That is awesome! When you have time and feel like up to it and write more about it will be perfectly fine 
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I obviously have spent some time reflecting, and doing just one more thing magically than I would everyday, as well as just one more activity than I would normally in my day as far as getting out of my apartment, eating right and things like that go.
Unfortunately, sleep has been a fickle mistress and I’ve been struggling with my daily routine. That’s not incredibly surprisingly with me, change any one factor in life and I go through a period of time where I either sleep way more than usual, or not enough. The trouble has been I’ve wanted to sleep, and have found myself instead trancing out for literally hours and even if I’m going to bed at 2 am dog tired, I’m still awake at noon without any sleep and then I end up sleeping until late in the evening.
It doesn’t really matter, I do always prefer to be awake at night, but it’s thrown my schedule a bit off and left me feeling at times rather unmotivated.
Despite this, I seem to have an influx of entities reaching out to me. I started my last week with an entity that’s name I won’t share while projecting, then Ariel popped up in my dreams, and then the next day I ran into Lord Bale while projecting. Bale, I’m assuming is Bael, despite the fact it sounded just like hay bale to me, and they appeared to have a head made from a skull- cow, horse or something to that affect. Anpu has also been around recently, dreams about an ex forum member cursing me, and my ex-mother in law popped up randomly on my social media liking my profile pictures. 
Tuesday, I also noticed that the Lily’s I planted were begging to pop up. I had three bulbs so I was excited to see all three peaking out at me.
Then last night I get up and found that while I was sleeping, I purchased a book that I had not come across before.
I found that odd, as yesterday morning I came across a thread where @DarkestKnight mentions that Jason Miller has put together an entire system of magic dedicated Hecate. I wasn’t surprised as I read his Protection and Reversal Magick defense manual, more than a year ago and noticed Hecate was a big deal to Miller but…
I dedicated my Lily’s to Hecate when I planted them, and I keep having odd random thoughts about devotion, entities, and Hecate. So I did some looking around and ended up getting his book on Strategies to practical magic, just to see if any of it included Hecate, with plans to reread his defense manual in the near future. Wasn’t really sure what I was looking for.
But I managed to find exactly what I was looking for in this book that I purchased while I was apparently sleep walking. (again- guess it’s just part of life at this point) It’s pretty religious as far as the author and their position on Hecate goes but, I found why the book was for me, rather quickly.
Plant spirits, are something I’ve encountered and that I plan to spent a lot more time with in the future, particularly now that I have windows and a balcony, and places I can grow things. I was just like wait, in all I’ve come across about Hecate, I’ve not encountered this association with plant spirits- somehow, but I should have!
I found rather quickly the author of this book feels about plant spirits the way I do, that each plant has a main/master spirit or archetype and most if not all individual plants have a more minor, individual spirit that has a similar feel as the other of the species do- essential each plant species is a race of it’s own spirits.
I ended up returning my kindle version of this book, and ordering a hard back. At first I thought maybe this new found working meant I was done with the Keys of Ocat, but I realized after quite some time contemplating, it’s really just an extension of the work I’m doing with this. I’m using herbs and plants with this work, and I’ve worked with Hecate several times already, so I I think it’s more of a call to go deeper with Hecate before I move through the rest of the entities as I keep on planning to do.
Each time I go to start it however, something comes up, and I find myself delayed another day. I never consider it a major ordeal, I’m doing something magical everyday, I’m working with the sigils from the Angels of Omnipotence as I still have a commitment with several more angels, though I’m no longer working at the pace of the book club and honestly I have plenty of time in my day and this authors banishing methods and rituals for working with the plant spirits and Hecate as well as her daughters fit quite nicely with what I’m doing with the Keys of Ocat.
As such, I’ve decided to consider it an extension of this work, a deepening of the relationship I’ve only just began to have with Hecate and I’m going to include it with this journal, as eventually I know the phase will pass and I will be onto working with the other entities related to the Keys of Ocat as well.
Unfortunately I don’t blow through grimoires like @anon39079500 
or at least those that I have, I wasn’t comfortable sharing and this one is a lot of deeper work, and really transformative to my life and my practices, rather than me just evoking one being after another for specific tasks.
Oh and my 3 Lily bulbs, decided to give me four sprouts yesterday. I was super happy with three, and downright ecstatic to see four, would be the addition to my little family.
