The Path of Spiritual Disappointment That Led Me Here

Kundalini, Chakras & Energy Work
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MY STORY SUMMARIZED:

I am in my mid 50’s. This path to “The Left Hand Path” has been a long one beginning with fundamentalist Christianity making a 10 year stop at Mormonism, hanging a left at Angel Magick and landing here. One of the biggest cop outs I ever heard a Christian say when someone’s prayers were not answered (I’ve heard Angel Magick people say it too.) was, “Your prayer was answered. God merely said NO.”. Even as a young and enthusiastic Christian I felt that was a cop out. It was also pretty high up on my mist of reasons to lose faith in that path. Basically I felt, “Why do I bother with all of this prayer and faith if the answer will be NO at least half the time.” A Muslim friend of mine told me that most Muslims never ask God for anything at all because Allah knows what they need and will either provide it or not. I also heard a cop out in that as well. At one point during my mid 40’s when I was still praying and speaking to God but basically doing it in an accusing and disappointed tone most of the time I came to a point when I stopped being upset with God for what I felt was his self-centered habit of ignoring “his children” most of the time. I remember going to a chapel one night, getting down on my knees on the kneeler built into the back of the wooden pews and forgiving God. Yes, I forgave him. I was not willing to be angry with him anymore and I let the anger go. I did that more for me than God. I told him that I had tried to be faithful to him and I always did what I felt he wanted me to do but I did not feel that he ever showed that he was the least bit interested in me or my concerns. Perhaps running a universe is a lot of work and he simply didn’t have time. Or perhaps my concerns, as Earth shattering as they felt at times didn’t seem all that important to him. Maybe I was just one of the many billions of “nobodies” in his world that didn’t have some grand destiny to fulfill aside from eating, breathing, breading and eventually dying in obscurity. And maybe I was just someone he never actually card about. In any event - I forgave him for being the “absentee father”. I told him I would not bother him with my concerns anymore. I wasn’t angry anymore. I was just tired. If it was his decision that I be on my own in the universe leaving him to be more concerned with Trumps, Kardashians, and Rothchilds…so be it. And so I went on in a very non-spiritual manner for several years. Not an athiest or an agnostic as most people assumed I was. I believed in God. I just didn’t believe he gave a damn about me and we never talked anymore.

Yada yada yada, here I was yesterday speaking to a hard core practitioner of the Left Hand Path. I asked his advice about some very important work I did with a demon who is very popular but I will not name here. At any rate, the work was not successful at all. Low and behold his exact words were, “<Demon’s Name here> answered your request. The answer was NO.” OH COME THE FUCK ON !!! You did not just say that. Are we really going down that road again?! Really? Seriously?

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But you must be careful not to go from one extreme to the other, when leaving one because both sides have issues if you rely heavily on ‘great leadership’ . People are here/there to offer you tools and guidance, you must take what you need and find your own way.
The biggest difference I believe is LHP is overt, there is no blind faith, you can take it or leave it, no one is trying to save your soul. You have responsibility for yourself and you can choose what you believe. No one will push their way on you, if you want advice, ask, decide if what you get means something to you, and move on, same with spirits, angels, demons, saints.

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Hahaha, oh man :joy: I feel for you.
I hail from a Judaism upbringing. My favorite line frequently heard was, “I guess it just wasn’t HaShem’s will.” :roll_eyes:
I’m like you, I don’t hate my old god. That’s a rarity in the LHP world. :smirk:

The work you tried to do with the specific demon, perhaps the thing you were working towards is not meant for you or the demon doesn’t want to work with you. :woman_shrugging:
I wouldn’t throw my towel in yet, lol.

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I hoped the guy would tell me what I did wrong in the invocation or critique my method so I could improve it and do it over maybe. But when he said, “The demon answered you. He said NO.” I almost lost my shit. LMAO!!! So we are using Christian excused now? LMAO!

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Yeah, I have no bad feelings about my old religion or the God of it. In fact, I am still a huge fan of Jesus Christ. How do you not like the guy? Seriously. And I do not dislike God. No ill will there on my part. I just needed to find a path that was more productive and proactive.

