Last Entry: Part 1/2
If I go back and re-read the entries, missed messages and questions before that time I went on a hiatus again, I’d say I was gone for a span of six months or so. But since I didn’t, it’s too early in the morning here to feel that familiar cringe at my old entries , I’d say I was only in hermit mode for a few weeks to a single month.
That’s how quick it felt, until it started sinking in that there were completely new faces again for both curious interactions and serious readings, old acquaintances were now inactive and I was much more unfamiliar/unknown to most. While this had me in glee because I genuinely like the focus more on the help + information I could provide when able rather than me as an actual person, I can’t help but notice that both around and within me, so many changes have occurred already. I would usually be gone for quite some more time than I’m actually aware of, with even one of the PMs left by a new querent noting this and saying, “You always haven’t been online for so long. Why? Many things happening in your life, maybe?”
Maybe. But the more I practice magick to utilize it in the mundane, the more I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe, I just like making things happen.
And maybe I just suck at estimating and telling the time.
As a final entry for this journal, I will be sharing some successes and failures I’ve experienced throughout those months of online inactivity. Some of my success stories so far are:
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Money manifestation for a friend in need with King Belial’s help – I started with having only 500 pesos in mind because I was skeptical of my ability to really help this friend out (to which I was chided by King Belial about, as usual). In a week, I received an extra 1,500 pesos from a family member come his payday + lucky break at work. As payment for King Belial’s help, I gave up the 500 pesos I was saving to buy myself some old books on sale which I really wanted, and added it instead to the money I manifested for the friend. So all in all, she received 2,000 pesos.
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Small healing work and emotional influence on a review school classmate – I had a review school classmate who is gay but ended up, in his own (bitter) words after I confronted him about the issue, “catching feelings for me despite not knowing why”. I would’ve left this alone if I knew he could handle it maturely, but he’s much younger than me, not to mention that his anger, rage and confusion at himself and his sexuality/feelings greatly impacted his performance in review school. He started blowing off classes, his practice and mock exam scores went down, his social media accounts began to be filled with nothing but depressing tweets and hopeless poems. All these, along with the mess of emotions I could feel him trying to face every day, made me think that I just can’t sit and do nothing when I know I can help even a bit.
I did a tarot reading about him first and asked the cards to tell me a story of who this person truly is, what he is going though, etc. However, I didn’t ask the cards for any answers or solutions: I just did the reading so I could fully immerse myself in his energy. And boy, did I feel so much self-hate, self-pity, confused attraction and anger but I visualized all the emotions pooling in a metaphorical heart, which would then be shined on and purified by this blinding white light. I usually didn’t stop visualizing until I could feel my own heart chakra as if it was “cracking open” with all his emotions, as if to release and receive that light in my mind’s eye. Usually, when it’s working I would feel an overwhelming sensation and warmth in my chest, along with sudden tremors and tears here and there because of the weight of his emotions. It was very heavy and emotionally taxing, but I continued doing it for months.
I remember starting with only light visualization and meditation on his energy last December 2019 – January 2020, but started taking it very seriously come April 2020 – June 2020. This was also the time wherein I included manifesting to redirect his emotions/passions somewhere else, somewhere he could genuinely be himself and happy. I usually included this manifestation when I could feel myself at the peak of overwhelming emotions.
When I felt a random pull to check up on him during the last days of June 2020 (I also felt called to completely cut myself off from him while doing that working, BTW), we talked and not only was he at peace more with himself and his attraction that he has now “accepted and moved on from it”, he also eagerly shared that he’s now following his dream since he was a child: to become a lawyer! He is currently studying in a known law school here and even passed the entrance exams with flying colors. But what floored me most of all is that this person, former outspoken hater of anything spirituality-related, is now utilizing astrology and divination (at least the basics of it any way, as he says he’s still learning) in his own life to “know and improve himself”. He’s also back to writing and posting lovely poems again.
Not going to elaborate more about everything he’s experienced as others were more personal and I’d like to respect his privacy, but I could say this: witnessing his gradual improvement also made me take a look at myself and inspired me to think of pursuing another degree as well.
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Constant clearing/cleansing and banishing work with Archangel Michael – An obvious one. Thank you very much, Archangel Michael. Ever since my painful noob days back in 2011-2012, you were always there to help me. For some reason, even if I try to call on other AAs/angels, I feel a great affinity for AA Michael and he, in response, instantly and successfully assists me when necessary.
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Secure work manifestation for Mom - Did this in a form of simple prayer. The self-written prayer, which was all about securing my Mom’s work due to the pandemic having her school on jeopardy, was repeated with strong intent (until I’d feel emotionally moved by it) every night. I’d also match it with visualization whenever I don’t feel that tired/sleepy after teaching online classes. Confirmation of her work position as head teacher, as well as continuation of the school’s operation, was received via video call. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for her co-workers as many of them filed for resignation to go back to their own countries as the stressful toll of the pandemic slowly got to them.
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Celebrity love spell… cringes - Which can be found here:
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…and taking back that love spell – Cue sales pitch/ advertisement-like voice: but wait, there’s more! Kidding aside, it’s not so much a happy ending as I’ve let random readers believe. Apologies. I was hesitant in sharing this, but since it’s one of the experiences wherein I immediately (and unexpectedly!) worked on both sides of the coin so to speak, I will share it anyway.
