there is plenty of other beings out there that can definitely help you. 
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Just wanted to say your story was really nice to read. I know someone who struggles with a similar group of entities. Unfortunately, no amount of trying to tell them what these beings truly are has helped. I hope one day they will realize how much they are being led around and how their life hasn’t gotten better working for them. In their case, those entities make them feel like they are powerful, yet still need them.
This kind of breaking free is something only the person can do on their own. Cheers for making it through that!
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I am so very very sorry. I have been embracing and working with the Goetia demons. Im to the point where I don’t even like calling them that.
Im not bitter to my fellow man and if anything my choice has made me a better person. We are told to be “patient”. Ok I can be. However when you are looking at years sometimes for a simple answer to a prayer. Come on. I understand things take time but months upon months to find out money is being spent on stupid shit (and on someone/something that it SHOULD NOT BE). I’m over it. Again had my answer in a day just by asking someone else.
I do have the feeling as well that everyone always walks away from me. I’ve had three friends taken from me. Three truly wonderful ladies gone. And young in life as well. It’s almost like in The Green Mile where he says his penance is to sit back and watch people “leave”. Well at least he knew why. It seems like all i ever have to do is fight constantly for what i want. Love, money, success of any measure. Im patient but even the universe has to be a bit realistic on some things. I guess it really does boil down to who you ask.
Again, I am ok and have been learning mediation more. So yeah ive been clearing out the yuck. I guess this post is one of the healers for me. Typing this out and getting out of my system. It’s just like any other “breakup”.
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