Without going too deep in details in order to save your time, I by “coincidence” became drawn to Lilith. For reference on the coincidence, I somehow learned as much as I have about her when I made the decision to get involved with Rune Magick—with zero intention whatsoever I fell down the rabbit hole drawing my attention to her.
Skip below to the other asterisks for my tl;dr question and avoid my self proclaimed Mediocre-at-best doctorate thesis penmanship lol
After delving deeper, I’ve learned that Naamah could be considered the entry to working with Lilith. Both of their energies appeal to what I feel I need to learn and develop: self worth and vampirism.
One might view both as the same. I however try my very best to make the “Golden Rule” my primary focus in all manner of my relations with others—be it driving and letting someone pass in traffic, shutting the fuck up when one of my coworkers clearly wants to be in their own head, tipping servers, etc. I’ve always thought it to be a healthy balance in terms of give and take.
However that mindset I feel has unfortunately led to something of being too selfless —not ghandi level but moreso I make sure at the very least to not step on anyone’s toes for doing something I too would be guilty of, if that makes sense— to the point of apathy in life goals and self contained elitist anger towards those who do not respect that exchange. E.g., if I work with the energy of “my life on the line all out” and no one reciprocates at all, I get frustrated.
After being drawn to Lilith/Naamah I’ve slowly come to realize what I feel is important for me to adapt and learn from them: you cannot give unless you receive; vampirism is by no means inherently “evil” due to the fact that one is capable of transmuting or even magnifying the “consumption of energy” from someone else and returning it. Hence my ineptitude to feel as something of value and in return I receive nothing of value like respect or trust in my capabilities, no matter how much I portray them by example.
The closest Ive ever gotten to a paranormal confirmation was incense, candles, pitch black bathroom with a hot shower going and I drew Lilith’s sigil on the mirror between the candles and incense. I eventually went into a trance somehow and was so fucking overwhelmed with libido (before this I was no shit on a 4yr no-fap mindstate and able to control it) and somehow her image as a human compelled me to break that 4yr streak… 4 times within an hour… the following morning I had sleep paralysis and heard a very delicate feminine voice calling my name to my bathroom in a very seductive and yet incredibly haunting manner. Of course sleep paralysis is the absolute most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced (and I have had frequent episodes throughout life) but after coming back to reality I felt as if it was linked to me attempting to scry
If I’ve constantly felt a “calling” but simultaneously feeling I’ve been missing something in my rituals to them, would it be wise to invoke Samael (allegedly her partner) to understand what is required of me to communicate further?
I have a baseline grasp on altar setup and offerings but ultimately I know that earthly environments and objects are only a catalyst to help, not an absolute success guide; the state of conscious desire and requests have to be melded into a subconscious state for communion if I’m not mistaken…
If true, then that would confirm my intuition telling me that I’m too focused on the setting, offering not being enough/wrong, and devoting too much thought to their gift. I honestly only seek even the most slight divination to confirm the signs, if they exist; confirmation that theyve reached out to me in the most subtle way that I can consciously observe would allow me to feel more confident in ritual and increase my intensity of devotion, whatever value that would hold in their regard
