Sometimes I just want to quit and walk away from it all

General Discussion
1

I wanted to make a topic that addresses some of the not so great times in what we do. This retrograde has been rough and I have seen post about people being down. This is to let you know newbie or old timer you are not alone. (It’s also a little bit of me getting a grip on myself too.)

I know coming to this forum especially for a newbie it could be really overwhelming. Some many people have success with Magick and are connected to their high self/ godform (whatever your care to call it). They seem to have success that as a new practitioner you can only dream of. It’s all too good to be true.

What isn’t seen is how it isn’t always rainbows and sunshine.

*A spiritual marriage with Xyz demon could come with a heavy pact to the point that it destroys your human physical relationships.

*The millions of fail spells that are never spoken about. This something that happens to all of us. I can’t how many times something doesn’t go as planned. It does the opposite or it goes too well and it’s too much of what is desired. I just had a jar spell work a little too well and now I need to cast something else to balance it out.

*To find out “who” you are. Only then to find out what you path is. Then to realize that you now put into motion something that you may not have signed up for it you knew before. I have especially lately looked at myself and asked out of billions of people why me?

*The depression with all highs come lows and some of those lows are rock bottom. I have many times thought of escaping with a sharp edge or long leap. This is when having a support system is important to pull you back from the edge and why so
Many on here will rush to the rescue of those that fall into this pit.

*Questioning your sanity daily. Sometimes I am just like there is no way this is real. Again this is when that support system helps.

I have actually been struggling a lot lately. I was born the way I am, but even then know my path, and it terrifies and overwhelms me sometimes.

I can not tell you how many times in the last weeks that I have broken down and cried because everything I have been doing over the past year has just hit me that it’s all real and it is deep.

When I get super down I go to Tarot. Doing readings for others helps me.

I also just took a trip to the beach. I got a hotel packed up the dog and kid and went away from our home for 24 hours. Walking in the sun and sand. Seeing, hearing and feeling the waves just grounded me. I got some much energy and felt so relaxed just because of it.

These are things that help me. It could be different for you.

I welcome anyone who is needing to vent and blow off steam to post below if you need to.

49 Likes
2

I think this hits home in a lot of ways. I could do more to balance my own posts, looking back on them. So i will correct it here. Sorry ahead of time to anyone ahead of time if this appears to be whining, but i am not making any excuses here. All where a result of my own choices.

A majority of my path came at the price of personal pain. Whether it was facing harsh consequences for my own foolishness, or the daily feeling of my own psyche being torn a part. We won’t even get into the mocking from my shadow during meditation. I often find myself at war both with external influences and parts of my own mind. It is a constant work in progress to finally settle down to peace.

As a beginner, I also felt the frustration many do. I could not see or hear spirits when I began, and my magic tend to blow up in my face. I was not born with any talents that I may appear to have now, all where a result of trial and error. I am well familiar with the sting failure brings.

However, while the chaos seems self inflicted and pointless, I tend to find it helpful for someone else later on in life. Ultimately, that is my overall goal. While may try to become the hero of their own story, the wise old mentor is my own goal. In order to become that, lessons and growth are needed. And that does not always come painlessly. Or that is what I have come to believe

But yeah, a support system is very helpful, as the deeper you go, the more you see about yourself. And what is seen cannot be undone. It does not have to be someone interested in magic, just a good friend when times get tough.

13 Likes
3

Sometimes I’m very disappointed of magic, understood as the set of psychic abilities that are adverstised as the magical solution for the mundane problems of people, or as something that will make them something better than what they truly are, as I’m sick of over 10 years of watching people not ascending to anywhere, but going nowhere.

4 Likes
4

Here

And here.

I can’t tell you how crazy and stupid everything sounds (and how crazy and stupid I do feel). Like… sure, I’ll do magick instead of X. Not long ago I would have done X, no biggie, everything is fine. Whelp… I had accepted that this was it, no afterlife, no nothing. Now I’m wondering about past lives, afterlife and curses. Still, my identity crisis is fucking my days. And sometimes I just want to punch myself in the face.

Oh, and the frustration. I’m at a point where most of half of what I do fails.

