i need help getting revenge, is there anyway i can instantly talk to demons? or look for help. mainly help from spirits or the ability to speak to spirits. i feel spirits can only help me with this.
i was trying to astral project, but well, this got in the way. unable to focus.
long post Ahead
maybe trigger warning?
explaining a lot, a lot of personal stuff. so personal post.
on what happened and how i suffer from it. rather a confusing but an angry experience that I’m forced to think against my will everyday.
as im not sure what was done to me, like i feel energetically i maybe had a parasite or vampire like entity, like a curse put on me.
long post and how I’m attempting to practice while i suffer from this.
TLDR: perhaps i need instantaneous results, or help, or how to solve this asap.
so i have a problem personally that was created by someone, i don’t know what was done to me, but I think I came across a pedophile.
so about 3 years ago, almost 4 at this point, i had this old lady who seemed to be in her 50s, that was my girlfriend’s parent at the time. i just turned 18 at the time. i looked very skinny and frail (according to others), idk if that’s important but I didn’t look like, 18, maybe is important ill just add it there.
i barely knew her, i don’t know where she lives, i don’t know her name.
one day she comes and asks for a hug, how she was sad. and crying?
and i felt if i said no she might try to harm me, which i was uncomfortable saying yes, but did it anyway, but then she grabs my hand, in a hug, like all fingers, and that really made me uncomfortable, how she kept touching my hand, it made me shake of uncomfortableness but i didn’t know what to do if i attempted anything.
a 50 year old lady, hugs an 18 year old, but then she reaches for his hand and grabs it, and she just keeps looking at me, and i think she was smelling me hard.
it felt like a very big no-no touch, it felt like inappropriate touching.
so i just stood there happened, she didn’t tell me she would do that, i thought she would let go and realize it was bad, but she just kept going, for like an hour, just standing there and saying nothing, it felt very awkward.
and my parent was right next room.
he should be able to hear all this going on, and i assumed he would take over, because this is his partner, his problem.
but i don’t understand why she would approach me? i didnt think hugs were personal, i didnt mind hugging people, but this just felt creepy, i feel that this is why some people don’t like being touched.
do people normally grab people’s hand in a hug? I don’t understand why someone would do that? like what’s the thought behind it?
as every answer i get I’m forced to over think it. like its so confusing what she was trying to do.
but then she kept trying to invite me to her place, like the first thing she said, after letting go finally. that she wanted to invite me to a dark hill in the sky, like to see stars? but suggesting to go to a dark hill, implying alone, just felt so creepy, i just said no.
but then she kept trying to invite me to her house, which i kept saying no, she flew from another state, so again implying that she wanted me to fly there. she kept trying to ask again and again and i just kept saying no.
she also kept mentioning, like bragging, how she brought my hair as a reminder of the trip here. she kept screeching and jumping up and down like a 12 year old, like she was infantilizing herself.
she kept saying how much she likes me, how she likes me so much, and was trying to call me his boyfriend’s nicknames. like the usual word. i think she was trying to seduce me? she was very wrinkly and looked like she had plastic surgery. like face change or something.
i don’t know why, i think she was thinking a lot of me for some reason.
like everything she said was basically that she was targeting me from the start, which i felt very disgusted.
i felt she was attracted to adults and children, like from 12 to 17. or younger. i got a strong bad feeling about it and stayed away from her, she was already showing weird behavior, but really crossed the line with this one, i felt i came across a criminal.
again i dont know anything about her but she felt like a felon and not the first time she was doing this. it looked like a set up for abuse.
she was also staying in my house, 2nd time she was staying, only had like 2 or 3 interactions with her, my parent was helping her, but again my parent involves me in his problems and doesn’t acknowledge anything wrong he did. just makes me want to send a big flying fuck-you punch to his face.
i thought she would stop, but she kept going, what felt like 2 hours, then she asked if she can massage me, i was still in shock all of this, and i just said yeah, again didn’t want to, but at that point i thought she would just stop.
and at this point I’m getting visibly angry, i was about to lose it, and i guess she noticed and stopped. i just left and went to sleep. i just thought it was weird.
the next day i just woke up furious, like something inside me was very angry, and i didn’t know why i was angry. i was just livid.
and if anyone can help me why i was feeling this way. why i was so angry? it felt spiritual anger, as far i can describe it.
and also my heart area always feels so angry. i felt taken advantage of. i got a feeling it was bad but i didnt think it was gonna turn out to be this bad.
since then my hand has felt weird, i couldn’t figure out that the source of pain was my hand until a couple of days later.
and then everyday i wake up, my hand feels weird, it was literally the first thought every morning, my hand.
at that point, i kept trying to touch my hand but the pain felt like it was attached, like she did something to my hand.
my hand is just feels pain, if i left it alone the pain would just grow when i attempted to AP. while with this but kept getting in the way. every day i would go to sleep with the intention of aping, but it always failed, i tried talking to paimon, amon, furcas, barbatos, vine, beelzebub, naberius, even stolas, but i could never hear them.
