The Fate Of All Fools

Friday, December 3rd

Not much to report beyond workings with the Law, so let me make myself a little list:

  1. A few weeks ago I was told I’d have to work out of a client’s office 4/5 days a week and basically be on call for them constantly. I decided it wasn’t my problem and would most certainly not be happening. Didn’t stress about it at all. Every time I thought about it, I just defaulted back to “nah, that’s not happening. That’s not my problem.” Before the trial period even began it was cut back to 2/5 days a week. OK. Again, I felt no type of way about it, because I knew it wasn’t my problem and therefore I had no need to stress about it. I lived my life, and went to their office 2 days a week as requested, confident that it wasn’t my problem. This Monday just past, they cut it down to one day a week. So I did my one day a week yesterday, again, knowing it wasn’t my problem. Today, earlier this afternoon, I was told they no longer require me to work out of their office at all. Not my problem, so the problem solved itself. Didn’t protest, didn’t stress, didn’t complain, didn’t do so much as lift a finger.

  2. For a while I’ve been toying with the idea of physical changes but not really applying any concerted effort (there really shouldn’t be any effort in using the Law). A few weeks or months ago I decided I’m 25 (I was born in 1991). Again, no effort, just decided I’m 25, and the thought would pop up every so often. “I’m 25.” First I started getting asked for ID everywhere I went. More recently, I met a new acquaintance who learned my age and expressed disbelief. I laughed and asked if it was because of my looks or my immature sense of humour. Looks, apparently. He approached me again last week and asked seriously if I’m actually 30. I asked him how old he had thought I was. He said, “early twenties, like 24 or 25”. The day after that, I had a rather nice (and maybe very slightly unhinged) lady chat to me on the train ride home. At some point in conversation she said to me “you’re, what, about 20?” I laughed and said she was off by a decade. She was worried she’d offended me somehow. Lol nope. :slight_smile:

  3. Have thought about money recently and have focused on being a conduit through which wealth flows endlessly, always having more than enough. Earlier this week I called a company to cancel a service I had with them, expecting I’d have to pay some token amount. Instead they said they owed me about $200, and would refund it into my bank account.

  4. Nothing concrete results-wise, but a lot of weird experiences yesterday where I would think something, or read something, and someone in another room, or twenty feet away, paying no attention to me and having their own conversation, would say verbatim the phrase I had just thought or read. VERBATIM. It was very strange. Actually now that I think about it I did have another brief period of feeling like the room was full of water in the early morning, before this began happening throughout the day.

Again, not much to report. Although I am looking back at the past year or two, and I’m feeling some smouldering resentment building towards certain people, in hindsight, and how they treated me. So I should very much like to punish them. Psychological torment obviously, not super into death curses or maiming people.

Might see if Leviathan is willing to assist… once I can make stable contact and get him to speak with me.

Until next time xo

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Friday, December 10th

Maudlin idiocy

I felt your presence so strongly last night. Did you feel my presence too?

Were you thinking of me?

Twirling a white feather between my fingers, thinking how elegant a quill it would be. Noticing how its spine shaded to black at its very tip.

I thought something bad might have happened to you.

Turns out it was something bad happening to me.

Does that admission make you happy?

Are you happy?

Are you still looking for your true drop of rain in a year without rain?

If I say that, do you laugh at me? Do you laugh with me? Or do you feel guilt?
I ask, in the presumption that you will read this at all.

I suppose it is so that we become nothing more than distant memories to each other.
And I write this as someone else asks me if I am OK.
So… I am sorry. I regret. I feel regret.

If one could live two lifetimes, I would live two lifetimes. I’m sorry.


The evenstar rises. The moon is a pale, crescent rind.

It sinks toward the horizon while I write this entry.


I am being tested. Am I being tested?

For as one reaches out of my past to demand money, another advances into my future to grant it to me.


Saturday, December 11th

And so tonight I heard secondhand that one of my friends has, in his capricious nature, booked passage to your country on a whim.


Tuesday, December 14th

Something slightly more substantial.

I am still playing Ashmedai’s enn on repeat when I toil at tasks or activities I wish to improve in. It seems to help.

