The Newb Journal of Castalia Foxglove

Backtracking…So far, I’ve just been doing vision work. I haven’t progressed to Astral Travel or Evocation at this point. Kind of low level for now, but hopefully it gets better over time.

I had been doing The Void Meditation posted by Adam-Thoth and hearing tones in my left ear. Got slight impressions of symbols, red silk billowing, blood in running water, and reptile scales. After some time, that stopped occuring in The Void meditations. The tones continued, but the impressions ceased, to be replaced by swirling light blue in the darkness. Throat chakra energy?

Around the same time, I learned from a primer that The Void can be used as a gateway to many different places and activities through intent, so I started doing vision work. I did a Tin Hinan vision exercise created by Josephine McCarthy. The Tin Hinan figure was not meant to talk to you in the vision J.M. devised, but she did in mine. She sat up on her funeral bed after I placed an offering of what appeared to be a paper or Reed hoop globe. She was red all over her skin, and I asked her why. She told me that it was because in her time, the Dead were painted in red ochre. (I researched it later, and it is a fact that prehistoric cultures all over the world did paint their dead in red ochre. I don’t believe I had any knowledge of that beforehand). I messed up and asked Tin Hinan how I could know that this was a success and not foolishness on my part. She spoke authoritatively then, almost angry. I caught something that sounded like “Daum…” and the rest was unintelligible. Then she laid back down and it was over.

Some days later, I made her a physical version of the hoop globe and floated them down the river to her.

Another vision work I did involved me trying to navigate from The Void with intent. I wanted to go to my childhood home and see the property with Inner Sight. When I got there, I felt almost stuck at a pink dogwood tree at the driveway, wanting to hug it and stay there, but I had to pull myself away.

I went into the house at one point and met a shadow that made me uncomfortable. I imagined myself carrying salt and vervain, so when it approached me quickly, I threw that at it. It made holes like melted film, and made it back off but didn’t destroy it. Then I stayed outside. We are renovating that house now and will be moving back in before 2019. Looks like there is work to do when we get there with that shadow. I saw it outside too, but it couldn’t come out from the shadow of the house.

In a field in the property I asked to meet a spirit of the land, and a muscular stag-headed man with beaded stones tied together as armor over it’s chest and forearms. It had a beautiful antler rack as well. It didn’t speak. I asked if I could touch it. It allowed it and even let me press my forehead against it’s nose since it felt like the right thing to do. I did research later and wondered if that wasn’t an equivalent of Awi Usdi of The Tsalagi/Cherokee People. The Little Deer that curses hunters who show no respect for their kill or kill only for sport. Awi Usdi cripples them with rheumatism.

I let myself explore without direction, and found myself falling through red clouds all the way down to a ink black island underneath red storm clouds. The mountains on it dripped upwards like liquid against gravity.

I later wanted to know how people on this forum were able to see their own chakras and how they were doing. They informed me that you can remote view them. So in I went to try to do it using The Void and intent. And I think I saw them and those of my husband. I won’t say how they looked so that if I ever ask for a second-party scan for confirmation, they won’t have my own observations coloring theirs.


You are like a spirit antennae. I loved reading this. Sorry if I’m not supposed to comment.


Feedback is great.

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Another backtracking addition. I tried to do The Godform Meditation posted by Connor Kendall, I believe is his name. I think it might have been a success. I saw something, but I will keep that to myself as well just in case anyone ever second opinion tests it. I will confess that it resembled nothing biological (human/animal/plant). I just sincerely hope that this isn’t all just personal imagination and is genuine magical imagination and successful vision work.


I am a little sick and pitiful right now, so I’m trying to not do any deep meditation or magical practice work until it’s passed. My face got hot-boxed in the heat and humidity of an unsanitized respirator while working on the house and I got a slight skin infection at the right corner of my mouth and an enormous swollen lymph node under my jaw. No fun, but I guess it’s better than lung-fulls of old fiberglass.

It’s funny, after regularly meditating everyday for a while, my brain wants to automatically go into that state whenever I’m relaxed, even when I’m not trying to.

The most recent meditation I did purposefully was kind of intense. I was working on visualizing pulling energy into my chakras to enlarge the little ones and chisel off some gunk from the dirty ones. I’ve noticed that whenever I do Third Eye chakra work, I can physically feel it tingling in it’s location and I can physically feel the Crown chakra tingling too. They seem to go in tandem. If I work on the Third Eye, the Crown starts moving around too. The Third Eye almost feel like fluttering, or like something is under the skin of my forehead and wiggles (kind of creepy like the vine from “The Ruins” just moved under my skin). The Crown feels like something is sitting on my head and is very mildly electrically charged. The first time I worked on it, it felt like bits of it had liquified and ran down the left side of my head.