9 Likes
5

We appreciate your little, black halo, Angelb.

I’ll throw in one of mine. I had worked.out an agreement with a Deity and he told me I would get a promotion at work. A few weeks ago, I got notified that I was getting a special promotion that would last for a few years or until I left this area. Sounds great.

This morning, first thing, I got notified that my permanent promotion was denied, but the temp one was still in effect.

Can’t always plan how it works out, but I technically got what I asked for…

4 Likes
6

Sounds like me today. I got jumped from different people for different reasons. Accused of things I didn’t do and things I didn’t even know.

A long term relationship that has had its up and downs but mostly ups ended abruptly today, and I’m just like- can’t handle this life anymore. Want to go lay down and fall asleep and never wake up. Yes I can do magic, I have lots of success but a shit ton of failures along the way so, what’s going to guarantee I can fix the one thing that is most important to me, if I doubt it before I begin why even bother, when i know doubt kills my work.

The worst part is a lot of my pain is brought from the success I’ve seen, the choices I made along my path the last few months, and I’m like dammit all. If I could go back a few months. I’d do it all over different.

7 Likes
7

And forums or not I feel very alone. Even my practices are vastly different from the rest of you guys. I had half a second where I thought about pouring everything I have monetary wise into paying someone to help because the god I don’t believe in must know I need it bad now, except we all know how that normally goes and I don’t truly have funds to blow anyways with having to start over in a new town all by myself. But for a minute, almost don’t even care if it means I have to do without something i need If it even slightly helps.

Sighs. Your so right.

6 Likes
8

I have a spell I created. I call it a Dark Sleep Spell. Told myself I was just creating it to see if I could word such a spell out. Its just the words not the ritual. Problem? I still have it. And it is perfectly worded. It scares me that im not scared to use it.

One reason. Him. Ive tried falling out of love with him. Hating him because loving him go me nowhere. Making a list of all the things “wrong” with him. How he has treated me. Problem is I set myself up before I was even born. I believe in past lives, soulmates/twin flames and all of the things that go with them (I know my past lives. All of them. And I know the past 35 years of him). I hurt him in our other lives and he is distrusting in this one. Your past lives really do affect current ones. At least it is being proven in our case and without us even trying. He wanted to come back and live life separately from me. I agreed then changed my mind. Fought with the powers above. Came back and they just sat back and watched the shit show from 1985 to today. I just fucking give up. Shitty thing is? I have a wonderful family. In my life I have nothing to complain about. NOTHING. My selfish ass cant handle not having a friendship with one selfish prick of a man. And I can’t make that stop bothering me. I HAVE TRIED FOR 35 YEARS!!! You get to point where there really only feels like one answer in terms of sanity. Like its type of prison sentence. And regardless of how many times I apologize and acknowledge my error and wrong, keep going Ms Thang… My family is what stops that right now. For now.

Ive never lived to 50 in any of my past lives. Im a couple years from that as of now…

My best friend who passed, came to me about five years ago. I woke up in the middle of darkness with her standing next to me. Waiting to cross me over. I told her I wasn’t ready and woke up with a start. Being thrown back into your body hurts like freaking hell. To me if I had a choice at that time, I decide from this point on. If I could have gone with her then, I decide now!!! To be clear its not just about him. Its my whole life. I have to fight for everything. I have lost three dear friends. I have no relationship with my mother and brother (who has treated me like they hated me my whole life.)

Maybe im not as ok as I thought.

6 Likes
9

I definitely talk about the succuss alot more then the failures, and like how other have posted need to get a handle on my doubt because it completely destroys my ability to do.

I have been someone to just whine alot sorry about that everyone. Im still a newb an definitely have the want to get to where alot of others are while being consumed with grief about what I’ve lost unable to actually griev and unblock my heart and project myself like I used to be able to do.

I think we talk more about the success stories because that’s what brings us joy thinking about the good and we assume no one will want to hear about a failure. But I will say for anyone feeling down on yourself just writting down a giant list of self programming a for yourself does wonders for your mental health and senses just make sure you speak each one outloud after writting it down, for me because my voice changes alot it’s fun trying to figure out the meaning of the change or it just make ng the programming work so much better.

