A rite of healing and opening the roads to better healthcare
1 Like
I swear I feel your heart in my chest my love… a second heart that beats slightly off of mine, enough that I can distinguish it and feel it…
My will be done.
Well this sparked the old mad scientist brain and now I have a ritual lay out to bind myself so that my volatile emotions will only hit a threshold I am able to healthily and non explosively manage, until I am able to navigate having emotions for the first time in my life without needing it anymore.
Training wheels for emotions… hell if this works it will be an amazing little ritual to have in my tool belt
You poor ignorant little leech. You truly have no idea what you have wrought. You tried to turn my love and everyone around her against me while abusing her. You tried to scare her from me because I “work with demons” while not understanding that I am the one who taught her magick. She does too.
Now you will see and feel the full might of hell. All you hold dear will crumble and rot. Your life will turn to smoldering ruin. Your joy will turn to ash in your mouth.
This proved to be an interesting experiment already. Any time I begin to become overwhelmed and have my emotions go past a threshold I can calm myself from my chest begins to get tight, like the binds are constricting around my ribs. Not the most pleasant feeling, its like having a bad asthma flair up, however little poppet me takes what I can’t handle so I am grateful for that.
Ugh Samael has been kicking my ass.
The back end of Gamaliel was rough, however all I have done is initiate into this sphere and it has put me into an almost constant state of dissociation. And because of the constant dissociation I am drained physically and mentally, which is just compounding and making me stress about not accomplishing what I feel I need to be doing.
Gotta listen to Andramelech. I need to let go.
1 Like
Lets see if this helps me get further in
It certainly did help.
To quote my little qlipha journal I have going, this was what my journey boiled down to:
**Andramelech met me in the vast desert again. The sand was not sand. It was crushed bones. It truly is a tomb. Where we go to die. Where I have gone to die.
He told me I am fighting it all. Chasing my tail like the dog that I am. My incessant need to control is not allowing me to progress. By letting go I will achieve my control, he said. I have begun the process of rotting away. Of killing the old, but so long as I hold on, it shall all remain. I need to listen. To learn. They will show me the path, I just need to use my eyes to actually fucking follow it. I have to fall.**
1 Like