The last time I worked with them, I went really deep under the meditative state. I got the physical impression of being under the open end of a dark cone that was being put over my face. I physically felt the rim of it touch the bridge of my nose and then enlarge so that it raked past my brow, my Third Eye, my forehead, and further on, plunging me into deeper darkness and making that wiggle happen in my Third Eye. I haven’t read about anything like that in the literature on chakra work. I might need to find out if cones of darkness figure in anywhere in chakra work.


Dream Journal Time! I had not been remembering them for a couple nights, so when I remembered this one, I had to write it down.

I dreamed that I was with a group of people in some sort of canyons or badlands area (far from home for me). I recall eating snake meat with them, wrapped up in seasoned crispy thin fried bread or skin. It was tasty. Later, it seemed that all of us had come into civilization to attend an event that I believed to be a funeral. We weren’t entirely welcome. I was getting judgemental looks from a few middle aged ladies in the small crowd waiting to go into the building (possibly a church). We all went in but very few of my friends stayed. I sat among hostile strangers and tried to be unnoticeable.

I’m not sure who the funeral was for, or if it even was one. I tried my best to “behave” after telling one patron “So I’m weird, fuck off, and mind your own business.” But one of my cohorts had become very agitated. He had been offended by something and was now up front, raging and destroying property. As I was one of the only one of the others who had stayed inside, I went up to try to calm him.

He was a big guy, good muscle tone, yellow hair with dark roots that he had spiked up, somewhat tan complexion, Caucasian features with perhaps another race mixed in for an olive complexion. There was no way I was subduing him as little as I am. So I hugged his legs and acted as dead weight. He threatened me for interfering with him, but didn’t want to hurt me.

He said if I didn’t let go, I would force him deeper into his anger and into his full strength. I dared him, go ahead. He riled up until he had nearly exhausted his inner fuel but instead of getting violent, he got calm. He almost seemed crestfallen when he asked about my “gamble”, and why I would do that. I told him that it was because I knew him. I said that I knew that his full self and his full strength came from a place of calm and peace in self. I told him that I knew that if I goaded him into his peaks, those qualities would come through. I was right. At that point, the crowd probably kicked us out, but the dream didn’t show that.

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And now I have a fever.

Hmm…I was just reading a little bit about my condition, and others similar to it online yesterday. I’m much better now, but I was looking for means to prevent recurrence.

What do I find but a study done in 2013 or so on the rising occurrence of bacterial soft tissue infections, by a Dr. Robert Daum. How coincidental. I remember Daum being the only intelligible thing that The Ancestress Tin Hinan said in vision after I asked how I could confirm that the whole thing was “real” and not just imagination.

Oh, also, while I was in fever, I completely discounted the weird guy that was scrunched up in my closet, with impeccably groomed dark facial hair, somewhat crazed eyes, and a grin that was trying it’s damndest to appear friendly, as a fever hallucination…but then the bedroom door started moving slightly and made sounds like tiny scratching feet pushing at it. I expected it to open, but it didn’t. It continued as I stayed still and listened, but the minute I turned my head to look at the time, it stopped. Weird. Fevers are trippy.


The scratching was not a fever dream at all. It happened again last night while I waited to fall asleep. I pinpointed it’s epicenter. I debated about addressing it, since I had no idea if it was merely a mouse or someone coming to visit after I tried out C. Kendall’s recent incantation experiment. Then I just started talking to it. I told it that if it was a mouse, it needed to quit it. I had to tell it twice, but it did stop and didn’t return.

I had seen a flash of blue in my peripheral vision for just a moment when I had looked around the room when the scratching had started. I also had the unbidden thought pop into my head “Congratulations” without much context, and then moments later, a sound almost physically heard, but also inside my head, embedded in the white noise. It was gentle and breathy, almost hissing, and it merely said “Hey” as if trying to get my attention.

It was my bedtime at that point, 3AM or so, so I said aloud that I was perfectly willing to have conversations in my dreams. Regrettably, I don’t remember last night’s to do any comparison.

This is kind of the hardest part; wanting to progress so badly that you fear you may be grasping at straws and non-events. Granted, in the moment, I accept everything in case it’s real. Afterwards is when I start questioning.