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Your thread is absolutely amazing. The Info is Gold. Hecate, Circe and Medea how interesting and cool is that?!
Bael is the Ruler of Oreb Zaraq, the place of the ravens and even if is a Venus qliphoth is related to the beauty of working with the dead and the death.
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Interesting, I’ve not really worked with Bael so it was surprising and I just figured sometime soon I’d reach out and see if there is more than that brief message for me or not 
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I started today a little late, errrr rather early for today and late for yesterday. I was going to go to bed around 5 am, then figured if I just got started doing things, goodness knows I’d be a little bit happier and nothing takes as long as it seems, or is as much trouble as I make it out to be.
I began with banishment from -Entering Hekate’s Garden: The Magick, Medicine & Mystery of Plant Spirit Witchcraft: Brannen, Cyndi: 9781578637225: AmazonSmile: Books
It is a Khernips ritual, so something a little bit new for me, but I really liked it. If you don’t know what Khernips is, I’ll let you google it or here is a link I found- this is written similar as far describing the purpose of the ritual as the book I am using.
Making Khernips | Hellenic Faith
Of course, I had to improvise a little since I only have dry and ground herbs for what the book called for, and I didn’t want to substitute today. I’m sure in the future I’ll try it with sprigs of herbs, but for today, I just smashed a charcoal disk, lit parts of the fragments, covered it with herbs then proceeded to follow the rest of the steps for the ritual. I really liked this type of banishment a lot.
Next I went back and forth playing video games and doing mundane things for the majority of the day. I finally realized late in the afternoon, that I might as well go ahead and get started on my altar closet.
Yep, you heard me right, altar closet. I had the fantastical notion the other day, that I could slide a piece of furniture, into my bedroom closet and voila! I can create an altar on top of this furniture, and use the storage below for my magic shit.
Cool beans dude. I always thought I didn’t have a place I could leave things up but…now that I’m turning my living room into a bedroom for my son and keeping the bedroom, I can’t see any reason not to use the closet this way. Granted I may have to put my foot down once @anziel_merkaba gets here at the end of the month, and maybe get a tape measure and show how I can slide it alllllllllllllmost all the way to my side of the closet, soooooooooooo nooooooooo ya girl man, ya not loosing closet space for your miraculous polo shirts and khakis. I promise. If not too bad, I decided and ya not here to argue with me (physically) right now, so there. Hah!
Altar closet it is. So I moved this black furniture thing to the closet, and began moving things around and then it hit me. I didn’t know how I was going to decorate this or what I was going to put on it, I just know that right now for a little bit, this new space goes to Hecate.
Got it. Okay well I’ll figure it out right? Right, I sure did. I decided to make… Idk what ya gonna call this other bullshit dedicated art lmao…So guess I’ll just show you what I did.
I had this metal tray thing I got my from my step-gram when she was still talking to me, and I like it but it’s just sitting around chilling. Taking up spacing and not paying rent. Well now it’s paying rent as I used it as a base for my clay altar center piece. It looked exactly like this before I fckd with it- I just forgot to take a picture of it. Thank you Home Depot, for always having the same product at a higher price. It means I can always find photos when needed. Anyways I made flour and salt clay, and I rolled it out, kinda, sorta- not all that smooth cuz I suck ballz but…. I did my best and then…
I sat there.
Huh. Now what? I swear this was a great but…………
Oh… Duh.
Herbs. Flowery herbs. I like those, and I’m almost out of lavender and it’s my favorite so… I’ll press herbs into, so they stick and make my surface textured. Boo-yah, defeated the ferocious your works not smooth monster in one fell swoop.
I wasn’t even down with that, when I realized I could draw Hecate’s sigil from Connolly’s books on it, and gosh I never have the right size candle holders and always have to melt wax off the bottom to make them stand up… but they are no drip so…why don’t I make built in candle holders…
And so I did. Oh what am I going to color the deep indentations I made for the sigil, with? Blood red.
Great, I don’t have anything blood red, I don’t think. But I kept on working on my project and before I was done with the previous, I realized I did have hibiscus flower petals, for tea. The look like a mixture of deep reds and pinks to me. I think that’s close and even if it’s not-it’ll stand out against the clay and lavender.
So that’s pretty much all I did, because after that I had to put it in the oven to bake, for about 3 hours. I could have done more piddly things with my new altar closet while I waited, but it didn’t really make sense to get too far on it, until I get the center piece on my table and decide how I want to do things around it.
