THOUGHTS:
Finished chapter two of “The Middle Pillar”. I have Physical Therapy at One with Esther. With lunch in between, after therapy will be the perfect thank me to read chapter three. This upcoming chapter goes in depth of the psychological benefit of the Qabalistic Cross and the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, if I’m not mistaken (if I am, so what, it’ll be in the next chapter). Due to the schedule, and getting to my room late, today’s Daily Theoricus Formula was not done.
Had lunch, swedish meatballs, peas, and Yukon gold potatoes.
Two therapy sessions back to back. First, with Esther, we started out with walking. I walked in a regular two wheel walker to station three starting from the rehab gym, sitting twice on the way back to the rehab gym where we then worked with five pound dumbbells. After a good arms session, she put a sheet down on the mat table, and I proceed to do forty crunches.
Second, I was originally with Ethan and was going to walk the stairs in the occupational therapy gym, but Moe took me instead of Ethan. We had a Theraband tied across two stair bars. I proceeded to walk up and push through the resistance of the Theraband, turn walk slowly backward down the stairs. Then we had me lift myself up while Moe held the bar that I was doing sit to stands.
That was therapy.
Now I’m back in my room watching The Breakfast Club.
DATE: 05/01/2026
DAY: Friday, day of Venus. Venus, Aphrodite. Green candles, Rose incense.
TIME: 18:43 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Sagittarius
WEATHER: 69°, partly cloudy
SLEEP: Good
DREAMS: None recalled that I am aware of, no details recalled; I chose to not remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Exhausted.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Exhausted. Especially in legs.
MOOD: Good.
RITUALS PERFORMED: IRR helped to make me relaxed. Body Awareness, Adorations, Breathwork, Meditations. No Theoricus Formula was done.
PERFORMANCE: BA - Legs are exhausted but arms are not. Rear gets progressively more sore. Meditation was on still mind.
RESULTS: TBD
TAROT: TBD
MEDITATIONS: Still Mind - five minutes.
TASKS:
Got awake to breakfast being served. Ate scrambled eggs and the fruit cup.
Stayed in bed due to body fatigue.
Tomorrow is shower day.
Yesterday had three toilet visits. Had none today aside from bladder relief.
Ate lunch.
Fell asleep after reading most of chapter three, five pages left to read.
Ate dinner, having post dinner coffee.
No therapy today for me.
THOUGHTS:
No idea why two days are missing.
Even missed them on FB. More active and sleep producing days I guess. Highlights of the two days were intense therapy days I guess, example is Wednesday were two therapy days back to back, and also included walking up the stairs where a Theraband was tied to the first stair rail, so pushing through resistance was the theme. Yesterday’s therapy was pushing through fear walking outside with a four wheeled walker, and walked a block past Pelican Ridge Post Acute care home. Also walked up and down stairs five times each way, included one hand pivoting.
DATE: 05/02/2026
DAY: Saturday, day of Saturn. Kronos, Saturn. YHVH Elohim, Cassiel, Tzaphqiel, Aralim. Black candles, Sandalwood incense.
TIME: 15:05 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Sagittarius
WEATHER: 69°, partly cloudy
SLEEP: Good
DREAMS: None recalled that I am aware of, no details recalled; I chose to not remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Satisfied, content, confident.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Exhausted. Especially in legs. According to wound nurse, both my rash and my right big toe look on their way to be healed.
MOOD: Good.
RITUALS PERFORMED: IRR helped to make me relaxed. Body Awareness, Adorations, Breathwork, Meditations. No Theoricus Formula was done.
PERFORMANCE: BA - Legs are exhausted but arms are not. Rear gets progressively more sore. Meditation was on still mind.
RESULTS: TBD
TAROT: Tarot pull and spread for Julia.
MEDITATIONS: Still Mind - five minutes.
TASKS:
Got awake to breakfast being served. Ate scrambled eggs and bacon and the fruit cup.
Got out of bed and off to shower.
Yesterday had three toilet visits. Had none today aside from bladder relief.
Ate lunch.
Fell asleep after reading most of chapter three, five pages left to read.
Ate dinner, having post dinner coffee.
No therapy today for me.
READING:
“NAOS” I’ve read, up to the advanced adept material – “The Star Game”.
“Magick Without Tears” I’ve skimmed.
“The Middle Pillar” is quite a book. Sixteen more pages and done reading chapter four. It seems there is a lot for me to grasp still, but I know and accept a lot of events that come to mind and the same in regard to myself.
“Modern Magick” is next.
