I don’t know, I’m like down to one bar battery of any kind of power right now, I feel a bit like puking and can’t really breathe properly :o) so… ask him yourself? Sorry, I’m through with this stuff for now, but didn’t want to just not reply to you, because I’m reading some archives on here and might be up for a bit longer.
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Awesome Lady E!
I have been considering the throat chakra lately (it is the one I understand the least) I was just thinking in how words are used both to create AND destroy in a very real way one can unleash Hell from their words.
Perhaps Azi Dahaka aims to teach you more about this and is preparing your throat chakra with venom?
Just my 2 cents worth of speculation.
I don’t know, I’m like down to one bar battery of any kind of power right now, I feel a bit like puking and can’t really breathe properly :o) so… ask him yourself? Sorry, I’m through with this stuff for now, but didn’t want to just not reply to you, because I’m reading some archives on here and might be up for a bit longer.[/quote]
Wow, that’s some venom! This seems like something I should know.
Time to contact Azi Dahaka, then.
Ansuz combined with Hagal is an interesting bindrune for that kind of thing, especially doubled (like, reversed) on itself. That’s from past experience.
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Bleaugh, reading this made me feel nauseous. Not to say that this isnt extremely fucking interesting and useful, though. It made me remember that negative things are only negative based on reaction to them, and that everything has a lesson in it, regardless of my aversion to it. Good form!
More:
Night
I didn’t sleep last night – I wandered through realm after realm, in a sleep-like state (not lucid, they felt as real as this keyboard) and woke far more tired than when I lay down, these are some of the things I saw:
~ a world of flat grassy planes where pentagrams and other symbols were carefully raised into the turf, the people there traded livestock, especially horses which they also raced for sport;
~ a man fishing in the Thames, he was baiting his nets with living smaller fish impaled on hooks, and I was outraged not at the cruelty, but that he was so certain their pain wasn’t real and that all of his was, his belief he was of a different nature of life than those fish;
~ there was a kingdom of air, and when I asked for its leader I was told the dark aspect of Mercury and Ahriman are one;
~ a man in a desert tent who offered me a cup to drink from, when I tilted it I saw the cup contained a tiny person, dark and slick like dates are, which seemed completely natural and normal – I drank him. Then I turned to the fire, and the man’s children were dancing in the fire, tiny kids about 4 or 5 years old if they’d been regular children, there were three or four of them and he said this was their way, and he told me to go north, to the snow;
~ I travelled north towards Polaris and saw a kingdom made of ice and snow, I called greetings to the All Father – then I kind of woke myself up properly. There was other stuff I don’t want to share.
Starting before I lay down last night, I’ve felt all the love, all the kindness draining from me, I have a rescue dog and all he is to me right now is an annoyance – I don’t feel any spite (an emotion of weakness) but I feel absolutely no care for him, I want to be untroubled by the needs and obligations of others.
He’s picking up on this and being very subdued and jumpy, so I’m just going to pour food and treats down him and avoid eye-contact so I don’t have to deal with trauma and messes everywhere for weeks to come.
Throat
Early this morning, half asleep and with horses still running through my head, I cancelled and rescheduled every commitment I have until the end of the weekend, my BF’s away on business so this is a chance for some peace and seclusion. It might cause problems, but I find it hard to care.
I managed some black coffee at about 10.30am, taking notes and mulling over the things I saw – I called on Azi Dahaka who’s not really been absent since last night, and he bit deeply into my throat charka.
The venom was a cloudy blueish-grey with a slight off-tinge of yellow overlaid, and it flowed down the outlines of my body like the seams on a dress or corset, lines and planes and angled.
I understood that it related to the communication we send to others via appearance, our physical external self, and the way we manipulate and control the interactions of other by the way we style our clothes, our hair, even our bodies – people make assumptions about us from our weight, height, even (with women) the size of our breasts. Body language as well.
I did some work on this, on examining the impressions I like to give, deciding I was basically happy with them, accepting other things that I don’t care enough to change, this was pretty much just personal stuff, although on analysis it’s an interesting inversion of the love & light ideas that your throat chakra is about honesty, openness, etc – this is the opposite: calculated manipulation and making sure people see what you want them to see.
It ties in with the idea demonic forces are responsible for women wearing cosmetics, though as far as I know men wore them too (to prevent eye infections and parasites) throughout much of the middle east in the past.