I am not experienced in my workings yet (wish fulfillment knot magic and medium-ship were my biggest accomplishments when I practiced before) so I didn’t expect much when I did C.K.'s experiment. Granted, I did feel a nice sense of drama and intensity in it, and I did fall into trance. It also allowed me to clearly see and hold the image of the flame in my eyes-closed meditative sight. That’s decent practice for magical imagination and visualization, I suppose. It turned a deep orangey-magenta-lilac in that view and solidified like a jewel. The color is hard to describe.

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Also, I forgot to include the fact that during two otherwise uneventful meditations on The Void, I heard old-school landline telephone ringing in my left ear. I guessed that it was sound association, so I asked aloud, "May I ask who is calling?. I was not sensitive enough to get a clear response.

Or maybe I have a just beginning case of tinnitis. Hopefully, these are signs of progress and not issues with my ears.

And I have also experienced muscle twitches in my right calf and middle back since my fever broke days ago, that are reminiscent of being lightly poked.

Also, my husband has a number of metal footlockers on a low shelf in our bedroom. Within the last month or two, those things have rang out at least three times, randomly while one or both of us are home, as if they had been kicked. My realist husband is convinced that it’s actually the ducts under the house reacting to temperature change, but he thinks every sound the house makes is the ducts.

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I’m a little discouraged. I tried reading one member of the Power Sensing thread; I am satisfied that I was able to pull up anything at all, but it’s unfocused randomness leads nowhere.

The haunch of a massive hairy beast, nomads, and driving snow. (Scene change) A young man, smooth-faced, boyish, dark hair, dark eyes, confused about where he was in the moment, wearing a trenchcoat to bring some dark contrast to his baby-face. A symbol cut and unfolded like a paper snowflake, looking like a solid black triangle point hitting a surface and throwing up straight lines of debris. (Scene Change) Something about Mars, and the partial statement “Long gone are the days…respected slaves”. A white bird flying in the vacuum of starry space and landing in a pool with weedy water weeds at it’s bottom. A vaginal cave. A large spider-like creature enthroned at it’s farthest end. It says something like “Sa-thak”. Means little to me. It’s venom caused melting, and required submersion in the pool to remedy. The other end of the pool opened up to a landscape resembling Scotland or Alaska in Spring, dotted with short domed primitive cob or adobe huts. (Scene Change) A small white farm-style house in a neighborhood with a front porch sporting grey floor paint and teardrop shape-style posts. The lawn and outer appearance is immaculate but inside the paint is peeling, and no one is home. The house is set up with a long central hallway that goes straight from the front door to a back window. There is a kitchen to the left, it is well-kempt but outdated, sporting tools for hearth-cooking instead of cooking with gas or electricity.

Saw the same frequent lava lamp dance of blue, and felt movement on my shins.


Since my last journal post, I have tried an experiment. I attempted to pull some of the energy expelled by my husband during his orgasm into my third eye using visualization, just to see what would happen. It was a whim, and it gave me a headache. It wasn’t a truly painful headache though. It felt more like the after-feel in the layers of skin and bone, that you would feel if you had placed and removed an ice cube on/from your forehead. It lasted for two days. Another off feature of it, was that at nightfall on the second day, that area started buzzing, unbidden. I was in the passenger seat going down the road so I went into meditation to check on it. It just put big blobs of deep dark blue-purple into my vision…but I got a pop-up concept of updates downloading on a computer when it connects to the internet, as a form of communication to get around the fact that I can’t “see” or “hear” well.

What is also strange, is that another structure feels like it’s too the left of my Third Eye and it buzzes too. It feels ‘V’ shaped, to the immediate left of center. The point is at my left brow and at least one of the wings goes up nearly to my hairline in a straight parallel line to the line the chakras follow. What did I do to my forehead? I’m not noticing any benefit or consequence from it, so neutral is good.

One thing I have noticed in myself recently since beginning to study this forum, is that I’ve experienced a great loss of emotional/psychological burden. Everyone around me still wants to talk about the daily tragedies in the news. It stresses them out, they care so much, and I used to be right there with them, but I’m not anymore. I was surprised to realize that I didn’t even have a concern about 17 dead teenagers, and it was even more surprising when I realized that I didn’t feel any shame about not really caring emotionally. Only a few months ago, I would have felt bad for failing to be a ‘decent’ or ‘compassionate’ person in that way, and for not worrying about the future for everyone’s kids. I didn’t this time though, and it’s very unburdening. I’m happier for it.

I would still help anyone I could that crossed my path. I would still show empathy in the face of someone’s pain, who is in front of me, etc. But that globalized sorrow and anxiety for every little thing, is gone. I wouldn’t share it with anyone but my husband and you guys, but while everyone was crying about the complete ‘badness’ of young death, I was integrating what I have learned about the falsity of polarized duality. I thought about how death was neither good nor bad, but necessary, and how there aren’t enough good futures to go around anyway so some of those deceased youth were actually ‘rescued’ from physical lives of hardship in this go-round.