“Kabbalah, Magick, and the Great Work of Self-Transformation” following “Modern Magick”.
All the while; I write clear information, from these sources, into my Ritual Diary.
THOUGHTS:
Dinner was pretty good and very filling, no exercise except for Activities ball game (volleyball). Have had my fill of coffee. Have ten pages of chapter four of “The Middle Pillar”.
Twenty two pages left of chapter four. Then chapter five, then I have a choice in reading it again, or concentrate on a different book.
No daily Theoricus Formula was done. Unfortunate timing. I will sacrifice an activity starting Tomorrow to attempt a successful daily Theoricus Formula completion.
In an hour I have a choice in attending Arts and Crafts hour, taking my Pentacle with me and writing divine names on it.
Breakfast – Eggs, bacon, coffee cake.
Lunch – Pork loin, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob.
Dinner – Chef salad, fat free ranch, reg dessert.
Back in my room after Coffee Social and Activities Room games, awaiting Lunch.
A pizza pie of a puzzle, ngl .. animals from every form of land or sea. Twenty five minutes,
DATE: 05/03/2026
DAY: Sunday, day of Sol. Sol, Apollo, Helios. YHVH Eloah ve Daath, Michael, Melechim, Gold candles, Frankincense incense.
TIME: 11:15 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Sagittarius
WEATHER: 69°, partly cloudy
SLEEP: Good
DREAMS: None recalled that I am aware of, no details recalled; I chose to not remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Satisfied, content, confident.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Fair.
MOOD: Good.
RITUALS PERFORMED: IRR helped to make me relaxed. Body Awareness, Adorations, Breathwork, Meditations. Theoricus Formula was done.
PERFORMANCE: BA - Legs are exhausted but arms are not. Rear gets progressively more sore. Meditation was on still mind.
RESULTS: TBD
TAROT:
Tarot Contemplation Ritual – second pile, drawn under YHVH Eloah ve Daath.
IV The Emperor. Aries. "Son of the Morning, Chief Among the Mighty. The Constituting Intelligence. Hey, window, 5. Sight, order, mamagement.
MEDITATIONS: Still Mind - five minutes.
TASKS:
Got awake to breakfast being served. Ate scrambled eggs and bacon and the fruit cup.
Got out of bed and off to Activities.
In room, did Theoricus Formula. Awaiting lunch.
READING:
“NAOS” I’ve read, up to the advanced adept material – “The Star Game”.
“Magick Without Tears” I’ve skimmed.
“The Middle Pillar” is quite a book. Six more pages and done reading chapter four. It seems there is a lot for me to grasp still, but I know and accept a lot of events that come to mind and the same in regard to myself.
“Modern Magick” is next. “Kabbalah, Magick, and the Great Work of Self-Transformation” following “Modern Magick”. All the while; I write clear information, from these sources, into my Ritual Diary.
THOUGHTS:
Breakfast – Eggs.
Lunch – Regular tray. TBD.
Dinner – Chef salad, fat free ranch, reg dessert.
Back in my room after Coffee Social and Activities Room games, awaiting Lunch.
“Day at the Fair”.. Twenty minutes,
Did Theoricus Formula.
THOUGHTS:
Had lunch – pork chop, au graten potatoes, zucchini. Many coffees. OJ, Ambrosia Salad.
Watched NatGeo show on drugs.
Read a few more pages, only a few pages left to read before chapter five begins. After that Modern Magick, probably Wednesday.
Don’t get the visualization I’m expecting with a ritual like the Middle Pillar Ritual. Perhaps start over with Qabalistic Cross Ritual as a test on visualization.
DATE: 05/04/2026
DAY: Monday. Day of Luna. Isis, Diana. Shaddai El Chai, Gabriel, Kerubim. Silver candles. Jasmine incense.
TIME: 14:33 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Sagittarius.
WEATHER: TBD.
SLEEP: Good.
DREAMS None recalled that I am aware of. Chose not to remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Calm.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Sore rear, thigh patches healing well.
MOOD: Good
RITUALS PERFORMED: Breathwork. Adorations. Theoricus Formula.
PERFORMANCE: Drawing shades around my only roommate atm, and no naysayers peering into my room. Practiced Adorations, LBRP with QC, Invoking the Four Powers of Air, and MPR. Visualization was better. Practiced by whisper.
RESULTS: TBD. I found Jasmine (CNA taking my vitals today) and Diana (physical therapy) today to be interesting.
