I think magickally, the next challenge I face isnt conquering some technique, or initiating and exploring a current, but rather taking the skills I have fostered and using them in tandem. Hearing the spirits has made magick quite mundane to me over time (not to say im not occasionally wowed or stunned). The intangible, the ethereal, it is an ordinary place for my mind to dwell, and really I dont think much of it.
I realized though, I dont really use magick much in my daily life. I think, âcrisis mageâ is a fairly apt description of my general magickal behaviors. It is my fail safe, my guard, and ultimately an ease to my mind if nothing else. I am much more reactive than proactive with when and how I engage in my rituals and spellcasting.
Despite this though, if I really let myself think about it, the powers I command and the things I am capable of doing are really amazing, its just that often times I only see it as âthe normâ. However, I dont use them much, and rarely with a plan.
I realized this when I used a technique on someone to pick up on their emotions. I consider it very reliable, and its easy to perform and almost invisible with the minimal physical movement required for me to perform it. However, the only situation in which I have ever used it is when I pass someone on the street.
Why am I not applying this in more scenarios? This should be performed everytime I meet someone, anytime I am unsure as to a persons emotions. I simply dont think about it.
And this becomes my challenge. To use my abilities to their fullest extent. That means, I need to stop seeing them as disparate capabilities, and coalesce them into a whole that is more than the sum of its parts. Spirit talking, going into trance, shamanically following intuition, it is not enough anymore.
I need to combine my skills and take a proactive approach. A question that has plagued me for some time, is why the inconsistency with my skills? I have proven my power to myself, but as a rule I cannot recognize a skilled magickian if they despise their life and their position within it. If you are so powerful, why do you allow your life to be this way? Ive picked apart many a person with bold claims using such logic, and I am not afraid to apply it to myself.
Perhaps then, I am simply not doing enough magick, and what I am doing is too disorganized and sporadic to truly accomplish much. Manipulating subtle energies, and controlling situations is easy, but I have always struggled with pure manifestation. And the rocks seem so much heavier when they are blocking my own path.
I have thought deeply about my own energy bodies. I feel with manifestation, or really anything that you call your own, if your energy is not complimentary to what you possess, or supporting of it, it is inevitable you will not be able to hold onto it. That is to say, if you want to.be a millionaire but your energy/habits are not supportive of the idea of fostering and growing money, you will never possess it. Yes, you might win the lottery, but it will be only a brief reprieve from poverty.
For this reason I focused on tackling subconscious fears and limiters involving the things that I wanted. I cast to develop habits that would be supportive of such desires. I thought, tackle lots of small issues surrounding the real issue, and things will simply fall in line.
I did find some success with these actions, but still far from what I would have hoped. And now, I wonder how important it really is for your energy to âmatchâ what it is you wish to possess.
I think the time for action is now. I should stop worrying about whether or not I am prepared for xyz, and simply force it to manifest. I feel that my practices are no longer enough, they need to evolve and grow into their own. I need to bring my powers together into greater rituals. I need to be proactive, and tenacious. I suppose, it is not one strike that breaks a stone, but many sure ones in quick precise succession.
On my hike today, I happened to see a lot of wildlife. There was a strangely mesmerizing quality to them today. I saw what I believe to be a large snapping turtle surface from the water to breath. It occurred right as I turned a bend that opened the creek to my sight. Had I been a moment quicker or later I most certainly would have missed it.
I dont think they are rare around this area, but they certainly arent seen often at all. I only saw it for a second before it sunk back down, but I continued to scan the water for a few minutes trying to find it again. Realizing it was gone I turn around, and lock eyes with a deer standing not four feet from me in a clearing in the brush.
It was young, with stubby horns only a few inches long. They were black, and I could see clearly the fur and skin around them. Maybe I am also the deer, with teenage horns, shaking and flailing to ward off the flies that land on my body and face.
He must have seen me make the bend and examine the water. He was just as interested in me as I was him. Like I said, we had serious eye contact. Cautious as always, despite how young and small he was, I took my headphones out and slowly walked around the far edge of the trail to pass him. I tried giving him advice about how if he wasnt standing in the bush there would probably be less bugs, but I dont think he was listening.
I should remember how young I am, in life and in magick. My skills are undeniable to me, but, its the youthful vigor and approach I am after. I am still learning, and I hope to be able to do so forever. It is a strange kind of mercy to be made a human, and it is that mercy which will allow me to think, gather myself and all my disjointed qualities, and tackle the stones layed out before me.