Heart
This was quick – plunge in, dark reddish-brown fluid that darted like living tiny lizards throughout every channel in my body, the little pointy lizards that weave from side to side as they move – Azi Dahaka says, “This heals all wounds of time, patience, faith, courage, hope, and youth’s tenderness” – that is to say, all wounds caused to me by “good” emotions and by doing the “right” thing.
This built on the changes I started feeling from last night – now, thinking of grief, I’m aware of only the selfish pain of losing people who were bringing me good things, people who put me first – thinking of love and friendship, it’s a transaction: what’s in it for me, is it worth the price I pay.
I don’t care about anyone right now, only Azi Dahaka fascinates me and I find his presence compelling, because he has more of what I want. I don’t love him, or like him, but I want him beside me and around me to delineate my outlines, to be at the places where I stop, so I can enter them and become them when my tenderness, fears, and limitations are completely dissolved.
Other notes
I lost interest in food after starting this yesterday, this morning I can only face black coffee with a raw egg yolk stirred in, and some ridiculously sugary cakes I wouldn’t normally even think of eating (gluten free stuff with dried fruit and rice starch, un-food by my normal standards).
AD has warned me to avoid milk completely, even tinned milk, avoid all bird and animal meat (this surprised me), avoid green vegetables, anything that has bathed in daylight, and instead to go with things that have had the least of the glare of light upon them, so I’m using yolks in place of milk, maybe make something with potatoes later, and the only protein that doesn’t disgust me is tinned fish.
I’m keeping the curtains drawn and although I don’t imagine it would be a problem, I want to stay out of sunlight, though I might go out after dark for more eggs and stuff. I’m not turning into a Hollywood vampire, but I don’t want to lose this crescendo.
I asked about the chakras below the muladhara and AD has said he will envenom those, as well, but that the ones above the crown belong to the opposite forces and he can’t touch them.
So, this has kind of taken over today and probably through to the end of the weekend, I don’t want to go out in this state because I normally have a friendly chat to my neighbours and I have nothing to say to them, and they’ll probably notice something off about me.
I think that’s it for now: altered state of consciousness and stuff, as the saying goes “it is what it is” and I am bloody loving it!
(This is copy-paste with edits from my own notes, but I evidently still really care about paragraph breaks and formatting a wall of text with subheadings - how cool is that?! Lose all your human tenderness, and only the important things remain… lol)
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This is pretty cool, I’m going to have to try doing this too.
Dear Lady EVA did AD hint to you that his venom was the next step or did it just occur to you after working with him after three weeks? The injection of the venom was painful and have your chackras been boosted?
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As I called upon him, I asked “What’s next” because he/Ahriman knew my aspirations, so he came and this (first post in this thread) is what happened - I called out to him, he came into clairvoyant visibility, lay down and said he’d fill me with venom - I felt I had a split second to decide, I decided “Hell yes!” - not out of recklessness but because I felt secure that this was the right thing, after my 21 solid days of living and operating with Ahriman’s “current” and also voice (seperate awareness) within me.
There wasn’t much chit-chat or debating, it was “What’s next?” “This” “Oh, okay!” kind of thing.
I’m glad I didn’t hesitate - but I would just re-emphasise that some prep work with Ahriman is important, especially after that first night I had to focus fully on that energy within myself to stay balanced because the first night left me feeling incredibly weak and ill, and if I’d not had that baseline there I could have been in trouble.
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Final day:
Solar plexus
I’d thought heart would be the hardest one, but of course the seat of will, not emotion, was always going to be the axis of this “work” (if you can call it that).
After drinking water and resting for a bit, I lay down flat. Azi Dahaka at my left placed one hand on my forehead, one down towards my lower body, and instead of injecting venom, sank in fangs grown longer and broader than before, and [I]pulled[/I], pulled roaring and golden energy up out of my solar plexus, drinking it in.
I don’t think I have to over-emphasise that this was frightening: I felt my body, for the second time in two days, begin a process of decay, this time not rotting but withering like a mummy, I saw minor energy plexuses like pinwheel suns all over (elbows, top of arms, liver, thighs) stop spinning and turn grey, and I felt short of breath, weak, and freaked out.
Although he was visible to me only clairvoyantly, the strength in the hands holding me flat was tangible, and I couldn’t have moved if I’d tried. I felt a rush of emotions: anger, betrayal, fear, and then some kind of burning need to strike back.