On review, my ritual with Yué Lao appears to have been a complete success in ways I didn’t foresee. So to speak plainly, I don’t generally buy into notions of fate or destiny, but what is in ones’ heart will always ring true.

When I called on Yué Lao it was with the intent of bending destiny and fate in my chosen direction, which, again, is in line with the paradigm I operate under. What I mean is, I sought to take an entity who “binds together destined couples” and twist it to my own ends.

So, here is a recap of events preceding and following this ritual:

  1. In December 2020 I saw a man I found intriguing. This man quite literally, from a stage, before an audience, pointed me out of a crowd and proclaimed me “a beautiful young woman”. The Knight of Cups.
  2. In January 2021 I met the Knight of Cups officially, spent time with him, went home with him. We saw each other once or twice a week until he returned to his home city a few weeks later.
  3. In March 2021 I went to visit the Knight of Cups in his home city. While I was there I contacted an old friend who I hadn’t seen in about five years so we could catch up. I’d always carried a torch for my old friend since the day we met, but the timing was never right, we were each in and out of relationships or romances.
  4. The Law and ritual worked for me perfectly, while I visited said city. There was a night the Knight of Cups said he’d be unavailable. The Law made him available. A day or two later, I performed a ritual to wring a confession from someone, expecting romantic interest. The confession I wrung from the Knight of Cups was instead a confession that he had no interest in a long-distance relationship.
  5. I came home and dedicated some time and effort to changing the mind of the Knight of Cups, to little avail.
  6. In May 2021 I had a romantic dream about my old friend. I’ve had recurring romantic dreams about him since around October 2020. Oddly specific prophetic dreams when I look back on them.
  7. In July 2021, I performed my experimental ritual with Yué Lao to bind two destined souls together, again, seeking to twist fate in my favour.
  8. In early August 2021 I dreamt about my old friend again. After this dream I texted him and we messaged back and forth for a while before the conversation dwindled.
  9. In September 2021 I messaged my old friend again as something reminded me of him. Since then, we have not stopped speaking. We eventually each admitted we’d always carried a torch for the other. We’re happily drowning in each other and in being able to voice our feelings.

The thread of time flows both ways, backwards and forwards. I don’t doubt that.

Most interesting is that I thought I could bend “fate” to my will. I won’t say that I failed. Rather I think my heart’s true longing made itself known, and the way opened up.

I don’t think the Yué Lao ritual can be used to pick two targets and bind them in love. I think its purpose is to draw in the person best for you.


Leviathan

Last night I tried to speak with him again, and actually succeeded. I’ll copy my notes here.

Said notes:

A song runs through my head

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The Heron and the Otter are my friends

It runs rings around my brain, but in the last phrase, whale noises play rich and deep

Voice like thunder and lightning muffled by deep water
Deeper into black
He said something I heard… “dive in deep”?
Like a thunderstorm heard from under a wave

Panicked gasp like a fish out of water
“they are all, and I am one”
“the depths are not so dark as they seem”

Not hugely profound notes, as it felt at the time profound – but it is nice to actually make contact and be spoken to, by someone who seems to elude contact.

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Friday, December 17th

Today I was at the pub with some friends, sitting outside, and it began to rain. I thought of Leviathan, and a few heartbeats later, the other song I’d associated with him (not the Disney one, cringe) began to play on the speakers throughout the pub.

V cool, thank you.

I’m beginning to see that wealth is not of Earth but of Water, a current that ebbs and flows, and oneself is a conduit or channel, narrow or wide. The intent, of course, to make oneself a wider and more appealing channel. Money, wealth, it flows in and out like the tides. We have to take it as it is, a force – unnatural as it may be – that sweeps in and out. It is a matter of making oneself more open to the current, not seeking to greedily cut the flow off and amass money to oneself.

Money is fleeting. Wealth is not. Money is the fruit, but Wealth is the far-reaching root system that sustains the tree. Money can run out. A great sum can be whittled down to nothing with no “wealth” to show for it. Wealth is enduring, it is established, and it continues to provide.


