The Fate Of All Fools

Veil · April 29, 2022, 8:52am

29.04.22

Just hold on, we’re going home

I can’t get over you, you left your mark on me
I want your hot love and emotion, endlessly

Leviathan put all my feelings back where they should be; not like that was really a concern.

Also, he brought me money out of the blue. Twice in one week. Thanks big guy. Ave Leviathan.

My brain has settled down a little bit from intense deja vu/jamais vu. I still feel it a few times a day. I don’t quite know how to explain it. It’s a mixture of:

hearing words, mine and others’, as a meaningless string of syllables, my brain lags
hearing what I am going to say before I say it, sometimes hearing what other people are going to say before they say it (?)
sounds or words triggering some kind of odd (but not necessarily unpleasant) sense of general dysphoria – something is strange, but I don’t know what
something like a mix of simultaneous, single-minded hyperfocus, coupled with a sense of derealisation

Is my brain just fried or?

A few more things I have on my mind.

One, I have been feeling passively uneasy for a few weeks. There is an uneasiness around me. I have not been banishing regularly, and I feel like there’s been this undercurrent of insidiousness eddying around me, likely due to the group work I am involved in. (Which tbh I could be more involved in, but have found myself demotivated and unable to muster up the energy to do anything, hmm, wonder why.) My immune system has been shite, so I have been vaguely unwell for a few… months, now, I guess, to greater or lesser degrees. I have been wondering if this is the result of outside influence, but I feel innately protected, so I have not bothered doing much about it.

Then yesterday, my roommate (who had been away for about two weeks) came home, and within 2 hours, was sobbing in pain, calling out for me, unable to breathe, panicking and in agony and clutching her chest. She went to the ER and the doctors found… nothing. No blood clots, no tumours, no broken bones, not so much as a single bit of swelling or inflammation – even though she has been coughing and hacking her lungs up for about eight weeks now. They sent her home and told her to keep taking OTC painkillers.

OK maybe call me paranoid, but I do not like this at all. I don’t like feeling like I’m holding up a fucking lightning rod for this ‘return to sender’ type shit because I want to get involved in a cause that I feel strongly about. Something must be done about this. I have done banishings here and there, and asked a few spirits for shielding, but I need to think hard about this and bring out the big guns. No more fucking around. Yeah, little banishings might have stopped my nightmares, but I feel the need to just blast this whole house with a holy flare and then punish anyone who would even think about targeting me or people close to me. Aye, call me paranoid. But better safe than sorry, no?

Two,

Well, suddenly I’m at a loss for words. For someone who always thought they had a handle on fate, fate certainly seems to have its own plans for me.

I don’t know how I do some things without even trying. Honestly, I have never put much time or effort into things like remote viewing, or scanning. I’d be gun-shy to try it deliberately for fear of failure, even though trying is really the only way you can improve at something or gauge your accuracy.

Strange to feel so drawn to someone else, and to be able to brush up against them with no conscious effort. Like closing your eyes and bringing your two hands together in the dark. And then sometimes when I do try consciously, it’s… less potent. It reminds me a lot of how Metatron (and sometimes others – looking at you, Leviathan and Asmodeus) will sometimes show up on my proverbial doorstep and fill my senses entirely, but other times when I consciously reach for them, the connection is only a faint shadow of what it should be, or takes more effort to maintain.

My dreams seep into my waking world and my waking world seeps into my dreams. Reminds me; I should do a re-read of my dream journal. It can be interesting to read back through your dreams and correlate them with events or circumstances that were happening, or happened after the fact.

I must once more dedicate myself to AP/OOBE. That is what I want. Perhaps not as sweet as my usual dreams might be, but more room for experimentation. And control.

He was the Catalyst and so was I. We were two halves of a whole, sundered and come together again. For an instant I knew him in his entirety, complete and magical, and then he was pulling apart from me, laughing, a bubble inside me, separate and unknowable, yet joined to me.
“You do love me!”
I was incredulous. He had never truly believed it before.
“Before, it was words…”
For a moment he reveled in simple recognition.

– Robin Hobb, Assassin’s Quest

Until next time,
V

Veil · May 3, 2022, 9:16am

3.05.22

The biggest problem with the Law of Assumption paradigm is realising that you are God, and there is no other God for you to pray to.

If there was some divine, heavenly force to whom I could cry out, who could intervene on my behalf, I’d be on my knees begging for him to listen. Help me, help me, please, tell me what to do. I feel so lost.

…Now what do I talk about?

Shortly after whining about my suspicions a few nights ago, Leviathan showed up in force. Jesus. He hit me like a fucking tidal wave. In the past he has gotten my attention by making me feel like the room I’m in is filled almost to the ceiling with water, so tangible that it completely drags my attention away from anything else. This time, he showed me an enormous upsurge of water violently drowning the entire house. The impression of all sorts of astral trash getting swept up in the wave. Then the water fell all at once, dashing and drowning and sweeping everything away. Next, the impression of him in the form of an enormous sea-serpent, twining his coils around everything, rearing up over the house, bugling and roaring out a warning. I felt dizzy and light-headed, like someone was trying to gently lift my brain out of my skull.

For a handful of days after that, every time I tried to reach out of myself, I would just see the impression of enormous scales slowly twining around me. That faded gradually, and is not so overwhelmingly present now. Just the barest impression. But I feel a bit better.

After that faded, I spoke to Bael and asked him for a few favours, then I poured two fingers of honey whiskey for each of us. Drank mine, left his on my altar.