At that point, and I don’t know whether it was triggered by it, he stopped drawing energy from me and spat energy vividly back in, no longer golden-yellow but tainted with black, that weird almost-green you get when you mix black and yellow paint in a palette.
The stuff spattered all over my midriff, refilling and re-empowering somewhat the sense I’d had of being drained, and at the same time I saw hideous beasts like a child’s sketchy drawings of monsters crawling out from it, and then he removed the hands from my body and brought them towards the centre, over my solar plexus.
Some stuff happened at this point I can’t share, but that was the gist of the energy work: he told me to rest, eat, and sleep, so after lying there and scratching a few notes down on paper about this, I curled up and slept, more or less dreamlessly.
Pause
I woke up, starved, very late in the evening and went to the shop for some food, I wanted potatoes and more eggs. I felt hollowed out and ravenous.
As I put on a bit of eyeliner, I noticed my eyes looked very slightly different, not physically, but flatter somehow, like an overlay of cold dead watchful [I]something[/I] lay over them, and my emotions were still numbed down and without any feelings of love or kindness.
In the street I saw one of my neighbours and had to look away, I didn’t know how to react to this person because I didn’t want her seeing that in my face, the complete lack of human connection, and in the shop as I paid, I noticed it was easier to be charmingly friendly to the cashier (he’s a bit of an oddball and I don’t like him much) because he was no more significant to me than the inert materials I’d bought to cook.
When I got home I made some mashed potato and black coffee, and ate curled up in bed. I felt drastically weird and at the same time I wanted to complete the remaining two energy centres in my upper body.
After eating, my emotions began to thaw, only slightly but that sense of there being a flat dead line comprised of nothing more than certainty and will began to fill out, to broaden, and I began to feel a more positive sense again of tenderness towards (at least) myself, my own aspirations and plans.
I think this was a precursor to the next step.
Navel
Once I’d taken an hour or so rest, I called out again to Azi Dahaka, and he appeared again on my left-hand side. I lay flat and he plunged forward, and sank his teeth into the area just below my navel, I guess about where my uterus is.
The venom he injected was a pitch black smoke, not fluid at all, the smoke of burning villages, corpses piled high on pyres, the burning of everything built up, loved, precious.
My consciousness entered a single point within the space of that chakra, which stood around me like a jet black canyon, and I stood alone there, as though on top of a high tower or turret in total isolation, watching the desolate black smoke wreathing around me.
There was no “Azi Dahaka” present to be another consciousness interacting with my own – no gods, no spirits, and when I searched inside myself, no sense of polarity, no gender, there was no masculine to which I’m the feminine, no “other” to whom I’m “me” – and as I looked around this desolation, I realised there were no children, no ancestors, no web of family or position of relativity to hold my single point of consciouness safely in its web, placing myself relative to this and that, no compass points, memories, or hopes of a better future anywhere in sight.
My self-hood was reduced to one single cell of not-light, of illuminated awareness devoid of context or meaning, with no consciousness “out there” with which to interact, and the feeling was one of dizzying vertigo and, briefly, desperate need.
But I’ve been here before – in “merger” or awareness of the Source, I’ve felt that same feeling of stark one-ness and although this was quantitiviely different, I knew enough, it was familiar enough ground, that I took a leap of faith that “Azi Dahaka” – the being I called out to, to become the facilitator of my further ascent – was out there.
I called to say a kind of astral equivalent of “So what?” – even though I was unable to sense even the smallest presence of anything external to me, and unable to even create the smallest reflection of another voice, even an imagined one (I tried to remember my friend’s voices, my lover’s voice), but I beamed out as hard as I could a resolution, an intent that yes – there may be No Thing, but there never was, and I will wait and scheme and plan until I find a way to populate my world, or to otherwise make it more liveable, be it within or without.
In a rush I was back in my body in a normal state, and felt the first truly beneficient energy radiate for just a moment from the entity, clairvoyantly-sighted, who was kneeling beside me. It wasn’t love or sparkling eyes, Merlin-style “well done childe, ye have passed a test” or anything as bullshit as that – it was just a brief feeling of his no longer being quite so alien, detached, and volatile.
He said this was some kind of trial, and that the major work was now done – that to be in that desolate place and to hold firm on resolve, to not lose self-hood in the absence of any other consciousness, and especially in the absence of identities such as daughter, woman, mother (perhaps) to be and so on, was the apex of this test. (For clarification, I didn’t get the impression “it’s a chick thing” but that he’d have used the words, son, man, father if I’d been male – it was about human identity which includes our sex, not something he would only ask a woman to do.)
