DATE: 04/23/2026
DAY: Thursday, day of Jupiter. Jove, Zeus, El. El, Tzadkiel, Sachiel, Chashmalim. Blue candles, Cedar incense.
TIME: 08:07 PST
MOON PHASE Luna in Cancer. Two degrees away from Luna in Leo.
WEATHER: 55°F
SLEEP: Fair
DREAMS: None recalled. I did not choose to remember.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered but actively reading “The Middle Pillar”.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Breathing shallow. Sinuses congested, clear mucous.
RITUALS PERFORMED: TBD
PERFORMANCE: TBD
RESULTS: TBD
TAROT:
Tarot Contemplation Ritual: TBD
Cartomancy Card of the Day: TBD
MEDITATIONS: TBD
TASKS: TBD
Awoke to a couple of bananas and a cup of coffee waiting for me.
Had another few cups of coffee.
Had breakfast: one slice French toast, two scrambled eggs, two pieces of bacon, OJ, two coffees.
In wheelchair, dressed, waiting to go to Activities Room.
THOUGHTS: TBD
Up before six, third shift CNA brought me a cup of coffee, drank it, and first shift CNA arrived to help me to the bathroom.
Once dressed, stayed up in my wheelchair. Now finishing up chapter one, and pondering the points and questions made by Regardie, in “The Middle Pillar”.
I look up and stare at my tray table. On it are my diaries and a notebook. In the notebook are around ten pages of questions, to ask yourself, to know yourself. Perhaps bring the notebook with me to coffee social.
04/23/2026 18:13 PST
Just finished dinner. Chef salad with one fat free ranch dressing. Prior to dinner had awakened and shortly thereafter Ethan arrived, asking me if I wanted occupational therapy. I replied yes, and within five to ten minutes he arrived with a four wheeled walker. We did a large lap around the building and that was OT. Apparently he stopped by a couple times before and I was slumbering.
So now a few pages of chapter one from “The Middle Pillar”, the next reading is ten to twenty pages of “Magick without Tears” to read and ponder. Thinking on him writing about analyzing events of the day and looking at each and everything Qaballistically, and pondering before bed backwards.
04/23/2026 20:55 PST
Two or three pages and done with chapter one of “The Middle Pillar”. Thirty five pages is rather simple depending on the subject matter, and self analysis to go along with the reading, yet this material (in my opinion) is not that simple, actually quite a few points made in one page to force self reflection upon the point reached. I have “Magick Without Tears” to read next, ten pages to twenty pages is the goal for tonight with “Magick Without Tears”. Tomorrow’s goals in reading are “Modern Magick”, chapter three, and “NAOS”, up to Adept (that is, my reading is Probationer up to Adept) material.
Also, update journal with findings, reading points and questions, and not to neglect practical work on any given day. Mantras to be done, ten minutes minimum each Mantra, before bedtime. Tarot and Cartomancy exercises done daily as well, to be done in the evening to ponder a cards relation to events of the day. So far I have been Banishing Saturn and Invoking Luna, I will keep this up. Need to backtrack and record dreams and cards drawn, recorded in Dream Diary.
DATE: 04/24/2026
DAY: Friday, Day of Venus. Aphrodite, Ishtar, Venus. YHVH Tzabaoth, Haniel, Anael, Elohim. Green candles, Rose incense.
TIME: 12:19 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Cancer
WEATHER: 67°F, Sunny.
SLEEP: Fair
DREAMS: None recalled, I chose to remember my dreams, but apparently I did not.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Red rash on back and rear. Tired. Had two number twos, latter was diarrhea. Legs and arms are sore. Shower day tomorrow.
MOOD: Good.
RITUALS PERFORMED: Theoricus Formula was not able to be performed today, will make sure it is done tomorrow. Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Breathwork, Meditations.
PERFORMANCE: TBD
RESULTS: TBD
MEDITATIONS: Repel negative energies and remove negative attachments. Healbody
READING: “The Middle Pillar”, chapter two.
“Modern Magick”, chapter three.
TASKS:
Ate breakfast. Used bathroom, went to Activities (1.5 puzzles were put together). Came back to bathroom, had diarrhea. Washed up. Ate lunch. No therapy today.