Is that the kind of understanding that Beings might “download” into a person in lieu of talking or appearing to them?


Grasping at air here, but I elected to record everything…I had a dream a day or two ago that had nothing to do with doing business with family members, but somehow it implanted the concept in my mind, so that upon waking, I remembered the common advice “Don’t do business with family members” clearly. My younger brother has worked with family for about four years now and I was just informed that it’s about to end, our Aunt hasn’t been very fair to him for months and she broke the camel’s back by telling him that something is wrong with him and that he needs to be medicated, just a day or two ago.

Coincidence, or some weak sauce but accurate reception on my part?

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Recently, I tried to “build” an inner temple. I haven’t reached Astral Projection yet, so I did it in the Shamanic Journeying style. I built it on that black island in the red world, since there didn’t seem to be anyone else there. It feels like a platform and little else. I even went through the motions of actually building it with dark stone and mortar. When I finished, I left.

A day or two passed, and I encountered a bad luck day. First, I was cornered at a department store by a manager who was stopping at nothing to find out who our cashier was. My husband couldn’t just eat the lie and say “Sure, our cashier asked us if we wanted their stupid store credit card”, she didn’t ask, but who cares. The whole thing made me angry and uncomfortable, that I was being put in a position of protecting a stranger, dealing with a boss that I don’t work for, and being pushed to be a snitch, all without having had a drop of caffeine yet. It put me in a bad headspace to realize that I am not past all of my weaknesses in the realm of the social will. If I was, I would have told that manager to fuck off, and not allowed her to engage me in a battle of wills.
After that, a car pulled out into moving traffic and nearly hit my passenger side. I was kind of whatever about that. Test me on fear of death and I’ll pass, but I’ve always been more disgusted and fearful of the social societal crap and human beings much more.
The last thing was that I gashed the crap out of my finger on a can lid, trying to get at some green beans. The cut was deep and bled a lot. I pondered offering it, but I didn’t know to whom, and I didn’t have an inclination to the possible outcome. A lot of blood dropped though, so I’m sure someone got a meal. I bandaged myself up and stewed in frustration for a while. Sometimes I genuinely hate being a physical being having to be subject to all of these stupid human systems and biological facts.


Lady Eva’s Worm Moon group working:

I had originally planned to use threes to pick a time (9pm), but my prep took a lot less time than I imagined it would. I intended to show seriousness, respect, and dedication to what I was attempting, so I took a salt water bath to be clean. I listened to ancestral music and imagined gunk falling off of me into the water. Afterwards, I dressed up in a dark blue/navy dress with silver accents and avoided doing anything that would make me “dirty” again, like eating or housework.

I gathered up my materials, a white candle, dried rosemary, a dried marigold I grew myself, a bowl, a lighter, and a cup of warm milk with manuka honey melted into it. Then I set out to do the working, earlier than planned at 7:15pm.

It had been raining for two days straight but had stopped about an hour earlier, so the yard was cool and muddy with puddles everywhere. I went barefoot because it seemed right (energetically protective and adding another level of offering/sacrifice because it was chilly and full of rocks and somewhat painful).

When I went outside, I was struck by how lovely the moon and stars were. Orion was right overhead. I crouched under Orion and across from the Moon, so that I could see it from my space. My cat was all up in my business, sniffing everything. He backed off after I lit my candle and guarded it from the breeze until it steadied itself. He hung back for the rest of the work and asked questions in his meows.

I petitioned the Moon, Anpu/Anubis, and Hermes for their help and directed their attention to the offering I had brought for them. I began to state my intent and dipped the dried marigold (flower of the Dead) into the flame. It caught easily and smouldered like incense or a smudging stick, and smelled nice and earthy. The smoke trailed from it and I chanted for the psychopomps to “bring back the Dead, bring back those murdered, bring back the wise and magical that were snuffed out before their time by the oppressive desert god”. With additions of removing all banishing, bonds, and enslavements put upon them by the god of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, so that they could share their wisdom and if willing, fulfill the purpose of lifting that mental slavery from the living. I burned the rosemary then, and it smelled nice too. My breath steamed as I continued chanting. I also petitioned the psychopomps to spread the spirits far and wide so that they wouldn’t linger around my home.