My kitchen smells amazing today, even if it looks like part of my clay got too cooked.
Oh my lily babies are doing fantastic as well, btw.
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It’s been so long that I don’t really know which ramble train to get on. I’ve been doing things, but my life has been much fuller than usual, so I just haven’t had time to sit down and write about any of it. It kinda makes me wonder if this journal is worth keeping, but I guess time will tell.
I don’t normally have much of a social life. I spent most of my years as a mom, someone who worked and I came home after work and took care of a family. Friendships outside of work never happened and rare are the people I liked at work to truly consider them friends.
I’ve spent the last year nearly holed up by myself. After the weather got to cold for my lungs in October, I don’t even go out except to buy smokes. I’ve considered walking a few times for minor groceries, but it’s a pretty long ways and I’ve just not felt up to it. Riding the bus to town is a pain because I need to take at least three buses to get anywhere, there’s a lot of wait time in between and I have to be back at the final bus switch by 3:30 pm period or there is no way home.
So, with this is mind I tossed out a tarot reading about two weeks ago that indicated my social life over the next month was going to be brimming over. Sure @Anziel_Merkaba is moving in with me on the 29th, but that isn’t going to change the lack of friends I have.
Interesting enough however, it came up in conversation with my old man friend the last time he stopped by, that I hadn’t seen a particular person since I’ve been home. Like my old man friend, he used to sit and watch over me while I was pregnant and working alone late nights about 13 years ago.
Friday, I walked out my apartment long enough to go across the street for smokes, and on my way back to my parking lot, I saw the guy I had been asking about. My old man friend walks up and before you know it, I have someone safe that I can trust to take me to the bar, to hang out with, to game. Someone who knows a bit about my history and ex, so he doesn’t believe the rumors- like me he can feel someone out and know more than he should.
Retired Marine, that then went into the army because he was bored, hit a semi truck head on with his motorcycle and lived, and well him and my boyfriend talk about cars for what seems like days. But I was really struggling to relate to the car thing, even though I usually can be interested and supportive in whatever the interests were, this one gets me because of past trauma. Well my new friend makes it funny, and understandable, and is into the suping shit up so its fast and fun and dangerous and ridiculous and even though I am a truck girl lol. I didn’t think about how fun it could be to have a couple of car supe up a Chevy Colorado for me lmao.
So my life’s been fun and busy. It’s kinda of nice to live for a change, I’ve been needing and wanting this, but there’s so few people in this town that I can trust, and tolerate that it’s ridiculous. Most of them believe what they hear, and that alone tells me they aren’t worth my time. They should have known me better.
Anyways, I realized I forgot to update that I finished my closet altar and I think it turned out fantastic, considering I only used materials I had on hand. It’s not even, it’s not perfect but in my mind it’s pretty damned cool. I’ve had the closet door latched so to speak so the pets can’t get in it, but when I opened the closet to take pictures to post here, I noticed something really weird with one of the candles I put in it.
It’s really strange, because I know my kids didn’t get in there and I know my pets can’t and I’ve had the door shut for like two days, while I’ve been out and about so wtf.
Then I noticed I have a sea shell turned upside down, but I didn’t notice it until after I took all of the pictures. I righted it, but I’ll post the picture of it upright, so maybe you’ll notice it upside when you look at the rest lol.
There’s a lot of things going on, on my altar. Most of them mean something to me, though I’m sure some of it may allude the rest of you 
So other than that, I’ve noticed that I’m manifesting a lot of things simply by thinking something along the lines of I need to do something for this, or I’d like to have that. From help moving the boyfriends things in because my lungs suck and I’m not that strong, to a ride to town to get my meds instead of taking the bus, it seems here lately I’m having way more manifest without effort than usual. I’ve experienced it all along like most, but not at this level of think it and a few days later it’s taken care of without any effort from period.
It makes me pause and wonder if it has anything to do with this altar and the path of devotion I’ve decided to trek down. Don’t confuse me for a meatbag worshipper, because I still don’t worship anything or anyone but. It has come to my attention more than once, that devotion and honoring something or some entity does not require worship. I know Ea mentions the path of devotion and the rewards and power that can be gained in one of his books, but I can’t recall which off hand.