By this point I was feeling more fully-fleshed in emotional terms again, and I felt angry – I felt, and editing this to post on the forums I’m aware it might sound stupid – I felt like, “Is that IT? Is that the [I]best[/I] you can do?” Because I’ve been here before – dark night of the soul etc., had bad things happen, had repeated awareness of the Source, so I was kind of pissy.
He seemed almost-amused, you know when they have some reaction that sounds kind of like laughter, but he said that we could stop here and I should rest. On previous interactions he would flare into anger on the smallest thing, so amusement was a slightly different reaction as well.
But I was awake, fed, and rested, so I asked him if there was anything, any venom and work, for my base chakra, and if there was do it now.
Base chakra
I lay flat again, he sank down, and long fangs entered the base of my spine from above like a dagger.
The venom here was an almost-opaque white, cloudy like those floor-cleaners that turn white in water and are deadly toxic, and I saw my “muladhara chakra” as a reddish-brown disk spinning, like a lotus-shape made of terracotta. The venom entered it (I had a brief memory of the nineties, when terracotta Ganesha statues were drinking milk round the globe) and from the bottom surface of the lotus, people began to fall, not kicking and screaming but like discarded mannequins.
I saw many male figures, dressed in all kinds of clothing, as well as a steadily increaing number of females, and I understood that they were in some way “past selves” – finally, I saw earlier versions of me, with the hair and clothes I had when younger, and then that was done.
I came back to normal awareness, still seeing Azi Dahaka kneeling by my left side. I asked him if those were former selves and he confirmed, yes, they were, and that the chakra of time and memory and earth contained echoes of my selfhood that constrained me, and that the purpose of his venom here was the “opposite” of grounding and was to release me to carve my own future without their expectations and memories dogging my steps.
Finally, I asked him was there more, and he spat some venom downwards, and told me stuff about the “instinctual” chakras that I can’t share in this post.
Results
My intention after the working with Ahriman was to find ways to pervert and overpower the “clockwork” probability-led nature of reality, so that my willpower (the serpent) was able to make events bend to my will rather than to the natural order of things.
The changes I’m seeing are as follows:
Crown
I have access, via the greenish-black venom in my crown chakra, to an astral level in which mundane material reality feels extremely unreal and can be moulded like plasticine – I haven’t even begun to explore this yet, but I will.
Third eye
I feel that my ancestral moral teachings, religion (albeint not in a very strong form) and any sense that I was “transgressing” by performing “black magick” has been neutralised by the yellow venom in my ajna “third eye” chakra, so the ancestral and childhood constraints placed on psychic and higher abilities have been neutralised and that place they held in my mind has been aligned to my will.
Throat
Although I’ve always understood the importance of appearance, after the grey-blue venom in my throat chakra I see it now as the language of will, by which we tell other people how to treat us, and this is a deeper insight I can draw upon in everyday life.
Heart
The heart chakra venom has left me feeling, and this is only 2 days on, more emotionally robust again, more rounded, and also the vague nagging feelins I’d had that life’s hurt me and so on (broken hearts, grief, and ex-lovers etc.) have vanished.
I find the words he used, “This heals all wounds of time, patience, faith, courage, hope, and youth’s tenderness” very evocative, they resonate for me more than I can describe in words, and I’m going to print them and keep them on my desk as a reminder that victimhood and martyrdom has no place on the path I’m on.
Solar plexus
The solar plexus work has left a secondary smaller chakra of pure black energy that’s spinning counter-clockwise against my regular (and fully restored) normal golden energy centre. I haven’t even begun to explore this yet, or find out what it’s capable of.
Navel
The navel chakra reaffirmed I don’t exist in relation to other beings, much as I really do like them, and that I no longer fear desolation because it’s always there anyway – there is No Thing, so I have nothing to lose or fear and (especially because I’ve suffered with depression in the past) despair isn’t a consequence of external events but a choice, and one that I can now overcome.
Base
The base chakra showed me that the former selves I carried were just forms, like shop dummies, and I owe them nothing, nor will my present-self ever be more than words written on water, which I understood philosphically & intellectually (that there is no such thing as a fixed moment in time) but the visuals that accompanied it have made it more potently REAL to me now.