MEDITATIONS: TBD
TAROT: TBD
TASKS and THOUGHTS:
Newest entries first.
Practiced daily Theoricus Formula.
Back in room.
Therapy with Diana. Several different arm exercises with a five pound dumbbell.
Lunch … Beefsteak with gravy, Redskin potatoes, broccoli. OJ, coffee. Ice cream.
Goals for the day …
A brainteaser – Fascinating Prehistoric Dinosaurs puzzle put together. Activities.
Z.2 Outlines on paper.
Fitness – Dumbbells. Theraband. Activities. The more therapy the better or take fitness exercises on myself. Halls on wheelchair as a leg exercise. In Activities played volleyball and tennis.
Magick – Daily Theoricus Formula.
Visualization/sensory meditations.
Went to Activities Room for the Coffee Social and Tennis. “Fascinating Prehistoric Dinosaurs”. Thirty minutes. Played volleyball and tennis. Got smacked on the face by the ball for not paying attention.
Got cleaned up and dressed.
Up for breakfast. Eggs and toast, OJ and coffee, pears and strawberries.
DATE: 05/05/2026
DAY: Tuesday, day of Mars. Ares, Marduk, Mars. Elohim Gibor, Chamuel, Samael, Seraphim. Red candles, Dragons Blood incense.
TIME: 09:30 PST
MOON PHASE Luna in Capricorn.
WEATHER: TBD
SLEEP: Good
DREAMS: None recalled, I chose not to remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Calm. Skipping coffee Social, going to play Volleyball and Bowling, and Cinco de Mayo event after lunch.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: TBD
MOOD: Good
RITUALS PERFORMED: TBD
PERFORMANCE: TBD
RESULTS: TBD
MEDITATIONS: TBD
TAROT:
Tarot Contemplation Ritual
I The Magician/Magus. Mercury (ruling Gemini and Virgo, Air and Earth). “Magus of Power”. Intelligence of Transparency. Occult skills and knowledge, ability to manipulate Earth and Space through planes and dimensions. Beth, house, 2.
TASKS: TBD
THOUGHTS: TBD
RITUALS PERFORMED Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Adorations, Breathwork, Theoricus Formula.
PERFORMANCE: IRR was haphazard. BA showed a throbbing pain on top left of brain, stabbing pain in right ribcage muscles. TF was good.
TASKS:
Got up and to the bathroom.
Got dressed and off to Activities.
Played table volleyball.
Came back to my room for lunch.
THOUGHTS: TBD
TASKS and THOUGHTS:
Went to room for lunch. Later at 1:30 left for Activities Room for Cinco de Mayo celebration. Came back to room and got into bed, after the two hour event. During dinner will recite a mantra in my mind. After dinner will do other mantras, then re read “The Middle Pillar” and take notes of crucial points.
DATE: 05/06/2026
DAY: Wednesday, day of Mercury, Hermes, Thoth, and Odin. Orange candles, Lavendar incense.
TIME: 14:32
MOON PHASE: Luna in Capricorn.
WEATHER: TBD
SLEEP: Good.
DREAMS: None recalled, that I am aware of; I chose to not remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered. Want to do a bunch of stuff I’m not doing proactively.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Sore rump made worse by uncomfortable chair seating position.
Need to brush teeth after dinner. Sore feet and ankles from walking. Exhausting therapy set today.
MOOD: Good.
RITUALS PERFORMED Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Breathwork; Tarot and Meditations later. No Theoricus Formula was done due to lack of time and privacy.
PERFORMANCE: IRR was done and led to Body Awareness Ritual. BAR was easy due to pain points. Breathwork needs attention.
RESULTS: TBD.
TAROT: TBD.
MEDITATIONS: TBD.
TASKS: TBD.
THOUGHTS: TBD.
DATE: 05/07/2026.
DAY: Thursday, day of Jupiter. Thor, Zeus. El, Tzadkiel, Sachiel, Chashmalim. Blue candles, Cedar incense.
TIME:11:08 PST. UPDATE: 14:30 PDT
MOON PHASE: Luna in Aquarius.
WEATHER: TBD.
SLEEP: Solid block.
DREAMS: None recalled. I chose not to remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scatteted yet alert.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Sweaty. Breath foot to groin to foot produces tingling sensation. Red rear, cream was applied. Overweight yet losing through exercise and diet, though need to stick to diet. Breathing in through nostrils and out through mouth works well. Slight headache, left brain side. Loud whine from left ear tinnitus.
MOOD: Good.