THOUGHTS:
Some smug “1337 haxors” have hacked my Android phone three times, causing me to create endless email accounts to save other accounts. I’ve lost text messages and contact information countless times. It really, honestly pisses me off. I’m a nobody, so the least dangerous or powerful somebody to hack. I’m not amused at all. So, I think asap switching to an iPhone even though I don’t understand the fascination for my purposes to need to have one, but so be it. Different carrier, and have seen ads for new customers at 35$ per month with endless data stuff. I really fucking hate technology.
So, had lunch, climbed back into bed, napped, had dinner, fell asleep for a few hours.
Upside is chapter one of Middle Pillar I’ve read thoroughly. Too many points to recall and summarize at the precise moment.
I’ve my dream journal and a pen within reach, will aloud state that choose to recall and remember my dreams tonight.
I’ve started chapter two of “The Middle Pillar”. Will delve into chapter two and three of “Modern Magick”. “NAOS” and “Magick Without Tears” delve into tomorrow, while still reading today’s reading tomorrow as well. Crowley is difficult to read, so MWT will move slow as my prediction. NAOS will move faster.
DATE: 04/25/2026
DAY: Saturday, Day of Venus. Kronos, Saturn. YHVH Elohim, Cassiel, Tzaphqiel, Aralim. Black candles, Sandalwood incense.
TIME: 10:06 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Leo.
WEATHER: 67°F, Sunny.
SLEEP: Fair
DREAMS: None recalled, I chose to remember my dreams, but apparently I did not.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Red rash on back and rear. Tired. Shower day today.
MOOD: Good.
RITUALS PERFORMED: Theoricus Formula TBD, Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Breathwork, Meditations TBD.
PERFORMANCE: TBD
RESULTS: TBD
MEDITATIONS: Repel negative energies and remove negative attachments. Heal body of light/outer bodies.
READING: “The Middle Pillar”, chapter two.
“Modern Magick”, chapter three.
TASKS:
Ate breakfast. Used bathroom, went to Activities (1 puzzle… A circular one … was put together).
THOUGHTS:
Observe, analyze, accept, meditate.
RITUALS PERFORMED Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Breathwork, Neophyte Formula.
PERFORMANCE: Piss poor.
RESULTS: Anger not present to begin with now needing to be burnt off.
TAROT:
Tarot Contemplation Ritual - TBD
Cartomancy Card of the Day - TBD
TASKS:
Came back to room.
Awaiting lunch.
THOUGHTS:
My morning ritual was interrupted, so I kept on going with it. I’m pissed off to be frank. Lesson learned tomorrow I go to the service. Monday morning I stay away from Activities so that I can do my goddamn ritual Formula in peace.
THOUGHTS:
Had a yummy lunch … BBQ meatballs, yukon gold potatoes, corn, and some yummy streusel. Four cups of coffee, two with lunch, two after.
Less angry or irritated, but a solution to this is mandatory. I need twenty minutes once per day to get my Theoricus Formula done and devote myself to mantrum at bedtime, a solid hour at minimum.
Got back into bed at 13:30 PST.
TAROT:
Yesterday’s Tarot Contemplation Ritual:
VIII Strength. Leo. The Daughter of the Flaming Sword. The Intelligence of all the Activities of all the Spiritual Beings. Teth, serpent, 9. Kundalini, the Serpent Force. Also, Law of Suggestion.
Tarot Contemplation Ritual: Twice in two days…
VIII Strength. Leo. The Daughter of the Flaming Sword. The Intelligence of all the Activities of all the Spiritual Beings. Teth, serpent, 9. Kundalini, the Serpent Force. Also, Law of Suggestion.
THOUGHTS:
Back to chapter two of “The Middle Pillar”.
Read and slowly and carefully thought on the material in “NAOS”, which appears to be a strong Left Hand Path document for self initiation. Read up to the Star Game.
Had dinner. Chef salad with fat free Ranch.
Read a few pages from chapter two from “The Middle Pillar”. Temporarily setting it aside and reading NAOS chapter one.
It’s funny coming from awareness of arms and legs paralyzed, to awareness of being in a wheelchair, nervousness getting to the side of the bed to sitting on it, to walking on parallel bats, to standing in a walker, to balance exercises in a walker, to walking up and down stairs (an old phobia, stairs). Awareness that I can stand on my feet though nervous and shaky. Psychosomatic at this stage perhaps.
But, therapy worked wonders.
DATE: 04/26/2026
DAY: Sunday, day of Sol. Sol, Ra, Horus, Apollo, Helios, Christ. Gold candles, Frankincense incense.