Conclusion
Azi Dahaka said he now walks beside me, though I don’t for one moment suspect he means “Whistle when you want something and I’ll come,” or anything like that; my eyes have returned to normal, more or less, so have my emotions; and although I feel empowered by the recent experiences I also feel spaced right now, like times when I’ve done a lot of energy work or any other working that resulted in huge storms of energy whirling around.
The food I was advised to eat was mainly things that haven’t had overly much sunlight upon them, so egg yolks, veg that grows undergound like potatoes, coffee brewed from beans (which are actually seeds and never feel direct sunlight) in place of tea, which is made from leaves that exist to soak up the sun, no milk (pretty significant in both Persian & Indian symbolism) and no meat at all, tinned fish was okay (the fact fish don’t really see much sun made me wonder, because they were considered tabbo in some ways in ancient Egypt as well).
I gave him license to depart, but I still feel that connection, and I want to walk further – there’s more, there are things I need to learn about how to use the energy I now have access to.
I’ve had some amazing successes in magick, but also some failures, and they were always due to the inability to suspend disbelief – these experiences, which were visceral and emotionally challenging, shatter that idea that there’s a “Real” out there which I have to cling onto, in this “solid” present moment, so I believe they address this very neatly and I’m looking forward to my next bit of work where I can use them as my baseline from which to operate.
That’s it – thanks for reading, questions welcome though I’m a bit spaced still, and thank you Azi Dahaka; thank you Ahriman; thank you E.A., Orismen, everyone here who led me to find this direction. It felt BIG, and I feel different, powerful, slinky, and stronger.
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Applause
Awesome. It always puts a smile on my face to hear of how others are progressing, how their paths have changed them, and how the beings they meet on those paths are helping them and becoming their friends.
Although I’ve never felt the draw to the snake, this thread is pulling me in. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll work with him. But in any case, absolutely awesome Lady E! Keep up the great work!
Eternally,
-Sev
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Amazing and inspirational. Thank you for sharing!
Hi lady eva how are? How have you been feeling? what have been the tangible effects you have notices since Azi Dahaka placed his venom in your chakras. Can you see the entities much more clearly now and hows your contact with belial going?
I’m great - I feel turbo-charged, to put it mildly.
This only finished in the wee small hours of Friday morning, then I took most of Friday just chilling out, and it’s only Sunday morning now so I don’t have like huge loads of “And then I did this, and that, and woo!” to report :o) but yeah, it’s been amazing.
Just one example: last night something upset me that was connected to my past, so I took my attention to the base chakra and the venom therein, and the “me” who was affected by events in the past fell away, and with it went not only the emotion but also the whole emotional charge around that particular memory.
This was cool because I’ve spent many years doing personal development work, which has had really good effects and been empowering, and I’ve also done some quite profound spiritual “death to past life” work in various paradigms, some of which included chakra clearing and yet nothing - NOTHING - has even touched this in terms of immediate effect, probably because a lot of it was white-light oriented, so values external to my own came into play.
I’m seeing everything more clearly now, in a way that I can’t really describe, and having spent some time talking with Belial and also an angel, I learned some interesting things but they’re not really shareable. I won’t be working on a long-term basis with Belial (or the angel) right now, that short and intense period is over, and it was fascinating.
This is new, still - I have so much to learn and explore.
Edit to add, the angel I worked with was Raphael and I omitted to mention that he directed me towards a practical material (and simple) way to get something minor fixed, so thanks due for that, and also to Belial for introducing himself - I look forward to working with both in future!
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I asked you about your changes because two days ago i was talking with arimahn and i asked if i was ready to receive AD venom and he said yes. So i wanted to ask you first Lady Eva before plunging in feet first. I think ill ask Azazel opinion before i do it because hes my spiritual mentor and leader.
Can you tell me how you talk with that spirit ? Via which process ?
Hi Eye how r you?I just called him by normal means. I meditated and chanted his name. and believe you me you know when he arriving. The energy surge is huge but stabilizes after a few minutes. You dont have to use any spetial ritual i didnt… By the way i talked to Azazel and he gave me the thumbs up for AD venom!!!
Hello Angel, thanks for your answer
Are your astral senses open ?
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Hi Eye, i cant wonder about the astral plane so far but what i can tell you is when i contact an entity i appear almost inmediately in my temple sitting in the middle of azazels circles of pacts. The entities come walking in through a gate and as they come nearer i can feel their energy, ican clearly see them in my third eye.
Thanks Angel