Well… if you’re having a hard time straying from the teachings and breaking free… start reading the bible lmao.
I was having a hard time too until I decided to read the basis for all their shit. And honestly after reading… I started to realize just how fucked up it kinda is… and I’m not really sure I would want to be a devoted follower of a god like that anyways.
One that is praised for giving us free will, but condemns you for using it. And is supposed to be loving and forgiving… but kills without a second thought.
I think you just need to ask yourself a few questions.
What did that religion ever do for you? What good is faith if it keeps you from asking questions?
Do you really want to serve someone who would wipes out entire civilizations because they dont praise him?
Do you want to stick with something out of fear?
If you’re worried about hell I actually did a whole study on it because I was worried about the same thing.