TIME: 01:23 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Leo. My moon house, tenth in Leo with Luna in the tenth house.
WEATHER: 73, Sunny.
SLEEP: Good.
DREAMS None recalled, that is to say per DMK, I chose to not remember my dreams. Yet I wanted to.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered. I guess from concentrating on so many things at once and back burner issues.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Slightly light headed, blood pressure is fine.
MOOD: Good.
RITUALS PERFORMED: LIRP, Adonai ha Aretz drawing the pentagram and inside the divorce me name of the quarters. GIRH, Ararita, Shaddai El Chai. Middle Pillar Ritual.
PERFORMANCE: Fair.
RESULTS: TBD
TASKS:
Got up, ate breakfast.
Went to Activities room for coffee social.
Came back to room, did rituals, ate lunch.
THOUGHTS:
Laid back day.
THOUGHTS:
Napped for a while. Awoke to cold water pitcher bring swapped onto my tray table. Had a cup of water.
Still reading “The Middle Pillar”, Trying to soak in what I can as how Regardie writes. He was, after all a well ed8catrd and talented man who briefly served as not only Crowley’s pupil but his secretary as well. Dry reading but well structured.
THOUGHTS:
I received and drank a couple of cups of coffee on top of three drank earlier. One I held, while a pretty young woman pushed me back to my room.
Continuing to read chapter two of “The Middle Pillar”.
As opposed to chapter one discussing the value of analytic psychology on repressed or suppressed events or memories, and how to gently but firmly resolve them from the unconscious or conscious, this chapter two introduces the Qabalistic Parts of the Soul, and the tao yin and yang, Jungs the anima and the anamus.
DATE: 04/27/2026
DAY: Monday, day of Luna. Isis, Diana. Silver candles, Jasmine incense.
TIME: 09:30 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Virgo.
WEATHER: TBD
SLEEP: Fair.
DREAMS: None recalled, I chose to not recall them.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Fair. TBD.
MOOD: Good.
RITUALS PERFORMED: TBD
PERFORMANCE: TBD
RESULTS: TBD
MEDITATIONS: TBD
TASKS Got up at 4:15 am.
Phased in and out of sleep since 6:15 yielded a cup of coffee.
Then more at breakfast time.
Got up and used the bathroom, got cleaned up and dressed.
Got off to Activities Room for Coffee Social.
Put together a puzzle. Fifteen minutes.
THOUGHTS: TBD
RITUALS PERFORMED Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Adorations, Breathwork, Theoricus Formula.
PERFORMANCE: Worked fRRrom sitting upright in my bed. IRR helped me to relax in, well, an instant. Body Awareness helped to point to the pain in the glutes and cocyx. Shoulder pain.
RESULTS: IRR was helpful, though the Body Awareness was pointing to the rear. It did not help to resolve the pain nor was visualization working.
MEDITATIONS: Anti attachments and physical and Bodie of Light healing. Goal is ten minutes each.
TASKS and THOUGHTS:
Coffee Social, Tennis and Volleyball.
Pulled from Activities where the end of the game was nearing, to talk with Toni (a Therapist). We discussed conspiracy theories in depth and contrasting them withrrcent events and celebrities in the realms of religion and politics, even Draconian script (Found in Demons of Magick) and body doubles.
Back in room, got back into bed and gotten comfy.
Due to time constraints, not able to physically perform Theoricus Formula.
Esoteric Archives costs a dollar, of which I have none, no available plastic with money on it either.
There is no other option than to work as soon as possible.
Anna’s Archive has been shutdown. Only existing 100% free viewing of literature are found at Sacred Texts, University of Pennsylvania, and Project Gutenberg.
MEDITATIONS:
Did Three different mantras, Repel Negative Attachments and Energies, Heal Subtle Bodies and Remove Parasites. 15, 10, 5 minutes in order.
TASKS and THOUGHTS:
Meditations done in time for lunch, just three.
Lunch arrived. Chicken, potatoes and peas.
Ate lunch, and after eating lunch, I now have two cups of coffee to relax with while watching Beverly Hills Cop.
Today is a bit of a “cleanup” day, syncing online and offline journals, meditations up to fifteen minutes each, and catchup on reading. Create and cleanup astral temple.
THOUGHTS:
Sol in Taurus, Luna in Virgo.
Today was a mixed bag of blessings.
One of which was a Physical Therapy session open today which I immediately took.
