3/31/21 Nonsensical Rants. Pathworking My Current Past Life (Shadow Work) - #76 by Keteriya
3/31/21 Meeting my new Dead Friend
I think I can get off the pissed off at dumb fcks train, and get back onto the ramble train and discuss my new dead friend now. I’m a bit flabbergasted by my encounter and the dreams from the roughly hour nap I incurred afterward. I was originally going to do a bit of a ritualistic thing and in the end opted for more simplistic, so that I could kill two birds with one stone- projecting and dealing with this dead that seems to want my attention.
I’ve found the early morning hours to be the most conducive to projecting and journeying for me. I’m not really sure why, as those are also the hours where I am finally able to begin sleeping more deeply. It baffles me how my own body and biology differs from everyone else’s, I simply know that it does. It’s not from years of working third shift, though I’ve heard people say that will fck you up my entire life, I’ve rarely worked third shift and never for any length of time. I loved it when I could work it, but usually 3rd shift and 1st are the two most demanded shifts for employers, and if I had tenure I used it towards putting myself on first, as that works best with children.
At least it works best if you’re the one that has to take care of them 100% percent of the time when you’re home. I’ve found that being on 3rd shift, means you’re expected to be up with the children during the day, cook lunch, clean cook dinner and somehow still make it to third shift functioning, despite the fact that if you napped at all, someone needed a diaper change or fed or something that the other person in the home just couldn’t handle so, third shift is not conducive to living, when you have small children, even if you shouldn’t be the only caretaker, but you find that you are.
But it never seems to matter how I explain it, whoever is on the other side of the conversation doesn’t get it so lets get along to business. I know that the early morning hours are the best for me to project or journey. I decided to take advantage of that this morning, as I already invited this dead to come to me in my dreams, and then was unable to produce a deep enough sleep to actually be conducive to communication the last few days. I figured if I’m going to fail to keep my end of that proposition, the next best thing would be to project to the dead and see what’s up.
There’s very little chance of me entering a deep sleep state, while laying in the bigger bed. I’ve tried sleeping in it and honestly it hurts both my hips, I toss and turn and can’t remain comfortable for more than roughly two hours. That makes it the perfect place to project from however, as I can get into a pretty deep trance, and keep awareness due to my inability to get comfortable.
I’ve been saving this death oil, that I concocted a few weeks ago from Connolly’s recipes and my gut instinct. I was originally going to use it and even sat it on the radiator to warm it up, then changed my mind last minute. I didn’t feel like it was the right time to go experimenting with shit, even if it is supposed to be able to enhance spiritual communication with the dead.
Instead I laid down on my left side as I always do when projecting, in this awful bed. I was alone, Atropos and Fairy were goodness only knows where and everything was quiet. I’ve using @DarkestKnight 's mantra for connecting to your inner divinity, when I want to project for a few months now, and I don’t know why but it seems to help. I know everyone else reported that it was very grounding, yet I find my odds of successfully projecting increase so significantly that I rarely fail to project when using it, and when I’m not using it, I get out maybe 1 every 4-6 tries.
I keep thinking it’s something to do with the fact that it is grounding, despite that not making sense to me logically. I’ve often read that in order to project, you need to be well grounded. Grounding is something I have to keep a close eye on as I tend to run high risk for getting fcking lost.
It wasn’t long before I felt like I was seeing through my eyelids. I actually kept squeezing them more tightly closed, as it was daylight and the windows are across from me, and I kept thinking somehow my eyelids were creeping open on their own. Eventually I put a pillow in front of me, where I couldn’t easily be distracted by the daylight creeping through the windows and returned my intentions to getting out, and communicating with the dead in my home.
Eventually I found Atropos had jumped up into bed with me, but she had a friend. Strange, I don’t remember having a kitten. I wondered where it came from, and how I forgot getting one. It was friendly, and I petted it a minute then Atropos went downright ridiculous cleaning it. I had the thought then, that it was one of her kittens. That makes no sense, as while she is still intact due to lack of funds and transportation, she’s never had kittens and there is definitely no other cats in my apartment to breed with her. She was licking the kitten so hard and so fast it’s fur was getting damp and matted.
The kitten looked to be roughly three months old, it was black and white with really long puffy fur. It was almost entirely black on it’s face, and back, and it was really an odd black for a kitten. It a jet black and it was super shiny and soft. It had a small bit of white on it’s chin, the tips of it’s paws and it’s belly. The white bits were as pure white as Luna’s fur had been. Atropos was licking the poor little fella so hard that his fur was wet all over. It was meowing in annoyance at her, but I noticed something kind of odd for a kitten and their fur pattern.
See, wherever the kitten was black, underneath the fur was pure white. Wherever the kitten was white, underneath the fur was pure black. It was strange, and I moved the kittens fur back and forth trying to understand how that possible, when the two colors were such stark differences and you couldn’t see the undercoat until it was damp from Atropos licking it. She was purring, but I noticed the kittens face was disproportionate.
That wasn’t too odd, sometimes kittens can look a little weird and awkward as they grow. This kittens nose seemed to be oddly small for the size of it’s head, and it was a pure beautiful silky black. I was looking at the kitten and thinking well, it’ll probably grow into it’s body and even out eventually. I picked up it’s paws one at a time, and realized they were huge compared to the kittens body as well. Sometimes you see this with puppies and I thought wow, I guess this is going to be a big assed cat someday, because I’ve never seen a kitten have such big paws for it’s body size.
I even wondered how she produced such a furry kitten, as this one would need brushing to keep it’s fur looking nice, and while I’ve seen cats and dogs have babies with fur like the other parent, this one sure had a lot of fur compared to Atropos. I was somewhat annoyed by the fur, as I prefer things to be low maintenance.
That was when shit got a little weird. The kitten was laying on it’s back and looking up at me. Atropos was laying to my right and purring. I was looking down into the little guys face, when I realized something was off. It’s face was not only disproportionate, but… it seemed to be shifting right in front of my eyes. It was kinda wavy, like a ghost or something, and almost humanoid and I was like what the hell. I watched and it seemed like it had a human shaped forehead, and eyes and then I got back to the nose as I watched it’s face and then… I fell back into my body, feet first.
I sat up, more than a little confused. Atropos was near me, watching like she always is when I’m projecting and the kitten was gone, but I had a strange sense of… being wrong. Not wrong as in dangerous or anything like that but wrong in my assumption that this dead wanted me to help it. I had the thought that it wanted to be my familiar, which makes not a lot of sense to me, yet it did appear to me as a weird shape shifting cat, and my real cat doesn’t seem to have any issues with it.
I took about an hour nap after that, then woke up to pounding on my door, which according to my text happened almost an hour prior to when I heard it, shortly after I decided to nap, so I don’t recall my dreams, but I do recall that they were related and that it was good things, figuring things out and how they were going to work things. I wish I did recall them but alas. Somehow my sleep was interrupted so I jumped right out of bed and lost those tidbits, as I almost always do when getting right out of bed for anything.