In other news, I very excited have $196 worth of herbs coming my way this week. Not just herbs, actual plants. I was downright tickled when I was able to talk Anziel into see this huge window ledge in the kitchen, and the balcony… I can so make this an indoor outdoor herbal thing, so that I can grow herbs and plants year round…
So things are good and none of the work I’ve actually done seems worth mentioning atm, but I figured I’d catch ya’ll up. I think next on my agenda is opening the gates and trying to reach my daddy. It won’t be today, but soon. I’m not sure why but it hit me hard this morning that I need to.
I know my daddy hung around for about a year after his death, he visited me a few times while I was pregnant with my daughter, then she was born and I’ve not seen him since. I’ve encountered other dead relatives, like my stepmother fairly regularly here the last few months so it strikes me odd. I was super close to my daddy and not my stepmother so I can’t quite work out what the difference is, unless it’s he reincarnated and she did not. I figure it’s about time I find out.
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I’m super excited because one of my boxes of herbs arrived early.
It really doesn’t take much to make me happy. This particular bunch was a bundle I got off Amazon (I have reasons but they be mine).
-https://smile.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07MVVTGHD?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title&th=1
I was under the impression I was going to get six random herbs and I’m ecstatic that I somehow got two lavenders out of it. I almost purchased two of this bundle because I wanted two lavenders 
They are a little root bound, so I’m going to need to transfer them ASAP- I wasn’t expecting that but they are all alive and mostly pretty healthy looking.
I wasn’t expecting two lemon balms, and they look like they’ve been watered just a bit too hard but that’s okay- it’s an herb I have been using a lot in my necromantic work so it’s all win in my mind.
I even got a guide for dummies doesn’t hurt to refresh my memory tho, it’s been about two years since I had a garden and about 16 since I had access to a green house to play in all I wanted.
It is interesting how the card lists the six herbs I was expecting and I still got two duplicates, but I’m not sure I want to complain because I definitely wanted two lavenders.
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Herbwitching is so totally awesome 
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I have a friend that’s in a bit of bind. But he’s proud. Too proud in fact, but at any rate despite his physical issues, he’s doing his best to work. That’s great, except you know we’ve had covid a long time now so employment has been more down for this guy than up, his roommate hasn’t paid rent in months and his electric is overdue more than a few months. He’s working everyday, he’s trying but it’s hard to get caught up in his life. His roommate has a steady income with low commitment, so I feel like he needs a nudge to cough up some of his responsibility.
I had an idea of what I wanted to do, as soon as I realized I wanted to do something. The more I planned it out the more it fell together, to the point I had it figured all out. Woo go me lmao. It did however take me longer, because I took breaks and played video games and was generally a little lazy, but I was also contemplating it while I was doing these other things- or rather I was letting things flow into me and pop up as they may. Either way, I worked out my plan, while mostly not focusing on it specifically, but rather by allowing my mind to wander where ever it may so choose.
I know that sounds contrary to planning, but honestly my best schemes come together when I’m not even trying to figure it out, the ideas or whatever just come- I don’t always need to calculate and work it out the hard way. Sometimes I do, I need to- the problem doesn’t need me to lmao. I like to over think, and I’m pretty good at that too lol.
Anyways, I decided to start by opening the gate and summoning Hecate. This seemed appropriate due to my reason choices, and well she seems to be good at everything from what I read, to some extent or another- so why not. I then started looking up correspondences for Jupiter, as I decided to use the fourth pentacle of Jupiter, pretty early on in my process- as in first thing. I don’t know why, but for some reason I am really drawn to using the pentacles in my workings, and I’ve used them on and off since I began really. Most time’s have turned out successful to my goal, though they have sometimes manifested things in ways I did not expect.
While I was looking up things for Jupiter, I realized that I could combine my book on Hecate’s garden with this working, and was even more pleased. I probably would have picked herbs and things- somewhat randomly based on what I’ve learned so far, but it was rather fun to flip through my book and look at both planet associations and magical uses, by herb.
Somewhere along the lines I go Oh yeah, and remember Bune is not only necromantic they are associated with money as well. I figured that was appropriate and got out my copy of the Keys of Ocat to look up the sigil Connolly uses for them. (Yes I know the planetary correspondence doesn’t match. Let me be, I’m doing me here.)
I gathered my supplies and settled in for the long haul.