RITUALS PERFORMED Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Breathwork. No Theoricus Formula has been physically done today.
PERFORMANCE: TBD.
RESULTS: TBD.
TAROT: TBD.
MEDITATIONS: TBD.
TASKS:
Got up and used bathroom, after eating breakfast.
Cleaned hands and body, applied deodorant.
Brushing teeth after lunch.
Off to Activities I went. Put a thirty six piece puzzle together in 18 minutes. Played crazy soccor.
Came back to room to use bathroom. Got a cup of coffee and sitting here typing.
UPDATE: 14:30 PST..
Back from Physical Therapy. Sweated out. Fifteen minutes on NuStep crosstrainer bike at resistance 100%. Following that did ten sit to stands in slow motion to stretch and tire the legs. Then did reaching and balance exercise, then playing catch with a volleyball, then walk from the gym toy room. Simple but effective.
THOUGHTS:
Can a magician do rituals solely in the mind, and use uttered words (or silent words)? In some cases, mine included, there is no other choice. Pushing through resistance, and better time management, in my case, can help.
Earlier last night, my roommate was watching a show on little kids that were ghosts in houses and several had been hanged to death. An event was witnessed late last night, a balloon with a little helium inside floated from bed to bed, it migrated to a significant length of distance. No explanation for it other than shift of energy or air. But it didn’t hang on the ceiling, it hung mid air. This was explained likely as there was hardly any helium left. I wasn’t the only witness, but they have been witness to me doing my rituals, because I’m crazy. But my roommate was staring at it, then me.
Another thing about myself I’ve noticed is lack of accountability in daily practice. Yet this time is adding Shem calls and petitions to daily practice for the French Court case for Julia as the rituals for others.
Note taking for updating the QC Ritual in my Ritual Diary.
The four points I see with the QCR are: Intention, colors, names vibrated, and direction of movement. All at once, as all four become one, and intention is visualization.
Shadow work today…
Stairs and danger. For the fourth time I’ve used the stairs in the OT gym.
You have to appreciate the history behind it.
Christmas week 2024 I had been having neurological problems.
I awoke physically paralyzed. My hand however was functional and luckily my phone was under my hand so I called my sister and told her on speaker phone what was going on. The firemen had to both carry me out to the stretcher. I went off to the hospital.
I landed into a post acute skilled nursing facility a week later. I had a mini coma in the hospital and psychotic nightmares, and put my trust in the healing deities and let go, falling into the coma.
Anyway, in the nursing home I was 100% dependant for at least a year. Therapy was 100% useful. And fun.
Slowly over the past six months I’ve been able to stand and walk. Still dependant to a degree.
So today has been the fourth time I’ve used the mini steps platform. Stairs used to scare the shit out of me.
I also as part of therapy was, after the stairs and applied resistance, was standing and lifting weights and doing squats with pulled weight.
So it’s interesting being aware I can walk and that I can stand. The confidence and fears are what I’m facing.
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05/08/2026 Journal entry was filled out, but not ported here from Facebook.
Will port here within a few minutes.
05/09/2026 in Activities at the moment. I absolutely love the knowledge, skills and dedication from the CNAs and other staff..
05/09/2026
Left Activities Room to go back to my room. Seeing as I had fifteen minutes, I did the Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Neophyte Formula (QC/LBRP/QC, fourfold breathing, Middle Pillar Ritual and Adorations).
DATE: 05/08/2026
DAY: Friday, day of Venus. Freya, Aphrodite. YHVH Tzabaoth Haniel, Anael, Elohim. Green candles, Rose incense.
TIME: 11:52 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Aquarius.
WEATHER: 63, cloudy, chance of rain.
SLEEP: Good
DREAMS: None recalled. I chose to not remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Exhausted from therapy. Stiff ankles. Even pigeon toed ever since I can remember, my feet flop flat outward. This causes issues using the exercise bike as the ankles also lean outward, especially on the right foot. Muscles mainly legs are sore from therapy exercises, good results. Left ear tinnitus and deafness whines loudly.
RITUALS PERFORMED: Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Breathwork. TBD.
PERFORMANCE: TBD.
RESULTS: TBD.
TAROT: TBD.
MEDITATIONS: TBD.
READING: “The Middle Pillar”, write on Qabalistic Cross Ritual in Ritual Diary. Then write on shadow work - facing fears and habits and hangups.
TASKS:
Ate breakfast after two cups of coffee.
Used bathroom.
Went to activities after medicine me was taken.
Came back and had an explosion in the bathroom, unfortunately.