Thursday, 6th January, 2:53 AM

Recently I (re)watched a film that reminded me of my Yué Lao ritual; the film that originally inspired it. I was surprised to note a few key elements I’d not consciously remembered, but ones that perhaps my subconscious had glommed onto as important.

Notably: golden-coloured bells/chimes, and the abstracts of infinity, retrocausality, and split timelines.

The latter I’d already integrated, the former is something that kind of came about in its own strange way: I found and bought a wind-chime in the shape of a crescent moon, with two bells strung on it, one in the open curve of the crescent and the other beneath it. I’d idly hung the trinket from my canopy bed-frame, so it would gently chime every time I rolled over in bed, or threw myself in for sleep, or got up for the day, and so on. And on the same hook I’d hung the chime from I hung my nine-thread red braid, my own red string of fate.

Again, the idea of history and time being woven into the threads was an element of the film: 君の名は Kimi no Na wa or in English Your Name, for anyone interested.


I’m writing this at nearly 3 AM on what is ostensibly a work-day. Over the past few weeks I’d fallen back into terribly useless, material modes of thought. Plagued by worrisome daydreams, spending a lot of pointless time fretting about things that could or might go wrong. To what end? There is no reason for it.

For God does not ask you to consider the means, but to define the end. I have to forcibly remind myself not to focus on problems but on solutions.

Pain
You made me a – you made me a believer
Pain
You break me down, you build me up
Believer, believer
Pain
Let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My life, my love, my drive, it came from pain


Tuesday, January 11th, 2022

My dreams have come back in force. For a few weeks there I didn’t have anything upon waking but scattered memories. I’ve missed them. Disturbing, fantastical, outrageous – whatever form they take. It’s nice to waken from a dream and be able to roll over and gather the tattered threads of it back around you and sink back in to it, or to something similar.


Saturday, January 15th, 2022

A minor thought experiment, or spiritual exercise, after reading someone’s post on the NG subreddit, something along the lines of – in order to divorce yourself from your ego, ask yourself what your next thought will be.

This question inevitably halts my brain in its tracks. But then you feel your mind questing out, trying to answer by seeking your next thought. Groping after knowledge like you grope after your phone or your wallet, looking for reassurance that the thing you seek is still there where you last left it.

Feels weird. I’ll probably keep doing it.

Usually what I find is a complete stillness of being. Listening, waiting, accepting. Your mind is somehow engaged, but quiescent.

It’s nice. Maybe I can adapt it into some weird gnosis shortcut.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I’ve been noticing something. Myself and a lot of the people I speak to regularly seem to attract patrons, or matrons, or guardians – whatever you want to call them – who seem in some ways diametrically opposed to that person’s nature. Or maybe not so much opposed as inconjuct, or square, if I’m to borrow from astrological terms.

The same way that, forgive me for the reference, Avatar Korra as a natal waterbender struggled to learn not firebending, her direct opposite, but airbending. Something unknowable that lacks even the familiarity of being an opposite.

So – Metatron. I have spoken him of before and asserted that his element is not one of the four traditional Western elements, but is rather the element of space, spacetime, the cosmos, and outer space.

And him being a creature of precision, law, order, measurement, specification, thorough to the last minute detail… It doesn’t necessarily run counter to the Air current, but I am decidedly a creature of Air, and to a lesser degree, Fire. I am by no means strict, stern, disciplined, long-term oriented – a lot of things I associate with Metatron.

But then I see people around me with the nature of Water, drawn to entities of Fire, or those of Air, or of Earth drawn to Fire, and so on, and so I wonder.

This is pointless conjecture and rambling, by the way.

Just interesting that perhaps we are drawn to, or are drawn by, entities who might be able to help us make up for things we lack, or feel we lack. Or rather, those who complement us.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Edit: I suppose I should talk of some magick or ritual too. I haven’t done much, but I’ve had a few things done for me. Bimé is not someone I call on, but I think we share a mutual regard, and she smooths the way for me in many things.

A lot of other things, I’ve neglected. Can’t remember the last time I did a ritual. Must remedy that.

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Im getting there as well, it isn’t super strong but I’ve had a few manifestations repeat so I’m very satisfied with myself :relieved:

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