I began by opening the gates and calling upon Hecate, explaining my intentions, then summoning Bune and giving the short story. After summoning I drew out the pentacle I chose, and it’s kinda awful- but it doesn’t really matter, the intentions are what matter. (Guess I forgot to take a picture while all four candles were lit, oops)
After I finished drawing out the pentacle, I wrote the guys name on one of my bay leaves, money, on one and something else on the third leaf. I burned the leaves and then dumped some of the ash, and ritual herbal material onto my sketch of the pentacle.
I then folded my paper, towards me to symbolize money flowing towards my target. I finished by wrapping the packet with green thread and sealing it with a bit of wax from each candle.
Now all I have to do is drop it someplace, that even though his house is an absolute mess- his well trained eyes won’t notice.
I also took the opportunity, to make an on the fly money come fast oil. It’s an idea I picked up from hoodoo, but adapted to my ritual.
Basically I just put a cinnamon stick in an essential oil bottle I washed and saved for magical stuff.
Then I added in basil, olive oil, closed the lid and shook.
I only made about 3/4s of a bottle, it holds about an ounce. I don’t feel like I need shit tons of fast money oil, but you never know what mess you might find yourself in and it gave me an opportunity to work with herbs and tapping into the spirits behind those herbs.
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It is done!
Hail Bune! 
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Koetting said to have fun while doing magic, but that’s a new level 
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Well, it wasn’t during the ritual- it was during the plotting it out part. 
But if I’m doing heavy energy work, or long rituals- I bring smokes and a snack
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Indeed. To update, my target received an extra $100 cash with their pay check from the boss, was paid another $2 per hour for their labor this week due to it being more skilled work than he was hired for, and his roommate ponied up $400 for the current months rent, as well as bought some groceries and little shits.
This all happened the day after I did my work, so whether or not it would have happened anyways, who knows- I’m going to count it as a win in my book.
I am however disappointed as earlier in the week, I had a nagging sensation, that I needed to contact my long dead father. He passed when I was 19, and I am now almost 36. I know he was around for a while after his death, as he visited me a few times after I discovered I was pregnant with my daughter a few weeks after his death. About a year after his death he stopped coming to visit me, so I have assumed he’s passed on, possibly only a shade of who was is reachable but I can’t be certain.
Well this nagging feeling, persisted until I realized it wasn’t really me that needed to contact my daddy. It was Anziel.
All I could really do was relay the message and god it feels urgent and I have no idea why but please. Do what I’ve been failing to do and contact my daddy.
He did. It almost seems to be more about Anziel’s expectations however, than my daddy needing to talk to him. Or at least I can’t figure out why the conversation they had, would be important, under any other context.
Essentially, my daddy wanted to have the typical what are your intentions, with my daughter conversation.
Say what? How does that make sense… Legit. I’ve dated, I’ve been in a good relationship in addition to this one and this has never come up before so what’s so urgent about it this time?
I could try to guess, but I’d rather meet up with my father and demand he give me some answers, cry over the fact he won’t be here for me through whatever this life brings, and that I’ve missed his presence in my life for a number of years.
Yet, I keep failing to connect with him. I’ve tried twice now, and maybe three times will be the charm, but I’ve failed to project to him- maybe because I don’t know where that is, so maybe my intentions aren’t clear enough, maybe I need to sit down and try to draw him to me instead. But it’s easier when I can project to something, the communication is clearer, they can show me what I failed to see or hear etc.
I also felt like a bit of failure today with my new herbs. Most of them are doing beautifully but I received these on Saturday. I thought they were real cute, I opened and watered them but they arrived early and the soil I ordered to plant them in, is not supposed to be here till this afternoon.
They seemed a bit dry when I opened them, so I watered them and put them in the window with my other herbs that are seemingly thriving. Today I get up and despite the fact I checked twice yesterday, they are dried out as fck, wilting and dying.
I hope my soil arrives sooner, rather than later so I can do the transplanting I need and hopefully save these little guys. In the meantime, I reached out to them energetically, pushing love and healing energy towards them and I also lit orange candles on my altar to help facilitate concentration on my goal to save these wee ones… (picture from Saturday, I don’t want to take one of them wilting towards death, makes me sad (ish) They were suppose to be good in their packaging for at least five days, so apparently I should have left them in it, rather than opening them.
In other news, I need to order me some Black Cohosh- in the herbal/or plant form. I’ve been taking it in vitamin form for about two weeks now. My friends have commented on how I’m much more even keel, less spastic, slower to irritate and generally less pissy, in the last few days as compared to prior to me adding this supplement to my routine.