Metatron continues to appear, should I happen to be crying.

I need to speak with one or both of them, and Kairos, and Silence. And probably Asmodai.
I don’t know exactly what I intend to ask for.

Don’t believe in fate?
Get slapped by fate.

Don’t believe in reality?
Better believe reality is going full Will Smith on me right now.

Not knowing what exactly I want is not a new feeling. Not knowing what exactly to do about it is not a new feeling. But right now they’re both weighing on me more heavily than I can describe. Must I spend the rest of my life as centuries without rain?

Fate fit for a fool.

Veil, when are you gonna stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your shit together?
No love for myself right now, only for others.

So, until next time, with all my love –
V

Veil · May 9, 2022, 11:15am

9.05.22

Alright, we’ve done it. Oh Veil, you big idiot. For so long you were doing exactly what you feared to do, and using the Law as a stick to beat yourself with.
Either you are subject to reality, or reality is subject to you.
I pick the latter, every time. It’s just a matter of putting it in motion.

The absolute audacity

For real. The absolute audacity of someone coming into your life with the only goal of making your life better.
Making me take care of myself more. Making me eat more than one meal a day and get a proper amount of sleep.
Smh. The absolute AUDACITY.

Honestly how dare people get close to me. As close as Metatron: as close as my own beating heart. How dare people get under my skin like that. How dare people want the best for me, do good things for me, do workings for me, do readings for me, shore me up, hold me accountable, comfort me, be there for me, even when they have their own things going on in their own lives.

Apparently I am intimidating. I’d like to swear I am not, but that’s a promise I can’t keep. I hold my dear friends close to my heart. I respect many practitioners from afar (perhaps I should speak out more about that, more frequently, in a more timely manner).

But ultimately, who keeps me grounded and sane?

Today I realised I have been wasting so much time being caught up in the web of “reality” that I have been paying no attention to praxis.
Nope, not today though. Today is, was, will be a good day.

Damn, Veil, if you’re gonna come and sulk and whine in your journal, at least have something to sulk and whine about. Don’t let it be self-inflicted. Done with others’ advice for me

Alright. Let’s see then. I come here often and post Biblical quotes with no context. Yet I’m always thinking to myself how people downplay the Bible as the esoteric text that it is. Idk, can’t relate. Baptised but brought up in an essentially agnostic household in an essentially agnostic country.

So, let us begin with mental diet.

For those who missed or cbf reading my prior posts, or have no knowledge of the Law, your mental diet = the thoughts that you consciously think, day in and day out. The thoughts that your subconscious feeds to you and brings to the fore in moments of mental idleness. Can you change that? Absolutely. You simply must be vigilant, and recognise when you are thinking something that does not serve your purpose. And then you must change your thoughts to something which does serve you. If you can summon the feeling of gratitude and smugness and happiness that goes with that thought, good. If you cannot, do not worry. Simply cling to that thought and repeat it to yourself whenever you think of anything bad, or anything that negates it. With practice, it takes under a week to reprogram your brain to accept whatever your chosen thought it. In moments of idleness then, your subconscious will feed that thought back to you. A good thought? Or a bad thought? You decide. Is it worth one week’s worth of effort? Or perhaps two?

You decide.

No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is from Me, Says the LORD.

Every tongue (i.e., any conscious thought which does not serve you) that rises against you, you will condemn. You will cast it out, cast it away, for it does not serve you. Do not deign to speak it aloud, do not even deign to think it. It is beneath you. Notice your thoughts. Be conscious of your thoughts. If a thought does not serve you, cast it away.

It is not for us to contemplate how, why, when, or where our wishes will be made manifest. Put all of that aside.

Yes, it gets easier with practice.

I already mentioned it, but in most cases, when the Bible refers to woman or she or her or the wife, it is not speaking of material Woman. It is speaking of the subconscious mind, and those who recognise its power.

Whoever loves her, loves life, those who seek her early will be filled with joy.
Whoever possesses her will inherit honour, and wherever he walks, the Lord will bless him.
Those who serve her minister to the Holy One, and the Lord loves those who love her.

Do you understand? It is not to outside sources you should look, but only within yourself. “The Lord loves those who love her”, or in other words – the All, the Universe, rewards those who rejoice in the power of their own subconscious mind.

[…] Though she takes him at first through winding ways, bringing fear and faintness on him, trying him out with her discipline till she can trust him, and testing him with her ordeals,
She then comes back to him on the straight road, makes him happy and reveals her secrets to him.

Yes, I’ve been absolutely fucked by losing faith in the past. But really that experience only taught me to double down on my belief. I, you – we are the one true power.

Do not try to understand things that are too difficult for you, or try to discover what is beyond your powers.
Concentrate on what has been assigned you, you have no need to worry over mysteries.
Do not meddle with matters that are beyond you; what you have been taught already exceeds the scope of the human mind.

The above quote is Goddard in a nutshell. “God does not ask you to consider the means, but to define the end”. In simple terms – stop worrying about how, when, why, or when your desires will come to pass. Ideally, you should think of your desires and feel only smugness or gratitude or happiness that everything worked out so well for you. It does not matter whether your desired result has been made manifest in perceptual reality yet. So, if you are struggling with this concept, start small and build your way up.

Maybe it’s easier for me, being raised in an agnostic household in a largely agnostic country* amongst agnostic or atheistic peers. I don’t have the same kind of inbuilt hatred or love for the Bible as many seem to do. Again, as I am sure I have said before, I see it as an esoteric text – if one is capable of reading between the lines.