Wheeled myself and marched to the rehab gym which seemed to be exercise in itself. Hannah helped me get on the NuStep and the resistance set to 50%, steps over 1000, and time of fifteen minutes. That completed, arms were next. Five pound dumbbells were challenging but doable. Thirty curls, 30 front presses, twenty overhead presses, twenty rows, and a few others. Enough to feel a burning in the muscles. Then the end of the therapy session, a full lap from the gym to station two, and back into my room. Then back into bed.
There seem to be a few weird folks here, one across the hall. I can deal with that, bit stronger hallway presence of staff would be nice, as he appeared to be headed for my room but also could’ve been minding his use of the hall rail and the wheelchair. As he noticed me approaching standing and using the walker, he halted, I said hi and went into my room and he disappeared somewhere.
I woke at five and waited a while for coffee, of which I have two in front of me. I’m reading “The Middle Pillar” by Regardie. Close to finishing chapter two. Twenty pages left to be precise. Trying to follow him as he mixes eastern and Western practices which doesn’t make sense to me.
That in a nutshell has been my afternoon.
DATE: 04/28/2026
DAY: Tuesday, Day of Mars. Ares, Mars, Achilles. Elohim Gibor, Chanuel, Samael, Seraphim. Red candles, Dragons Blood incense.
TIME: 12:36
MOON PHASE: Luna in Virgo. (Sol in Taurus)
WEATHER: 65°F, partly cloudy.
SLEEP: Good.
DREAMS: None recalled that I am aware of, I chose not to remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered but calm. Talked with Toni for a bit before lunch was served. Reading rest of chapter two. Read second chapter until finished, then a second reading of one and two, which should go through quickly.Tonight or tomorrow delve into chapter three.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Ate lunch atop a red tablecloth. Nasal congestion, particularly the active day nostril (left nostril). Had thirteen coffees so far. Feeling the caffiene buzz. Ankles and power legs slightly stiff, though were more stiff yesterday before walking in the walker. If I have therapy today day, I may ask to use the OT gym stairs, and try three times in a row.
MOOD: Good.
RITUALS PERFORMED: TBD
PERFORMANCE: TBD
RESULTS: TBD
MEDITATIONS: TBD
TASKS:
Ate breakfast and used the bathroom.
Cleaned up and dressed and groomed.
Went to Activities Room for live music. Christian music, not too bad.
Came back to room after having lunch there.
Went to Physical Therapy.
THOUGHTS:
Mainly on the ideas of patents marks and the inventions themselves. Perhaps Baal or his Angel could help with securing the intellectual property rights as well as the ideas.
Ritual formula missed today. Will still do, not physicall,y except for use of voice.
Therapy with Karen. Asked before the other therapists what I wanted to work on, I said “arms, legs and walking”. Then the other therapists, namely Karen and Aubree, “the works”.
Balance exercises with legs strapped with three pound weights, 30 Marches, 20 toe raises, 20 pendulum kicks (kick and heel raises), ten times no holding onto walker for balance, to raise and lower or push forward a small ball.
Sat on matress table. Raised a small ball ten times, pushed slowly forward ten times, and twenty crunches.
Walked to station two and back to my room.
The reading goal may be a bit ambitious, I dozed off a couple times while reading, but have ten pages left to read. Then it’s seventy-two pages to re-read chapter one and chapter two. Then the goal after these two steps, finish up and re-read, was to delve into chapter three (five chapters but pretty dry reading).
So, tackle the first step first.
DATE: 04/29/2026
DAY: Wednesday, day of Mercury. Mercury, Hermes, Thoth. Orange candles, Lavendar incense.
TIME: 09:55 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Libra.
WEATHER: 68°/55°, Sunny.
SLEEP: Solid.
DREAMS None recalled that I am aware of, I guess I did not choose to remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered but calm.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Shower day. Rash is slowly spreading. Need to exercise every day. My weight is 262, eight pounds less than last month.
MOOD: Good
RITUALS PERFORMED: TBD
PERFORMANCE: TBD
RESULTS: TBD
MEDITATIONS: TBD
TASKS:
Woke up to breakfast, ate my breakfast.
Used bathroom and went off to shower.
Showered, went off to Coffee Social in Activities Room.
Put together “Earth and Space”, a puzzle that took 20 minutes to complete.
THOUGHTS:
Reading: finish chapter two and begin chapter three, read half of it today. Skipping the re read, as the ideas are fairly understood.