tried recently andrealphus, made a request, nothing, i just dont get it.
every time i call for help with this it felt like the right direction and this pain would just relief, and it took so long because i didnt want to think about this. but most people wouldn’t get me back.
and at the time i didnt think any of this was real, and i dont know if my work is taking any effect. i feel spirits but i cant talk to any ot them.
and telling me that it would take me years to develop, i dont like waiting. at alll. i just want this to happen instantly, i dont like waiting i dont.
i dont like people touching me at this point. because no more risks, i developed a lot of contempt. just people patronize me, told revenge bad because karma will take care of it, or just leave it to the higher spirit, like how am i supposed to know that? so far she has suffered NO consequences at all.
and told oh next lifetime she will suffer. what? i just dont get this weird like “taboo” on revenge its just so natural it feels so alien, its like a society that wants cattle as civilians. like they just want me to pretend like this never happened and is not a problem?
i was trying to practice astral projection and meditation
because sitting down and staying quiet is what it takes to open the senses, but this pedophile would get in the way, i would get so angry and break my concentration.
i would get so much mental pain i would physically shake from it, i dont know what this is, if someone spiritually demonolatry tell me, why was i randomly getting physical pains, why was i shaking and saying to stop stop.
its like a panic attack with pain. i felt like a leech was there leeching from me.
also when i would leave my room she would just be sitting there outside, like she was waiting, but never said anything. like, its just a pedophile, its predatory, creepy. idk it feels wrong. i cant use words good, it just feels that way. evil.
then she was trying to get my phone number, kept asking my parent but i just said no, i just wanted to kick her out of the house, but i had to wait, because if i said it outright, my parent would fight me to let her stay. so i just waited and she left and never allowed it back.
she then kept asking my parent to invite her to her house. and i cant imagine what she does to people she does know.
i was trying to avoid any problems, and the moment i beat up this sublife, i would just get arrested, because even though this is like, assault, im of course the wrong one, if it wasn’t for scumbag police i would have defended myself, beat up and kicked her out.
but i dont know anything. i really hate this leech.
because obviously the police don’t care about this case at all, they want people to suffer and will stop you from solving your problems. i hate those lazy criminals.
i said all this to him, but he just refused to acknowledge anything, so far as to defend this behavior, and if she did worse, he would have done nothing. just blatant betrayal feeling, its whatever, its expected but always a let down. maybe or not relevant, just dont tread on me for this. i dont want to be stepped any further and im already too livid. i already have enough grudges.
so hes basically ok if your kid gets abused, as long as its his friend, its ok.
my parent always justifies bad behavior, hes a coward at heart and always puts people in awkward positions, so it was a habit, if i said one thing he would say the opposite, like an npc programmed to be contrarian.
the only reason i was stuck with this scumbag was due to lack of knowledge, like a brain drain done on me. thats the short answer.
i don’t know her, the only conversation i had is that she went to college. but then she turned out to be a bimbo, i thought she would be smart, she was reading books, but then turns out she’s dopaminergic addict (like pursuing pleasure only).
i just felt cornered, i had no one, i thought she might help, but she ended up hurting me instead for her gains. she was very disgusting too.
it felt like a set up that day, idk i wanted to ask spirits but i dont have my senses yet.
i don’t do relationships, i don’t care, i don’t like them, so i know nothing about them, and the idea of this old lady trying to, start something like this just felt so, alien, like its something you don’t do, didn’t really come across she would do this.
but it felt very creepy and got a very bad feeling.
i think she was trying to groom me?
she likely knew what she was doing was wrong, but did it anyway, and was trying to be subtle, like she wouldnt outright say what her intentions where, she would just invite me to go places or try to get a hold of my information, even though there was nothing to talk about, i had nothing in common at all.
like, the amount of hatred i get from this interaction, cannot be described in words. its a personal hatred.
we are strangers, like having a stranger wanting to invite you to their car. but why? i didn’t ask questions because, was confused and shocked, i could only do yes or no answers mostly.
i can’t function as a normal adult, i don’t know how the real world works, i dont know how everything works, thats why im still here forced to live like how i am, i was supposed to disown my parent years ago but im forced to still interact with him. because hes an enabler surrounded by criminals, but of course all those criminals get to run away scott free.
but seems it takes a criminal to take down a criminal, not the police, because thats how scumbags go down.
i met people that only assume I’m lazy or entitled or whatever, if it was that simple or people just generalizing.
im getting general answers that make it personal, seems its just spiteful people commenting.
i cant just go outside at night and walk normally, i dont want to go into details but that’s how it is.
but then you have these 2 adults, decades older than me, just doing this? like you have both of these adults decades older, and just seem very stupid, and one shows criminal behavior. how can someone be that old and stupid? how can someone in their 50s is still acting and trying to infantilize itself as a 12 year old? just people use the age = personality comparison a lot.