Annoying that I know all these basic principles, but I have not been putting them into practice. So, no more. I change now.

I won’t continue to recount my quotes from the Book of Sirach, but hopefully you get my point.

I have spoken with Raphael a handful of times recently. Evoking him outside is very interesting. By which I mean… he is massive, enormous. Absolutely enormous. He dominates the sky. I like Raphael very much.

Haniel as well. I know what the books say, but meh. Haniel is there whenever there is some excess of emotion that must be gently siphoned away. Haniel is a beautiful and benevolent spirit. Raphael is the most talented surgeon you have ever met, and has a cheerful and cheeky bedside manner.

I will work with them both ongoing, and with Melahel again.

Again I say:

God does not ask you to consider the means, but to define the end.

All my love,
V

dagar · May 9, 2022, 2:31pm

God damn i love your journal thank you so much for posting this, I know its mainly for you but the little bits of knowledge you give alongside the struggles of implementing them are so valuable!! I have been working on a two week manifestation experiment and this has really helped put things in perspective, thank you so much.

Also side note I’m glad to hear you have so many people fighting for you even if they have to fight with you to do it. That’s a rare blessing and it’s wonderful to see you getting what you deserve

Veil · May 11, 2022, 9:15am

11.05.22

There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in a storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.

So it has been an interesting few days. Since I decided to stop wallowing in self-pity, I have had a handful of nice, neat, same-day manifestations.

Firstly, on the drive to work yesterday, I realised that one of the speakers in my car was fucked, and playing no sound whatsoever. In retrospect it had been getting progressively worse for a while, which is why I continually found myself having to crank the volume up. Yesterday morning it clicked that it was because I was only hearing sound from the non-fucked speaker on the passenger side. I complained about it to one of my friends and he told me I’d have to just get it replaced, unless I wanted to go to the effort of taking my car door off its hinges and seeing if I could crimp or solder some wires back together. Not a car person, me. Nor do I want to pay for parts and labour to replace a speaker.

Anyway, I simply decided it would fix itself. Asked myself, hey, wouldn’t it be awesome to get in your car and notice it’s suddenly working properly again, out of nowhere? Felt a bit smug about it then forgot about it and went on with my day. Sure enough, when I left work and got into my car, it was working again. Out of nowhere. Bless up.

Secondly, as a normal human who detests being a wageslave, I’ve been talking on-and-off with one of my coworkers for the better part of a year about the two of us forming a business. I decided I’m worth more than a passionless, stressful job and spending 5 days a week praying for the 2 days I don’t have to work. Et cetera. Anyway, I decided to double down on this, because why not? Give me my own damn company, I’ll work hard because it’s my baby and something I actually care about, then I’ll get hella rich and buy an island and shit. Long story short, my coworker messaged me in the middle of the day saying he found a company that is similar-ish to our idea, that the founders/directors wished to sell, and that he was going to speak to them about it. A few hours later he messaged me asking if I was interested in a part-time job.

I’m not counting that as a success; talk is cheap. But I am pleased to see movement in the right direction so quickly.

Also, we’re now back to the stage of people constantly offering me, making me, or buying me food. Lmao. I never ask for this specifically, it just seems to always happen when I’m thinking in the right mindset.

I have decided, for fun, to set a few different goals: some simple, some long-term, and some outlandish or far-fetched. It makes no difference, after all, except for that whole annoying “perception of linear time” thing. I feel better.

The wise man’s fear

A few other assorted bits of rambling.

I dreamt of someone close to me (but that is nothing new, because I feel like it is a constant occurrence lately, however much or little I remember of the dream). When I was trying to remember the dream, I was idling in traffic on my way to work. A bee appeared from nowhere, and landed on my car windshield, right in front of my face. It preened itself a bit, and then shuffled around in place. Looking at me with its thousand-faceted eyes.

Now that I write it, it makes me think of something that happened last year, when I went to get in my car and a bee was somehow stuck to my windshield. By what means I have no idea. But I freed the little one and he went on his merry way.

A bee is a cornerstone of life. They make the world grow and flourish. Without them, truly, we would be left starving in a barren wasteland. A bee works hard daily, with utmost dedication to its purpose. A bee communicates, it serves and protects. A bee is a necessity to life, and has a sting capable of bringing death. A bee worships its queen.

An interesting, powerful symbol.

I felt odd and shaky the entire rest of the day, like I was on the verge of a panic attack. Thank you, Saint Valium, for your tender care.

Nothing makes sense to me during the daytime, it only becomes clear at night.

Hmm. What else?

I have been seeing crocodiles everywhere (not literally, although I would not hate that). They have been a constant recurring dream symbol for me – apparent after combing back over my dream journal – and now I feel like everywhere I look, I see a damn crocodile. What it means I have no idea. Perhaps some spirit reaching out. Dantalion? He first appeared to me as a robed man with a crocodile’s head. Agares? Sobek? I haven’t had any entity try and subtly nudge me lately, as far as I can tell, so perhaps. Or maybe something more simple that I am not seeing?

