Hey all, been a long while since I’ve been back.
I figure making a journal here will give me a reason to be a bit more social and get out of my head about everything.
I hope everyone has been well in the time I was gone.
As for my first entry, heres some pictures of a colour of fire I had never seen when burning just ink paper and blood.
Hail to the infernal divine.
Hail to the Trident of Witchblood.
In Nomine Hekate, Lucifer, Belial and Arachne,
King
Welcome back! 
Thank you Thank you! The welcome is appreciated 
The progression of a spell repeated every two weeks for 8 weeks. (Curious what anyone makes of or feels off of these, I blocked sigils and words so no sense can be made of them other than by senses 
)
Beginning my journey into the Qlippoth has taught me a lot already. Its been extremely eye opening, and the more I read the more it drives my hunger for knowledge.
My current brain worm project that has repeatedly called to me is mapping the tree with the tunnels into its hell spheres, and listing the spheres with the one of seven alchemical steps they represent/coincide with, which will then further break down into the four levels of alchemy they will break into.
My flesh and mind are clay, I offer them to be shaped and moulded.
Rest in peace sweet brother. I shall miss and mourn you greatly. I thought you were able to return from the abyss that you so embraced, however now I see you lost yourself into it. I’ll always love you, my dear brother.
All I desire shall come to pass. This I know. This I trust. I must have patience. I must give it time and wait. I have given the universe no choice but to conform, I just have to wait for reality to catch back up to the shape I have given it.
A very happy tree familiar to go with my pondering for the day
For a good cause, an act of wrong doing may be virtuous
The almost overwhelming desire to have someone perform divination for me for reassurance purposes is an annoyance. Like a child needing to be coddled. I wish the nagging voice would just silence momentarily so I could have peace. Ah well, just means its time to do housework and meditate
The thing I want also scares me the most. Why must that be so? I suppose because from my current point of view I am on such a razor’s edge that I feel one wrong breath and my desire slips from my grasp.
The anticipation is burning away at my mind like a spark on a dry forrest bed. My emotions and anxieties are threatening to turn into a raging inferno at any given moment, and yet I must stand stalwart and stoic. I must be steady in my resolve. My will shall manifest itself upon this world. I just need to be calm.
Well, Today is the day I see how my spells manifest. I feel more confident today than I have in four days. I feel like the past few days have been akin to looking over a cliff, running all the things that could possibly go wrong and allowing my anxiety to take hold over me.
I woke up today as though hearing a countdown in my head. I have to jump, now its just to take some deep breathes and run. The free fall is always the scariest part.
To my Gods and Goddesses, I leave myself in your hands.
I have been applying for the same job since June… this freaking place is giving me such a headache. I literally have all the qualifications to get me hired on. I may have to ask one of the Divine to give my resume a hand getting picked from the choices and actually get me hired on. Getting this job would make a massive impact on my life in a positive direction and would open so many doors for me.
Gotta love having somewhat worldview breaking revelations first thing in the morning while getting ready for work. No matter what I did and what rules I thought I was playing by, this chain of events was set into motion years ago and I simply couldn’t comprehend Their, Her machinations.
The tests are fucking exhausting. Testing, testing, testing. Poking, proding, dissecting. The ignition and pushing to see if my resolve is real is fucking tiring, however I have to be understanding… I have made and failed commitments before. They need to make sure I am true. This one doesn’t have a choice anymore. This one has nothing left to lose, so no matter what he will follow the path, through pain and hate and anger and defeat or victory and comfort and excitement and love.
I am I. I am All.
I think… I think other than my tree exploration and lessons, I am going to stop practicing magick for myself. Just for a while. Let my rituals and spells all take hold and just allow things to be for the first time in my life. Just trust the course and my guides.
My first goal has been crushed. Now to learn and see how I can do the same to my second goal. Supposedly the first goal is the hardest type of magick to perform, and if that’s the case the second goal is going to be easy.
I was compelled to reread an article… To quote it directly: No matter what she does to you, she might just be the most important ally you have.
Gods damnit… why must you test me so…