I’ve noticed my day time hot flashes, are less often and considerably less intense. I’m still having night sweats, on a regular damned basis but I’m getting about 2 hours at a time before it’s unbearable, and I have to get out of bed to cool the fck down to the point of freezing, to try again as the over heating is just about making me fcking sick.
I’ve tried using the vitamins as a way to connect to the spirits related to the Black Cohosh plant and I haven’t failed, but. It’s not clear like some of the other plants I’ve had legit in my possession in the past, or the Lily’s which are thriving in my bathroom window. We had frost this week and the temperature has not risen about around 45 at night so, I don’t want to put them on the balcony yet, and the only place my cat can’t accidentally get exposed to them and kill herself- is the bathroom window. It’s too much of straight up jump for her to get there. (thank goodness)
So I’ve reached out and feels like… hey we can hear you but you’re too far away to hear us clearly, or something similar. Sounds crazy to put into words, but I know what I mean and it kinda makes since when you consider how diluted the plant mater in a commercially produced pill would be. (to me) So on my agenda for pay day, is order Black Cohosh in a form I can make a tea with, and hopefully go deeper with.
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I finally connected with my daddy, while dreaming. I thought I’d recall the encounter better than I do, but alas I know this happens sometimes when I am too tired to try to record my dreams.
In the first dream sequence, I walked through a garage like area and was headed towards Anziel when two tiny zebras came out of nowhere and started biting at me. I told him about it, woke up and then found myself dreaming that I was with my father and several teenagers. He was treating them differently than how he had treated me at that age. It was so noticeable that I spent some time talking about it and trying to figure out why he would treat them differently.
Eventually my daddy came up to me, and told me that he was treating them differently, because they were not me and the circumstances were different this time. He explained that he wanted to speak to my boyfriend, because things were not the same as they had been.
I wish I could recall his exact words, alas I woke up went over the dream in my mind and rolled over and fell back asleep. Often, if I just recount the dream to myself I will remember it well enough that the missing details come back to me when I do record it later, but not this time.
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Thursday, the more feminine of my two lavender plants told me to call it Lola. I was sort of startled, but not really surprised- lavender is my moly after all. Then the bigger oregano and rosemary told me that they didn’t want Anziel’s dirty mitts to touch them. I giggled but they did not give me names, nor did any of the other plants.
I realized about halfway through the day Friday, that I was very quickly developing the symptoms of a sinus infection. I wasn’t surprised, the friend I’ve been hanging out with has been fighting a sinus infection for about two weeks.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to get a hold of my pulmonologist until Monday, but that if I didn’t get this head cold under control, the drainage would cause me to develop an infection in my over sensitive lungs.
As such, I began gargling with sea salt and oregano- oregano was once considered an antibiotic, it has aseptic properties in it’s long list of health benefits. I also consumed two cups of elderberry and echinacea tea that evening.
None the less Saturday (yesterday) I felt like dog shit. The pressure in my head was mounting, the congestion was near unbearable and I went to bed early after making dinner for my kids. I continued the gargling routine however and today I feel pretty great. I’m still minorly stuffy and there is slight pressure behind my sinuses still- but nothing like it was yesterday. I feel confident I am going to beat this without it developing into something worse- for the first time in years.
My son woke me up to video game with him at 11pm. Apparently my wake me up if you need anything, also applied to gaming. It ended up being a fun time and I was already feeling better and I laid down to project around 4 am.
I was almost out 2 or 3 times, but kept needing to pee, something about getting old and trying to make sure I’m hydrated while sick. I had clear intentions for what I wanted to accomplish, something I’ve been thinking about for a while and I’ve just finally decided to take action upon.
I didn’t get where I intended to go. Instead I found myself in a room with other people. I can’t recall what we were discussing, but then my daddy entered the room from a door on the left. he had a checkbook and looked like he did when I was a child, prior to his health issues.
I was aware I was projecting, but I’m not sure what over came me. I got in his face and I wasn’t yelling, but my tone was clear I was hurt. Don’t you know, don’t you know I’ve been struggling and you just abandoned me.
I’ve been struggling too. I can’t take care of you anymore, this is your life and your problems.
I was stunned. How could he be this way, it most certainly doesn’t sound like the man I once knew, but it feels like him. It looks like him and it sounds like him.