Finally –

me trying to get a handle on my temper and dispel it before it overtakes my brain

oops

Until next time,
Love is the Law
V

Onion · May 11, 2022, 9:58am

Love when this happens

Veil · May 11, 2022, 10:51am

The #1 reason I tell everyone to try the Law of Assumption

free food! (warning: may contain dark night of the soul)

Veil · May 13, 2022, 10:06am

12.05.22

I had an exceedingly pleasant dream which indicates I have successfully saturated my subconscious with an idea I had, like, yesterday. For most of the morning I was just happily thinking about how I’ll word my journal entry in this thread when it comes to pass. Feelsgoodman.jpg

Managed to finish(?) a project I’ve been delaying because of stress paralysis and executive functioning disorder. Well, 95% done. Am happy with myself though. Had to crack out the thesaurus for that one.

Got asked for ID at the bottle-o. Literally thought, as I was approaching the counter, “he’s about to ask for my ID”. Yeah, five seconds later he asks for my ID. Looks at my year of birth. Oh. “Take it as a compliment,” he said. Of course. I said I figured it was just because I was buying a sack of goon like a teenager would. We had a chat about the good old teenage days playing goon of fortune – which, if you are not Australian, I’m sorry, but this is a national secret so I cannot explain it. I was pleased with myself for my no-makeup-wearing-ass-self getting ID’d today, and also I’m retarded, so when he said “thank you!” to end the transaction, I said “you’re welcome!” – thankfully my brain was kind enough to make me speak in a quiet tone and run my words together through my laughter, so I’m hoping that didn’t come off quite as retarded as it actually was. Despite that, having zero shame and the ability to laugh at yourself for (almost?) doing something stupid is a blessing.

Before that i’d dropped a few prescriptions off at the pharmacy and told them I would come back to collect them in 10 minutes or so. I did a sneaky and dropped in a script that usually they would defer because there are some laws around how often the medication can be distributed, but I’d already told myself I’d be getting everything I wished for today. When I went back to the pharmacy the clerk asked for my name and then said, “I have a note here which says ‘see chemist’,” which usually means they’re going to tell you they can’t distribute the medication to you yet. I followed her over to the chemist and began to say “Oh, did one script have to be deferred–?” and the chemist interrupted me to say that they were out of stock of some other random medication I had put in a script for, but didn’t really need or care about. Oh, too bad. They were very apologetic and suggested I call around a few different places to see if they had it in stock. Walked out of there smug as a peacock.

Later, got offered free accommodation in a city I’ll probably end up moving to eventually.

More free food.

Another minor “manifestation” which was simply (lol) a series of concurrent events that aligned with some thought I’d had idly pop up in my mind for a week or two. But it is of no consequence so I won’t go into detail.

13.05.22

My greatest thanks to Raphael. Evoking him outdoors has been a nice change of pace; I’ve done it a few times lately and I will likely continue to do it, as I have some more business dealings to be done with him.

Aside from that, never before have I realised, or given much thought to, the way other people affect me… or can, may, might affect me. I spoke about this a bit in an earlier entry but it is still alien and new. Being able to tell when someone is dreaming about you. Feeling someone else’s feelings, and them reading yours. And far too frequently, not only my feelings, but my mind. It’s not disturbing; rather it is peaceful and fascinating. I still question myself sometimes and wonder if it’s just some psychosomatic effect. I suppose I should know better than that now.

Apparently, it is possible to take a part, a sliver, of someone else’s waking soul with you during a pathworking. It feels very personal. Of course I have explicit consent to do it, but afterwards I feel a strange sense of almost-guilt. But also, it seems to be helpful. I wonder what the limits of this are.

It was a Leviathan pathworking. Actually, earlier in the day, I had reached for something in the fridge and hit it precisely at the right angle to bend my (longest) fingernail backward (I swore like a motherfucker, that shit HURTS), and examined it to find it had cleanly broken at the quick. I trimmed the rest of it off (rather I picked it off) and then put it down nearby on my desk so I could throw it out later (or, you know, keep it for a future offering). I went outside, worked with Leviathan, came back indooors… fingernail was gone. Dafuq? I looked everywhere; under my keyboard, on the floor, all across the top of my desk. Nope. Gone forever.

…Ok, so is this twice now that Leviathan has laid claim to my precious, carefully grown and manicured fingernails? I mean, I’ll gladly pay it, but uhh… damn. I would say I prefer to keep my nails intact and for him to leave them alone, but it is ultimately a worthwhile tradeoff, all things said and done, for the work I am asking for.

Mmm, what manifestations today?

Got ID’d again
Went to buy cigarettes, asked for a pack of 30 so I wouldn’t have to leave the house to get more any time soon. Oldmate at the servo has taken a shine to me, it seems, because he sold me a 40 pack, for $1 less than a 30 pack. Considering the astronomical prices of cigarettes in Australia, that is just astounding. For some brands you’ll be paying $70 AUD (about $50 USD) for a 25 or 30 pack, and for the cheapest possible brand, you’ll be lucky to pay less than about $26 USD.
Free food, twice.

That’s it for now, I think.

P.S. Actually, nope. I just hit post and my roommate walked up to me and asked me if I wanted one of her cat’s shed claws, just as I was thinking about Leviathan and fingernails. Lord almighty.

My love,
V

Veil · May 18, 2022, 7:19am

17.05.22

The full moon last night was so beautiful. I trimmed all my fingernails short. For you, Leviathan, an offering in preparation for what we will do.

Time to break out some baneful magic, maybe? I have some frustrations I’d like to vent on people from my past, and subhumans in my present. But currently, my focus is on healing, and lord, there’s a lot of it to be done. So my focus remains there for now.

18.05.22

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

Three hours of sleep last night. Not ideal. So, I didn’t work at all today.