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But they have every right to refuse to work with you or for you… Just because we summon them doesn’t mean they have to do what we say.

You can always call another Demon that will work with you.

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If you use any form of divination, now would be the good time to use it. Ask if your future endeavor with specific demon will be successful.

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Have a look at this:

Also somewhat this:

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I agree with Lady Eva I think I know said demon you worked with and I think he’s tryonh to teach you something your old god couldn’t… Dependency

You can reach your goal with no help from anyone but YOURSELF. When you’ve exhausted all the means you can use to manifest said goal: mundane AND magical then go back to that demon and see if his answer changes

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True. And I get that . But they do seem to respond almost every time which st least shows they are not simply ignoring the request. Frankly, God saying “no” would even be acceptable as long as he actually said something. And God should not need Christians to make excuses for his lack of concern. He should be willing to speak for himself.

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Try this to see if it matches your experience - free, legal to download, interesting PRACTICAL metaphysics guide on why “God” is a crappy idea, trying to describe somethin g that it limits and lies about:

The Kybalion PDF, archived link.

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I know i may push a current forward which is unnecessary here.

So please hear me out, even tho you feel an urge not to do so.

Let’s for a moment assume, both the christian and the demon actually really responded.

Hence i don’t know the case / matter it was about, yet, it seems to be an interesting one.

Now, if that case actually is true.

And both Heaven and Hell told you to let it be - let go of it.

If that both is true, you may still be able to persue the project.

i’m gonna ignore the part of seperate pantheons here to an extend aswell.

Assuming your own abilities and capabilities, combined with the ever growing potential which is becomming avaivable to you during the studies such an diverse path has given to you:

Might it be a case where you only succeed by producing the outcome you asked for by yourself / your own efforts?

If that is the case, i’d highly suggest you to keep a journal to avoid being tricked out by the forces which allready denied helping you.

Also, if you go through with it, what’s going to be the benefit from it?
Who’s going to benefit?

-don’t answer me here with those questions, but put them at the beginning of your journal.

See which efforts you can take to furfill the quest you put in there.

And mostly, spend a couple of minutes daily to focus on the result and the amount of gratitude you will feel for having achieved it by your own, knowing that good and bad where obstacles you had overcome to still get the result.

This all asumes your will to achieve it being big enough to pull you through both the efforts and the risks.

In that case, future generations will surely know your name in history, as you yourself changed it’s path.

I don’t say any word about easy here.

But i do say: impossible -transcends in: I am possible!

Look into Golem Creation and Serviator Creation as a starting point, since it sounds you still may need a little help with whatever you work on. :wink:

Sincerely,

¥’Berioth

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I guess here it just became very clear why we like each other! :wink:

Blink;
Greetings. :wink:

Sincerely,

¥’Berioth

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I have at times asked for a demon to do something, and the answer was clearly no. It wasn’t because of some “cop out”. It was a lesson as others suggested. Sometimes, it’s about learning to grow your own power, others it’s about just that time not being right, or a million other reasons. On the LHP, the point is not to rely on gods or demons for things while you sit back and state your intent, waiting for it to happen. In fact, even in “Angel Magick” I have heard experiences where an angel might say something along the lines of “you are not powerful enough yet to demand this”.

There are 2 main approaches to spirituality: passive and active. Magick is active. Prayer is passive. Just because you invoke/evoke doesn’t mean you are now doing magic, if you treat it like a prayer. Rather than accepting that some demon said no, and just “praying” to a different demon, you have the choice to work on the fundamentals and ask the demon directly what the problem is. From there, you grow in power and understanding. You Become. Or you just criticize everybody for not doing enough and every entity for not caring enough… :man_shrugging:

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Well, the point here is,
i guess,
that self pity / whining may actually be a couse for the issues he wants to be resolved.

In that case, there simply isn’t another path then changing himself.

I’m really sorry if that sounds offensive, becouse i actually do care for your success.

It’s simply the fact that transformations do hurt sometimes.

Sincerely,

¥’Berioth

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