I don’t recall most of the rest, I was being chased by things and instead of being scared, I was fighting back and demolishing them. I ran it all through my head several times when I fell back into my body, but I felt sick, and sweaty and too tired to even get up to go pee, let alone roll over and type it up the minor details in my phone. I knew I wasn’t going to forget the part that mattered, it had hurt me, it felt contradictory to when I dreamed about him and yet is it? I’m not even sure.
Dreams can be subjective. I was pleased to dream about my father, but things were indeed different there too. I’m less confident about the dream than the projection for sure. While projecting I could feel my fathers energy, who he was, touch his arm and recognize how physical wherever we were was.
There’s really no guarantee the dream wasn’t just my subconscious trying to figure shit out. In fact maybe that’s all it was. I struggled to recall it so, it wasn’t an important spiritual message- I know that. I don’t recall being able to feel him, so maybe. Maybe it was just a dream.
Maybe it doesn’t matter. Where ever my daddy is now, he has his own struggles. His own problems and he can’t help me with mine.
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Just to update, magic hasn’t stopped in my life. I’ve found that plant spirits respond quicker than just about anything else I’ve worked with and things have been going really well for me.
For instance, several weeks ago in a moment of desperation, I did two rituals from the Angel’s of Omnipotence. Both were designed to bring someone back into my life. I was downright astounded, when the next evening I got a text from J. He didn’t know if I’d answer considering his lack of ability to respond to a check in, but told me about how he could feel me, screaming desperately inside- that I was in trouble.
That one little interaction, allowed me to make a decision to that completely 360’d my life and changed the trajectory I chose to allow my path to follow. I’m glad for that moment of I can’t fcking do this, I need you- as it allowed me to make the decisions I was avoiding, because I just really dislike hurting others feelings.
Then about 3 weeks ago I did a working with Basil, and Hecate.
I started with making magical paper, the purpose of which I will keep to myself for at least a moment. I wasn’t sure how it was going to work, but what ended up happening was I I made my paper, then drew a sigil representing my desire (Chaos style, using the letters from a word or name, and removing duplicate letters and vowels). I then burn two candles while pushing my intent and communicating with the basil and Hecate.
Later on that evening I burned the sigil. I was rather surprised, when by 10pm that evening- I had what I needed, though I had no idea the result was what I was looking. I was given a reason, and damned good one. Over the next five or six days, more reasons became blatantly obvious and I was able to take mundane actions based upon those reasons, and fix the problem I was trying to counter.
I was super pleased with the working, it’s speediness and the fact I made several extra sheets of magical paper. The results were outstanding, and it was worth the trouble to create the paper and spend all day on the process, just to get results roughly 12 hours later. I’m sure the excess paper, will be real handy to have, when I need it later on.
I’ve also seen the workings I mentioned previously, for the friend who was having money trouble, continue to bear fruit. His roommate paid his rent on time this past month, contributed more than usual to the household and the friends boss has continued to pay him more per hour than was originally agreed upon.
In other news, I’ve had a lot of shadow bonding time. For example, the shadow has begun teaching me more about himself and how his abilities work. I thought for months, that my shadow was created last October, shortly before I began hearing him calling my name.
Well, on his 1 year birthday, he was clear about it. It doesn’t really change anything to know that my shadow was created on the day J dropped me in a hotel, to send me home- but it does give me more insight into things. I’ve suspected for a while that it was more intentionally than raw emotional desire to protect me when J couldn’t, but even when we’ve spoken about, J doesn’t say much more than he’s aware of the shadows presence in my life.
I’m constantly somewhat astounded by how well designed the shadow actually is. I shouldn’t be I suppose, I did teach J how to create servitors. In fact he helped me create both of my children’s servitors.
I just never expected his skill to surpass my own, but perhaps that is where the raw emotional desire to ensure I would always be okay, even when he couldn’t be here- comes into play.
I’ve also got to learn more about the shadows skills, how he protects me and my magic, how to call upon his abilities in a bad situation, how to more fully connect with him.
I’ve never-the-less, been amazed that my friend I’ve spent so much time with- can see my shadow. He says it sorta oozes off of me, undeniably. Interesting- I hosted a scan contest, and had everyone I trusted attempt to get a read/scan on my shadow when he first made himself known to me. I’ve yet to have anyone other than @Arianna pick up on him, at least well enough to describe him. Others have said they can sense something, but their minds couldn’t focus on it, or they got a mirrored wall etc.