Went to Therapy Rehab Gym. 11-11:30 PST.
My therapy session today, consisted of the following..
Theraband appied around the tummy from the back of the wheelchair, stand and walk six feet, reach down and grab a fuzzy ball from the book of fuzzy velcro balls, and stick onto felt dartboard.
Went to OT gym and with Theraband tied around the bottom of the staircase, climb the stairs and walk past resistance two feet on top platform. Five times up and down.
Weights … Standing … Twenty curls at 10 pounds, forward presses twenty at ten pounds, press and twenty squats with twenty pounds.
That was the session.
I need a new wheelchair, or at least a new seat, though I know it will anger Tobias as He tried to hook me up with two or three wheelchairs. The silversport two wheelchair I know and feel comfortable in. That’s the hangup.
THOUGHTS: TBD
DATE: 05/09/2026
DAY: Saturday, day of Saturn. Kronos, Isis. YHVH Elohim, Cassiel, Aralim. Black candles, Sandalwood incense.
TIME: 13:34 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Aquarius.
WEATHER: 63, cloudy, chance of rain.
SLEEP: Good
DREAMS: None recalled. I chose to not remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Exhausted from therapy still. Stiff ankles, muscles, mainly legs are sore from therapy exercises, Left ear tinnitus and deafness whines loudly.
RITUALS PERFORMED: Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Breathwork. Neophyte Formula.
PERFORMANCE: TBD.
RESULTS: TBD.
TAROT: TBD.
MEDITATIONS: TBD.
READING: “The Middle Pillar”, write on Qabalistic Cross Ritual in Ritual Diary. Then write on shadow work - facing fears and habits and hangups.
TASKS:
Ate breakfast after two cups of coffee.
Used bathroom.
Shower taken. Dressed.
Went to activicities.
Came back to room for lunch.
Ate lunch.
Got into bed.
THOUGHTS: TBD
THOUGHTS and RITUALS PERFORMED:
05/09/2026 11:30 PST
Left Activities Room to go back to my room. Seeing as I had fifteen minutes, I did the Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Neophyte Formula (QC/LBRP/QC, fourfold breathing, Middle Pillar Ritual and Adorations).
DATE: 05/10/2026
DAY: Sunday, day of Sol. Horus, Ra, Apollo, Helios, Jesus. YHVH Eloah ve Daath, Michael, Melechim. Gold candles, Frankincense incense.
TIME: 15:18 PST
MOON PHASE: Luna in Pisces.
WEATHER: 63, cloudy, chance of rain.
SLEEP: Good
DREAMS: None recalled. I chose to not remember my dreams.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Scattered.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Exhausted from therapy still. Stiff ankles, muscles, mainly legs are sore from therapy exercises, Left ear tinnitus and deafness whines loudly.
RITUALS PERFORMED: Instant Relaxation Ritual, Body Awareness, Breathwork. No Formula was done today due to timing and lack of privacy.
PERFORMANCE: TBD.
RESULTS: TBD.
TAROT: Tarot Contemplation Ritual.
Drawn under YHVH Eloah ve Daath.
Selected random pile was the third after the four knocks and uttered Divine Name. Ve.
XIII Death. Scorpio. “Child of the Great Transformers, Lord of the Gates of Death”. The Imaginative Intelligence. Nun, fish, fifty.
Transformation or change occurred or occurring today. Some dead layer of the self like a rotten onion layer or snakeskin shed or peeled off to leave the rest alive.
MEDITATIONS: TBD.
READING: “The Middle Pillar”, write on Qabalistic Cross Ritual in Ritual Diary. Then write on shadow work - facing fears and habits and hangups.
TASKS:
Ate breakfast after two cups of coffee.
Used bathroom.
Shower taken. Dressed.
Went to activicities.
Came back to room for lunch.
Ate lunch.
Got into bed.
THOUGHTS: TBD
TAROT: Cartomancy Card of the Day..
Seven of Hearts
Peaceful surroundings, healing, steady improvement, happy surprises, the cycles of life, second chance, opportunity to redo something, things that come in twos.
THOUGHTS:
1 To read the analytical psychology chapters 1-2 of “The Middle Pillar”, and chapter 3 of the same book on the Qabalistic Cross Ritual.
2 To record findings in Ritual Diary.
3 To compare to instructions in chapters 1-3 in Modern Magick.
4 Backfill dreams and cards in three year journal.
5 Mantras for negativity removal.
6 Understand what Shadow Work is, and get started.
7 Shem Angel petitions for Julia.