I’m just going to put whatever here. No particular theme just what ever comes to mind. Need to do some mental dumps.
I have been seeing some interesting patterns lately. When something is rejected by a part it is often embraced by the whole. Very strange pattern indeed. More research is needed to form a better understanding. This creature is very fascinating. It is still young but to see the evolution it is taking, amazing. I feel drawn to create a new system that works with this creature.
My son has shone intrest in the occult. I am excited to see him grow and learn. Now if only I could get my wife and daughter on board. It is very difficult being the only one in a house that practices magick. My wife currently does not support my involvement in the occult. She tells me all the time she thinks its stupid. I am torn between two worlds it feels like. I want to influence her to be more open minded but I feel it wrong to do it without her permission. I know she would not agree to it.
Just a weird thought what if time is actually moving backwards. Instead of going from creation to destruction we have already been destroyed and are devloving back to the original state of creation. If time was linear.
If family isn’t into it, let it be. They are on their own journey. As long as they don’t fault you for your exploration, don’t fault them because they aren’t on board.
I think he’s just getting his frustration out. It’s hard to be in the occult and not have support from your “home team”.
Even if his wife isn’t into it herself, helping her be more open minded about things isn’t really the same as forcing her to do a ritual. My children are Christian. And I’m totally ok with it. I don’t push the occult onto them. And they don’t push Christianity on to me. They are open minded enough to accept me the way I am and sometimes they ask questions. And sometimes I go to their church events. It isn’t my bag but I love them enough to still support what they are doing. And they love me enough to not ask why we are stopping by the graveyard for some dirt
I’m going to have to have a conversation with her about it. I’m torn. I don’t want to split up over this. I’m afraid that it will be the end of my marriage. I have been with her for 20 years. She is the love of my life. The occult is also the love of my life. I almost feel like I’m being forced to choose between the two. I want to have both. I am an extremely spiritual person and she is not. When I was a kid I wanted to be a minister. I don’t even know if I have ever even told her that. Every time I have tried to talk to her about it we get into a big argument. I know it is not worth letting the relationship get in the way of my spiritual well being. 20 years is a long time to spend with someone just to break up over beliefs. I guess It comes down to making a decision about what is more important to me. I just don’t understand why I even have to make this decision. Why can’t I have both. If I let this fester any longer the universe will decide for me and I may not like the outcome. God adulting sucks. Time to rip the bandaid off and have the hard conversation. Either I’m stressing over nothing or I’m looking for a divorce lawyer. I refuse to let this hold me back any longer. The universe know what I want and what I need. I can only hope that they are the same.
For those whom are following this I will keep you updated as to the outcome. Feel free to send some positivity my way I’m gonna need it.
Fuck!!! What else you got universe. Keep kicking when I’m down. You had better kill me because if you don’t you will regret it when I get back up. Gonna make the universe my bitch.
I just got a phone call from my son’s school he is being cyber bullied. Someone anonymously posted that he is a pig fucker and the whole school is talking about it. They found him in the bathroom trying to kill himself. Wtf.
Fuck this shit!!! It is time to show the universe what true aries rage can do. The universe wants me to show what kind of god i am. It better be ready for the wrath of a pissed off father. And that little shit that messed with my son is going to be first. Their family better say their fucking goodbyes because that little fucker doesn’t have long. Time for some truly powerful magick. You think desire is a powerful emotion for magick wait till I pour my rage into this. Shit is about to get real.
Wow I have never felt so drained after a spell. I feel like I haven’t slept in weeks. I usually feel empowered. I no longer have any rage. I poured every last ounce of rage I had into it. The spirits seemed to reveal in it. They appeared before I called upon them. They even showed me corrections to it as I went. I could feel the love they have for me and my son and they gladly took every bit of my rage to send at those two.
I keep nodding off trying to type. I’m going to rest.
Time to rant. This is not about anyone in particular. I just find it frustrating that so many pieces of shit people are handed everything on a silver platter while decent people are left to struggle. This makes no sense to me. It seems like everything is backwards. Why is it that everyone trying to better themselves have to go through such hard times.
I know the answers to my questions i just don’t like them. I just wanted to vent a little to clear my day.
Does anyone ever feel guilty about not being more open about your practice? Being a closet magician is weighing on me today. I crave to be open with everyone about my spirituality. I know it is not the appropriate time for me to be out. The waiting is painful.