people use “youre the adult card” yet at 18 or 19 people didn’t even want to talk to me. because i was that old. so its very confusing. makes you hate the world. do only bad people talk to me?
turns out getting help in the world is very hard. take it as how it is, and even harder to do stuff yourself. only to be ridiculed.
she knew i had problems, and took advantage of that, and bragged about knowing it. and she knew through my parent.
my situation is rather complicated, i had more than 1 abuser (yeah), but, i was always told to turn the other cheek, and its the only tool i have. and it never felt right.
every time i would want to beat the shit out of the abusers, i was hold back by everyone, everyone making me think i was in the wrong, always.
but looks like its just these ‘parasites’ played the game well.
i feel my parent set my up so her prostitute girlfriend would attempt to set me up for abuse.
it took so long to do anything, there were many days where i thought this would be the day and i would wrap things up.
i made post on other sites but answers basically was, “that was weird, but nothing bad happened so you should move on” or, “i dont think there’s anything you can do about it, so you should move on safely knowing nothing bad happened”
but this just felt wrong, very wrong and criminal. it felt illegal. but i dont know how the laws work, and i dont care about figuring it out at this point.
well damage was done, mentally, i guess is not acknowledged, but i seem to be suffering of some sort of mental anguish. like mental torture i cant describe it, i cant focus, i cant think, i cant do what i want without feeling this.
its been 11 months since january 2023, and still cant hear spirits or astral project, i said it in january, i dont know why time is passing so much, i dont get it. i feel robbed. i thought i would be done by now, i thought i would be done last year finally.
i thought i would be done by '21. but because its been a year no one wanted to take the case, almost 4 years and i dont think this is going away, this turned in a personal problem now.
im forced to think about that situation everyday against my will, every day, 365 days, atleast like 3 or 6 hours a day, then spend the rest of the day coping about it.
hoping it will go away. but i dont have a goal, like a point and click it will work. if i do X then i will succeed.
i just want to be done in a day. no more years no more time i dont want to stuck in this time loop anymore.
i tried therapy it didn’t work, even though it was against my intuition, still did it, and the therapist was just an idiot, who didn’t have a conscience.
and talking about it or writing it down does not make it go better, it just makes me angrier.
i cant talk about it to anyone because not that i cant talk about it but i have people make fun of this and it makes me angrier. and makes me want to go after more people. more grudges, more hate.
personally i do not like the police, i think they’re scum, lazy, corrupted, but i have nothing. but well, they showed me this system isn’t about justice.
i tried to report it to the police, but they didn’t take me seriously,
i tried talking to lawyers but they wouldn’t even talk to me.
anyway at this point law stuff is out of hand, this could have been solved in court but i had this system basically spat on me and tell me what I think is not worth the effort. just utter disrespect for individuals.
i tried turning the other cheek, pushed her away, and it didnt work, im still forced to think about this. doing nothing did nothing.
i just felt she needed to suffer the consequences for doing this, not talk it out, but get punished.
but i just feel so angry and developed a lot of contempt, i just feel like like grabbing a sledgehammer and breaking all her fingers and bones for doing this.
it just feels right, i just cant put it other way, it says is wrong but intuitively feels like the right thing. im just so insulted and how I’m forced to think about this, every, single, day, with no breaks, for years, and years, and years, its torture. she deserves to suffer.
so it will just bring peace of mind if she can just get beaten up and broken bones and have her suffer, because she obviously doesn’t feel bad at all for anything that she has done to anyone, so why should people feel bad for her. idk maybe a spirit can make meet “bad” people that see her for who she really is.
the way the system and people treated me i feel so insulted, talked down,
its told not to feel right, but i dont think this predator is gonna stop. but i cant do anything because shes just gonna shoot me, i dont have the money or tools to do anything.
i don’t have strength, i cant even go outside, I’m absolutely powerless. nothing i can do anyway other than punch air, she lives in another state far likely abusing others.
i have no friends and no family, and i just feel absolutely powerless. i tried making reports but this is not going away. no one is taking this seriously. nobody cares about doing anything.
i kept chanting raum’s enn over and over and asking to expose and ruin this pedophile’s life.
my first thought was i thought this would take 1 week max to get this done.
but now, every day I’m mentally being tortured by this. i cant believe its been 3 years. i had other plans but i was forced to put that all in pause and focus going after this pedophile, but that failed.
but this pedophile just capitalize on empathy and was trying to groom me. nobody is giving me a straight answer on what exactly happened so i just gotta assume this is a criminal i came across, one that no one wants to go after. and she got away with it, for now.
at this point i can only assume that she’s violating kids, because if this is something she does to someone she barely knows, then i cant imagine what she does to someone she knows. i tried reporting it, even online, but i dont know if she was caught or not.
anyway, im hoping spirits like raum or paimon will help me with this post, or find someone that can help me, and protect from further damage, or give a chill pill. im tired now, i just dont want to think about this anymore, and at this point this is the solution, i pray for help. or the strength to focus. i just dont know what happened, if anyone can answer what was done to my energy.