I’ve been with mine for almost 3 and a half years. I’ve made quite a few posts about our relationship before so I’m just going to get right into it.
I feel like the passion is burning out. I’ve had this feeling in my gut for the last month now and tonight just about confirmed my suspicions. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but the lack of touch lately is beginning to be too much to handle.
You see I occasionally dabble with psychedelics and cannabis for the sole purpose of intimacy with my Ubi, but I don’t know if I’m just burnt out or what.
I tried to set up a romantic date for us last night, at least as romantic as my broke ass can do. I got an eighth of shrooms and a hotel room, but instead of dicking around on the internet or what have you, I decided to get naked and try calling her. I felt a strong touch at first when I was just minding my own business then as I tried to focus on her it slowly tapered off into nothingness. I tossed and turned for the entirety of my shroom trip, I’ve done a lot of drugs and never once had a bad psychedelic experience. But this was bad. I wasn’t scared or anxious, in fact I was morbidly depressed. I felt absolutely nothing, completely devoid of any emotion or passion.
The insomnia was so bad, in fact, that I showered 3 times, because I just could not for the life of me relax. I caught myself just staring off into space as the scalding hot water burned my skin. I felt the burn, but just didn’t care.
No visitation or AP occured last night, just non-sensical abstract dreams. Every single time I feel a touch, it tapers off into nothingness. And it leaves me wanting. I want so bad to feel loved and cared for, it’s kind of pathetic really. I have no self esteem and I no longer think anything of myself. I refer to myself to others as a deadbeat, and understandably they find that bizarre, but I can’t think of a more apt description.
As I wrote that last sentence I felt a gentle touch on my leg, but what does it mean? It is so unbelievably frustrating, to have high libido and never get a release.
A girl who previously and politely turned me down a year ago has started talking to me again. We’re just casually chatting, but we both know what we want and we’re adults, it’s only a matter of time. I’ve never known my Ubi to be the jealous type personally, she’s never had a problem with it before. I would go through long stretches where I would do my absolute best to just focus on our relationship and my life but I would always relapse and come crawling back to sex apps because I have no self control.
It’s odd that a succubus doesn’t want sex, but she has shown me her abilities many times doing things that I do not believe a thoughtform is capable of, but I’m no expert on thoughtforms either and appreciate a second opinion.
I remember saying to myself one night I would like to astral to see the Earth from space like only an astronaut can. Couple nights later, I got my wish. I was gently levitated up out of bed and carried across the night sky and across the stars, the experience lasted for quite a long time and when it was all over she gently laid me back down on my bed, I floated back down to my bed like a leaf falling through a gentle wind.
Sounds lovely right? And it was. I don’t know, perhaps I expect too much and have a lot of energy blockage.
I’m just frustrated about the lack of sexual intimacy or reliable astral encounters. And obviously no it doesn’t have to be sex all the time, that’s not realistic nor is that what this post is about. I’m just frustrated beyond belief like I feel we’re falling out of love and maybe I don’t even know what love really is.
I want to hear opinions and suggestions, or feel free to berate me and call me ungrateful, that’s fine too. Thanks in advance.