You see, after that apology + thank you bit, this man did indeed get more popular with increasing subscribers, views, fans and the like. However, in that extra boost of fame, his ego naturally skyrocketed along with it. At first, it began with simple hints and subtle themes talking about someone like me in his ASMR and Twitch videos. Being the type of person who dislikes making and receiving assumptions with little to no reliable evidence/pattern to them, I ignored it. However, when the ASMR videos escalated into ASMR 18+ and 19+, depicting personal details wherein I was undeniably the subject of his increasingly sick scenarios and fantasies in every upload, I knew I failed in that apology + thank you bit and didn’t make the cleanest nor most effective cutting of ties.
I’d write why I was sloppy, but I don’t want to make excuses like I did back when I was a noob. So I messed it up. Here’s how I acted in response:
The first thing was to not give the man any attention, engagement or response to further gain evidence about it being me or not. This riled him up even further and more offensive videos, which confirmed my intuitive guesses, were uploaded on the daily. The obsessive energy was quite evident, with his young, impressionable fans indulging in it even more. Initially, I was content in patiently letting him making a fool out of himself and detaching myself completely (as if he didn’t exist at all) instead so I won’t feel any guilt nor concern anymore about the experiment.
What really made me snap, however, was when the videos, both on YT and Twitch, constantly started to discuss about how a “toxic b-tch I was”. Even in his 18+/19+ videos, I was depicted and talked about as “cheating on him with other men”, “org-es” and all that femme fatale delulu he cooked up in his head when honestly, I’m one of those old-fashioned nerds who is saving herself for marriage. Most of all, what disturbed me was that there was no relationship at all yet the man kept acting like a possessive and controlling husband. Come August 2020, let’s just say I didn’t have the best birthday because constant comments from his fans were ranging from, “I’ll just be your girlfriend. Leave that cheating b-tch alone” to “Who is this b-tch? Name drop please. Let’s kill this b-tch! How dare she hurt our precious _________”.
It was genuinely very hurtful to have a mob of crazed strangers who don’t even know you talk shit about you as if they do. As much as I tried to understand where these fans were coming from, I just couldn’t and felt myself being disgusted with “normies/NPCs” as a whole at the time (am not proud of this, but it did happen so…). Some were even in Korean language, as this man is originally known in Korea’s social media stream. Now more than ever, I just don’t understand why anyone would seriously dream of a relationship with celebrities, but then again, maybe experiences may differ.
But I used all the public humiliation and hurt. I let it all pile up, would even read more hate comments to further fuel all the emotions. August 2020 – end of September 2020, I channeled my pain and tears into yet another digital drawing of me and the man in question. This time, I envisioned him experiencing greater humiliation and hurt by losing what I’ve manifested him. I did this repeatedly every night. Even during mundane tasks, I would be listening to music which channeled all the emotions I’d like him to feel. I let this working consume me and for that time, I was operating in serious revenge mode. I didn’t follow my usual laidback “patience, no lusting for results” approach—instead, I thrived on seeing and intensely going after those results every day. I bit my tongue the whole time as more offensive videos + hate comments were uploaded because of my unresponsiveness.
By October, I finally received news that his YT channel was deleted. Many of his Twitch videos were also taken down due to copyright claims/complaints, as he would also play and sing songs there dedicated to “calling out the b-tch”. I’m not sure about linking public profiles, so I’ll just be including his YT here as proof, since it was deleted anyway: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwsYXQ3AQjo_VMbmUFKeZVA?view_as=subscriber .
If he does get it back up and running again, then more proof for me lol. However, the last news I’ve had is that unfortunately, due to multiple violations, there are currently little chances for him to bring his ASMR channel back. I’m still deciding if I should work on it again to drop those little chances to completely zero ones, but I’m honestly not interested in going that extreme or even engaging anymore with the man. Furthermore, here are some things which conveniently happened at the same time:
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The loss of his channel occurred amidst a death anniversary of a loved one, therefore causing him to spiral into depression, anxiety and insomnia. The man had to take frequent breaks from live streaming and broadcasting. His fans began constantly obsessing over his health, mental condition and how they should all “support him throughout this difficult time”, completely forgetting all of the previous b-tch hunts they were on.
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He was forced to halt any creative projects due to Twitch KR imposing their rules and regulations in a stricter manner when it comes to copyright. Since his creative projects usually involve other streamers making a roleplay/simulation of famous anime series, shows, dramas, etc. this was apparently not allowed. His older videos of doing such, which were always fan favorites, were deleted as well.
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My favorite: he broke his nose from a sudden accident, therefore rendering his voice unfit for ASMR and streaming. Since his voice is what he uses to make money, his work declined. He only got his voice back last December (it’s still not that good TBH), and since he missed out on so many opportunities by then due to the competitive streaming/ASMR industry there, he and his team had to make ends meet by delegating more tasks/works to him. I also found this favorable because he used to complain about being spread too thinly, having an obligation to smooth-talk people all the time even when he’s feeling burdened/tired by it already.
Up to this day, I find it amusing that his voice is what he used to hurt and humiliate, and now he’s paying for doing so with also his voice.
The second part would focus on some failures next and what I could do to improve or do differently, along with a few more additional thoughts before finishing this journal for good.
P.S. Hope you all enjoyed your New Year celebration! 