That’s really just the cusp of what life has been like the last six weeks, and I’m not sure that anything I’m doing is actually interesting to anyone, but also time is not on my side now a days. I’m only home Mon-Thursday, about six hours per day, every other weekend I have my children and every night I am someplace where life is better than I ever could have expected. I’m not even doing as much servitor work as I was. I don’t really need to, so I’ve taken it as I’ve had requests, but I’ve never been driven to see my maximum potential, and now I really don’t need to. I’ll continue as things come, on the days I am able to, but now that I have much more clear view of my path and where I am going, I am content with using my skills in other ways. Servitors are unfortunately, not the most fun thing in my life anymore.
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I think your work is fascinating.
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Lol, thank you. I tend to think it’s rather bland compared to most
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It’s really great! 
I’m still learning. But hopefully I will get there. Right now, I’m hoping to evoke Hathor. But idk. Im nervous.
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I kinda just want to keep sleeping my day away, but it’s almost time for me to be up anyways. I have lots of things to ramble about, but my trouble is when I do get home- I’m so tired all I do is sleep, take care of my pets and plants and the head right back to my lovers home when he gets off work.
I was just going to sleep today until he called me to tell me he was on his way from work, but I had to remind myself that it was Thursday. It’s really nice that he works four tens and that we always have three day weekends, but I do not have my kids this weekend, so once I leave- I’m gone till Monday around 5 am.
Like I said, I have lots to ramble about, but every time I feel like rambling, I’m not where I have good cell service, or my computer- so I just kinda journal in my mind, with it directed at no one. It certainly helps me process and work through things, but there’s something about having it down in words, that I can see and read that just feels better.
I guess the place to go for this entry, would be right back to the last time I journaled- Three weeks ago yesterday. I got a phone call on 6/14/21 that I had to appear in court on 6/18/21. Talk about panic in a short order. I’ve had several months notice for all of my other court days, except the one where they hauled me in, so I was all out of sorts and upset.
My lover sat at my table, helping me thumb through my herbal books, I was looking for a particular ritual in Entering Hecate’s Garden. It was one I saw when I accidentally bought the book for kindle, and just paged through it out of curiosity. In fact, it was something that tilted the scales towards, Yep, I want this book- in physical copy.
Somehow even though we both paged through the book multiple times, I just could not find it. I ended up re-buying the kindle version, so that I could use search terms in order to locate the ritual. I actually was thinking that perhaps the version I had in my hand differed from the kindle version, but I was mistaken, they are pretty close to identical.
The ritual I was looking for had to do with court cases. Basically banishing them, with the spirit of Fennel. I just happened to be on the phone with my guy, when I was reading over the ritual two days later, for the materials needed and what to do. I said something to the effect of Well, I have everything but Vodka, so I’ll just substitute that with something else.
Ended up, he insisted I go over to his place to get enough vodka for my witchy stuff. You know it will work better… Yeah, maybe- sometimes. More likely to work like the author intends it, but I’ve not had any bad shit come from substituting so… So I walked over to get 4 oz of Vodka and came back.
It was a pretty simple recipe and ritual. The basis of it was grounding up the fennel seeds, tapping into the energy and spirit of Fennel, mixing it with Vodka and then utilizing it on a copy of the court document, while relaying to the Fennel spirit what you wanted to happen.
Naturally, I spoke to the Fennel spirit, explained what I needed, or at least what I needed in the worst case scenario. I then dipped my finger in the mixture, and wrote dismissed on my copy of my court documents.
Fine and dandy, can’t do much more than that, so I didn’t think about it- I just accepted that whatever is, simply is. It’s not the end of the world, but man sure would be nice to get out from under what I didn’t do. Goodness knows I cause enough trouble, without being blamed for shit I didn’t even do- at least not to the fullest extent of the claim.
On that Friday, I ended up real unsure why I had to be there, my public defender just asked for an extension to negotiate restitution and I was given a new date to appear- 7/9/21. While we were there, we down to the prothonotaries office, because I needed a copy of my divorce decree in order to obtain a marriage license.
Man, was I pissed when they handed me the folder with my divorce case, and there was no decree within it. My lover was watching me leaf through and he’s like You’re not divorced.
Me, I was like Bull shit. I didn’t contest anything, it was signed and ready to be filed for the six month waiting period in April, of 2020. This is June 2021, I should have been divorced like eight months ago.
Edit/shit removed: Circumstances just changed, I guess I’m in for a fight. 
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