I keep getting asked for ID everywhere I go. It’s starting to get annoying so I think I should ease up on this aspect of my work. “We’ll ask for ID if you look under 25!” yeah thanks. Dragging my tired, nearly 31 year old, tall as the average male, unkempt looking ass self into a bottle-o, no makeup, hair not brushed and in a ponytail, wearing some slum garbage outfit. Obviously a teenager trying to circumvent the law; ID please. Flattering: sure. Annoying: starting to become that way.

I went to buy some more candles. I found a lovely peacock-blue candle, a warm buttery yellow one, and a fat green one smelling of peaches and cream (for you, Bune). The first reminded me of a question someone asked recently, where I said my favourite colour was a twilight, peacock blue. Then it made me think of Melek Taus, who was name-dropped a while ago, and why I keep this endless fascination with peacock feathers. As I was walking to the front of the store…

There it is, tucked into a shelf between cheap shoulder bags and jigsaw puzzles. I picked it up and asked the owner if it was for sale. Yes, he said, it was. He proceeded down another aisle and plucked a whole sheaf (bundle?) of peacock feathers from the top of a high shelf. About 20 of them. One dollar each, he said. Say LESS fam. One damn dollar. I was expecting somewhere in the realm of $10 to $20 each.

Needless to say, I came home with some new candles and beautiful selection of peacock feathers.

I also found an amusing little windchime adorned with a frog. Bael, you now have a place of honour guarding me and my home, like I asked of you a fortnight or so ago.

So, a short one for now. I am currently gathering the threads of the mythology of Melek Taus which I can weave into a working. I am curious, is it you? What do you want with me? Are you a mask of Lucifer? I have had very few interactions with Lucifer – like, three, four? – but generally profound and powerful. I am not drawn to Lucifer, I am drawn to this peacock angel, an emanation of god. So, let’s see what work we may do together.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

cygnus · May 23, 2022, 11:02am

Beautiful art. I didnt know you liked to draw. Have you anymore art of spirits to share?

cygnus · May 23, 2022, 2:43pm

Holy crap your art is so good! It makes me wanna draw again. I really hope you continue to post more art.

The head on the left looks like an orc? Haha

Veil · May 23, 2022, 3:02pm

Thank you! And yes you should, everyone should have a creative outlet

Ayya yeah it is… A half-orc to be precise

Onion · May 24, 2022, 2:26pm

that’s a gorgeous drawing

Veil · May 25, 2022, 12:07am

Thank you love

Veil · May 28, 2022, 9:25am

26.05.22

Yesterday my friend offered me $10 for 1 cigarette.
Today I copped another packet of cheap as fuck cigarettes ($35)
Same friend offered me $25 for two cigarettes (!?!?) and didn’t even wait for me to agree before taking out his phone and sending me money
MFW my cigarettes are paying for themselves

Last night hit me hard. I had a relatively decent, productive day, came home, spent some time relaxing, then capped it off with some lovely intrusive suicidal ideation I have not felt that way in a long time. Fix: Step one, get yourself a partner who will read you scripture on demand, so you can cry your heart out over John 14. Step two, fall asleep sheltered in Metatron’s hand.

I have likely spoken of this before, but:

Genesis 3:16 –

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Having given mankind the knowledge of good and evil, they now have the power to choose. For the woman – the subconscious mind – he will “greatly multiply thy sorrow” (“sin”, evil, negativity) “and thy conception” (planting of seeds, the ability to instil thoughts into yourself); “in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children” (will manifest unwanted things according to your mindset); “and thy desire shall be to thy husband” (to one’s conscious mind), “and he shall rule over thee” (we will be slave to our conscious thoughts, our sense of reality).

Found that while reading through some earlier posts of mine.

27.05.22

Went to buy darts again today and when oldmate scanned them at the register they were literally priced at $0.00 – I’m screaming (not really but this is becoming more and more amusing). So he ended up selling me a 30 pack for $30. That is a discount of at least $28 (if not more because servoes jack up prices for everything). Yesterday I paid $5 more for the same brand/amount. Loool

I’ll quit soon, I swear.

28.05.22

Snap back to reality

Ope, there goes gravity.

I spent much of my day going through my favoured grimoires and cataloguing the various powers I think will be useful to me. I have a giant list now, so I suppose while I have all this free time, I will likely look at how combinations of entities/rituals can be used toward a certain goal. Then to pick a goal from various areas, and work toward each one daily, but separately. Perhaps on certain corresponding days of the week…? Hmm. And structured by how much effort is involved in each. And (note to self) recording everything properly for measurable outcomes.

Reading back over the powers of various entities or seals or tablets in the grimoires I picked made me remember some of the times I’d put some of those of those to use. If I look back now it is interesting to think “hey, that one worked for me”, or even “I’m pretty sure I used this a year ago/months ago/whenever – is that why X happened?”

Obviously, haven’t been very good at keeping my offline journal in order. Maybe it would be better for me to put everything into a handwritten journal. Dunno, just seems like that would be less likely to trigger me to scroll back through previous notes.

Reading the list when I’d finished it also gave me a slight twinge of anxiety or guilt, reminding me of those past times when I had some trouble reconciling use of the Law, and use of ritual, wondering if the work would cancel itself out. For a while, I was mostly using the Law for involved workings, and ritual for smaller things that I was less concerned about. For me, it is easier to take “lust for result” out of the equation by simply being able to emotionally transmute it, via working with the Law, and turning it into a productive thought.