It became very breezy and I could hear dogs baying in every direction. I gazed at the flame and the moon. There came a point in which I felt that I had been heard and attended to. I can’t say how. I can’t see or hear or physically feel them, but I guess it was decided somewhere somehow. My cat must have known it too because he came back and nibbled gently at my heel.

I blew out the candle and spilled the offering to dispatch it. My cat tried to get a nip of it so I had to apologize for that. I cleared up, and noticed that my breath was no longer steaming. My cat rested and watched. I entered a shallow meditation and could have sworn that I heard hesitant footsteps approaching in the wet leaves. I followed the sound and opened my eyes right on the open door of my home and hoped nothing had gone in there exploring. I gave the beings license to depart and gave thanks.

I finished by setting a bowl of water in a moonbeam to act as a portal. I had to bring my cat in with me for fear he might try to drink the portal. I then had to clean my wet-leave covered feet and all that they had tracked in.

The whole thing lasted around 45 minutes, but felt like 15 minutes.

A hour or two after that Worm Moon working, I got suddenly energized and upbeat. Even my ring seemed to sparkle more. I used that energy to do some Pilates and yoga and then followed up with some chakra meditation. While focused on the throat, I felt the chakra itch, and felt like a sinew or thread was laid over it. While focused on the Third Eye and Crown, I “heard” high-pitched insect wing type whines and got the sense of unintelligible whispers. I also heard very physical rustling and movement in my kitchen behind me. It was nonthreatening, and possibly a mouse. I was done at 12:30 am.


Had an interesting thing happen during meditation last night. I got an extreme body buzz that first radiated from my groin down my thighs and up into my shoulders. It then hit in waves. It was arousing. I also felt like my forehead got a lite touch, and that my eyelashes were brushed past.

I had just previously tried to make overtures of friendship to Duke Cohzier. I called his attention and gave him the biggest juiciest part of the bowl of greens I was eating (I heard he likes spinach), and later I buried it in the garden.

I still don’t “see” or “hear” or really even “feel” much of anything. It’s operating more like it’s a decision. It just comes to me like “It’s done, I’ve been heard and attended to, and I’m satisfied” with little to no other clues as to that decision’s validity. Once, my cat picked up on the done-ness and he came over to nibble me just to make sure that I knew, so I wouldn’t sit there all night waiting for sight or sound.

My address to Duke Cozhier ended at exactly 11:11pm. I looked at my phone immediately afterwards and had to chuckle about that.

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It was my 33rd birthday recently. I remember dreaming that someone was trying to drag me into a group activity that I didn’t truly want to be a part of. I recall them mentioning Triton, which I imagine was a crossed wire of memory because I recall that being a theme in a thread about C.K. meeting a new entity pertaining to him recently. I finally told the group “No”, that I wasn’t interested, and right then, I woke up. My husband, who talks in his sleep, at that very moment said “What?” angrily in his slumber, and I realized that I was bleeding (my monthly had gone on freak flow and caused a barrier failure).

Next night, I dreamed that someone had exchanged three or four gold coins to grow a creature in a well hole. I found the creature attached to me, from my mid-back to my upper left thigh, and I pulled it off of me. It felt like having stitches pulled out after the flesh has healed post-surgery. Icky-weird. Then the dreams got random. Young people traveling around martial law and military parades, snow and Xmas decorations on abandoned houses. I remember walking with a serious and stern-faced dark-haired man in the snow. He told me that his favorite day had been his brother’s birthday (super-random). A white canine-like creature kept finding us again and again. I thought it was cute, but he insisted that it was hunting me as prey. He wanted me to kick it away, but it became a boy-child, bleeding where I had hit it, and I felt remorse.


(Late-ish) Happy Birthday! :+1:

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I have tried to make an introduction to Lucifer. A small evocation and offering to say “Hello” kind of thing. I focused on the sigil and chanted the enn until the lines flashed and my whole consciousness seemed to be in my sight and my brain seemed asleep. I gave him some really good German dark chocolate with little bits of candied orange peel in it. I really like it anyway.

I of course, saw nothing unusual, since all my meditating has so far only produced bright blue blobs that float in my view like the oils in lava lamps during meditation or during good old fashioned zoning out and ooh shiny moments. Also, there are occasional specks of light.

However, I did hear a nice wierd pop out of nowhere in the kitchen nearby. It sounded like it came from a little bill-paying table we have there. And a little later, after we were done, I became very flushed. My face got very warm to the touch and rosy around the nose and cheekbones. I addressed him when it occurred, to indicate that I was willing to ascribe that sudden unprovoked warmth and flushing to him saying “Hi” back in one of the few ways I could receive it with weak astral senses.

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