Stay strong everyone we all have ups and downs this struggle will end, enlightenment will come when you search for it. Also just think about how normals try to use magic all the time but never see results be thankful for the results we get just by doing the small things that allow us to connect and have our desires met.

yea make sure your specific about your desire and say I don’t want it to happen this way exc, I recently asked for my roommate to leave because of how he never shut up about physical ailments that wernt that bad and it happened pretty fast but then I gova new roommate and now I’m trying to get a doctor’s appointment to get rid of scabies because I never mentioned what type of new roommate I wanted exc. And yea scabies suck I’m super fucking itchy I need a silver bath lol that’s how they used to treat it.

7 Likes
10

Everything is circumstantial; to wake up questioning your purpose and sanity daily means you lack security and a strong frame. Without the right amount of self-esteem, people tend to fall into doubtful and negative thought patterns.

Be your own person. Feel your power. Overcome obstacles. Yes, we live in a hypersensitive and politically correct society that’s shit but I say toughen up! Sometimes I slap myself in front of the mirror and it drives me. It’s kind of saying “wake up to yourself you fucking idiot there’s life to live and things to do”.

Mental ailments is not a person’s identity.

5 Likes
11

I definitely feel that way sometimes. Spells failing or having what I wanted happen only to see that life would of better better for me had I left things alone. Loneliness as well.

2 Likes
12

This hits hard. Very hard.
I came to this forum in a last extremely desperate attempt to accomplish a goal of mine, but not a single thing i have tried has worked.
Magick isnt even originally foreign to me, i had my fair share of unnatural experiences as a child.
And yet, my main task, something i have been pouring all my will into for the past several months, if anything, has regressed and worsened.
I was so sure it would have worked, and had complete faith, but now my spirit is just completely broken.
The irony is, probably a lot of people come to balg out of desperation too, seeking to change that one critical part of their life that they would literally sell their soul for, but fail to see any results until long after the “window” for their original wish has passed.
Makes me question whether this is even worth it, and whether or not i should just give up, knowing that even if i do become a master practitioner in a few years, my goal would remain out of reach, simply because too long has passed.

6 Likes
13

This.

And this.

I feel both of these things acutely. Sometimes I wonder if things wouldn’t be better for me if I just quit everything and tried to be a ‘normal’ person. But then I think of the solace and calm I’ve managed to attain through magickal practices. And the pride and satisfaction I’ve felt when things have actually gone right. Then I realise that I probably wouldn’t be here at all today if it wasn’t for the spiritual path I chose to walk.

Meditation helps me a lot. Especially with lots of incense as I am a sucker for certain scents that I find relaxing e.g. myrrh, cedar and lavender.

4 Likes
14

Thank you guys, I’m currently going through a rough patch in my life and my path. This forum is currently my support system when it comes to magick. We’re all warriors! No matter your path or your work, I’m with you!

2 Likes
15

Have you pondered that the reason for your depression might come from the fact that, for a brief moment, the curtain fell down; that you realised there is no “I”, no “self” and no “me”, and that you are essentially just having a lucid dream about being a person, about being a somebody?

Or you have the intelligence (as a negative not a positive) to know and the courage to accept that being alive isn’t alright, and that there is a paradox and a contradiction to our existence which we try to hide behind our constructs and illusions so we can say that life is alright? Someone can have a steady job and a family, and still be this way.

5 Likes
16

A heavy dose of pessimism leads to self defeating aptitude that we’re all trying to work on. Love, laugh, grow. Climb that mountain, because it’s always going to be up and do for life. It’s more beautiful than ugly at times…

2 Likes
17

Pessimism is logic applied to philosophy. It cannot be overcome without illusions.

Why?

1 Like
18

I did quit and try to walk away back in 2015 or thereabouts, after 10 years of failures.

However, once magick gets its hooks into you, the multiverse apparently won’t let you give it up.

14 Likes
19

The longest I have “quit” was about six months personally. Ironically, it was the time when the most people asked me to either help them with or perform magic for them, at least every other day.

6 Likes
20

I think I lasted about a month.

1 Like