I wrote a response to someone earlier in this thread where they asked if I’d managed to find a way to reconcile ritual and the Law, and I think the answer is yes. After a while I mostly stopped concerning myself with thinking too deeply on it, so I would just do as I pleased. Later (or when asked) I suppose I realised that the Law is the Law, and the EIYPO (“Everyone/everything is you pushed out”) principle applies to ritual as well as… well, everything else.

Assuming EIYPO to be true – which I do, seeing as I have demonstrated it to myself repeatedly – then from there it is a short step to understanding how entities come under the banner of EIYPO. I shouldn’t feel guilty about using ritual while using the Law, because the same principle applies. A ritual is a shorter and more concentrated act of the Law, and once done, the Law can be used to negate lust for results (“mental diet”, as in, making sure your conscious thoughts are aligned with your outcome). If EIYPO, then entities respond to you accordingly, the same way corporeal beings do, the same way our perception of 3D material “reality” does.

So, going back to my plans for future practice, the Law is my keystone, and will be relied upon accordingly.

Before any other ritual work begins, I will begin with pre-buffing stats prior to the real work. I have yet to put a schedule together, but today I spent some time with the Soften Reality sigil from AoO. First step.

After that, I decided I’d try some meditative work. Wim Hof breathing, then the descending stair trance method, some deep mindful meditation, then my Leviathan pathworking, then Leviathan’s “dream machine”.

This exercise mostly made me realise how much I have been slacking on meditation. I obviously don’t feel as though I struggle to get into the right brainwave pattern to perform successful pathworkings, and make contact with entities that way, but lord it just makes me recall how I used to spend two, three, sometimes four-hour stretches of time in meditation, with very little awareness of my physical body. Today made me realise it has been at least a year, if not more, since the last time I purposefully meditated for an extended period. Hmph. I suppose I should get back into practice for SATS, which I rarely bother with any longer. But as I said in an earlier post, I’ve set a few goals (some likely, some unlikely, some outrageously audacious) so I may as well be in good form.

No more from Melek Taus, not yet anyway. Sometimes I will sense what I believe is his presence, but it seems very remote. And it’s usually just tantalisingly out of reach. For instance, I’ll feel drawn to a strong (benevolent) presence in another room of the house. If I try and reach out, it fades.

Projects, projects. Let’s keep busy.

Until next time,
V

Veil · May 29, 2022, 10:38am

29.05.22

Seize the day

I slept for at least 12 hours last night and still woke up tired. At least I was up early enough to see a text from my friends asking to meet up. Not sure if I consider this a “successful manifestation”, but I had spent the past few days thinking of how much I missed my friends.

Practice today –

Soften Reality sigil again, and singing Uiazel’s name.

Then, more Raphael work. I feel like I have been working with Raphael so much lately. I feel like that because it’s accurate. I have spoken with Raphael so frequently lately. The work never ends.

Evoked, petitioned, and sang his name for him as well.

That is it for now. I will put my schedule together soon.
V

Veil · June 1, 2022, 1:57pm

1.6.22

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.

Knowing myself to be a Fool, does this make me wise, or simply more foolish?

I had a nice post drafted from a day or two ago, which kindly decided to delete itself without a trace. Very cool. @ Uiazel – bruh. I didn’t want my reality to be THAT soft.

Raphael work went along nicely (one of many I am juggling with him). As usual, I also had some talented loved ones in the wings helping with the working. It is a so far successful outcome, and if I am understanding it correctly, it also brought another issue to light, which can now be preventatively treated. With Raphael’s assistance, of course.

Evoke him outdoors. Really, it’s wonderful. Sing to him, sing his name.

Stairway to heaven

With a Word she can get what she came for

> Be me
> Ancient powerful spirit who has existed since the dawn of time, God’s favourite
> Decide to make random Australian girl obsessed with peacock feathers
> Start namedropping and sending her nudges and signs
> Girl tries to speak to me
> Lolno.jpg
> She gives up and starts planning other projects
> Wtf.gif.exe
> Start bombarding her with constant signs and synchronicities
> She gets her friend to talk to me
> MFW I was expecting this
> Ask her friend to pass a message along
> “There are many reasons I’d like to work with you”
> Pic related, it’s me, Melek Taus

Alright, so I know my (excessively detailed) Melek Taus pathworking is successful, thank you @ReyCuervo now to do it myself. Even re-reading it again today I got drawn in and started feeling light-headed and excited.

I’ll get to it.

Work of last night:

Uiazel – Soften your reality (AoO)
Orias – Partial evocation and request to “allow [my] schemes to be enacted at the best time” (DoM)
Labusi: Open yourself to prosperity (AoO)

Oh, I missed DoM rituals. Especially those with few evocation keys so they can all be held in mind at once. Orias swept in like a stormwind, through the door of my ritual space. I had no impression beyond a humanoid shape, but a presence was unmistakeable. He remained partially here, watching with mild curiosity, after I bid him farewell. I always bid them go if they wish, or stay as they will.

A humanoid shape, nothing more than a impression of presence, until I made my request. Then he swept a courtly bow. No words for me and no impressions beyond that.

I also noticed I was being pointed toward Amon today. Yep, you’re on my list, mate.

Hmm, what else?
A spider has set up a web guarding the front stair, and my frog chime guards the back balcony. Bael watches over my home. Bael, you have never failed me. My sincerest gratitude.

Yet I feel alive for all the pain I have

What I am told I’m listening to:

If you would show the light for me
The things I’d known – that now I’d see

What I actually hear:

If you had chose a life for me
What things I’d know
And now I pray
[…]
If you had shone a light for me
What things I’d known – and now I pray
If you had shown the light fallen
The things I’d know – and now I feel
[…]
If you had shown the light for me
The few I’d known – and now I pray
If you would show the light falling
What few have known – and now I feel

But I suppose that’s neither here nor there.

Garden of Paradise

Alright, I just did the Melek Taus pathworking.

First of all, what the fuck.

I don’t even think I can go into detail about it. And here I’d been gearing up to talk about it for this entire post. Actually, I don’t know if I ever will talk about it here.

Suffice it to say that it was not what I expected at all. Chaotic, hypnotic, familiar, fast, dangerous(?), liberating? All of those and none. Even my shorthand notes look like a LARPer’s wet dream.

Really though, what the fuck.

I will do this again, with more preparation next time.

Energy as I feel it calling
Cannot see through the cloud that’s forming
Blinding as it passes 'fore my eyes
Looking for the thing that’s calling –
Now I see that it’s coming after
Now I see that its coming after me

V

Veil · June 2, 2022, 10:31am

2.06.22

I am in a REALLY GOOD MOOD right now. I can’t stop feeling like something wonderful is about to happen. And I can’t stop thinking about Melek Taus. I don’t know if this is his influence but I want to dance and sing and caper and run around. I feel warm and fuzzy and happy.

Last night I never actually “gave licence to depart” or even left the pathworking properly or anything; everything legit happened so quickly that I just broke trance (bit rude, I know) so I could write everything down before I forgot it. So, I felt his presence hanging around for a while, and then gradually fade away.

Today I felt his presence many times, it would come and go, like he was hanging around a lot. He seemed delighted by something. I had a boring remote/teleconference meeting and to amuse myself I focused on one of the other people in the call, who had his webcam on, and tried to see if I could send out simple directions. “Show your left hand”, “raise your eyebrows”, “touch your hair”, other little random gestures along those same lines. Without fail, he did every single one of them, the longest delay being about 15 to 20 seconds. Then I noticed the lights in the ceiling of his office had all taken on this luminescent-oilsheen-rainbow-pearlescent-halo effect, gently flickering or strobing. I thought to myself “Nah, no way it’s related.” The lights all immediately went back to normal. I sent this random guy another random command. The lights started clouding over again. He did whatever I directed, touched the back of his head or something. I pinged Melek Taus, “?” – the lights went back to normal once more, then began to cloud over again and did not stop for the rest of the meeting.

Yes, this is some heavy LARP shit, but hear me out – I won’t even defend this position. I live right up on the borderline of delusion, where reality and unreality meet. I quite like it here. There is no reason for you not to claim something as happening due to your influence, even if the claim is dubious to others. Here I expose my particular brand of delusion to all & sundry, in the written word. So I say: take your damn credit every single time you possibly can, and see how far it takes you. Why question yourself when you can credit yourself?

What else, what else? Well, my friend (and future business partner) has been speaking to me all day about how he has realised that he must progress with this future business project, in the exact way I personally intend it to go. Nice. I also walked out of the pharmacy with more highly controlled prescription drugs even though I literally told the chemist that they could (or would likely have to) defer the prescription. Nice. I have been dreaming of having the house to myself, my housemate told me of her plans to go to another city for the weekend. Nice.

The Will of Fire

You don’t get what you deserve, no, you get what you take

Oh, Melek Taus. I have seen some shit in my occult journey, but I don’t think I have been taken on a ride quite like that. Afterwards I felt like a house levelled by a hurricane.

I broke contact and wrote down my notes. It was frenetic, chaotic. No calm discussions or solemnly shaking hands over business deals here.

Usually when I contact any new entity via pathworking, I experience two or three different scenarios before they kind of settle down and my brain gets a handle on them, and from there I usually know what to expect. So, considering this to be contact numero uno, I wonder if the next contact will be different. But who knows.

All I know is that I wish to do it again, and very soon. I am fascinated. I am hypnotised. I am energised.

And I will report back.

The Will of Fire will burn, and it don’t suffocate

Veil · June 5, 2022, 6:31am

4.06.22

Strange happenings. Today I woke up and could not find my glasses, which I always put on my bedside table before I sleep. After searching (very difficult without glasses, I might add) I found them neatly folded on the floor at the end of my bed. ???

Later I went out, and took a disposable vape with me, in my pocket, and went shopping. When I got back home and took a puff, it barely tasted of anything. Then the battery light started flashing, signalling that the battery was dead. I was surprised because I literally only opened it last night and they normally last about five days. I put it aside in puzzlement. Later I opened my purse to fetch a cigarette and there was an identical disposable vape in my purse, one that had died a few days ago and I hadn’t bothered to throw out yet. I tried it and worked perfectly, like it was brand-new.

Dafuq. The latter I could possibly explain, but what to make of the former?

I tried (unsuccessfully) the Melek Ta’us pathworking again this morning, when I first awoke, very early, with a migraine. Thinking proximity to sleep might help. But I was so drugged up on painkillers that my attention kept slipping, and so I felt no connection, no presence. I tried seeing if I could induce a hypnagogic state or a specific dream, but none of that either. Mostly I just dozed for hours in a stupor, and the last thing I remember is dreaming of going shopping with coworkers, where I ate several enormous olives and other dark fruits, and then told a coworker that I hate to go fuck herself.

Intended to buy plums, or cherries, or something, for Melek Ta’us, but I couldn’t find either at the store. Instead I bought pomegranate arils, and mixed them into my rosé cider.

5.06.22

Finally had some more AP/lucid dream experiences this morning. I woke up at about 8 AM and then napped for six hours, and lost count of the number of projections and/or lucid dreams I had, upwards of 10, probably more in the realm of 15 or 20.

Nothing major to report. I remember a handful of events/experiences, but I only sat up once (after about five back to back events) to write some very limited notes, then went back to sleep. I got into a great steady cycle of sleep paralysis → AP → go do something → my senses begin to fade OR I’d get sucked into the dream narrative → wake without opening my eyes OR deliberately open my eyes to wake myself up → go back to snoozing → sleep paralysis → repeat, for six hours. More please!

Notes:

Leaving my body was a bit of a puzzle at first because I had gone so long without practice. First event, I was in a very quiet state on the border of sleep, but I wasn’t able to simply lift out of my body. I thought I’d try rolling out to the other side of the bed, but my physical shoulder twitched when I tried and I didn’t want to rouse my body awake. I lay there quietly thinking and slipped into sleep paraylsis; this time I decided I’d try rolling (my astral body) face-down and climbing out on hands and knees not very dignified but it worked. I repeated the same method a few more times. Other times I would find myself in a nice comfortable buzzing hypnagogic state, so I would simply double down on the vibrations, and then picture an explosion of light at my crown chakra, and/or a thread pulling me out of my body from the top of my skull. This latter method resulted in many more experiences where I’d simply find myself conscious in a random location, rather than climbing out of my body and starting a journey from my bedroom.
Each time I projected, it was daylight. Unusual for me, as normally any time I leave my body, it’s always been in perpetual twilight. Didn’t try any light switches this time so can’t say whether they still fail to work in AP.
I had a frustrating experience I’ve had before, where I tried to find someone, and instead only found some NPC who only looked kind of similar. Actually I did manage to find the person twice, I believe, but then my sight would begin to fade out.
Kept getting stuck in dream narratives. You would think it would be easier to compel people or aspects of the experience, but it was again quite frustrating. So I would be trying to assert my intent on an experience, but my brain-NPCs would keep thwarting me, and then I’d get pulled into the dream narrative.
Annoying that sometimes I am very conscious of being in AP, and other times I have no awareness of it whatsoever. I was able to end a few sessions by deliberately waking myself up, when I realised I was getting stuck in dream narratives. But then I’d do something like: one experience, I sat up in bed and was uncertain if I was awake or not. I pushed my shoulder against the window behind my bed, hoping I’d phase through it. Instead after a bit of shoving, the window opened outward, and I climbed outside into a backyard. There was a random man in the yard around the corner of the house. I exchanged "hello"s with him and then took off flying. ??? “Not sure if I’m dreaming, better greet this strange man in my yard and then spontaneously levitate.” Obviously only when I woke up from that experience did it occur to me that (1) there’s no window of that size in my bedroom, (2) it doesn’t open outward, (3) I don’t have a backyard, and if I had actually climbed out my own window I would have fallen onto my neighbour’s roof.
In another experience I performed a reality check (push thumb through opposite palm) and it didn’t work. I suppose because I was doing it while having a conversation with someone and not really paying attention. I believe I may have had at least one instance before where it did not work at all, and another where it worked but extremely slowly and with great effort.

I think, I think I did at least manage to find someone and pass a message along to them, as I have a vague sense of achievement about something, but that could simply be because I was feeling smug and pleased over so many back-to-back occurrences.

Can’t help but wonder how it would be if I did have more control over all aspects of the environment and the people who appeared there. Would it be boring, like when you use all the cheat codes in a video game and immediately lose interest due to no challenge? Or would it be helpful? Guess I will find out, first I must continue with mastering ways to deepen and extend each event, and to not get sucked into dream narratives.

Until next time,
V

Veil · June 6, 2022, 9:38am

6.06.22

Melek Tawus pathworking again tonight. I realised I’d been having trouble contacting him because I had missed a step in my own (very complex) pathworking. But it seems to be a vital step apparently.

Only ended a few minutes ago and I have already forgotten his verbatim words. I had no guide with me this time, just me on my own. Instead of the descending stair into water, this time I tried an ascending stair into clouds, for relaxation/trance, prior to the pathworking. A throne sat at the top of the white stairway. He capered about, obviously pleased. When I did the pathworking, he bade me stick my head through the smokeless fire, maybe just to amuse himself. I didn’t have to call his name, since he was already there, but I did.

We spoke. I asked him why he acted the way he did in the first meeting. “You were more his than mine,” and then amended to “You are more mine than his”. Hmmm. I don’t know how to feel about that, as though I am going to abandon everyone else for him.

He kept switching back and forth between serpentine-form and man-form on a whim. Again, was very familiar with me and had no problem getting right up in my personal space. I asked him to show me the mind-influence thing again, so he took me on a journey and dumped me into another scenario, which played out at length, and then interjected certain comments here and there, and kept switching my locus of consciousness.

He would rather show me how to do something myself than do it on my behalf. I like that, and it’s what I want from spirits I intend to work with closely. I can’t help but still feel a bit of poetic, magnetised awe over him. The golden crown on my brow. We exchanged some other words and they’ve faded from my memory already.

I do not worship, and I won’t put aside my existing plans or any entities close to me; they are here for a reason. But I think there is much more to be learned from Melek Tawus.

Oh my God
Baby, baby, don’t you see?
I got everything you need
Only a genius could love a woman like she